CoDependence
by LouiseX
Summary: Linka confronts the consequences of her cousin’s actions as she struggles to deal with her own addiction... but a certain American is determined to not let her go through it alone. Set just after the episode ‘Mind Pollution’.
1. Day One

**Co-dependence**

**Disclaimer:** I make no money from fanfiction and recognise the sole rights of the original creators to do so.

**Summary: **Linka confronts the consequences of her cousin's actions as she struggles to deal with her own addiction... but a certain American is determined to not let her go through it alone. Set just after the episode 'Mind Pollution'.

**A/N: **This fic was inspired by a conversation between Becks7 and I about how we were surprised there weren't more fics out there that took place after Mind Pollution, dealing with Linka's struggle with addiction and withdrawal and a certain Yankee helping her through it. That then turned into a "You should write it," "No, you should write it" challenge, which then led to a "You write Linka really well," "You write Wheeler really well" conversation and then a "Wouldn't it be cool if you wrote one side and I wrote the other" "Yes, that'd be fun!" conversation. And it has been fun! It's been almost a year since we started! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it!

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**Co-dependence: ****mutual need: the dependence of two people, groups, or organisms on each other, especially when this reinforces mutually harmful behaviour patterns**

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**Chapter One – Day One**

I thought for a while I would never stop crying. Wheeler held me all the while I grieved for my cousin and he is still here now, sitting by the side of my makeshift bed, in the temporary hospital they made of tents outside his Capital building.

He is holding my hand and stroking my hair, trying to soothe me in my sleep. I do not want him to let go so I pretend I am still slumbering. There is more to him than just smart-alec remarks and flirting, I can see that now... maybe I did before. It does not matter now though, I am numb.

They are talking about me, the other planeteers and the doctor. He is explaining some pamphlets to them... He is talking rubbish, none of that applies to me! I do not have any bad habits to break or bad company to get away from, I did not choose this...

"We'll admit her into a drug rehabilitation program." The doctor is saying. "It wont be easy, but in this case there are a lot of people going through the same thing."

Nyet they are not! They did this to themselves, I did not... and Boris... They will not believe me, they will think I place myself above them... I saw what those once good people did for Bliss, I do not want to be shut up with them!

"It could take several weeks depending on her levels of…"

"Nyet!" I say firmly, sitting up despite my friends protests. "I am going home."

The Doctor sighs. "I understand you're not feeling too bad at the moment, the shock of your loss…"

"I am fine." I say. "I have overcome the addictive effects, if I had not, I would not have been able to use my ring, and the pain is subsiding now."

"The drug is still in your system Linka." The professional insists. "When it goes completely you are going to need help, a lot of it. Because of the nature of this drug we can't give you a substitute to wean you off gently, it's going to be painful…"

I can feel the panic begin to rise inside me and I grip Wheelers hand as tightly as I can. Tell them you wont let them take me Yankee...

Wheeler re-adjusts his grip and for a moment I thought he would let go but then I realise he has laced our fingers together, he will help me! I knew he would.

The others are all waiting for him to say something and I join them, willing him to see in my eyes how frightened I am, how much I need my home and my friends.

"Babe, I know you wanna go home, but listen to the doctor. He knows what he's saying. You're not ready to deal with this by yourself. You need professional help."

My chest constricts and the numbness goes, to be replaced with an almost unbearable pain. I have to bear it though, I rip my hand free and look at him as if I would like to kill him, maybe in that moment I did. I have never felt so vulnerable and alone. Even with Scumm I was protected from the others, he wanted an addicted planeteer so as long as I kept popping pills, Boris and I had an endless supply. If the others remember that...

"I will be fine." I say and I know that my friends just think me stubborn, but in truth I am terrified. "I will deal with this in my own way."

Why should they help me anyway? It is my problem not theirs, not his... I will deal with it on my own. I always do better alone anyway, I should have known better than to ask for help.

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To be continued…

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 1! Let us know what you think!


	2. Days Two to Four

**Chapter Two – Days Two to Four **

The doctor finally compromised and let me go home, though only because the others are here... It does not matter whether they are here or not, I do not need them!

The nausea started on the ride home. I told myself that I just needed to eat something, but when I did eat, I could not keep it down. I did not tell the others that of course.

I cannot concentrate on anything, if I could just get a good nights sleep... But I cannot, and all the medications have been removed from the bathroom cabinets, even Ma-Ti's herbal remedies. They do not trust me now that I am a 'druggie'.

I spend all day in my bedroom trying to rest, but I feel sick when I lay down and I cannot concentrate long enough to do anything else... but then I do not have the energy anyway. If only the others would let me get some peace, but they keep pestering me to eat. I have told them that I am not hungry, but I suppose it makes them feel as if they are doing something to help… not to mention keep an eye on me.

Wheeler is the worst, I know he feels bad for betraying me and is now trying to show that he wants to help... but I cannot let him. I wont impose myself on a friend, especially when he has made it clear that that is not the sort of friendship he wants…. I do not want anyone to help me out of guilt.

I could go back to my childhood home but it would not be fair to Grandmuska and Mishka either... It might actually be warmer though... Gi insists that it is a symptom of withdrawal, well maybe it is. All I know is that the only jumper I have that actually keeps out the cold, is one of the Yankees basketball ones... another reason I cannot go outside, I cannot let him see that I kept it.

It is midnight and I am still wide awake, and I am frozen through to the bone. At least no one will see me if I get up now. I make my way to the bathroom and from there to the kitchen. I figure I will light the oven, that should make it warmer and once I stop shivering, maybe I will be able to sleep.

As I sit in the darkness hugging my borrowed sweater around me, I start to cry. I cannot help it, everything seems hopeless, why am I even bothering to get well if no-one cares? I am so very lonely.

I have lost all track of time, how long have I been here? It is not helping that the oven gives out almost no heat and I am still so cold. I close my eyes and feel the fabric of the top I am wearing, and imagine for a moment that I am curled up in the Yankee's arms… but only for a moment. Then I remind myself that he does not want anything to do with me now and involuntarily let out a sob at the thought, before burying my face further into my knees to smother the sound.

Why does this oven not give out any heat? I sit up to turn it to a higher setting and open the door so that I can sit in front of it. We had an open fire when I was a child and I think watching the flames might be comforting even if they do not give out much warmth.

Only seconds later I nearly jump out of my skin when, with no warning, a familiar American voice screeches out my name. "LINKA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

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To be continued…


	3. Day Four Late Evening

**Chapter Three – Day 4 Late Evening**

"Bozhe Moy Wheeler! You scared me!" He runs over and moves me out of the way so that he can shut the oven door and turn it off. Despite everything, I find myself thinking about how gentle he was, given his haste I would have expected him to shove me violently but he did not do that…

"ARE YOU CRAZY?!" he screams, recalling my attention to the present situation.

His words sting, I feel as if he just slapped me and I yell back, though there is something about yelling at Wheeler that is oddly comforting. "NYET! I AM COLD! IT IS FREEZING ON THIS DAMN '_TROPICAL_' ISLAND!"

He stares at me, a shocked look on his face and then says in a more normal voice. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled, and I shouldn't have called you crazy."

So now he will not fight with me? Because he **does** think that I am crazy! And damaged and need to be humoured! My heart sinks through my stomach and I want to cry again but I will not give him the satisfaction, instead I answer sulkily. "Do not treat me like a baby! I am not some fragile trinket that you are afraid is going to break!"

"Babe…you gotta understand where I'm coming from…do you have any idea what that looked like?" He asks.

"Like someone trying to get warm?!" I tell him, half annoyed, half confused. What else?

There is a scared, haunted look in his eyes as he replies. "No. Like someone with a death wish!"

The words hang between us for a moment and then I get mad and yell back, I am not even sure what I am feeling at this point. "I DO NOT HAVE A DEATH WISH!!!"

"Then why were you sitting in front of a gas oven? If you weren't overcome by fumes, you could've blown yourself…and anyone else within range…to pieces!" He says.

It was lit! I use the oven all the time, more often than he does that is for sure! I was not going to blow anything up! "I…" I was going to explain, tell him why he is wrong… but what is the point? I am a nuisance, he thinks I am a mentally impaired invalid and he wants me to go away until I am fixed. I sigh and shrug, deflating as I give up. "I guess I was not thinking."

"I guess not," He sighs. "If you were cold, you could've just asked for another sweatshirt. I have others that might be a little thicker."

Sweatshirt? Oh no! I look down and feel my cheeks go red. "I am sorry. I did not mean to keep it for so long…and then I was cold and it was there and…"

"Linka, it's ok. I don't mind." He says kindly. What else can he say?

"I will make sure to wash it and give it back to you…" I tell him.

He is still determined to be nice though. "You can have it."

"Nyet, I cannot take your shirt from you…" I am hesitating though, I do want to keep it, as protection from the loneliness as much as the cold, but I cannot tell him that.

"You're not. I'm giving it to you. It's from a few years ago, so it doesn't fit me so good anymore. Besides, back home, when a girl wears a guy's shirt…it makes him feel…well, it's nice to see."

My heart is doing strange things, how do you do this to me Yankee? It is beginning to sink in though, that his treatment of me is not that of someone who does not care… I wish I was not having so much trouble thinking clearly.

"So how many times have you given a girl your shirt?" I ask, telling myself it is probably something he does all the time.

"Just once," He meets my eyes and does not look away as I look deeply into his… Trish? Was that not the name of his ex-girlfriend? But his look is so intense, the meaning finally seeps in, just one, this one. "Oh."

I want that to be true so badly, I want to curl up in his arms and forget the rest of the world. I cannot though, just because he is still my friend does not mean I can burden him. "What are you doing here anyway Wheeler? Were you watching me, keeping an eye on me?"

"No, I was hungry and was just gonna get something to eat." He explains.

As ridiculous as it seems, I am disappointed and cannot think of anything to say. "Oh."

"Yeah, '_oh_.' I don't wanna fight with you Linka." He persists.

"Because it is not good for me?!" I am back to being sulky. I have no control over this, my emotions are a rollercoaster and it is all I can do to hang on.

"No, because I just don't want to." Now he sounds sulky, I guess I am not a good influence.

I want to provoke him, I want to argue, to let out some of the feelings that I can barely keep below the surface. "You were never one to back down from a fight before."

"Those were different. Those were stupid little quarrels…what you're doing now…you're just trying to push me away…further away."

Is he right? Maybe... I do not know anymore. I used to push him away to see if he would come back, see if he was serious or just amusing himself. Nyet, I do not want him to go away but I do not want him to stay because he feels sorry for me either.

"If you're cold, I can make you some tea," He offers.

He is trying to be nice but I just cannot bring myself to respond in kind. "I can make my own tea."

"I know you can…but I'm already gonna be in the kitchen making something for myself, so I'm offering to make it for you." Now he is being reasonable with me, he can really be annoying sometimes.

"Nyet, I can…" I start to say but he interrupts.

"LINKA WILL YOU JUST LET ME MAKE YOU A FREAKIN' CUP OF TEA! Jesus…"

I am making him fight for every inch, but though he does not know it, he is making me feel better just because he is trying… I have missed this. "OK FINE! If it will make you feel better to boil my water, then go ahead!"

Then again, maybe he just does not trust me… I know I am being paranoid but I cannot seem to help it. "God forbid, I do it myself! I might get the urge to dump the kettle on myself. Is that what you think?"

"I was more concerned with you getting the urge to dump it on me." He mumbles as he goes to make the tea.

I cannot help it, I laugh. It feels good, normal, and I have to fight the urge to hug him. Instead I head to the common room and make myself comfortable on the couch.

I am tired and really just want to curl up here and sleep, but I know I wont be able to, so I fidget about and try to take my mind off it… how long does it take to boil a kettle?

Wheeler finally comes in and hands me the tea. "Spasiba."

"No problem," He has a bowl of cereal, he really needs to eat better, maybe I should make something for him… if he trusts me enough to eat it.

I cannot help it, I think of the blintz that Boris gave me and stare vacantly into my tea as I start to slide back into the dark place.

Then Wheeler tucks a blanket around my shoulders and sits next to me, and I am back in the present and a little warmer. I smile at him.

"I know why you're mad at me." He says.

I shake my head, I am not angry anymore, I do not want to argue anymore, I just want to sit here with him and pretend everything is okay for a while. "I am n-"

He does not listen. "Bull. You think I sold you out; that I didn't back you up when the doctor was going to admit you into the rehab program. I thought it was best for you Babe. I didn't want you to stay. I didn't want to leave you there. I was arguing with myself over what I wanted, and what was probably in your best interest. I didn't want to abandon you. But I didn't think that we could give you the help you needed."

"I do not need help. I am fine." I lie. "And I am not mad at you…not anymore. I was at first. But I know you are trying…just…do not try so hard. Let me decide for myself what is best for me… please Wheeler?"

"Ok," He says. I am not sure if that means he agrees or if he is just letting it go for now.

The tea tastes good and he sees me smile again. "A little bit of milk and a teaspoon of honey, right?"

"Da. This is perfect. Thank you again." I tell him.

He grins at me. "You're welcome." It really does please him to do something nice for me…

"And for the shirt." I add.

"Sure. And like I said, I have other hoodies if you need more. Thicker ones. Bigger ones so you can wear them over other clothes." He is trying to be kind but…

"You will not need them? Are you not cold?" I frown slightly.

"I have plenty," he says non-commitally, avoiding my gaze.

He does not say anymore but I know what he is thinking. I drink my tea, feeling its warmth slide down inside me, but it does not have the effect it usually does, I still feel chilled.

"This is not normal is it?" I say at last.

"What?" He had been lost in his own thoughts, but somehow I know he was still thinking about me.

"Being so cold all the time. No matter what I do, I have the chills." My voice sounds small and vulnerable in the stillness of the night air. I hate sounding like that.

Wheeler puts his arm around me and pulls me to him, rubbing my arm as if he is trying to warm me up… it is working but perhaps not in the way he intended… something else I will not be telling him.

"No Babe…that's just it…it's completely normal…for someone who…" I groan inwardly and try to stop him. "Do not say it." But he ignores me. "…is going through withdrawal."

"What would you know about it anyway?!" I am irritated. My emotions are out of control again but normally I am the one with all the answers, and I hate that he knows more than I do.

He swallows and sounds sad as he replies. "Unfortunately, more than I'd like to."

Alarms are going off in my brain, I know something is wrong but I am not sure I want to hear it… he would not have, could not have… he is not the sort. "You have been reading too many of those stupid pamphlets the doctor gave you. I read them all too. None of it applies to me. Why can you all not see that?!" Please let it be that…

"Linka… there's something I need to tell you. Something I've been wanting to share with you… I was gonna wait, but now seems like as good a time as any." Wheeler begins.

I feel my muscles tense and my breath catches in my throat. Nyet Wheeler, you are better than that… I do not want to hear if you have taken drugs! I need you to be you, my self confident, fun loving, lazy, over-protective, flirty… perfect, Yankee!

He moves his arm away and gives me a hurt look, I guess he realises I do not want to hear, but then he says something that makes my blood run cold. "Don't worry Babe, I'm not about to confess my undying love for you, so you can wipe that 'Dead man walking' look off your face and start breathing again."

I know I will spend a few sleepless nights wondering whether that means he does not care for me or he was just not going to tell me. I cannot go there now though, my emotions are too messed up without that. Instead I pull his arm back around me and snuggle against him, hoping that is enough to let him know that he had misjudged the reason for my reaction.

I will hear whatever he wants to tell me, that is what friends do and if it is drugs, perhaps we can work it out together. "So what did you want to tell me?"

"I wanted to tell you about my cousin, James." He said.

I am confused but I let him talk. I like listening to his voice. He tells me about how popular his cousin was and that he admired him, I am still not sure why he is telling me this, but when he tells me about how in love James was with his girlfriend I smile.

"That is…sweet." I say.

I have often wished it could be like that, unfortunately most people seem to see dating like they are trying on a pair of shoes to see which ones fit. I may not show it but I have always been romantic and for a moment I wish that Wheeler was more like his cousin instead of flirting with every pretty girl in sight. Would you like me if I was plain Yankee? I wonder, fairly sure that I would not like the answer. I am glad that he has continued and I do not need to respond further.

"Why have you never mentioned him before?" I ask next time he pauses, and his answer made it clear why he was telling me the story. James was a drug addict.

"…And one time, he went out to dinner with Beth and her parents, and her dad confronted him about how glassy his eyes were and told him he needed to get help. James said he didn't want help. He was going to do what was best for Beth and the boys, and leave her. I loved my cousin, but at that moment, all illusions I had of him were shattered. How could leaving Beth and his sons be what's best for them? What was best for them was for them to have their husband and father at home being responsible, not out acting like a reckless teenager."

"So did you tell him that?" I asked, but I was surprised, does he really think it would have been better for James' family if he had stayed?

"I wish I had. I spent the summers at my grandparents' house… it was their way of politely getting me away from my dad, who drank a lot. " He is telling me about how his grandmother stood up to James to protect him and how seeing her grandson in that condition made her cry.

"I am sure it was hard for her seeing her grandson like that." I say, not really sure how to comfort him and still half thinking about how quickly he passed over the mention of his fathers drunken behaviour… I wonder if he realises just how much of his childhood he has just shared with me.

"Yeah…it's hard watching someone you love go through that," That was directed at me and I know it… it makes me feel good for a second but I still want to protest, I am not like James, I did not choose this. His next words distract me however.

"He wanted you to go and get drugs for him?!" I am genuinely shocked, but only for a second. You tried to get him to join you, a little voice says in the back of my mind. James only asked him to fetch some, while I used his attraction for me to try to convince him to join me. Whose behaviour was worse? If I did not do it to myself, does that not mean I had less of an excuse for my lack of control?

"Yeah." He replied.

I had to ask. "Did you?"

He shakes his head. "I thought about it…but I didn't. I told my Pap what James wanted me to do, and he called the cops. They wanted me to go through with it so they could bust him. I went to meet this guy and a bunch of undercover cops came out of nowhere and arrested him. James was pissed at me. He said they call people like me 'narks.' He didn't get his drugs…and now that I _officially_ knew about his problem, the whole family was more open about talking about it in front of me…no more hiding. We still had to keep it from my younger cousins. James hated me…or at least I felt like he did."

"He did not hate you Jason. Drugs make people do and say things they do not mean. Look what it did to Boris…he drugged me in order to feed his own addiction." I tell him, silently adding my own shame…and I tried to condemn you to the same fate so that you would be with me.

"Yeah, I know. But back then, that was the most horrible feeling I've ever felt in my life…up until now." He sounds like he is in pain and I lift my head from where it is resting on his shoulder to look into his eyes.

"Why now?" I ask.

Meeting my gaze he replies. "Because now I feel like you hate me,"

"I do not hate you." I say quickly.

"Then why won't you let me help you?" he is almost pleading with me now but it ignited my temper.

"Because I do not need help!" I snap at him.

"That's exactly what James said. He said he was going to get clean and do it on his own. Just let the drug work it's way out of his system, and he'd be fine. You wanna know what happened? Two days after he told us that, Beth found him passed out on their couch, an empty bottle of pills on the floor."

I do not want to hear the answer but I ask anyway. "Did she find him soon enough? Were they able to save him?"

"He wasn't passed out Linka, he was already dead. Overdosed on Oxycontin. So we've both lost a cousin to drugs."

I feel sick and in my mind I see Boris as I last saw him, passed out on the ledge with Gi telling me that he is dead. When I am sure I can speak without throwing up I say, "I am sorry about your cousin. When did he…?" It comes out as a whisper.

"A few months before I joined the Planeteers." He replies.

My voice is still little more than a whisper, I cannot seem to manage anything louder. "You barely had time to grieve."

"I know. That's kinda how I dealt with it. This new experience, new people, being away from home…finding different things to focus my attention on," He gives me a hug, I get the point but I am still thinking about his cousin.

"It has just recently been a year since you lost James then." I say.

He is quiet now. "Yep."

"Are you doing ok?" I ask, getting worried.

"No." His voice is quiet and devoid of his usual cockiness.

I wrap my arms around him and lay my head down on his chest. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

I feel him press his lips into my hair and then rest his head on mine… this is nice.

"Don't make me go through that again. Don't make me watch someone I care about go through withdrawal alone. It can't be done. You need help. Please. Let me help you." He begs and I feel terrible again.

I do not want to refuse him but there are still more reasons why he should not help me. "I… you should not feel responsible for me. I can manage on my own."

"Weren't you listening to a word I said?" He is angry with me and hurt but I am frightened and I cannot back down.

"Da I was listening, but I am not your cousin, or mine. Do not make me into something I am not, I do not have any bad friends, or bad habits to escape from, or were **you** not listening to **me**?" In my head I tell myself that I am stronger than they were… I have to be! "The Bliss is gone, there is no more and there is nothing else to take, you made sure of that! All I have to do is ride out the illness, just like any other. I do not need help to do that."

"You're wrong." He says quietly. I cannot tell what he is feeling now, but I know it cannot be good. This is going to end our friendship, he will give up on me now and I know that the impact of that will hit me later but I just cannot give in.

"There is nothing for you to do Wheeler." I pull out of his arms and stand up, letting the blanket fall to the floor. "If you want to be a friend, treat me like there is nothing wrong instead of acting like I might suddenly grow a new head, and if you cannot do that, just leave me alone!"

I run from the room, not wanting to see what effect my words have on him... or let him see my tears.

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To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE** **TO** read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 3 of Becks7's Co-Dependents!


	4. Day Five

**A/N: **Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing, I'm glad you're enjoying it.

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**Chapter Four – Day 5**

I cried myself to sleep last night. I actually slept pretty soundly though, maybe that is the answer… abject misery equals a good nights rest!

I have gone over and over the conversation I had with Wheeler in my mind and I still do not know why I would not accept his help. He only wanted to feel useful… I guess I am still having trouble trusting him after he would not support me with the doctor the other day. Trust has never been easy for me, and just when I got to the point where I felt like I could trust Wheeler, he turned on me… or it seemed like he did.

Thinking about it now though, I realise that he was just scared because of what happened to his cousin… he did not feel up to the job of making me better but I do not expect him to, he is not responsible for me. I really need to set things straight between us and I promise myself that I will as soon as I can. It is still early though and the Yankee is not an early riser.

"Planeteers, to the Crystal Chamber." Gaia's voice announces.

I smile. This is just what I need... to have something important to focus on besides my own problems, a little normality.

When I get to the crystal chamber though I hesitate. The others are already there and Wheeler turns around and stares. I want to walk up and stand beside them but I cannot move and it gets worse as the others turn to see what Wheeler is looking at… they did not expect me to join them! Suddenly I feel like an outsider, like I am intruding on something private.

"Oh, sorry Linka…" Gaia says. "I should have been more specific. You don't need to be here, go back to sleep and get your rest."

I am sure she is trying to be nice but, "I want to help."

"It is nothing major. We can handle it without you," Ma-Ti replies.

I am actually shocked. That Ma-Ti of all people should dismiss me like that… does **he **look down on me now too? I want the ground to open and swallow me up but thankfully, before I start to cry, my pride kicks in. I step up to stand beside the others defiantly… I am going on this alert!

"What is the emergency Gaia?" I ask, completely blanking Ma-Ti's comment.

The Spirit of the Earth gives me a sympathetic look and continues her explanation, but when she finishes she says. "This is no more than a routine issue however, it doesn't require all five of you. Linka if you do not want to rest, there is some correspondence that I could use your help with."

"Stop it!!" I yell. "I do not need to be babied."

"Then start acting like a mature adult instead of a grounded teenager." Kwame says. "Even Captain Planet needs time to recover when his system has been polluted, are you saying you are stronger than him?"

I swallow my retort, knowing that it will only sound childish now. Keeping my voice as even as I can, I tell him. "Nyet, but I **have** rested and I **am** already better!"

"You need more time Linka. There's no need to risk your recovery for something as simple as this. We won't need to call Captain Planet so you should take advantage of the chance to rest." Gi says.

I am losing ground in this battle and I am trying desperately to keep my temper in check. "I can do this."

"They are right Linka. We just need to go to this town and convince them that Sly Sludge is conning them, and not to buy his latest 'invention,'" Ma-Ti adds.

I am beginning to panic, they are ganging up on me and I cannot do anything about it. I am not used to feeling this way… so out of control. Usually at least one of the others agrees with me when we have a difference of opinion but this time they are all wrong. "Then if it is so simple, let me go! Let me get off this island and set my mind on other things! I can help!" I insist.

I have one more card to play, one that never fails. I look at Wheeler and give him a smile that should turn him to mush. "Wheeler, please…tell them I am fine."

"WE DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! JUST STAY HERE!" He yells out of the blue, and I remember our disagreement last night.

Stung into replying, I shout back. "STOP TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD! I DO NOT NEED YOUR PROTECTION!"

"WELL IF YOU DON'T NEED US, WE DON'T NEED YOU!" He growls back and I shrink away from him. I am not really afraid of him but I have never known Wheeler to be unkind before. Unreasonable, stubborn and just plain wrong yes, but never deliberately mean. I do not know what to say and I am not sure I could say anything if I tried.

He must have realised what he said because a moment later his voice lowers and I think he is trying to apologise… but it is too late. As soon as I see him begin to back down, I am on the offensive.

"DO NOT TALK TO ME. All this time, you have said you want to help me, and now you have the chance. All I wanted was to be treated normally and when the time comes for me to get back to normal activities, you turn your back on me... **again**!" I turn away from him to include the others in my accusations, spitting the words at them, daring them to contradict me. "All of you! You think I am a burden to the team! Useless! The truth comes out…this is how you really feel... perhaps it is how you have always felt!"

"No, I…" Wheeler tries again, but Kwame interrupts him.

"Linka, it is best if you just sit this one out. Maybe next time…" Kwame says condescendingly and now I know.... I was correct!

I did not want to be correct, I wanted them to argue with me. I wanted them to tell me that they did want me and agree to let me go with them. I wanted them to trust me. I needed them to trust me because it would be so much harder to let **them** down than just myself... or it would have been.

My anger has gone, to be replaced with a strange emptiness. There are no more attempts at manipulation on my side now, only the truth. "Just say what you all are thinking! You want me out. You want to replace me with a more 'trustworthy' team mate, someone who is not a drug addict!"

"We didn't say that Linka!" Gi says quickly.

"You did not have to," I say, trying to sound more mad than hurt as I turn and stalk out of the room. I **am** hurting though, more than they know and not because of the withdrawal.

As I get outside I hear Wheelers voice calling my name and I pause thinking he is going to come after me, wanting him to in spite of myself. But he does not, the pause is too long and when I realise that, I leave and head back to my cabin to pack my things. I am going to the USSR, back to my real home and my real family.

A short time later I hear the others moving around and finally there is a knock on my locked door.

"Linka," He says. "Babe, I need to talk to you."

"Do not call me that!" I shout back, my resolution to make things up between us having evaporated when he betrayed me again. There were no excuses this time and calling me Babe was just rubbing salt in the wound.

A pause, and then. "Ok, but can you please open the door?"

"I have nothing to say to you." I reply continuing to collect my things together.

He is not giving up though. "But I have a lot I need to say to you…and I'd like to say it face to face."

I ignore him, what else can I do?

He is apologising and he guessed I would leave! He knows me too well, and yet he does not know me at all! I sit down on my bed and stare at the floor, then I get up again and start to pace. He said exactly what I wanted him to say but I am not sure whether I believe him or even if I want to anymore... why does everything have to be so confusing?

"Linka, please!" he begs.

I stop my pacing at the sound of his voice, he spoke as I passed the door. He is just on the other side, so close I could reach out and touch him if there was not a barrier between us... "and a door!" I mutter quietly to myself.

I need time to think, and since they will not let me do anything else anyway, I call out. "Whatever! Just go on your mission."

I take a step closer to the door and rest my hands on it, as if I could feel him through the wood. Then I rest my forehead there and close my eyes.

His next words startle me, I had thought him gone! Was he just standing there waiting?

"Ok. I just wanted you to know that I was sorry. I know I was a jerk, and I hope you can forgive me. Goodbye…Babe."

I nearly open the door then, but I stop myself. Why did he have to say goodbye like that? What if something happened and he did not come home? What if they do need me and...? Hundreds of terrifying possibilities run through my mind and I start shivering again.

Wrenching the door open I run out to the landing area, but they have already gone. "Nyet!" I say quietly, feeling sick again. "Please come home safely Yankee."

I make my way back to my room and look at the mess I have made. Sighing, I start putting everything away, including the things I had packed._ At least Wheeler wants me here._ I tell myself.

By the time I have finished cleaning up, I need some fresh air so I pull on Wheeler's sweater and head down to the beach. The sun is blazing in the sky and I am sweating but I still feel cold inside.

I cannot stop thinking about the fight. How can they treat me like that? What have I done to deserve being cast aside? I would never treat any of them like that... I would not want them shut away in some facility either... How long will it be before they decide I am well? What gives them the right to decide?

It is strange, the island is usually teaming with life, especially birds, but right now everything seems dead... Have my feathered friends abandoned me as well?

How many times have I wished I could be here alone? When Wheeler and Ma-Ti are acting like children or Gi and Kwame have a new obsession... But now the emptiness is disturbing and I turn inland taking the quickest route back to my own cabin and my own personal sanctuary.

There is movement in the trees over my head. I look up but there is nothing there. "Suchi?" I whisper, but there is no response. Of course he is not the only monkey on the island so I resume my journey, if a little faster.

Something crashes in the bushes behind me and I break into a run. I am convinced there is someone there but I am too afraid to look so I just keep going until I reach our settlement and the safety of my cabin.

I run inside and slam the door behind me, locking it. Then I run to the window and close that too before curling up in the corner of my room shaking, my face buried in my knees and my arms wrapped around them.

Sometime later I wake, though I do not remember getting sleepy. I stand up and stretch my sore limbs. I realise how stupid I was being before, but even now I hesitate as I reach for the shutter. Telling myself to calm down, I force myself to open it and look out. I do not know for how long I was asleep but it is still light out so it could not be that long. I sit on the bed and sigh.

There is nothing for me to do… I cannot relax enough to do any of my hobbies and the others have done my chores… because I am a useless invalid apparently.

Gaia is leaving me alone too... she cannot even be watching me since she did not say anything when I was scared. I tell myself that is either because she is trusting me to look after myself, or does not want to embarrass me. Somehow though it just feels neglectful, she could at least have made a show of asking me to do that correspondence she mentioned. Of course I could go to the Crystal Chamber and ask her for something to do, but even though I know I am being petty, I cannot bring myself to do it.

I need her to ask. I need her to care. I need to be needed. I hate being here on my own. I hate having nothing to do!

Making my mind up, I get up, fetch my bag and begin packing it again. I am not going to wait here while the others are on a mission, if I am not needed then I can leave. As I open my wardrobe to take out the dresses, my eye falls on the framed picture I have on my desk. It is a picture of the planeteers taken by Commander Clash last year. We had to bunch up and the Yankee used it as an excuse to put his arms around me… it was a good excuse.

I told him that I would be here when he got back… I sigh and close my wardrobe door as I change my mind again… I guess maybe I am going to be doing this all day.

* * *

To Be Continued....

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE** **TO** read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 4 of Becks7's Co-Dependents!


	5. Day Six Late Morning

**HAPPY EASTER!**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Five – Day 6 Late Morning**

It is night time. I tie my scarf around my head and move closer to Boris.

"The natives are getting restless again." He tells me with glee, he is enjoying this.

It feels wrong to me so I take another pill, knowing it will help. It does, I can think clearer now.

Of course Scumm needs some form of payment, you cannot feel this good for free... He **deserves** some entertainment, why should he not feel as good as we do.

Money is meaningless now, he owns the city and we are his people. Those who were too afraid to find Bliss have gone elsewhere, which is how it should be. So what can we pay our leader? What is left to give him but ourselves?

Boris and I sit with our master as he looks down over the crowd, a look of pleasure on his face as he makes his selection. He glances at my cousin and then at me, a question in his eyes. I know what he wants, even though I do not completely understand.

I take another pill and he smiles and nods. "Good planeteer." he tells me.

I have pleased him, just by accepting his hospitality... He is truly generous, and kind. He knows Boris would like to take part in the games, but he selects another, to please me.

I look down, the crowd have parted to form a ring around the chosen. When Scumm gives the word they will fight, the prize for the winner, a bag of Bliss... The loser, if he survives the contest, will go without so that everyone will understand the price of failure.

The fight begins... There is so much blood. I hate seeing this, it makes me feel sick and the Bliss does not seem to help... At least this loser will not know the pain of going without Bliss... And at least he knew his life had meaning, he gave it for the good of his master. My nausea is getting worse.

Scumm picks a new challenger. I am not watching but I know from the crowds reaction that something is wrong.

Turning my attention to the match I realise that while the reigning champion is going berserk trying to get at his opponent, the new guy is easily keeping him at bay... but that is all he is doing. Led by Scumm's henchmen, the crowd are calling for him to finish his opponent, but he will not do it.

"I'm not gonna hurt anyone for your amusement Scumm." he cries.

I know that voice! A chill runs through my veins that no amount of Bliss will keep out. "Wheeler!" I gasp.

It came out in a whisper but Scumm heard anyway. The big rat turns to look at me and laughs. He knows Wheeler is watching as he holds out a pill for me to take.

"No!" Wheeler screams at me, but I cannot take my eyes from the iridescent ovoid in Scumm's fingers.

I reach out to take it but Wheeler calls again and his voice distracts me. "No! Please Babe, let me help you?"

He sounds desperate but so am I, my stash of Bliss is gone. I reach out once more and this time Wheeler's cry is one of pain as the crowd turn on him.

"Nyet Wheeler!" I turn to Scumm, "Stop them!" He just laughs. "**WHEELER!**"

I see my Yankee disappear beneath a sea of punching and kicking, desperate individuals, all eager to please their master in the hope of a reward.

I scream and keep screaming...

He moves closer to me and puts his hands on my shoulders. "Please…do not hurt him…" I say.

"He's history." Scumm says and leers down at me.

I shake my head and beg him. "Nyet. Leave him alone…do not take him from me."

But Scumm is enjoying the show and does not heed me… then the crowd start cheering and I know it is over.

He moves his hands to hold my face. "Linka…open your eyes."

Grabbing his wrists and wrenching them away from me, I screech. "NYET!"

I do open my eyes though and find that it is not Scumm in front of me but Wheeler. I do not understand, but I run my fingers over his face as I examine him in the light of the afternoon sun, that is streaming through my bedroom window.

"You got away from them!" I say through my tears.

He is holding on to me tightly, worry in his eyes. "Away from who Baby?" Then he shakes his head. "Doesn't matter, you're safe now, it was just a bad dream."

I throw my arms around his neck, pulling myself up, still half terrified that the blissed-out mob will drag him away from me and determined not to let us be parted.

He makes a joke, how typical of him! But it feels good, reality is beginning to seep back in and I chuckle into his shoulder though I am still crying. I run my fingers through his hair, I have always liked the way it feels but I do not get a chance to play with it often. He is running his hands up and down my back, I like how that feels too.

"You're ok. You're safe…nothing's gonna get you. Whatever it was…whoever it was…it's gone." He says after a while.

"Skumm," I whisper, figuring that says it all.

He gives me a squeeze. "He's not here. It was a bad dream. Do you wanna talk about it? What happened? Was it about Boris? Skumm was hurting him?"

My mouth has gone dry but I manage to answer. "Nyet...he was...it was...you. Scumm was hurting **you**."

I pull back to look into his eyes. "Wheeler I..." I begin, wanting to tell him how much I need him, but I stop as my body's needs catch up with me.

"I need to be sick!" I say instead and make a break for the bathroom.

I can barely see for the tears in my eyes but I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror as I bend over the sink.

I did not want Wheeler to see me this way... What must he think of me? I used to be so beautiful – the sort of girl he likes – now I am a wreck! I am so thin you can feel my bones, my skin is sallow and clammy and my eyes are sunken with dark circles around them. Why should he care for me now?

I wish I had not let the others talk me into eating so much last night, I cannot seem to stop retching. But I am also dimly aware of the gentle hands that are gathering back my long hair so that it does not fall in the sink... He followed me!

Wheeler rubs my back in a comforting motion, and gradually the sickness ceases as I calm down and my sobs begin to subside.

He pushes me down to sit on the edge of the bath and runs the tap in the sink to wash away the mess. I lower my head in shame but he ignores it. Getting a clean wash cloth from the cupboard, he wets it and tipping my chin up with his finger, very gently washes my face over.

I do not know what to say, so I do not say anything. I just sit and watch him and do as he tells me.

He pours a glass of water and hands it to me. I take it obediently but look blankly at him. He smiles and says. "To rinse your mouth round, I'm figuring it's gotta taste pretty bad right now."

I nod and do as he suggests, then sit back down on the bath. I am shaking, but this time it is not from the cold but from the images in my nightmare.

Wheeler kneels down in front of me and rubs my arms and then tenderly strokes my hair back from my face.

"See?" He says, his voice matching his actions. "I can help you! Just because you **can** do this alone, it doesn't mean you **have** to."

I swallow, on the verge of tears again, I want so much to just give in to him, but would it be fair?

He saw my hesitation and it must have encouraged him. He is not giving up. "I can't fix everything but I can help make it easier... please?"

I finally find my voice, but I sound like a small child and I hate myself for it. "Promise you will not send me away... I cannot go back there."

"Why are you so afraid of the clinic?" He asks with a frown, but I am not ready to explain.

"Promise me!" I insist. He probably thinks it is a control thing, or a test, but it is not... I just need to know I can trust him.

"I promise," he says at last, and I can see the truth in his eyes. "I won't send you away. I get it, you're better off here... with me."

I cannot be strong any longer and I cannot lie to him any longer, I fall into my Yankee's arms and sob.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE** **TO** read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 5 of Becks7's Co-Dependents!


	6. Day Six Continued

**Chapter Six – Day Six Continued**

"It's ok Babe, nothing's gonna ever hurt you again. Let it out. You've been holding it in too long." Wheeler tells me, and sitting in his lap, tucked up safely in his arms, I cannot help but believe him.

He is not wearing a shirt so I can feel his muscles… the strength in them, combined with such tenderness, I never want him to let go.

I like the feel of his skin under my cheek… it is strange the way the mind focuses on irrelevancies in times of stress… I think it is a defence mechanism. Like right now, I am very aware that this is the first time I have been in the arms of a half naked man. Man? Well, he is eighteen, that is considered an adult in most countries I think, and he is certainly more experienced than I am. I do not know where I am going with this train of thought but it seems somehow inappropriate so I force my mind back to the present.

Poor Wheeler, I am making him all wet but he does not seem to mind. Still, I am beginning to calm down, the vast reserves of tears have been exhausted… I wonder if you can get dehydrated from crying too much?

I am such a mess, I try to wipe away some of the tears with my hands but it is not helping. Wheeler passes me some tissue and I smile at him. It is only a small, and practical, gesture but it is a thoughtful one… it is nice to be taken care of.

I dispose of the tissue and then return to Wheelers embrace. We both need the closeness I think, we did not mean to hurt each other but we did, and now we both have the chance to make it better. I sigh and snuggle closer and he kisses my head like he does it all the time… it feels like the most natural thing in the world.

It is strange. There has always been a certain tension between us, a desire - though I will not admit that openly - for closeness, for something more than closeness. Yet here we are, holding each other as tightly as we dare, Wheeler promising to be at my side forever, kissing my hair over and over again as he speaks… and yet it is not passionate but simply loving. This is the love of friendship not romance… it has nothing to do with those other feelings… but somehow it is more than that too, there is a comfort and acceptance that I never expected to feel... least of all with someone like Wheeler.

I do not know when this happened. When during all the arguments and misunderstandings of the past year or so, did we become so close?

Maybe it is because of the Planeteers, because our job requires us to depend on each other for our lives, but something inside of me whispers that it was always there. That somehow - even when we are angry and yelling - we bring each other a strange kind of peace as if we are standing in the eye of the storm but are keeping each other from being swept away.

I look up into his eyes and see worry there... and tears! I feel guilty immediately and I cannot blame him for his trepidation either, how many times have I let him get close only to reject him again?

"I am sorry I pushed you away before." I say, trying to reassure him, whilst being unable to explain something that I do not understand myself. I stick to what I **am** sure of. "I realize now that I cannot do this by myself…I…I want you to help me through this."

I gently take his head in my hands to brush away the tears with my thumbs but he lowers his gaze, in shame? Nyet! I will not allow that, no one should be ashamed for caring. I duck my head down so that I can make him look at me. That worked, in fact our eyes seem to be locked together and he is staring so hard I wonder if he can see straight through into my soul. Oddly, I do not find that thought disturbing.

"Thank you," I tell him, still wanting him to be sure of how I feel. "Before, I _thought_ I could do this alone...but now, I _know_ I can do this, as long as you are with me."

His hands slip up to hold my face so that we mirror each other and the concern has cleared from his eyes.

"I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere." Wheeler says as he leans in to kiss my cheek and when he moves back he is still so close that our noses are almost touching.

I think we just crossed a line somewhere… I do not mean he did it on purpose, in fact I am not sure that it was him at all, perhaps it is just in **my** mind.

I know I need to feel attractive again, I need to know that he still wants me... is that wrong? I tell myself it is not as I raise my lips ever so slightly, to brush against his.

"LINKA?! ARE YOU OK?!" Kwame's voice interrupts and I scramble out of Wheeler's lap and back into the corner.

I glare at my Yankee as if it is his fault, but it is myself that I am mad at. I feel like a small child that nearly got caught doing something naughty... which is not far from the truth.

"Just stay here, I'll get rid of him," He says and closes the door just enough that Kwame cannot see in.

I am so ashamed! What was I thinking? How far would I have taken it in order to make myself feel good? I think I know the answer to that and I do not like it.

Is it not bad enough that I tried to use his feelings against him when I was under the influence of the Bliss, but what excuse can I possibly have now? Perhaps they are all right about me after all, I cannot be trusted!

Kwame's voice once again penetrates my awareness and I cannot help but cringe, trying to shrink in on myself… I am not hiding anything, how can he say that? Wheeler is defending me… when he makes a promise he keeps it!

But he should not have to, they are treating me like a criminal and I have not done anything! …Except try to blow one of my best friends off the roof of the Capital building…

Gi has been keeping her distance from me since we got back. I noticed, but I have not known what to say. At first I was angry, after all it was the drugs that made me do it, I had no control. If I apologized it would be like admitting that it was me, when **I** would never do something like that. It was not even my choice to take them in the first place. Surely it is who I am now that matters? But if they cannot forgive me… if they cannot trust me again…

My concentration on what the boys are saying comes and goes, I know Wheeler is standing up for me, that is enough.

"…So if I'm the only one that she's willing to talk to right now, let me be there for her." he says.

Kwame's voice when he answers is grave but obviously trying for understanding. "Wheeler, this is not the right time to try and get closer to Linka…you should not take advantage of the situation."

I do not have time to react to that before Wheeler responds… he is annoyed, and with good reason. The things that happen between us, the little moments… they are not planned, we cannot help them. The Yankee is not like that, he does not have a deceptive bone in his body, what you see is very much what you get. If I know that, why does Kwame not?

Perhaps he does, he sounds remorseful but I grimace anyway. I know Wheeler, he will beat himself up over this. If he did not respect Kwame's opinion it would be different… if Kwame only knew, it is my Yankee he should be worried for. I would never hurt him intentionally, but I just cannot seem to help myself!

I hear him tell Kwame to leave so I get up and sit on the edge of the bath, staring down at my hands as I try to put some of my chaotic thoughts in order before he returns to me.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that," He tells me.

"I am not," I reply, still in deep contemplation of my hands.

He sounds worried as he continues but I suddenly feel incredibly shy. "Kwame was out of line…nothing he said was true. Not about you, and not about me. I'm not…I'd NEVER take advantage of you."

"I know," I whisper, somewhere between shame and embarrassment.

"I'm here ONLY for you." He persists.

I know he needs reassurance and I want to run into his arms but now I am second guessing myself. "I know." I say weakly.

There is an awkward silence... I guess my behaviour before has made him feel uncomfortable after what Kwame said.

I will not try anything else dorogaya moy... please? I beg silently, then another part of my friends' conversation seeps into my brain. "You broke my door?"

"Uh, yeah," he admits non-commitally, as if waiting to find out if he is going to get in trouble for it.

He looks like a young boy when he is like this, it is quite sweet and it makes me chuckle. "How did I miss that?!" I say, referring to the door.

I do not feel so awkward anymore and I give him a smile as I take in his appearance for the first time. I experience a slight shock as I see his arm. "Bozhe moy Wheeler! You are bleeding! Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine. I guess with the adrenaline rush, I didn't even notice that I got all cut up when I broke through the door." He tells me and I look at him in horror, it is one thing for him to help me but he must not do it at his own expense! I cannot let him.

"I'm sorry!" He says and to my surprise, goes to the sink and tries to wash away the blood, using tissues to try to stem the flow.

What is he thinking? The wounds need to be treated properly! "Stop!" I exclaim, turning away to fetch the first aid kit.

"I'm sorry, I should go." He replies and practically runs from the room.

What on earth is the matter with him? Has he lost enough blood to be in shock? I do not think so, the cuts did not look that bad. The main thing is to make sure they do not get infected.

I get the first aid kit free of its holder and follow him.

I do not bother to knock as I enter the American's cabin and his bathroom door is open and I can hear the sound of running water so I continue in.

Wheeler jumps as he hears me behind him. "What was that about?" I ask as I open the med kit and take out the disinfectant. "I am not that obsessed with keeping my bathroom clean!" I add jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.

"You don't have to do this Babe." He says eyeing me warily.

"Do not be silly Wheeler, I am not going to hurt you." I tell him and then add. "Sit down."

He puts the lid down on the toilet seat and sits, allowing me to look at his arm but is still obviously reluctant. "Honestly Babe, you don't have to do this..."

I stop, looking down into his eyes. "You told Kwame that I can be trusted, if you did not mean it, say so now and I will go."

"Of course I trust you!" He says quickly. "You're great at this stuff! I'd trust you to do it in your sleep... I just thought you shouldn't have to right now."

I do not understand. "Why not now?"

He shrugs, obviously not wanting to answer.

"Wheeler, if you are serious about helping me you have to... It needs to work both ways! I cannot just sit by and let you hurt and then be okay with you looking after me... I am not like that!" My voice is rising, I do not know whether to plead or shout... What is wrong with him?

"Okay... If you're sure **you** are okay with it?" he says at last.

I start to work on his arm, lifting it gently and cleaning the scratches. "Why would I not be okay with it?" I ask.

He hesitates and my temper flares. "**Wheeler!**"

"Okay, okay." He sighs. "I didn't want to bring back bad memories that's all. **Owww!**"

I am trying to take splinters out of his arm. "I am sorry Wheeler, I am being as gentle as I can." I tell him.

"Yeah I know, but it still hurts!" he complains.

"Baby!" I tease and he grins up at me.

Wheeler has **that** look on his face, the one he always gets when he thinks he has caught me out. "Well if I'm a baby, how about you play mom and kiss it better?"

I roll my eyes and am about to say something sarcastic when I see his expression change. "I didn't mean to... that is, I was just joking you know?"

This is Kwame's fault! Why could he not mind his own business! "It is okay." I tell him quietly, concentrating my attention on cleaning his cuts.

"No it's not." he replies decidedly.

I do not know what to say, so instead, I go back to our previous conversation. "What bad memories?"

"Huh?" he looks confused.

I sigh. "Treating your wounds?"

"Oh! …because your cousin cut his arms up trying to get into the vice president's office." he says uncomfortably.

I pause in what I am doing and I can feel the blood drain from my face. My mouth has gone dry as I whisper, "I do not remember."

Wheeler grimaces and then puts his hands on my hips, pulling me down to sit on his leg. "Maybe that's not such a bad thing."

"Da, maybe," I say, but my heart aches. Not everything that happened is entirely clear in my memory but if there are actual gaps…

"Sorry Babe."

"Stop saying that! You are not responsible for any of this!" I rest my head on his shoulder as he holds me tight.

Only a few moments go by before I remember what I am supposed to be doing but Wheeler will not let me get up, so I finish by bandaging his arm from my current position. "There, all done."

"Thanks Babe... Sorr... Er... I didn't mean to make things awkward between us." he tells me.

I lean over to kiss his cheek. "You did not."

We look at each other for a moment and then start laughing. I think things will be okay now.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE** **TO** read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 6 of Becks7's Co-Dependents!


	7. Day Six Afternoon

**Chapter Seven – Day Six Afternoon**

I flick through the television programs with the remote but there is nothing on worth watching, so I turn it off and pick up my book. After a while I realise that I have not read a word, even though my eyes have been faithfully scanning each one.

Sighing, I get up to look through the videos but most of them are Wheeler's and I have either seen them before or just do not feel like watching them, so I go back to flicking the remote.

I have been doing this for a couple of hours now, ever since Wheeler threw me out of my bedroom for offering too many suggestions on how to fix my door.

I smile at the memory. Why must men always do things their own way, even if it is the most difficult and time consuming way? My brother is the same and so is Boris... so **was** Boris. I have not got used to that yet.

"Miss me Babe?" The Yankee's voice interrupts my reverie and I tilt my head back over the settee to look at him.

I am smiling, I cannot help it and seeing my reaction to him, makes him grin back at me. "Wanna see how badly I screwed up your door?"

"I have been dreading it for the last few hours!" I tease and he responds with mock hurt. "You have no faith in me?!"

Actually if I had not had faith in him I would never have let him try. I do not expect perfection though, and I promise myself that I will try not to laugh if it is really bad because he meant well, and I do not want to hurt his feelings.

We get to my cabin and I immediately step forward to inspect the door. It opens and closes smoothly, I try it several times and there is no scraping, or any unhealthy noises. It cannot be that good! I look closely, trying to find something I can tease him about but there is nothing. Considering Gaia put everything together with magic the first time, it is quite an achievement.

"Well?" He asks.

"I am impressed!" I say honestly and I wonder if he has done this before. He has certainly put a lot of effort into it and I appreciate it… but I am still going to tease him. "You do good work Yankee. My suggestions must have helped!"

He is pleased by my reaction even if he is trying to hide it. "Yeah, whatever! You just keep telling yourself that!"

"Thank you," I tell him and am going to embrace him but he stops me.

"I don't think that's such a good idea Babe. I worked up a pretty good sweat and am dirty and gross. I'll take a rain check on that hug though…after I shower?" He asks hopefully.

I shrug like it is no big deal but I am kind of hoping he will remember. "Ok."

He winks at me and walks out, closing the door behind him. I sigh, but before I have a chance to get bored again the door opens and Wheeler makes a show of admiring it. Then he gives me a thumbs up making me chuckle, he is really pleased with himself but not in a smug, obnoxious way. In fact, I think he is doing it to amuse me and will do it all the more if it works. He is like a child who has been given praise… nyet, like a puppy, I can practically see his tail wagging. I shake my head but he beams at me and I cannot help returning the smile.

"Meet me in my room in fifteen minutes, ok?" He asks.

I nod, finding to my surprise that there is nothing I would rather be doing right now, than spending time with him. "Sure."

* * *

Fifteen minutes does not sound like a long time but when you have nothing to do but admire a door, it can drag. I give up and head over to the Yankee's room early, I do not think he will mind but I can always pretend my clock is fast.

I open the door without looking in, in case he is getting dressed, giving him a chance to call out, but there is no sound. Wheeler's room is a mess, I did not notice it earlier but there are clothes on the floor and paper and magazines over the desk. I wonder how he ever finds anything and I have the urge to tidy but I am not sure that he would appreciate it.

There is a photo album on the bed. I pick it up, taking its place, and begin to flick through it.

"You're early." Wheeler's voice says and I turn my head towards the bathroom where he is standing in the doorway.

"Oh, sorry," I apologise, hoping he really does not mind my being in here.

"You're lucky I got dressed in there and didn't just come walking in here completely naked!" He is teasing me, so he does not mind.

Two can play at that game though. "Or unlucky," I say, putting as much meaning into it as I can, but laughing so that he knows it is a joke… mostly.

I look down at the photo album and realise what this must look like, we are not in the habit of making ourselves at home in each others cabins, maybe he just does not like to say anything in case I push him away again… "I am sorry, I do not mean to be nosey, I came in here like you wanted and saw this sitting here." I feel awkward again so I try making a joke. "I figured it would be safer looking through this than looking through your magazine collection."

He blushes slightly so I guess there **are** a few there he would rather I did not see, though the ones on top had pictures of cars on them.

"No need to apologize." He says sitting down next to me, and turning his attention to the photo album. "I pulled it out because I wanted to show it to you…sort of introduce you to my family. That way, if I ever get to talkin' about them again, you can put a face to the name…or not. If you don't care…"

"Of course I care." I assure him, I **love** looking through old photo's … I would like to hear more about his family too.

"It's kinda a stupid idea. I mean, it's not like you need to know…" He is talking himself out of it, like he suddenly thinks he is not important enough… that is a stupid thing for me to think, Wheeler is not insecure.

Still… maybe he just needs to know that **I** want to know, I act like I do not care sometimes, I do not mean to though. "I _**want**_ to know."

He tells me about the pictures, adding stories of each person and I find it fascinating, this little window of his life.

"I have lost both my parents, my grandmother brought me up." I tell him after a while. "You are lucky."

"It didn't always feel lucky." He shrugs and I remember him saying something about his father drinking a lot, I want to ask, but I do not want to make him feel worse.

I rest my head on his shoulder and lean against him, rubbing the adjoining arm comfortingly. "It must have been tough for you though, being alone?" He asks, catching my hand as it moves along his arm and holding it there.

"I do not even remember my mother now, I was too young… just a vague feeling of being loved by someone warm and caring. Sometimes I wonder if my father went away then too, he always kept his feelings to himself, though I know he loved me, and da, it was hard when I lost him. But Grandmuska had always been there for us and Uncle Dimitri would come by to cheer us up." I shrug, forcing back the tears that are trying to rise to the surface.

Turning the page of the album in an attempt to distract myself, I suddenly get a huge grin on my face and look up at my Yankee with glee. "Oh Wheeler! You were so cute…! What happened?!"

He sticks his tongue out at me and bumps his shoulder against mine. I chuckle and turn the page again.

"That's James holding me when I was a baby. He was five…and here's me when I'm five, holding my cousin Joey after he was born," He points them out in turn.

"I can see the resemblance, except for the red hair; you look just like he did at that age." I reply. They really are a handsome family.

The last few pictures are family shots taken at Christmas. We never did that, Christmas for me is more a time of tradition and remembering those we miss. Things were always more jovial when Uncle Dimitri's family came to us but I am not sure that we ever really celebrated being together that way.

The last picture is of James and his family and for a moment I think I would like to be part of a shot like that, then I see the prayer card on the opposite page. How can someone who has so much, throw it all away?

I brush my fingers over the picture as if I can somehow make it more real, then I close the album and wipe away a stray tear. "Thank you for sharing this with me."

"Sure. Thanks for letting me share it. I'm sorry if it upset you though." He looks guilty.

I could shake him! "What did I tell you about apologising?!"

"Right. I keep forgetting." He looks at me though and I cannot explain… he just makes me feel like it is right for us to be together like this, like it is natural for us to confide in each other.

"Oh, speaking of sharing. I picked these out for you. These oughta keep you warm." He produces a stack of hoodies, bozhe'moy, how many does he have? I do not need that many… but he can always come and get one if he wants one and I am pretty sure I could wear a couple of them together.

"Are you sure?" I ask

"Yep. I'm not using them at the moment." I guess it is okay then, and he seems pleased. I take them back to my room and leave them on the bed.

When I return he stands up and holds out his hand. "Wanna go for a walk?"

"After you give me that hug that you promised." I do not know why I said that, it just came out. I wonder if it is possible to get addicted to physical contact… or another person?

He holds his arms out and I step into them, relishing the chance to do this without anything being wrong, but after a few moments he presses a kiss to the top of my head and pulls back to look down at me. "Come on, I wanna show you something."

I step away and put my hand into his outstretched one, walking beside him in companionable silence as he leads me down to the beach.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE** **TO** read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 7 of Becks7's Co-Dependents!


	8. Day Six Late AfternoonEvening

**Chapter Eight – Day Six ****Late**** Afternoon/Evening**

It looks like he has combed the beach for debris and piled it up. There is a blanket spread out on the sand and a bag next to it. It is not like Wheeler to go in for modern art so I figure it must have some other significance.

Not wanting to offend him after he has obviously gone to so much effort, I smile and ask softly, "What is this?"

"Dinner…sort of." He tells me. "I figured you might be hungry, but not quite ready for a huge meal. I got stuff that would be light."

It is very sweet of him and I will try not to disappoint him, but I am still not sure I can keep food down.

"And that?" I ask pointing towards the mound of wood and leaves.

"That's to help keep you warm," he says and then points his ring at it. "Fire!"

He pulls me over to the blanket and then sits down, tugging gently on my hand to make me join him. I sit down, glad to be so close to the fire, and try to warm my numb hands

"Is the nausea gone?" He asks.

I shrug and feel my cheeks go red. If I had not promised to let him help me I would have lied, but as it is, "It comes and goes…I am hungry, but also afraid that if I eat…"

"It's ok. You don't have to be embarrassed if you get sick. It's just me." He makes it sound so reasonable but I hate appearing less than perfect in front of him...

"I also packed some Ginger Ale. It's supposed to ease nausea. Do you want a can of it?" He asks.

I have no idea what that is, but if there is a chance it will calm my stomach... "Sure."

He opens the can for me and I have to tell myself not to be irritated. He is not deliberately treating me like an invalid, he is trying to be helpful and at any other time I would probably enjoy the attention.

The can is cold, and it begins to suck all the life from my fingertips. I quickly pull down my sleeve so that I can hold the material through the thick fabric.

I am wearing another one of Wheeler's hoodies, one of the ones he gave me earlier. This one is bigger as well as thicker so I guess it is not as old, but it did seem to please him that I took it and he can always take them back if he needs them.

"Oh here, I almost forgot…" He rummages in his bag and produces something to wrap around the can, which again he does for me. "There ya go."

This time I am amused. "Thank you Yankee you have thought of everything! Do you have a hat stand in there too?"

He winks at me, and it makes me chuckle, then he asks. "Do you want some fruit? An apple maybe?"

"I will try a few pieces." He has gone to so much trouble...

He hands me the bowl of apples and I select one. "Want me to peel it for you Babe?"

I start to get annoyed and he sees it so he quickly adds. "My Mom used to do that for me when I was sick... it makes it easier to eat you know?"

I relax again and nod, then sip my drink… it is not bad. He peels the apple and slices it onto a plate, then adds some lumps of cheese and some of the crackers before handing it back to me.

"Spasiba... I do not mean to be ungrateful Wheeler." I say hesitantly, picking up a slice of apple and nibbling it.

"I know." he replies blithely and bumps my shoulder companionably.

We sit in a companionable silence as I pick at the meal he made for me. He is right, it is easier to eat like this, but I am still struggling and he notices.

"You don't need to force yourself on my account. If you're not hungry, you're not hungry." he tells me and snags a cheese cube off my plate.

He is doing a great job of keeping this casual but I still ask, only half jokingly, "You are not going to be the 'food police' tonight?"

"No. Not tonight…not ever again. I trust you to make the right decisions as far as your health goes. I know you wanted to do this alone…do it your way…and I'm gonna let you continue to do it your way…but not alone. You're not gonna do this alone. You don't have to."

He gets intense when he thinks about that and I know it is my fault for pushing him away so I try to reassure him... Who knew my Yankee was capable of being so insecure? "I know. I am glad you are here."

He puts his arm around me and hugs me close, he is just the right height to rest my head on his shoulder so I do.

"I'm glad I'm here too." He tells me.

It is so beautiful here. It has only been my home for just over a year but I already forget sometimes... but sitting here like this, it is as if I am seeing it all again for the first time... It is nice to have someone to share it with too.

This is a rare moment for Wheeler and I, we are never alone for so long and we both seem to feel the need to put on a show when the others are around, I do not know why.

"I think your friends want something." Wheeler says, inclining his head towards the seagulls that are circling closer.

I nod in agreement. "Food." I say, taking one of the uneaten crackers and breaking it in half before throwing the pieces towards the water, away from the fire.

A couple of the gulls immediately swoop down and take the offerings, barely brushing the ground as if they did not like to land.

"Cool!" Wheeler exclaims, obviously impressed, and repeats my trick with the same results. I laugh at him, but I am not being unkind, I find his reaction adorable.

We make a game of it, throwing the crackers so that they land just a little closer each time, trying to see how close to us the birds would come. Pretty close actually, in fact at Wheeler's urging, I even get one to take a cracker from my hand. Gulls are not particularly timid and they instinctively know they are safe on Hope Island, but I was still excited at my achievement, which gave my Yankee the chance to laugh back at me.

Once the crackers are gone, the gulls move on and Wheeler points out some other birds who are collecting fish in their large bills. "Pelicans." I tell him, and since he seems interested, I continue expounding on one of my favourite subjects.

I love the beauty and grace of our feathered neighbours and I cannot help but be enthusiastic when I talk about them, I hope he does not get too bored!

After a while Wheeler suddenly produces my keyboard, like a magician pulling a white rabbit out of a hat!

"Think they'd like this?" He enquires as he hands me the instrument.

"How did you…?" I ask in surprise.

He grins at me, he is being cheeky again. "When I was fixing your door, I snagged it to bring it along with us tonight."

Normally I would explode at him for taking something from my room or even going into my room when I am not there. I can be pretty obsessive about my things, as Mishka has found out on several occasions, and Gi too when we first came here... I do not know why it is suddenly different with Wheeler but it is.

"I haven't heard you play in a while." He is saying, surprising me again.

"You want me to play?" I ask shyly, a little worried about my ability to play with my cold fingers.

"Only if you feel like it. I just thought it'd be fun." He sounds a bit worried too.

"Fun to listen to me?" I ask, wanting to be sure.

He has another surprise up his sleeves. I watch as he lifts the other blanket and retrieves a guitar case. "Not just listen, but play along,"

"I did not know you played an instrument!" I exclaim, childishly excited by this new piece of information.

"I don't have much free time, and when I do, I'm doing other things so I don't get many opportunities…which is why I'm not as good as I used to be…so you gotta be patient with me."

"Ok. You start and I will join in." I say eagerly, my own fears forgotten.

The time passed so quickly, we learnt some of each others favourite songs, making up new ones when we got the notes wrong. Wheeler made up silly words to them sometimes too, he can be really funny when he wants to be, though I rarely let myself admit it when the others are around.

I do not remember the last time I had so much fun! It feels great to be able to laugh, I have missed it. He keeps gazing at me too, I pretend not to notice but secretly I am thrilled. It is selfish of me I know, and normally I do not value my attractiveness at all, but this feels good.

The others cannot get passed my 'condition'. I did not realise it before but the reason I resent their treatment of me is because they make me feel like a naughty child who has been told to sit and think about what that have done wrong! I do not want to think about it though, I need to forget it, and feel normal again.

I truly wish Wheeler was like this all the time, if he were we would be... what would we be? A couple? Nyet, there are too many reasons why that would be a bad idea... I am not even sure what he really wants! We would be closer, I decide. But in any case, I could not ask for a better friend.

The sun is setting and I am getting chilly again. I hug myself as Wheeler goes to freshen the fire. When he returns he picks up the second blanket and wraps me in it, then sits behind me with his legs either side and pulls me close. He takes my hands and rubs them, trying to bring some warmth into my numb fingers.

I cannot tell you how wonderful it is! He makes me feel comfortable and safe and... human. I did not know how important those simple things are until they were taken away.

There are other feelings too... I am nearly seventeen after all, very nearly in fact. I had forgotten until just now, I wonder if the others have remembered? I hope not, I do not feel like celebrating, especially with them... That is a terrible thing to think but I cannot help it. After the way they have been behaving, it would be forced and fake and considering how it used to be, I do not think I could stand that.

"Is this ok?" He asks after a moment.

Just okay? That is some understatement "Da." I reply wanting to laugh, but not wanting to, in case he misunderstands.

Then he explains. "Ok, just making sure cuz you seem a little tense."

"I am fine. Just…" That is an automatic response... A defensive one and it is not true. I sigh. I promised to let him in so... "I cannot seem to relax. My muscles are so tight."

"That's part of the withdrawal. It's because your body is missing something. It wants something it can't have." He tells me decisively, he really has been reading up on this stuff.

"But I do not want it." I tell him, still marvelling at the fact that he studied to help me. That may sound strange but considering the trouble we have getting him to take the slightest interest in research when it comes to saving the whole world...

He nods reassuringly. "I know you don't. But your body is feeling dependant on it…that's normal. You know better, but the feelings are still there."

I nearly choke but instead give a sarcastic, self mocking laugh. That explains everything then, it is not just the Bliss, I am addicted to Wheeler as well!

"What?" He asks curiously

Not going there! So I tell him, "Nothing."

He does not say anything else but begins massaging my shoulders. For a moment I think he has guessed, but then I realise he is just trying to soothe my muscles... I think.

We watch the sunset together but my mind is on the wonderful things his hands are doing and I try not to think about where he learnt to do it… or who he was with.

"Better?" he asks, close to my ear, I am very aware of his proximity.

"Mmm hmm." I murmur, do not stop!

"Lay down on your stomach." he instructs and I look around at him wondering if he can really be so totally unaware of the effect he is having on me and the implications of his request. He is. In fact I think that it would offend him if I told him what I am thinking about. He promised to be good after all and I have never known him to break an actual promise.

I follow his instructions - resting my head on my arms and closing my eyes - and he moves to sit astride my hips and begins to knead my tense muscles again.

Bozhe Moy is this really having no effect on him? He is very good though and I can feel the tension finally beginning to ebb.

When he has finished he moves back to sit down on the blanket and I follow him, to sit as I was before, between his legs.

I have relaxed so much, that now his hands are no longer on me, the cold has seeped in again and I shiver, prompting Wheeler to put his arms around me and pull me back against him. I consider turning around so that I can cuddle him back but it is warmer this way so I just lean into him and hold his arms in place with mine.

"That was nice." I tell him shyly, not sure of what else to say. I have never had a massage before, let alone allowed a cute guy to run his hands so freely over my body... da I know that was not on his mind, I am just another girl to him in this respect. But I cannot help thinking about it.

He sounds pleased. "Glad I could help. Are you tired? Maybe we should head back to our rooms."

"Nyet! I…I am not tired." I say quickly.

"Ok. Just let me know when you're ready," He props his head on my shoulder, obviously not in a rush to end our evening.

I **am** tired though... There is something I need to tell him, it is not easy for me to be so open and I keep having to remind myself. "I do not think I will ever be ready. I…I am afraid to sleep."

He leans his head against mine comfortingly. "Because of the nightmare?"

"Da." I whisper, my mouth feels dry.

"That's understandable," He whispers in return. His lips are so close to my ear they brush against me and it makes me shiver. He must think it was the cold that caused my reaction because he hugs me tighter and starts rubbing my arms.

"I'll stay out here with you as long as you'd like." He tells me and I thank him.

"Anything for you Babe." Is his response, and I am beginning to believe him.

He automatically nuzzles and kisses me, I know it is only for comfort and I wonder if that means he finds me cold in general... I mean I like this, but my responses to things are not normally so physical. I tend to hold myself back, only giving him a hug when he terrifies me by nearly getting himself killed. I promise myself I will try to be less withdrawn in future.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 8 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	9. Day Seven

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay, and thanks for reading and reviewing.

* * *

**Chapter Nine – Day Seven**

The sun is warming my face when I awake and I am tucked up all warm and cosy. _**Wheeler**_**.** I think with a smile and reach out for him, only to feel the wooden wall of my cabin.

My eyes fly open in shock, I was sure we had stayed on the beach... I remember waking with his arms around me, and turning to cuddle into him, wanting to hold him as he held me… Was it all a dream? Or did he bring me back here and leave me to wake alone, knowing how scared I was? It would have been **better** to leave me on the beach.

I choke back a sob and quickly rub the tears from my eyes, I should be used to being betrayed by now.

There is a rising sense of panic in my chest, I know it is irrational, like my dash through the trees, but I cannot help it, I have to get out of here!

I turn over trying to extricate myself rather clumsily from the bedclothes. I finally manage it and stand up, only to stop dead and stare.

My sweet Yankee is asleep in my chair with only the blanket my Grandmuska knitted for me to keep him warm. He must have carried me back here and put me to bed, then stayed beside me all night... I hope it is not too uncomfortable and immediately feel guilty again. I have to stop doubting him!

Not wanting to wake him, I crawl back under the covers of my bed and lay there watching him sleep. It does not sound very interesting I know, but I find it restful.

He stirs a short time later pulling the most adorable face, which makes me giggle. The noise is enough to bring him fully awake and he opens one eye as if to check if it is worth getting up. Then as he sees me grinning at him he opens the other and sits up. "Good morning Beautiful." He says. "Sleep well?"

"Da." I reply honestly. "The best night's sleep I have had since I got home." Actually it is the best night's sleep I have had since I left for Washington but there is no need to remind him.

Despite the sweatshirt he was using as a pillow it is obvious that his neck got stiff, because he is rubbing it and trying to stretch it.

"Come over here." I say, seeing an opportunity to return a favour.

It came out as command but that just seems to amuse him. "Yes Ma'am." he says and comes to sit beside me on the bed. "What can I do for you?"

"Sit straight and face ahead of you." I tell him, moving to kneel behind him with my knees by his hips.

I start rubbing his neck, copying what he did to me last night. I know I am not as strong as he is, but judging by the little noises he is making, he is enjoying it. I continue down over his shoulders, kneading the muscles as best I can finally leaning over his shoulder to ask "Better?"

"Yep. We should make a habit of this, it could come in handy after long missions." He turns his head slightly so that our foreheads are touching.

"Good idea." I agree, not moving away.

He points at the cover he was using. "I hope you don't mind my using that blanket… you brought it from home?"

"Da, my grandmother made it and you can borrow anything, you do not have to ask." He looks at me in surprise, it is out of character and we both know it.

Trying to make light of it and change the subject I say. "Anything except my clothes, I do not think I could deal with that right now."

He laughs. "Don't worry Babe, that's really not my thing." Then he tugs lightly on the top I am wearing. "Though I do have a thing for your wearing some of mine." He recollects himself again and pulls away gently.

I am not going to try to stop him but I am disappointed, not because I want anything to happen, I do not, I cannot think clearly enough for that. I like the closeness though and I do not want there to be any awkwardness between us about anything.

"You wanna come for a run with me?" he asks suddenly.

I nod, "I thought I was supposed to rest though?"

"Actually, light exercise is good for you… don't worry we'll keep it gentle… if you want to that is." He is sounding unsure.

I roll my eyes. "Wheeler stop worrying so much! If I do not want to do something I **will** tell you." I am not just talking about the run, here is hoping he gets the point!

Ten minutes later though I am not so sure the exercise is a good idea. Normally I could race Wheeler around the island at top speed but even taking it gently right now - and we are - I am struggling to keep up. I am nearly out of breath and my limbs feel like jelly but I refuse to give up.

I stumble and try to steady myself but my legs give out and I fall to the sand.

Wheeler is at my side in seconds looking concerned and asking questions but I am too annoyed to answer. I slam my hand down onto the ground so hard that it hurts. "It is not fair!" I gasp out, still short of breath and further hampered by the tears that are starting to stream from my eyes. "I have always kept myself in shape! What if this is permanent, I will be a liability, maybe the others are right after all and I should just give up."

My friend is trying to calm me but I am not listening, "What has Boris done to me, Wheeler? I do not know who I am anymore." I am sobbing by the time I say that last, I am not even sure he can understand me.

He tenderly strokes my hair from my face, I guess he is not sure of my reaction but once he realises I am not going to start shouting at him, he pulls me into his embrace. My body is still wracked with sobs and I am unable to speak, unable to even think clearly, but I guess I needed to let some of it out. We stay like that until I calm down… I try to apologise then but he tells me to hush and kisses my forehead.

After a while he says, "We'd better pick up our instruments, I had to leave them on the beach last night… I covered them up before you say anything." He adds quickly and I laugh through my remaining tears.

* * *

When we get back we both need showers. I take longer getting ready than Wheeler so I tell him that I will meet him in the kitchen.

He has made toast already when I arrive, but he has cut it into small squares and each square has a different spread on it. "I thought this might make it more fun." He explains. I guess he is still trying to find ways to get me to eat, even if he is not going to try to make me.

"Okay." I say, I will play the game, who knows maybe it will work… though I think the combination is more likely to make me be sick again. At least I won't feel guilty letting him clean it up!

"Kwame and Ma-Ti picked up the mail." He says, indicating a small pile of envelopes on the table.

I sit down while he finishes preparing our breakfast and open the first letter. It is planeteer fan mail and makes me smile, I will answer it later. The second letter however, provokes a completely different reaction.

I feel the colour drain from my face and I begin trembling violently. Wheeler has his back to me as he is preparing something, I want to get his attention but I am having difficulty breathing and I do not think I can move. I want to cry but I cannot seem to, 'Wheeler help me please', I beg silently.

"What is it? What's wrong?" He asks, suddenly beside me.

I cannot answer him, the words won't come, I am still frozen. Even when he holds me against him, I cannot release the emotions that are threatening to overwhelm me.

He is still trying to find out what is wrong and I am going to give him my letter, when realise that he cannot read it because it is in Russian.

"…I'll do what I can to make it better Babe, you know that by now right?" He tells me and kisses the top of my head.

How I wish he could fix it! But he cannot, and he must not think like that, there are so many things we do not have control over, I do not want him to feel responsible for everything that goes wrong in my life...

I start to feel really guilty and that is what finally pushes me over the edge and allows me to let go. I have my face against Wheeler's chest as I gasp out the prevalent thoughts in my mind. "Nyet, you cannot make this better. Not this time. This is where my world completely starts to fall apart."

"Then I'll be there to help you put it back together," He states with both simplicity and absolutely certainty.

Does he realise how much responsibility he is offering to take on? "You will?"

"Of course." He replies, still sounding so sure of himself. "I'm not just here to get you part way through this. I'm here to get you through all of it. I'm in this for the duration…and even afterwards…if you still want me to be."

What did he just offer...? It was not so much what he said as the way he said it... Of course I want him to be there forever, right now there is nothing I would like more. To be able to turn everything over to him. To let him make all the decisions. That would not be fair though, and it probably would not work for long once I am better either.

I know part of this is still to do with his guilt over his cousin, and another part is not liking to see his friends hurting, he is very protective and very impulsive. That is why I cannot let him make any promises right now... I know he will always be there for me, that is just the sort of person he is, the sort of friend he is! I do not need or want him to commit himself to something more though, something he might regret when he is thinking clearer.

I must have taken too long to answer because he pulls back and takes my face in his hands, brushing away my tears and looking deeply into my eyes as he asks. "Do you still want me?"

I cannot lie to him when he looks at me like that, with no barriers or bad humour to hide behind, it is just him and me. "Da."

He smiles and pulls me back against him and I snuggle my face back into my favourite spot in the crook of his neck. At the back of my mind though, I am worried.

If he keeps asking me that, how am I going to tell whether it is what he wants or because he feels an obligation? Do not ask me that if you ever change your mind Yankee because though I will say 'no' if you need me to, I really do not ever want to have to lie to you!

"Good…" For a brief second I think that I have spoken out loud but as he continues I realise he is just pleased that I did not reject him. "Now, can you tell me what all this is about? What's got you so upset and what can I do to fix it?"

I look back into my friends eyes. "It is Bor... I mean my Grand... that is my Uncle."

I bite my bottom lip and try to get my thoughts in order. "My Grandmother wrote to tell me that Boris' funeral is in a couple of days."

I swallow hard. I am practically forcing the words out. "She says my Uncle is very distraught and other than bringing Boris' b... Body home and booking the ceremony, is leaving the arrangements to her but he will not tell her what happened, other than that I was there..."

Tears are stinging my eyes and my breath is once again catching in my throat as I fight back sobs. "What can I tell her Wheeler? How do I explain to my Grandmuska that I watched Boris die?! That I was too Blissed Out to save him... that now I too am an..." I sob.

I cannot say it but Wheeler does not need me to. He squeezes me tight and holds my head against him as he kisses my temple again. I can feel his shared grief and anger in the tenseness of his muscles and I return his embrace with renewed strength. Neither of us are alone in this.

"It wasn't your fault. She'll understand, you'll see." I cannot say that I believe him but it does revive a little bit of hope in my heart.

After a while my grief subsides and I begin to relax against him. "You don't have to go you know?" He suggests quietly. "You could just write back to your grandma and say you're too sick."

I shake my head, though since I am so close to him, it is more like I am nuzzling his neck, still he does not appear to mind. "I do not want to go, but I **need** to go."

I look up at him, my eyes pleading with him to understand. "I loved my cousin Wheeler, I cannot forget the boy I grew up with. No matter what he did, I need to mourn him, I ca..."

Wheeler kisses my forehead as I hesitate and then says softly. "Go on Babe."

"I cannot bear hating him!" I confess, crying the words as if they have been wrenched out of me, my tears beginning to flow once more. "I want to forgive him, I need to forgive him! I just do not know how!"

My body is wracked with sobs once more and I hide my face again as I am filled with shame.

I am being selfish, blaming Boris for all of this, hating him for what he did to me, when he was just as much a victim of Skumm as I was. I should have helped him, I should have saved him, not just as his cousin but as a planeteer! It was my responsibility and I failed, how can I face my family?

"Hush." Wheeler tells me, rubbing my back and rocking me gently. "Babe, it's natural, you have nothing to feel bad about."

"Da I do." I gasp out. "Skumm used Boris to get to me, because I am a planeteer and he used him to try to get rid of us. If Boris had not been my cousin he would still be alive, fighting to recover from Bliss, but alive! I know that but I still resent him! Why? Why do I hate my own cousin when he is the one that paid the price for it?"

"BECAUSE HE SOLD YOU OUT!" The Yankee yells at me and I move back away from him, though I know his anger is not really directed at me. "Damn it Linka, what does it take? He betrayed you, that doesn't make Skumm any better but you're entitled to be angry with Boris!"

He had let his hands slide down my arms as I stepped back but he is still holding my hands. "You love him, the way I loved James, so you'll forgive him for screwing up, eventually."

I somehow get the impression that he thinks that is wrong, like he does not approve of my forgiving Boris... that cannot be right though.

"Give yourself time Babe." His tone is tender again and he is gently tugging on my hands, letting me know he wants me back in his arms. I comply with his request and he continues. "Don't go to the funeral. Please? Don't put yourself through that. When you're all better we can go visit his grave and..."

"Nyet." I stop him, my voice sounding firmer than I expected. "I must go, for myself and for my family."

He is gripping me so tightly now it hurts a little and I get the crazy idea that he is considering locking me up to keep me from going. "I know you're probably gonna be mad at me but I have to say it... you're not ready for this."

I want to be mad with him, I want to argue with him... but he is right. "I know." I whisper. "I cannot go alone." I pull back to look into his eyes. "Go with me? Please?"

His eyes bore into me until I think he is examining my soul and when he finally speaks, his voice is fiercely intense. Not scary, just demanding and it makes me feel warm inside. "Of course I'm going with you! You don't even have to ask! There was never a question of whether I would or I wouldn't." He pulls me against him again, bending slightly so that my chin can rest on his shoulder, and then speaks softly into my ear. "The only way you're going is if I go with you! I don't agree with your decision, but there's no way in hell I'm gonna let you go through this alone!"

I love that he is being so… in charge? It is nice to feel protected, and so when he tries to apologise I stop him by pressing my fingers to his lips. "Nyet, I needed to hear that. I needed to hear that you will not make me do this alone…that even if I wanted to, I cannot get rid of you!"

I say that last teasingly, trying to flirt a little and lighten the mood. I am not sure how it comes across though, I must look a mess! Still, he rests his hands on my hips and nods that I should let him speak. Once I remove my fingers from his lips he says, smiling. "Haven't you figured it out yet? You _CAN'T_ get rid of me. You've been trying to for the past year, but I'm still here!"

My heart flutters in my chest and I pull his head down to place a kiss on his forehead, though part of me wishes I had the courage to place it on his lips.

"And for that, I am forever grateful." I tell him and we stand there, looking at each other until I feel the need to break the silence. "I better start packing."

"Yeah, me too." He says and that surprises me, he is not normally so organised.

I step back out of his embrace, allowing my hands to trail down his arms. He doesn't move, but stretches out with me so that our fingers are touching until the last moment.

I turn and walk away but cannot prevent a small smile as I guess his reaction to my parting words. "And I was not trying to get rid of you… I was trying to resist you."

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 9 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	10. Day Eight Midday

**A/N: **Thank's for reading and reviewing.

* * *

**Chapter Ten - Day Eight Midday**

My old home is full of people when we arrive, all preparing things for the wake, but my grandmother still comes immediately to welcome us. She hugs me tightly and when she looks at me again there are tears in her eyes, it is nearly enough to set me off crying but as I step back I feel my Yankee's hand in the small of my back and I regain my composure.

"This is Wheeler, he is a friend." I say, blushing slightly as I suddenly realise the implications of bringing him home with me.

She squeezes the hand she is still holding and tells him he is welcome, but he just looks at me, seemingly lost. Oh! "I am sorry Yankee! Grandmuska, he does not speak Russian."

She chuckles and repeats her welcome, this time in English, directing Wheeler to take his things into Mishka's room. I hope my brother will not mind him using it, he is away at university at the moment and Grandmuska's letter said he would not be able to make it back for the funeral… another reason I am glad to have Wheeler with me, I would feel very alone without him.

"Go and put your things away Linka. Then we will have a nice chat before your uncle gets here." Grandmuska tells me and I agree, though I do not think that any chat we have right now, will be nice.

I say hello to my old friends as I make my way through the sitting room, but there are too many there and I am very grateful when I can close the door on them and sit on my bed in silence. I stay there for a while, not wanting to face the crowd outside with the endless polite questions. I know it is stupid but I felt as if they were willing me to break down and cry, as if they were judging how upset I am… that is unfair to them but it is how I feel.

After a while there is a knock on my door. I sigh and tell them to come in, assuming it is Grandmuska, but quickly relax and smile when I see that it is Wheeler. He closes the door behind him and comes to sit on the bed next to me.

"I was getting worried, you okay?" He asks, brushing a stray hair out of my eyes.

Before I can answer him, my door opens again and my uncle strides in. "So!" he bellows. "Is this what you were doing while my boy was dying, canoodling with your American boyfriend, learning all his city ways and corrupted habits?"

I am shocked and my body is trembling violently in response. I cannot speak…. but Wheeler can.

"WHERE THE HELL DO YOU GET OFF TALKING TO HER LIKE THAT?" He yells and it is all I can do to make an inarticulate noise in protest. I do not want this to happen, I do not want them to argue…

My Uncle looks shocked too, as Wheeler continues. "Do you have any idea what your son did to her? This is HIS fault not hers! He did this to himself and he nearly killed Linka in the process!"

Uncle Dimitri's face has gone ashen. "Are you saying that he committed suicide?" he gasps in horror.

Finally able to speak I stand up and place myself between them. "Nyet, that is not what he means. Boris did not mean to kill himself Uncle, he was out of control…"

"That's not the point…" I hush him and place a hand on his chest, pushing him back gently. I want more distance between them, I do not know what my Uncle is going to say next but I do not want them close enough to hit each other.

I lower my voice, hoping to explain without my Uncle hearing. "Nyet Wheeler, if someone suicides they cannot have a church funeral. My Uncle must not think that."

"I want the truth!" Dimitri says, looking at Wheeler. "Did my son kill himself?"

I am holding Wheelers hand and squeezing it, wondering how mad he is at my Uncle, but I need not have worried. "Not deliberately no." he says carefully. "He didn't have a clue how much Bliss he'd taken, it was an accident."

My Uncle nods as Grandmuska shoos people away from my door and closes it behind her, but as Dimitri starts to speak again, Wheeler interrupts him. "I won't let you blame Linka for this, she feels bad enough already and it wasn't her fault. Boris took the drugs and he snuck them in Linka's food, this is all his fault but now she's the one that has to live with it."

"I left her looking after him!" Uncle Dimitri says, but I can see the fight is going out of him.

Wheeler too sounds less annoyed, though his voice is still determined. "There was nothing she could do, I was there, we tried to save them both but it just wasn't possible."

"But you managed to save your girlfriend." My uncles says, turning and leaving the room without looking at me.

I feel Wheeler tense and for a moment I think he is going to go after my uncle and hit him, so I tighten my grip on his arm and when he looks down at me, his expression softens and he pulls me into his embrace.

"Look after her Wheeler." My grandmother says - surprising me a little - and then leaves in search of her son.

Wheeler and I do not speak, I do not think either of us knows what to say, we just stand there holding each other until my door opens again and my grandmother returns. I keep my head buried in his shoulder, I cannot face her right now.

"I am sorry about all that." She says. "I am afraid Dimitri is not himself. I did not know that Linka had taken that dreadful drug too…" I can hear her voice crack and I know she is crying and it makes my own tears flow faster.

Wheeler is not finished though. "Let me just make one thing clear…Linka DID NOT take Bliss. Boris slipped it into her food. One of our enemies used Boris to get to Linka. He promised him more drugs if he got Linka Blissed out. As long as her mind was polluted, we couldn't call Captain Planet and the Eco-Villains would have been free to destroy the world."

I did not want her to know, but now I am glad he told her. I do not want her to think me irresponsible… to hate me the way Uncle Dimitri does.

"I cannot believe Boris would do that to her. He loves…loved his older cousin so much. He looked up to her. I do not believe he could hurt her." I quake against Wheeler, I will never be able to face her again, she does not believe him! It is my fault and that is all they will see, I wish Mishka was here, surely he would listen?

"The drug made Boris do what he did." Wheeler explains, but even as he says the next words I know he does not believe it, he is just being nice for my grandmother and I am grateful to him for that. "Of course he would have never hurt Linka if it weren't for that. And if Linka hadn't been tricked into taking it, we would have gotten there much sooner to help…then who knows how things would have turned out…maybe we could have gotten to Boris before it was too late."

"Is she…" Grandmuska begins and I am glad Wheeler interrupts her, I do not want to know what she was going to ask.

Wheeler grips me protectively. "She'll be okay, I'll make sure she is… she doesn't need **that** though."

"He will not say anything more." My grandmother assures him. "The ceremony will not begin for a little while, stay here and compose yourselves."

She sounds uncomfortable… my Grandmuska never sounds uncomfortable… she is going to treat me like the others, like I have some terrible disease, I wish I had never come.

Once we are alone again, Wheeler strokes my hair. "I'm sorry Babe, I didn't mean to make things worse… I know you didn't want them to know, I just saw red."

I am not really processing all of this, I think the things that my Uncle said will come back to haunt me later and we have only just got here. "I know." I swallow, trying to control my sobs. "I did not expect my Uncle to… I am glad you are here."

He looks relieved and leads me over to the bed, sitting and pulling me down beside him. I lean into him as he tucks his arm around me but it feels a little weird… after all this is the bed I slept in as a child, aside from Mishka I do not think a boy has ever been inside the room before, and he does not count.

"I have made you soggy again." I apologise, feeling his shirt.

Kissing my forehead, Wheeler replies. "S'okay beautiful, that's what I'm here for."

I wrap my arms around his waist and we stay like that until Grandmuska calls us for the ceremony. Thankfully we do not need to dress up for this first part.

Wheeler stands and takes my hands to pull me upright in front on him, then he cradles my face and kisses my forehead. "You can do this."

It is so easy to believe him when he is like this, though I know it won't last once the ceremony has begun… then he suddenly gives me a hug. It is the kind of hug you give someone when you do not think you will see them again, the kind you want them to remember… but then he whispers in my ear, so close I feel his lips brush against me and it sends a shiver down my spine - a good shiver - and once again I believe him. "We'll get through this together."

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 10 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	11. Day Eight Evening

**Chapter Eleven – Day Eight Evening**

I have told Wheeler that during the Trisagion, the vigil, we pray to Christ to take the soul of the deceased... He said okay but I am not sure what his beliefs actually are... he does celebrate Christmas, whereas Gi and Ma-Ti do not... I should have asked, I should know! But Religion is not important to our lives as planeteers and I guess the subject has never come up.

I suppose it does not matter, he is not really here to participate in the services but to support me through them... I do not want him to feel uncomfortable or out of place though.

The coffin is set up at the end of the room and our friends and family are taking their places in front of it, each lighting a candle from the one my Uncle is holding.

Wheeler and I follow suit, waiting patiently for our turn. I am afraid of what my Uncle will say, or that he will turn away from me entirely. Poor Yankee, I am gripping his hand so tightly that it will probably leave a mark, but he does not complain.

My Uncle murmurs his thanks to us for attending as he has done with all the other guests, but he refuses to meet my eyes. Am I being selfish? He has just lost his only son... We have always been close though and his rejection of me is tearing me apart... We should be helping each other through this. Will he ever forgive me?

Wheeler is watching me intently as we take our places and I offer him a slight smile. I am okay... just. I am drawing my strength from him, the one solid, stable object in the swirling maelstrom of my emotions that I walked into when I entered this house.

Everyone is in place and the Orthodox Priest, in his stately robes, moves to stand by the coffin. Father Koslov has been the priest here since before I was born. How terrible this must be for him, to bury those he has seen enter the world. Boris was so young...

He cleanses the coffin and the body it contains, by wafting the smoke of incense over it as he begins reciting the Trisagion opening prayer, which he repeats three times.

We bow our heads, joining with him and then chant four hymns asking for Boris' soul to be joined with our loved ones already in heaven.

I glance at Wheeler, he has his head bowed respectfully but I know he does not understand the words we are saying and cannot join in. I wonder what he is thinking.

Father Koslov then tells us that Death is something we must all one day face, but that it is only the transition into eternal life. I have grown up believing that, but as I see more and more of the world, the ideals I accepted so blindly as a child are becoming harder to believe in.

I want to believe. I want to be sure that Boris' spirit will be healed and re-united with the family that has gone on before us... my parents, his mother, our grandfather... But the words of faith that kept me strong when I lost Papa, no longer bring comfort. I wonder if it is the effect of the Bliss or something deeper... Wheeler was right, I am not ready for this.

The ceremony ends with a prayer to our Lord to grant peace to our loved one and absolve his sins.

Feelings of resentment bubble up inside of me and I try to push them away. I conjure up a picture in my mind of a younger Boris, as I last saw him before I left to join the planeteers, of the kind, sweet, young gentleman that I grew up with.

It is not easy, recent memories continue to intrude painfully on my awareness and I know that I am communicating that pain through the hand I am still clutching. I am sorry Wheeler, I think silently, I hope that my weakened condition will serve at least one purpose and that I am not hurting you!

When the service is finally over, I feel completely drained and a little faint. Wheeler is looking at me intently and without saying a word, leads me to the kitchen and after a short search, makes me some bread and jam.

For once I am not complaining, even if it makes me sick later I know I need the energy the sugary food will give me. "Spasiba." I say quietly, sitting on one of the kitchen chairs to eat my snack and regain my strength. Wheeler stands behind me and starts to rub my neck, it feels good and I definitely need that too.

"Is she alright?" Our neighbour asks as she comes in to clean up.

I am right here! I am not deaf and I am not an invalid, why does she not ask me? Not that I really want to talk to her, but that is not the point!

"I am fine." I say coldly before Wheeler gets a chance to answer. I know it is not polite and that it will get me in trouble with Grandmuska later but I cannot help it.

Actually it has an even worse effect. My grandmother's neighbour is a strong, opinionated woman of late middle age and there is no way she is going to be spoken to by a 'child' like that. As she starts ringing a peal over my head the room begins to spin. I know Wheeler is saying something too but I cannot take it in.

I finish the last bite of my bread in the hope that it will help clear my head, but it does not and she seems to get even shriller.

I stand up and make my way a little unsteadily towards the door, hoping to find some peace and quiet in my room, only to be confronted with our ever helpful priest.

He seems oblivious to the cacophony behind me as he blocks my path. He is trying to console me, offering to help me in my grief... He **can** help, he can let me go... But he will not stop, and she will not stop... I am so dizzy, I just need for them to shut up, please just, "SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU, JUST SHUT UP!"

My head is throbbing, do they not understand? But it just seems to make them all worse… and now Grandmuska has joined them... _**Yankee?**_

That is my last thought before everything goes black.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 11 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	12. Day Eight Late Evening

**Chapter Twelve – Day Eight Late Evening**

"Ahueyet!" I exclaim as I am surrounded by an overwhelming smell but as I emerge from the darkness, it recedes leaving me confused. "Wha-? Where…?"

"Sssh, just relax and breathe," A familiar voice says and I feel a soothing touch on my cheek.

I blink and look around, recognising my childhood bedroom but I am still feeling disorientated. "Wheeler?" I whisper. "What happened?"

"You fainted Babe." He says quietly and everything starts coming back to me.

"That woman…the priest…everything was crushing me. I could not breathe. I could not find you." I reach out to grip his hand, steadying myself against the dizzying memory.

His voice is gentle and understanding as he tries to reassure me. "I was there. I was trying to get to you, but the crowd…I got to you just before you passed out. I caught you though."

"Of course you did." I smile at the comforting thought that he is always there to catch me, no matter how badly I fall.

"Here," Wheeler holds a cool glass of water up to my lips and I take a drink from it.

I could have held it myself of course but I still feel too weak to argue with him, beside it is nice to be taken care of.

"Spasiba."

"You're welcome… speaking of Russian phrases, what did you say when you woke up?" He asks and I see a glint of amusement in his eyes.

My head is still foggy but as I think back it comes to me and I blush. "Nothing."

"Come on…tell me!" he teases and I am sure he has a good idea of what I said, even if he does not know the exact translation.

Well there is no way I am going to say it in English, I am just grateful my Grandmuska was not in the room! "Nyet, it is bad!"

"I like bad," He whispers and leans his head against mine.

I want to laugh but I keep my face straight as I respond. "I know you do…you are bad at video games, sports, paying attention…"

"Hey!" He protests at my unjust comments (well mostly unjust,) and pokes my side in retaliation.

I let out some much needed laughter and squeal as he continues to tickle me. I love doing this with him, it is perfectly innocent of course, but if someone had told me a year ago that I would ever be this comfortable rolling about on my bed with Wheeler I… well actually I would probably have refused to speak to them again!

Our silliness is short lived though and when we stop and I try to sit up, my head spins. I take a deep breath and let it go slowly, pinching the bridge of my nose as I try to make everything stop moving.

"You okay?" Wheeler asks immediately, his voice full of concern, and tucks his arm about me for support.

"Da, just got dizzy. It is passing." I tell him

He sounds sad as he apologises, I wish he would stop doing that! "For making me laugh? Da, how dare you!" I reply, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"You know what I mean." I think I prefer his lame jokes to this!

I am irritated now. "And I told you…STOP. APOLOGIZING!"

"I know, I know. I can't help it. It's habit." He is still doing it, even when he is not actually saying sorry, he is!

So I change the subject. "I smell…Pelmeni!"

He sounds relieved and he jumps on the new topic enthusiastically. "Yeah, is that what that is? Your Gram brought it for me to eat…I was waiting for you to wake up though."

"Oh nyet, I could not possibly eat that." I tell him quickly, my stomach feels queasy just at the thought of it.

He shakes his head. "No, I was waiting for you to tell me what it is! It didn't feel right asking her!"

"I told you, it is Pelmeni." I know what he meant but I feel like being difficult, it is more normal for us.

"Yeah, okay…but what _**is**_ it?" He rolls his eyes at me and I want to laugh again.

"Try it," I urge.

He is in a stubborn mood though. "Not until I know what's in it!"

"My grandmother is not going to serve you anything that is not edible! And besides, you have never been picky about what you eat before!"

"Sure I have! I always know _WHAT_ I'm eating! It kinda looks like ravioli…minus the sauce."

I think about that and give in. "I guess it sort of is. It is a traditional Russian dish usually made with minced meat filling, wrapped in thin dough, made out of flour and eggs, sometimes with milk or water added. For the filling, Grandmuska usually mixes together pork, lamb, and beef. Various spices, such as pepper, onions, and garlic are mixed into the filling."

"It smells good." He says, still seeming reluctant.

"And it tastes good! I wish I had the stomach for it…but I do not think I can handle it now." I say sincerely.

"Do you want a bite? Just eat half of one? You know…to prove to me that it is actually safe!" He teases.

Okay, I am not that stupid but it will please him and after all he has been doing for me, he deserves to be pleased. "Fork it over, as you would say!"

He cuts one of the parcels in half and feeds me with it, something at the back of my mind says I should be self-conscious but I am not… not until he wipes away some mess from my chin! Bozhe' moy! How embarrassing and I can feel the blush creep up into my cheeks.

"Don't worry, I got it all." He tells me but that is so not the point.

"Sorry," I tell him and I feel like a small child, this is not the way I wanted to find out that he would be a good father.

"Don't be…I was the one that dripped on you!" That is sweet of him to say but I do not know how to respond and the silence continues until he asks. "Are you feeling any better?"

"I am exhausted." I admit.

Obviously intending to leave, he says, "I should let you rest."

Oh no! That was not what I meant, I do not want to be on my own yet, not even here. "Nyet, I am fine. You do not need to leave."

"But you just said…" he begins looking confused

"That does not mean I was trying to send you away," I try to keep my voice even, not wanting him to know how much I need him to stay.

"Okay then…I'll stay." He says it nonchalantly enough but I detect the slight hesitation.

I am being unfair so I give him a chance to leave. "Unless you are tired and want to go…"

"Nope…I don't wanna go anywhere," He sounds like he means it this time and I relax.

"Good, I am comfortable…" But this is still new for us both and I do not want him to feel like he has to do everything I want all the time. "...as long as you are? I am not too heavy am I?"

He flexes his muscles as he makes a typical 'Yankee' joke. "No way! Haven't you seen these pythons I call arms?"

"I _**may**_ have noticed once or twice," I answer, more honestly than I intended. Hopefully it sounded like a joke but the irony was directed at myself, I notice him much more than I am comfortable with. Besides, even if I had not noticed before, I could not have missed the strength in his arms while I was removing the splinters the other day.

He eats his Pelmeni, offering me a bite now and then as we chat. I am curled at his side with is arm cuddling me…mhmmm, I guess in the coils of those 'pythons' as he calls them, is rapidly becoming my favourite place to be. It could almost be a date if it were not for the circumstances, and the fact we are discussing a funeral.

"What are you?" I ask suddenly.

He is obviously confused but still does his best to answer. "Huh? I'm a guy, a Planeteer, an American, a red head…"

"Nyet, I mean…I was thinking earlier…I do not know what religion you are. We have never really discussed it. We have never had a reason too." Am I being too nosy? "You do not need to answer if you do not want to, if it is too personal."

He says it is not and I listen to him describe another little piece of his past. He tells me he was raised a Catholic but that he is not particularly religious himself. It always makes me feel sad when he talks about his parents and I wish I could do something to make it all better - not that my life was perfect, I never knew my mother, my father was distant and I was an orphan by my mid teens - but I still feel incredibly protective of my Yankee, who is only tough on the outside.

"It will be interesting to see what you think of our church, how it compares to what you are used to." I tell him, wanting to keep away from anything too personal.

Somehow I do not think he is really interested in our church but I cannot help noticing how he always takes an interest in me. "Yeah. So, what are you, if you don't mind my asking? Besides, blonde, beautiful, and Soviet?"

"Russian Orthodox." I reply.

"That's what I figured. My neighborhood in Brooklyn, Bensonhurst, is a big time Italian area. The majority of the residents are Italian, speak Italian, and are basically very stereotypical Italian. Organized crime and such."

"Like the Godfather?" He made me watch it, it is a terrible 'guy' film but I inflict what he calls 'chick flicks' on him so it is only fair. I can hear Gi's voice in my head, teasing me about how much we put up with just to spend time together. At the time I told her she was talking nonsense, but she may have had a point, not that I am going to admit it to her.

He laughs, obviously pleased that I remembered his film. "Not quite! The Godfather type would live in Dyker Heights… Bensonhurst is more like the ones who work for the Godfather."

What was the other name… "The Goodfellas?"

He laughs again and I wonder if he is laughing at me but when I look up into his eyes I realise he is just amused at the comparison. "Yeah, I guess so. I've never really thought of it that way, but that's a good way to explain it. Anyway, the churches are pretty elaborate. And the thing about America, in the older parts of it, many of the people who settled there brought parts of their culture with them. The designs of the older churches are very 'European.'"

Oh! "Really?"

"Yeah, so I'm really interested to see what your church looks like…unless you've changed your mind and don't want to go…" It is more of a request than an offer but it is not one I can grant.

Please try to understand Yankee. "Wheeler, I am too exhausted to have this argument with you. I know you mean well, and I know you are probably right, especially after today…but I _HAVE_ to go to Boris' funeral. I have to be there for my family. I need to continue to try to mend the relationship between my uncle and me."

"Hey Babe, I gotta get up. I need to take this dish out to the kitchen to clean it off." He says, suddenly changing the subject and ending our comfort.

He does not understand… but why not? Surely he would not have missed James' funeral… but then maybe he would, he can be very black and white sometimes. "I can get it tomorrow." I offer, referring to the plate. We do not have to end this, we can just talk about something else.

He hesitates but then turns me down. "Thanks, but I don't want your grandma to think I'm a pig."

That is an excuse and it I am hurt by it. I am sure that he would say it is the withdrawal that is making me so emotionally weak, but I am beginning to realise it is not just that, not where he is concerned. The difference the Bliss is making right now is that I am not able to hide my feelings. "Since when have you cared about cleaning up dishes? When we are running low on plates on Hope Island, we know to go check your room because they are probably all piled up and dirty there! If you want to leave… just say so."

"I don't wanna leave…" He says quickly and I think there is something else wrong. "Erm, I, uh,…I'll stay if you want. I just…I gotta pee. Just didn't think…that is…I mean…too much information?"

"Oh…sorry!" My cheeks are burning now… okay maybe it is the withdrawal, and paranoia… though he could have just said he needed the bathroom. Boys!

I sit up so that he can have his arm back and try to make up for it. "I did not mean to hold you up. Go! Sorry,"

"It's ok," He chuckles at my awkwardness and heads for the door but I am once again assailed by worry.

"Wheeler?" I call shyly.

He turns back in polite enquiry. "Yeah?"

"Are you coming back?" I ask, as evenly as I can. "Or are you going to bed?"

"We should both get some sleep," He begins and my heart bangs in my chest. Why am I so afraid of being alone? I calm down though as he continues and nod my agreement. "I'll be back though. I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."

Grandmuska will probably keep him talking for a few minutes, I should have time to change into something I can sleep in. I have brought one of Wheelers hoodies with me to snuggle up in, I hope my grandmother does not work out that I am wearing his clothes though, that could take some explaining!

It does not take me long and then I stretch out on the bed and try to relax, Wheeler will be back soon now…

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 12 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	13. Day Nine Early Morning

**A\N: **As promised. And thanks to those who are reading and reviewing. Don't forget that we love to hear what you think, it keeps us writing.

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen - Day Nine, Early morning**

I can feel the sun on my face but it does not warm me, in fact the only part of my body that does not have the familiar unshakable chill is my left hand, which seems to be encased in something. I open my eyes, more confused than alarmed and smile at the sight before me.

Wheeler is sitting by my bedside, his head is on my bed and he is fast asleep. He is also holding my hand, which is why it is warm. I wish he were up here holding the rest of me… Even knowing that I was just thinking about being warm, the image of him tucked up beside me is not one I will be able to shake for a while. I blush and I am glad that he is still asleep.

It is still early so I let him sleep for a while longer, we have some time before we need to get ready. He is smiling so I guess he is having a pleasant dream. My own slumber was dreamless but considering the nightmares I was having, I will settle for peace.

I had better wake him before my grandmother comes in, she may not appreciate him being here all night, though he did sleep on the floor.

"Wheeler." I call quietly, while stroking his soft ginger hair with my free hand.

He makes a contented sound in his throat as he begins to stir. It must be a **really** good dream, I wish I did not have to wake him yet.

"Oh Yankee," I sigh sadly, and as he opens his eyes. "You have done it again. Fallen asleep in an uncomfortable position for my sake. I did not mean for you to have to stay here all night. Just until I fell asleep, and I ended up falling asleep before you returned anyway,"

"I know…but I was gonna stay with you a little longer. Then I noticed your hands were cold…so I tried to warm them up. I guess I fell asleep." He explains.

"How is your neck?" I ask, allowing my fingers to leave his hair and trail downwards to the base of his neck.

"Uh…it's fine." Is that regret I hear in his voice? Does he want another massage? I am willing…

I leave my hand on his neck as I say. "I am sorry I had to wake you, but it is getting late and we need to get ready for the funeral."

"Yeah. How long have you been up?" He is still coming to, I think.

"Not long." I reply. "I was just giving you as much time as possible to sleep. I know this has been a long, tough trip for you,"

"Tough for me? What about you? I'm fine. Don't worry about me," He pulls away and stands up. I think maybe I hit a nerve.

I get up and stand in front of him, wanting to put my arms around him but not being able to get over my inhibitions. "I do worry about you though…burdening you with my troubles and problems."

"Hey hey hey…I don't wanna hear that. You're not burdening me. You're my friend and your problems are my problems," He puts his hands on my shoulders and I look down, suddenly embarrassed.

He gently tilts my chin up until our eyes meet. "Got it?"

"Da." I tell him and raise my hands to rest them on his sides, showing him I want him there.

"Good," He says and leans down until our foreheads are touching.

The gap between our lips is so small, if I tilted my head slightly we would come together but I cannot. I have never been open with my feelings, never forward… I need him to make the first move. For the first time ever I wish he had Ma-Ti's power, normally that would be far too embarrassing but right now I only have my eyes to communicate what I want, and I do not think it is working.

Instead he gives me a quick kiss on my forehead. It is nice… any contact with him is nice, but I am wondering if it is possible to be too much a 'friend'. I am also wondering if he does not find me attractive anymore, I could not blame him, I am a mess but…

"I better go get ready. Come get me when you're finished." He is already half way to the door.

"Okay," I reply trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice. I guess it works, he normally says when he can tell there is something wrong, or maybe he **can** tell and just does not want to go there.

Is this because of what Kwame said about taking advantage of me, or does he really want to be just friends?

I sigh and walk over to my bag to get my washing things, but as I move, my oversized sweatpants start to fall down and I grab them quickly, trying not to trip over the long legs. I had been dubious when the Yankee gave them to me with the sweatshirts, but it was so cold last night when I got undressed that I was glad I had brought them with me.

It is still too cold to take them off, even though I have my normal pyjamas on underneath, so I hitch them up over my sock covered feet and wrap over the excess at my waist, holding it in place.

As I enter the hallway I hear my grandmothers voice calling me and I turn to face her. "Good morning Grandmuska." I say shyly, not quite meeting her eyes.

"Wheeler is in the bathroom." She tells me.

I nod, still looking at the floor. "I know, but he must be nearly done, I was going to wait outside."

"Linka moya." she says softly, her voice full of warmth, and when I gather up enough courage to look at her, I see she is holding out her arms to me.

"I am so sorry Grandmuska!" I sob, dropping my things on the floor and moving into her embrace.

She hugs me and pats my back, though I am a little too tall now, it is still comforting. "Hush Little Bird, you have nothing to be sorry for."

After a few minutes, holding my arms, she pushes me away far enough to look at me. "No more tears now Linka we..." Her voice trails off and her expression becomes vaguely disgusted.

Her look turns severe and I wonder what the matter is. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

The weight loss! The drugs! But... "I thought Wheeler told you?"

"Not only did he not tell me, he obviously lied to me!" She says becoming annoyed.

But she was there for his outburst at my Uncle ... wasn't she? Did I imagine it all? I am beginning to feel dizzy, I have never liked her being mad at me and I am not sure I can cope with it today. "He would not lie to you." I venture. "Perhaps he played it down a bit to not worry you, though I thought he said..."

"Played it down?" She asked. "He said he was not your boyfriend!"

I am confused. "He is not."

"Then how did you end up in his clothes?" Her expression has darkened even more.

I look down at my oversized nightwear and I cannot help the tiny giggle that escapes me. I am incredibly embarrassed, but I am also very relieved that it is only that she is angry about. "He gave it to me because I was cold."

The disbelief on her face surprises and hurts me, I have never lied to her!

"You were brought up in one of the coldest places on Gods Earth and you need to borrow an Americans clothes to keep warm?" she demands.

Da? "Until... Until now I have always been too hot on Hope Island." I try to explain. "I have no warm things there except my out door clothes which is not comfortable to sleep in." In this I speak from experience.

"You are not on hope island now." she persists, "And you have lost enough weight to get into a child's clothes so do not tell me that you have out grown them. Or you could have asked me, or borrowed something of your brothers!"

Why is she so annoyed? I wish she would keep her voice down, if Wheeler hears her he will come out and there will be another argument... "Grandmuska please I... last night I did not even think about it, I was too tired..."

I see her brow furrow, I cannot tell what she is thinking but something is plainly disturbing her. "Tell me honestly Linka, what is your relationship with that young man?"

Bozhe'moy! Did she have to ask that? I cannot lie to her, but I cannot tell the truth either... I am not even sure I know the answer. "We are friends."

"Just friends?" I nod but I feel guilty and I know she sees it in my eyes so I try to clarify it, probably making it worse. "Good friends."

In her eyes I see suspicion. "The kind of friends, that I hear now, they say is with benefits?"

I am shocked. Truly shocked, that she would think that about me, and even a little shocked that she has heard it at all. "**Nyet!**" I yell at her and to my acute mortification, Wheeler hears.

He comes running out of the bathroom, still wet from the shower in nothing but a towel, and immediately pulls me to him. "What's wrong? What's happened Babe?"

I clutch his arm but address myself to Grandmuska, still talking in my native tongue so that my American friend will not understand. "I would never do that! Why would you think something like that about me?"

Her eyes narrow. "Never? He could not persuade you for… for anything?"

I swallow. She means drugs and I know it. I also know that that was how some of the girls back in Washington were getting their Bliss when they ran out of money. It terrifies me to wonder what would have happened if Skumm had decided to cut me loose… I tell myself 'never', that I would have died first… but in the middle of the night when I am alone, I wonder what I would have done for Bliss.

When I am awake I am sure that I could not have lived with doing something like that, not without the Bliss clouding my mind, nor could I ever have accepted Wheelers help… but sometimes in my nightmares I think I remember things, things that my Blissed-out brain made me forget...

"I would not do that." I say in a small voice, meeting her eyes and hoping she can see the truth. "I did not do it while I was on Bliss and I would not do it now." Then a little stronger I add something that I **am** sure of. "And **he** would never try to persuade me for any reason other than my liking him."

I am perfectly convinced of that last. He, I think, would not lack for partners back in America… **did** not perhaps. When we first moved to Hope Island, Gi and I had a girl's afternoon and for a laugh we 'discussed' the boys… we even made a bet. She would not admit it now but she was certainly impressed by Wheeler physically and sometimes I think that if he had picked her, she would not have turned him down.

Wheeler is looking between Grandmuska and I and wondering what is going on. He is gripping me protectively and I make no move to get away from him, but he has not started shouting so I guess he does not think she would have done something to deliberately upset me.

I see a moment of indecision on my grandmothers face and then it clears of everything but remorse. "I do not think of you like that Linka moya, I am sorry, I do not know why such an idea should enter my head."

She holds her arms out to me again and I look up at Wheeler and smile. "It is okay Yankee, it was just a misunderstanding. I am fine."

He is still in over-protective mode and I cannot blame him, but he obediently releases me so that I can hug Grandmuska. "Go and finish your wash Wheeler." I give him encouraging smile. "It is just girls stuff."

He raises an eyebrow at that but says "I won't be long." and then with one last look, heads back into the bathroom.

I watch his receding figure with interest, before remembering where I am, and my face is burning as I turn back to my grandmother. "We **are** just friends, but I... that is I... well we..."

She shakes her head sadly. "It is not necessary for you to explain Linka, it is just a foolish old woman sorry to see her grand daughter grow up, especially when we are so far apart. But you are not a child anymore."

I know there is more to it than that, perhaps one of our neighbours commented on our relationship yesterday. It would not surprise me, they have always liked to gossip.

"I am still your grand daughter." I tell her. "And if I knew the answer I would tell you... but please do not think bad things about him, he is being so good to me, and he has not, **would not**, ask for anything in return."

"I know. I **can** see, he is a good man and I am indebted to him for keeping you safe. Forgive me Little Bird?" I can tell that she means it so I hug her again, greatly relieved.

* * *

It took me an hour to get myself looking presentable and even then I am worried about what Wheeler will think. I need to get over this, I am going to my cousins funeral not dressing for a date… but his opinion does matter to me.

"Come in," Oh well, too late to turn back now.

I enter his room and he turns and smiles at me. "Hey Babe…you look nice."

I am ridiculously relieved, and he is not lying because I can see it in his eyes. "Thank you. So do you." I am not lying either.

"Thanks. And your timing is perfect. I hope you know how to tie a neck tie cuz my Ma usually did that for me and I haven't had to wear a suit since…" He pauses and his next words wipe the smile from my face. "James' funeral."

"Oh," I feel terrible! How could I forget about his cousin? I cannot believe how selfish I have been to ask him to come with me. "I am sorry."

"It's okay…" He shrugs. "Wanna hear somethin' funny?"

I drag him back through one of the worst experiences of his life and he is trying to make **me** feel better? Bozhe'moy! I raise my eyebrows sceptically, but wanting him to continue.

"I wore the same suit to James' wedding as I did his funeral! _**THAT'S**_ how often I actually wear a suit!"

Oh Yankee, that is not funny, it is tragic! I give him a small smile in acknowledgement of his attempt at humour but I want to cry.

"So…can you help me out with my tie or not?" He persists.

"Da. I can do your tie for you." I nod and move to stand in front of him.

He gives me his cutest lopsided grin. "Thanks."

"It is the least I can do." I tell him, taking the tie.

I have not done this since before Mishka left for University and I did not do it much then, so I am badly out of practice and need to concentrate. Unfortunately that is easier said than done, I am dressing Wheeler! Okay it is only a tie but he is taller than me so I have to stand close to him and reach around him, and it cannot be done without contact.

Helping Mishka did not feel like this, it always put me in mind of looking after a small child, despite his being older than me. This is different though and I find myself imagining that I am sending my husband off to work. I suppose Wheeler would not appreciate that image, I do not think he is the marrying kind, especially as he is just eighteen!

He is staring at me! I am not looking at him but I can feel his gaze. Our faces are so close together and his hands are resting lightly on my hips, either because he is trying to steady me as I reach up, or because he does not know what else to do with them while I am standing right in front of him. I am very, **very** aware of him.

Got it! I smile at my achievement and lean forward again to tidy his collar, making the mistake of looking up at him... We are barely an inch apart!

I quickly look down and smooth his tie by running my hand down his chest, I am not moving away though. "All done."

He checks my handiwork in the mirror and I follow his gaze. He does look very handsome all dressed up and I cannot take my eyes from him.

"Thanks Babe," He says as he tucks his arm around my shoulders, pulling me against his side.

I reciprocate by slipping my arm around his waist and we stay like that looking at our reflection... We make a handsome couple, and even I do not look so bad now that I have made up my face and fixed my hair. Of course my black dress would be too loose if I did not have several layers on underneath, but since it is even colder here than on Hope Island it is not a problem.

If it were any other occasion I would say that I would like a picture of us like that, but the illusion of everything being alright cannot last, and I feel the need to talk before it gets awkward. "Why is it that women know how to tie neckties, but they do not wear them, and yet men do not know how to tie them, although they are the ones that wear them?"

He thinks for a moment and then answers. "Easy," He tells me, taking my hand and placing my palm against his. "Your hands are smaller therefore your fingers are more nimble and can manoeuvre the material of the tie around better."

"Oooooh, is that it?" I say, my amusement showing in my eyes as well as my voice.

"Yep," he says smugly, lacing our fingers together, and then adds. "Well, that and the fact that women are smarter than men."

That makes me laugh aloud, and I play along happily. "So you FINALLY admit it?"

"Only to you Babe," He says squeezing my hand, but he sounds sad and I see the regret in his eyes as he asks. "Ready to go?"

"Ready as I will ever be," I sigh, and he leads me towards the door.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 13 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	14. Day Nine, Day Time

**Chapter Fourteen – Day Nine, Day Time**

We are still holding hands as we walk towards the church listening to the funeral bells. Wheeler tenses when I mention Uncle Dimitri, and though I point out that he was fine with us after the ceremony - even if he was embarrassed by his earlier outburst - he quickly changes the subject.

Grandmuska is walking beside us. She seems quiet and sad, I know it is only natural but it makes me feel worse to see her like that and I wish again that Mishka were here for her, not for me, I have my Yankee.

Unconsciously, I squeeze his hand, only realising what I did when he returns the gesture, and turns his head to give me a smile.

The bells make a beautiful sound but it is a mournful one, intended to express sorrow and grief over the loss of the deceased. All this is supposed to help us, but I can feel a slow depression creeping over me and I think, the beginnings of a headache.

I wonder now if this was a mistake, especially after last night. I was so adamant about coming here, regardless of the personal cost, but it was Wheeler that ended up picking up the pieces. That is not fair to him, especially since he also has to deal with his own memories of James...

I chew on my bottom lip as I try to deal with the guilt I am feeling, completely lost in my own thoughts, and so I am surprised when Wheeler suddenly drops my hand. Instead, he puts his arm around my waist and pulls me against his side. "You don't have to do this."

I swallow. "I do but... **you** do not. It was selfish of me to ask you, I know it is bringing back bad memories."

He looks down at me, not speaking for a moment as he searches my eyes, for what? If I am really okay with him not coming in? I am if that is what he needs to do.

"But you still **want** me with you right?" He asks as if he is just checking, but I see the anxiety in his eyes.

"Always..." I reply instinctively and then try to cover my embarrassment "I mean, why would I not want you with me? We are good friends Da?"

"Da." His eyes clear and he gives me a squeeze. "Don't worry about me Babe, I'm fine and I'm not going anywhere."

I hear Grandmuska chuckle quietly at our conversation and my cheeks flush. I dare not look at her and I walk on in silence until Wheeler asks me a question.

"Hey Babe, does the number of domes and color of the dome mean anything?"

I cannot help being please that he noticed, I have sometimes thought that he does not pay attention to what is going on around him… I am glad I was wrong. "Da. Very observant of you Yankee!"

"I told you, I couldn't wait to see the difference…so what's it mean?" He actually sounds interested, but I will try to keep the explanation short so as not to bore him.

"For example on this church, one dome symbolizes Jesus, as does the gold color. Some churches, you will see three domes which symbolize the Holy Trinity…green domes also signify the Holy Trinity. Blue domes mean the Spirit of God and you will see black domes in monasteries."

"Cool. Thanks."

"You are welcome…"I tell him, pleased by his response. "Just wait until you see the inside!"

"We must buy a candle and place it in the stands in memory of Boris." I whisper as we enter the church. In fact we should buy one each but I will not ask my friend to do that. He surprises me again though, by buying one anyway.

My cousin's body has already been brought here, the coffin having been placed in the middle of the church with its lid removed so that we may look on him as we stand around it during the ceremony.

The mourners that have already arrived are mostly friends and they move aside to let us stand closer, being family. I know paranoia is a symptom of the withdrawal and I try not to let it take hold, but I could swear they are staring at me.

Uncle Dimitri is standing beside the coffin, gazing down at his only child with tears streaming from his eyes.

I want to comfort him but as I move forward, Wheeler places a restraining hand on my arm and shakes his head. I hesitate for a moment, still torn by indecision until my grandmother nods and whispers. "Listen to him, your uncle is not yet ready to forgive."

I swallow and nod my acquiescence but my insides are still in turmoil. I do not want to create a scene but at the same time I want to scream at my uncle, demand that he forgive me, tell him that he is the one who should be apologizing for what his son did to me, and cry with him for what we have both lost.

Instead, I stand there in silence with the comforting warmth of Wheelers hand in the small of my back, waiting for Father Koslov to begin the ceremony.

* * *

The service begins very formally, and follows the pattern of Saturday Matins.

The melodic chants are so beautiful they lift my heart, but the readings speak of Gods love and forgiveness and I ache with shame that my own heart is inadequate to offer the same.

I wonder if they have the same effect on Wheeler and how much he is understanding. The forms have power, especially here and I do not think anyone who hears them can remain unaffected, even if they do not know the words.

Tears fall down my cheeks unchecked, but that is okay, there is no need to hold my grief in check here, and it would be wrong, even destructive to do so.

Father Koslov is censing the body... Boris… inside the casket as we sing. If we moved forward just a little, I would be able to see my cousin but I am afraid. I will have to though, before this is over, I will have to look on him again.

Now comes the blessing with holy water and the prayer of absolution, which will be placed in Boris' hand...

It feels like it is going on forever.

I held Mishka's arm throughout our Papa's service but it did not seem so long and now that the hymns have given way to scripture readings, I can feel my eyes drooping, what is the matter with me? Oh... the withdrawal... I just hope I can keep it together, I cannot fall asleep or faint here! I do not need anything else to go wrong between me and Uncle Dimitri either.

I reach behind me and take Wheeler's hand, pulling it around me so that I can lean back against him. I know it might look a little inappropriate but I do not care, he is keeping me upright.

"Boris was a good and kind young man." Father Koslov says, to my surprise, in English. "He loved God and he loved his family and those of us who are left behind will miss him dearly."

He continues with stories from my cousin's childhood that he has gathered from friends and family. Each one shows the person we have lost, but even though I remember some of those occasions I am having trouble reconciling it with the young man that betrayed me… I do want to forgive him, if only I could forget.

There is no one here who cannot speak Russian but Wheeler… which means my Uncle must have asked Father Koslov to do it for his sake… except that he would not! I can feel myself getting angry. The only reason for my Uncle to ask for this part of the ceremony to be in English is if he was trying to make a point to Wheeler about how nice Boris was… what could Wheeler have said to him? But it is my Uncle I am annoyed with, how could he use Boris funeral service to get back at my friend… and me?

I look up at Uncle Dimitri and I know my feelings are written on my face. So are his, they are of contempt… bozhe 'moy how can he? I suppose I must accept that it is not just my cousin I have lost… I give an involuntary sob at the thought and Wheeler tightens his grip comfortingly.

Koslov leads us in a prayer for Boris resurrection and eternal life and I breathe a sigh of relief that it is almost over. Except that the worst is yet to come.

As the Father calls us to come and say a final good bye, I step out of Wheelers reach and join my Grandmother at the side of the coffin. I know she is hurting too and I want to comfort her, but I do not have the strength.

Wheeler's hand is in the small of my back again, I guess he followed me. I am glad he stayed close.

Boris looks so peaceful laying there, just asleep as we say, and now he is my little cousin again… the one that followed me around and tried so hard to please, and the one who did his best to cheer me up when I was alone and hurting.

I can feel my tears begin to fall anew as I lean down to place a kiss on his cheek, goodbye Boris, be at peace.

As I straighten up again Wheeler's hand moves to my shoulder, his thumb rubbing the base of my neck and sending chills down my spin. It is not enough to relax me but I feel my muscles begin respond... I could really use a massage right now.

I give him a small smile and he runs his hand down my back before taking my hand and lacing our fingers together... I know it was only a friendly gesture but I doubt it looked like that and I can feel my cheeks getting warm.

My grandmother is next to kiss Boris so I step away from the casket without releasing Wheeler's hand.

It never occurred to me that he would pay his last respects to my cousin, so I am surprised when he makes the sign of the cross and says a silent prayer.

I wonder too what my Uncle will make of it and take a surreptitious glance at his face. He is crying but there is a distance in his gaze that suggests his thoughts are far from here. Not that I doubt he is thinking of Boris.

When Wheeler moves away from the coffin I squeeze his hand in a silent thank you. He did not kiss Boris but that does not surprise me, he has very definite ideas about what straight guys do not do... But then maybe he does not realise it is a tradition and not just something **I** did because he was my cousin.

He is looking at me deeply with that expression he uses when he thinks there is something wrong. Then he lets go of my hand and pulls me close, giving me something to lean against. I did not realise how much I needed this closeness.

He tries to wipe away my tears, I am not sure there is a point, there will just be more to replace them, but I appreciate the gesture.

Wheeler then produces a handkerchief and proceeds to clean me up. It makes me want to chuckle, he did not need to do this – I have my own tissues I just was not bothering – but it does help lighten the feeling in my heart. My Yankee was right, I could never have done this alone.

When he is done he gives me the handkerchief and I give him a smile in thanks, leaning back into his side and the arm that is still encircling me.

Now everyone has given their final fairwells, Father Koslov will anoint the body with the sign of the cross, and the casket will be sealed. Once it is done we can head outside to the grave, something I will be very grateful for because the air is thick in here and I feel light headed, and even if I am cold, I need to breathe.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 14 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	15. Day Nine, Day Time  Continued

**Chapter Fifteen – Day Nine, Day Time - Continued**

We pick up more candles on the way out and light them as we stand around the graveside. I am grateful for even that little bit of heat, though of course the purpose of them is to symbolise our prayers rising to join our Lord in Heaven.

The ceremony is mostly a repetition of the Trisagion performed last night, but now a small group of the churches singers will join us as they escort Boris to the grave, in his now sealed coffin. They are singing Zemle rozstupysia, a funeral hymn.

Wheeler still has one arm tucked comfortingly around me and I notice that Grandmuska is leaning on the other.

I smile and wipe away some of my tears with the hanky he gave me, and then lean in to whisper. "They are singing 'Be open, o earth, and receive the body that has been created in the image of God.'"

He does not need to know but I tell him because I have a need to say the words, I could not explain why... perhaps just out of a need to speak... to prove that I am really here instead of having a surreal dream, which is what it is beginning to feel like.

Father Koslov says the final prayers for the resurrection of one who has 'fallen asleep' and then the coffin is lowered into the ground.

* * *

Everyone wants to give Grandmuska and I their sympathies but I wish they would not. I nod and try to smile but I cannot speak, my throat is tight and if I try I will just make a fool of myself.

When we finally get a moment to ourselves Grandmuska tells me that she is going to visit with my grandfather for a few moments, I suppose she finds it comforting. She says it in Russian though, she has forgotten that Wheeler does not understand and now he is looking at me with a question in his eyes.

"My grandfather's grave." I explain.

I do not think he knows what to say. "Oh."

"Is it ok if we stay here a little longer while she visits?" I ask. "She does not get to come here to visit as much as she would like to."

"Of course it's fine." He agrees at once but then hesitates, and I know he wants to ask something else. "Are…your parents here?"

Is that all? "Da, over here."

I lead him to the plot next to my Grandfather. The headstone gives my parents names and the dates they were born and died. So stark. I have often thought it should say something more, but it was too expensive.

"Mamma, Papa, this is Jason," I kneel down and clear away some leaves from the headstone… and Wheeler joins me in my labour, which is very typical of him.

"Nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Orlov." He says.

Is he making fun of me? If he is, I know he does not mean it unkindly but what does he think of me? "I know it is silly to talk to them. I know they are not here."

He puts his arm around me. "Nah, it's not silly at all. And they are here. They are always with you everywhere you go."

"I hope not," I say quickly and then feel compelled to explain. "…they would be so ashamed of me."

"No way," He surprises me by coming to my defence, placing his hand on the headstone as he continues his conversation with my departed parents. "Your little girl has grown into a beautiful, kind, compassionate, intelligent woman. You'd be proud of her and all her accomplishments. She's a hero."

His words make fresh tears spring into my eyes and my throat begins to close up again. After all I have done and said, how can he be so sweet and kind? I do not deserve his friendship.

He kisses my temple and I try to dry my face before standing, pulling him up with me, so that I can lean against him again.

"Thank you," I say, linking our arms and taking his hand.

He grins and makes a joke, also typical of Wheeler. "Did your parents speak English or should you translate?"

"I think they will get it," I can feel my face redden, I cannot repeat what he said, not even in the third person!

He moves behind me and wraps his arms around me protectively… he **is** protective but he need not be, the other mourners are keeping a respectful distance now, knowing that we are visiting with the rest of our family. He nuzzles me and I wonder what it looks like, if my neighbours think we are a couple it probably looks a little disrespectful… if my parents are watching, what do they think? Nyet, I do not care what anyone thinks and my parents must know how special my Yankee is.

I close my eyes and lean back against him, saying silently. _'He is looking after me, Papa. You would like him.'_

I never speak just to my mother. I do not mean anything by it, I just do not know what to say, I did not know her.

When my grandmother comes to join us we walk back towards the church to the path that will take us back to her house. Unfortunately there are still a lot of people standing around talking and I think they are waiting for us.

* * *

I do not remember the journey home.

There were too many people, all wanting to offer their condolences and say how lovely the service was, and all I wanted was to get away from them.

I clung to Wheelers hand with frozen fingers and walked in a daze as he directed me back to my childhood home.

Now, sitting on the bed in my old room with blankets wrapped around me, I am shivering, both from the cold and the grief... and perhaps the withdrawal, I do not know anymore. I just want to go home!

Wheeler enters without knocking, carrying a steaming mug. I like how comfortable we have become with each other, I hope it does not end when I am fully myself again.

"Tea, just how you like it." he says, sitting close beside me as he hands me the hot drink, and then hugging me to him, adding extra warmth.

"Spasiba." I reply, wrapping my hands around the mug and breathing a sigh of relief.

"No problem. And I told Grandma we aren't staying for the dinner." The way he says it is almost a challenge, daring me to change my mind, but I will not, I know I cannot handle the dinner.

Even the cooking smells which I have loved since I was a small child, are turning my stomach. Besides, there are more than enough people to watch me eat at home, I do not need to be on display here too. "Is she annoyed?"

"No Babe. Of course not, she understands." He says quickly and kisses my temple. "She did say something about Father Koslov giving us black bread before we leave though, it seemed pretty important to her so I figure I'll take our stuff out to the 'cruiser and then we won't have to walk through with it when the priest is here?"

I nod in silent agreement as I sip my tea, and snuggle into my Yankee to let him know that I do not want him to go yet.

Wheeler shifts himself slightly, getting comfortable and then starts rubbing my arm absent-mindedly. "So what is this about the black bread?" he asks.

"Kolliva." I tell him. "The bread is blessed and then my uncle will offer it to everyone. The ingredients symbolise death and resurrection as, in the making of the bread, they end one life and become something new and greater."

"Cool." He says in response, making me smile.

Though I am reluctant to leave the protective warmth of my friend's arms, I am feeling better, so when I finish my tea I tell him to get his things together while I pack mine. "Then I can help Grandmuska until Father Koslov comes to bless the bread."

He does as I ask without complaint... at least something good has come of all this, I normally have to nag him for days to get him to do anything domestic.

Is that ungrateful? I do not mean it to be. He is not really lazy, he just will not do something he does not see as important... which I suppose shows how important he thinks taking care of me is.

* * *

It feels good to be going home. The sea is beneath us now and I can feel my eyes starting to close. I am glad Wheeler is here to fly the plane, I am in no condition to do so, and would have been stuck with my family otherwise.

My uncle led us through a small ceremony, handing out the Kolliva, but it was painfully obvious that he did not want us there. He would not even look at me. Grandmuska was getting annoyed with him, it is best that we did not stay.

Wheeler breaks the silence that has arisen by asking. "What did Grandma mean about coming for the dinner 'next time' Babe? Is she expecting someone else to... I mean it's a bit of a funny thing to say given the circumstances, you know?"

I chuckle and shift around in my seat so that I can regard his profile. "She did not mean another funeral Yankee. We usually have three memorial dinners."

Sighing, I continue sadly. "Boris should have been buried on the third day after he died, but with the police enquiry and everything it was not possible, that is why it had to be today."

"Why?" He looks confused, I guess I am not explaining very well.

I lick my dry lips as I collect my thoughts. "We believe the soul leaves the body on the ninth day, we would normally have had the second memorial today so we combined them." My mind travels back to the service and my poor cousin. "It had to be today." I repeat quietly, sighing again.

This morning I was glad that everyone had forgotten that today is my birthday, knowing it would just give Wheeler another reason to be annoyed with my uncle. Now though... I do not know, celebrating would not really be appropriate I guess... but after Uncle Dimitri's complete dismissal of me, it would just be nice to be acknowledged in some way.

Wheelers warm fingers find my numb ones and link with them, drawing me back to the present. "You okay Babe?" he asks. "You were staring off into space."

"Sorry, I am just tired." I cannot tell him so I continue quickly. Fortunately his attention is on piloting the geo-cruiser. "The next dinner is on the fortieth day, when the soul moves on to the next world."

"You wanna go?" He asks, casting a sideways glance in my direction.

I shrug. "I am not sure that it is a good idea, I will see how things go."

He nods... I think with approval, and then gives my hand a squeeze before realising it to begin our descent.

Home. I should feel relieved but I do not, I suddenly feel trapped.

Always before I knew I could go back to my family, but I do not think that is an option anymore... It is as if I was only working away until today, but now I have moved out for good.

Hope Island is all I have.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 15 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	16. Day Nine, Early Evening

**Chapter Sixteen – Day Nine, Early Evening**

There is no sign of the others when we exit the geo-cruiser… I guess they are busy.

Wheeler leaves me at my room so that we can both unpack and change, and when I am done I lay back on my bed and try to relax.

I feel really tense, especially in my neck and shoulders, and my headache is returning.

I sit up again so that I can see through the window. I am not looking for anything in particular... just something to take my mind away from myself. Besides Wheeler has not been gone that long, so looking for him would not be sensible.

My heart gives an involuntary leap as he finally comes into view... I tell myself it is just because I have been feeling lonely but it unsettles me a little. I am not used to relying on someone else's presence for my happiness, or for anything.

"Come in Wheeler." I call out as he knocks, and smile at him as he enters.

"Wow, how'd you know it was me? Did your 'handsome guy radar' start going off?" he jokes.

"Nyet." I tell him "By now, I know your knock… and I looked out the window and saw you coming."

He gives me a forlorn. "Oh."

And I relent. "_AND_ my 'handsome guy radar' started going off."

The Yankee smiles and then surprises me by producing my favourite chocolate treat from behind his back... and it has a candle on it. He remembered?

"Happy Birthday Babe."

He remembered! "I do not believe you remembered!"

"Why wouldn't I? Any excuse to have a party right?" he jokes. I have learnt that that is how he protects himself, though then he surprises me by adding, "and I always remember important things. I didn't want to bring it up at an inappropriate time…but now that we're home…maybe we can pretend that this day has started all over."

I am amazed at how thoughtful he is being, it is exactly what I needed. "I like that idea." I tell him.

My heart is doing strange things now... who would ever have thought that the immature, ignorant young boy I met such a short time ago could turn out to be so thoughtful, or that he could become so important to me?

He uses his ring to light the candle and I stop myself from making a comment. He is being so sweet, doing all of this for me but he uses his ring like it is an everyday tool... the rest of us are far more respectful.

He is carrying his guitar on his back and now uses it to sing happy birthday. If he had done that in public I would have died of embarrassment, but I am so caught up our private party that I just grin at him.

"Now blow out the candle and make a wish." He tells me.

I close my eyes, trying to decide what to wish for, his efforts deserve that I take it seriously after all. My first thought is to wish that I could spend all of my birthdays like this, just Wheeler and I... I picture us sitting here on my bed, him holding his guitar and me looking like a delighted school girl, with a mini birthday cake between us.

It would make a pretty cute photo I think, but that reminds me of another photograph and suddenly I know exactly what I am going to wish for.

Wishes do not have to be practical do they? That is why they are wishes!

_I wish to be part of one of Wheeler's Christmas family photo's. Like the one of James and his family at the back of Wheeler's album... Just like that, only with a happy ever after attached to it._

I seal the wish by blowing out the candle on my cake.

"So, what'd you wish for?" He asks when I open my eyes and my heart thuds in my chest.

In the back of my mind I am already telling myself that it was just the photograph I wished for, to be part of that just once... Whatever the truth I cannot tell him!

I shake my head. "I cannot tell you, otherwise it will not come true."

"Yeah, but if you tell me, I can do my best to MAKE IT come true." He offers and I wonder what he thinks I wished for.

He actually could make it come true for me, but if I tell him it will not be real. I would always wonder whether he did it out of pity, or his guilt over James... assuming he was not just hideously embarrassed and horrified at the thought.

I smile at him but I will not answer, it will not hurt for him to keep guessing.

He takes the candle out of the cupcake and gives it to me. It has cream on it so I run my finger over it and then lick the cream from there. It tastes delicious but I feel my empty stomach start to grumble as it detects the prospect of being fed. At the same time, I can feel the familiar queasy feeling starting at the edge of my awareness at the taste of the rich, sugary food.

"Thank you." I say as I take the cake Wheeler is holding out.

"You're welcome," He tells me, starting on the twin of my cupcake. "You still love these things right?"

I really do want it but I am still hesitating. "Da. I am just not sure if I can keep it down. I am feeling sicker than usual today."

"That's understandable. You don't have to eat it if you don't want to." He is being very understanding, I do not want him to get the wrong idea.

"Oh, I want to!" I assure him, looking at the chocolate delight in my hand. My favourite... he noticed **and** remembered. Even my brother would not have done that... Boris might have once, I think sadly.

This is different though, special. Wheeler is not family, he does not have to do anything for me and he has done more than anyone.

I take a bite of my cake and grin as the delicious flavours mingle on my tongue.

I guess it is okay to trust, and rely on someone after all! I just wish I knew how he really feels about me...

"I got you a present too," He says suddenly and pulls a small box out of his pocket.

Tears prickle my eyes but I manage to stop them brimming up. "You did not have to get me anything." I tell him sincerely. "You have done enough for me these last few days. Your kindness is more than enough."

"Yeah, but you can't unwrap kindness, unless you wanna take off my clothes! Then in that case…" He starts to joke and then changes track. "Uhh, just kidding. I didn't mean to…uh…here,"

I take the box he is giving me, rolling my eyes and sighing. Kwame has a lot to answer for, I wish I could make Wheeler see that it is okay to joke, for one thing it is normal for him and I need normality, for another… I might just want to take him up on it sometime.

Almost absent-mindedly, I open the box but what is inside gets my complete attention.

I take out the delicate bracelet and examine the small charms that are attached to it, a bird and a musical note, perfect! "Oh Wheeler…it is beautiful!"

"Yeah, that's what made it remind me of you," he tells me, and I can feel my heart respond. "I know it's not something that you can wear all the time, especially during a mission, but I still thought it'd be nice to have."

"I have never had one before." I tell him truthfully, though my grandmother has one and I have always admired it. "And since I will not be going on any missions any time soon if our team mates have their way, I can wear it all the time. Will you put it on for me?" I add, holding out my wrist.

"Sure. Are you sure you like it? I know it's not practical, given our line of work, but…" His insecurity is peaking through again, it is endearing but at the same time, I never want him to feel bad because of me, he does not deserve that.

"Da, I love it." I say enthusiastically, marvelling once again at how gentle he can be as he secures the chain around my wrist.

"Good. I already got you started with a few charms of things that I know you like, I figured the more we get to know each other over the years, I can buy you a new one for every birthday or Christmas. It kinda sucks because you'll always know that you're getting a charm, you just won't know what it will be."

I do not mind knowing at all, how could anyone not like something that represents a friendship in such a way? "That is a sweet idea. You thought of that yourself?" I only hope I can think of something as meaningful for his birthday when it comes around.

"Yeah! I'm not a total caveman!" He exclaims in response, curtailing my wandering thought process.

I try to undo the damage before it develops into an argument. "I did not mean it like that! I meant, you took the time to really put some thought into the gift, and that in itself is a great present. Thank you again."

I cannot help gazing at my new bracelet, I really do love it and I hope he can see that. I look back up into his eyes and then lean forward and hug him, no doubts today Yankee I say silently, you have kept me sane through the worst day of my life and then managed to transform it, or part of it, into one of the most special.

"You're welcome… and Happy Birthday Babe." He hugs me back. Neither of us seems to be in a rush to end this.

"It will be one that I always remember, that is for sure. At least now, thanks to you, I have some good memories to add to the date." I tell him.

"Good. Glad I could help," He pulls away and says. "Now, put on your suit and meet me at the beach."

I try not to frown, I do not want to spoil things by disappointing him but… "I do not feel like swimming… especially if the others are going to be there, and I have a slight headache."

"I can take care of that headache," he says confidently, "the others won't be there, and I didn't say anything about swimming."

I am confused. "Then why would I need…"

"It's a surprise." He is trying to be mysterious but although I am still in a good mood, I do not really have the energy.

"Ok…but do I really need a swimming suit? It is too cold to go into the water." In fact it is too cold to walk around without several layers on.

"Not where we are going!" He says looking smug.

Just tell me Yankee!

He must see my response in my face because he says. "Will you just stop asking questions and trust me?"

"Not with a sly smile like that! I know that look Yankee… you are up to no good!" It is the look he gets when he is playing a practical joke on someone. We do not really mind though, his jokes are never malicious and never cause any harm, he does not think that way. If I am honest, the air of mischief is also rather attractive.

"Don't say that until you see what I have planned…'no good' just might be the best thing you've ever experienced."

I lift an eyebrow, my imagination is working overtime, but then, he is still stuck in his boy scout routine.

"Just hurry! The more questions you ask, the longer it's gonna take you to find out!" He winks at me, which goes right along with that quirky smile, and pats my shoulder, which does not.

A pat on the shoulder? My Grandmother might have done that once… I have no idea what to make of him sometimes.

Once he has gone I change my clothes, still trying to fathom his behaviour… was it part of his 'I am just trying to be your friend' thing?, or does he really just want to only be my friend now? I cannot blame him if that is what it is… the Bliss has really messed me up.

I look in the mirror, it is horrible, a skeleton with flesh stares back. Even in a one piece I do not look good, it is loose on me and if I pull it tight, I can see bones.

Carefully putting my new bracelet back in its box, I store it in my bedside cabinet, I do not want to risk losing it if we do go swimming. I pick up a towel and head down to the beach, shivering as the breeze rolls in from the sea.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 16 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	17. Day Nine, Early Evening  Continued

**Chapter Seventeen – Day Nine, Early Evening - Continued**

Wheelers back is to me and he does not turn around when I reach him, so I run my hand down his arm, intending to take his hand. My poor Yankee nearly jumps out of his skin, but tries to make a joke of it.

"Damn, we need to put a bell around your neck!" He holds his heart as if he is having a heart attack.

"Sorry," I reply, half amused, half guilty.

"It's cool. I was just lost in thought and didn't think you'd be ready so soon." He looks at me closely as he speaks and I am suddenly very self conscious. I know how I look, I did not need to see it reflected in his eyes. I do my best to cover myself with my towel but it seems very inadequate. Why did I agree to this? I do not want him to see me this way!

"Maybe this is not a good idea… I am not feeling like being out. It has been a long day." I begin but he seems determined.

"I know… which is why you need to relax, wind down, and take your mind off things… let me do this for you."

"Ok." I agree quietly. He takes my hand and tugs on it, and when I comply, leads me through the jungle.

He is in a good mood. "I was thinking later, we can watch a movie… if you're not too tired. I'll even let you pick!"

"Really?" I am surprised, normally it is an all out battle for the remote control.

"Yep." He nods.

"You are only saying that because you think I will fall asleep and then you will switch it to something you like!" I say teasingly.

He pretends to be shocked in return. "I would never!"

"Riiiiiight." How I have missed our banter!

He gives my hand a squeeze. "Seriously though…ladies choice…if you're feeling up to it."

"Da…but I hope you will not hold it against me if I fall asleep during." I warn him.

"Nah, I won't hold it against you…however, I will hold _you_ against _me_…" he starts being cheeky, only to remember himself again. "Uhhh, to keep you warm, I mean."

I want to keep things light. "Of course…but if I do fall asleep, you cannot change the movie. You have to keep watching it…and if I wake up to find that you switched movies, I get to pick the movie for the next ten movie nights!"

"TEN? How about five?" He says.

So he wants to negotiate? "Seven."

"Fine. Just remember, I'd never pick anything that I didn't think you wouldn't also enjoy." Wheeler sounds worried, I guess he does not fancy watching what he calls a 'soppy chick flick'.

But then again, "You think I enjoy watching scary movies?"

"Well don't you? Isn't it the perfect opportunity for you to hold onto my arm and pretend you're scared, but really, you just wanted an excuse to feel my muscles!" He is joking… I think.

He is also not entirely wrong, I **have** used those films to be close to him. The others laugh at me for being scared of those silly films, but then they do not tease me for cuddling up to Wheeler, and since I am **not** really scared, it does not bother me.

That does not mean I am not going to tease him while I have the chance though. "Wheeler, you are the one that always ends up being scared! You go back to your cabin and sleep with the light on! Which, by the way, is very un-Planeteer-ish,"

"No, no, no." he replies quickly. "That's not what happens…it's just…I'm so tired, I just collapse on the bed and FORGET to turn off the light."

I do not believe that but as I look up at him I see a slight blush to his cheeks. I did not mean to embarrass him, I find it rather sweet, but then he does like to play the big, strong, protector… maybe I will pick something spooky tonight and give him the chance.

Wheeler suddenly comes to a halt. I had not been paying attention to the direction we were travelling in so our destination comes as something of a surprise to me, we have arrived at a place I had completely forgotten about until now.

"The hot springs?" I ask, marvelling at my own stupidity.

He gives me that smug grin again. "Sound nice?"

I nod. "I cannot believe I did not think of this sooner. It sounds wonderful."

Wheeler goes ahead and gets in but I hesitate. The hot spring would feel so good, but my suit is going to cling when I am wet which means it won't leave much to the imagination. Normally I like the way Wheeler looks at me and I do things to encourage him, just a little, but now… do I really want to do this?

"You comin' in or what?" He calls out, and I make up my mind. I let my towel fall to the ground and get into the spring with him as quickly as I can, hoping the water will cover my wraith-like appearance.

Oh that feels good! I can feel the heat slowly seeping into my muscles and bones, and easing away some of the aches. I may just stay here permanently! It is not doing much for my head though.

"How is it? Feel better?" He asks.

My head is beginning to throb, I do not know if it is something to do with my body relaxing, or the steam or maybe even the heat. Overall, it is still an improvement though. "Da. A little."

"Just a little?" He looks disappointed.

"Well, it is warm, but I still have a headache…" I say honestly, and then trying to make a point, "and I am not allowed to have any medicine."

He swims to the edge of the pool and sits on one of the smooth rocks there, indicating that I should join him. "C'mere."

I move to sit between his legs with my back to him, and he lays his hands on my shoulders, adding warmth and the slight tingly feeling I always get when he touches my skin. He is rubbing the base of my neck and shoulder blades, slowly easing out the knots.

I need to hold on to something, I need something to do with my hands, so I rest them on Wheelers legs. This feels good. **Really good. **I cannot stop the quiet moan that escapes my lips, if I were a cat I would be purring!

My neck is beginning to feel much freer and I bow my head to give him better access. He can do this all day if he wants to, after a while though, he moves his fingers to massage my temples and I lean back, resting my head against his shoulder so that he does not have to reach for me.

Our faces are so close together I can feel his breath on my cheek. What would he do if I turned my head and raised my lips to his? Would he respond, or would he remember Kwame's words again and pull away? I cannot risk the latter, it would spoil this.

Why does **he** not do something about this? We are alone, and half naked and I am not about to push him away, he feels too good for that… but then perhaps he does not want to do anything with me now… I must feel bony and I know I do not look great. Maybe he is repulsed by me now and only his sense of friendship is keeping him by my side. If that is true he is a better friend than even I knew but… I do not want it to be true.

He sighs and nuzzles my cheek, letting his hands fall back to his side. He is done but I am not in a hurry to move. That is until he gently pushes me away and continues manipulating my muscles, this time in my lower back. It could be what he intended all along of course, just trying to help me, but I do not think so. He is putting distance between us in more ways than one, the massages and everything else are just his way of being a good friend. Just good friends.

He rubs my temples again, still keeping some distance between us. "Better?"

"Da… that was… nice." I tell him, but I have a new pain in my chest, one that he cannot massage away.

"Good. And it worked?" He persists. "You're not just saying that?"

"Nyet, I am not just saying that. It definitely worked. My headache is gone and I do not feel as tense." It is true, physically I am much better.

I let him explain why the massages help but my mind cannot focus on his words. I am not angry, just sad. "Anytime you get a headache, just let me know. We'll take care of it before it gets too bad, ok?"

"Ok." I do not want to talk.

"I mean it. As soon as you start to feel one coming on, come find me if I'm not already with you. The sooner we can get a hold of it, the better."

I guess he has it all worked out. "Da, ok."

I stand up intending to move away from him, but I need to know if his loss of interest is because of my illness, or if he never really wanted me to respond… after all he has never really done more than flirt, and not just with me.

"Wheeler… why…" I do not seem to be able to say the words.

"'Why' what Babe?"

I turn back and step forward - so that I am between his legs as he sits with them dangling over the rock - and then lean down, resting my hands on the rock either side of his hips, as I bring our faces close together again.

"Why won't you…?" I do not need to say it, instead I halve the distance again, an offer and a challenge.

"Why won't I what?" He asks, but he moves closer too. He did not misunderstand, he just wants me to do it. My heart beats rapidly and my breathing quickens. So it was just Kwame's interference after all, he wants to be sure I want this because then he is not taking advantage of me.

A second later though, he jerks away and I gasp in shock. Was he just playing with me? Why would he do that?

Oh, Ma-Ti must have spoken to him, he is holding his hand up to his head as we did when we first got our rings. It does not make me feel any better though, we are always interrupted, maybe I should take that as a sign?

"Yeah Ma-Ti. Yeah I've seen her. She's with me."

They are keeping tabs on me again. I feel the anger surge through me. Wheeler has not let me out of his sight, is that not enough for them! Why can they not just leave me alone? Leave **us** alone!

"We're at one of the hot springs, just relaxing and unwinding after the funeral."

Do not tell them! I do not want them here!

"It was a lovely service."

They are making small talk? I guess Wheeler is in no hurry to get back to **our** conversation.

"Umm, I don't know. I guess we probably should be heading back."

And he does not want to be alone with me anymore either. This is one birthday I will never want to remember. I know it is not fair of me after all the trouble he went to, but I am rapidly losing things to be happy about. I move as far away from Wheeler as I can manage without getting out of the pool, I am feeling cold again, probably because my shoulders are exposed, so I bend my knees to take them below the surface. It also means that Wheeler can see less of me, which I am sure he would prefer.

"Umm, that was Ma-Ti." He says lamely

I can hear the sarcasm in my voice as I reply, I just hope none of the other things I am feeling are being betrayed so easily. "Da, I figured that out."

"Right. Sorry. Uh, dinner is ready if you…" He sounds uncomfortable and I am not about to try to make him feel better.

"I am not really hungry… but I suppose if I do not go, I will be force fed." Sulky and bitter, great! Just leave Wheeler, then we will both be happier.

"You can go back to your room if you want. I'll tell them you were tired from the trip, which is completely understandable, and I'll bring you dinner. You can eat what you want and you know I won't be scrutinizing it like they will."

Why does he have to be nice about it? I sigh. I do not have a right to be mad at him, he has done everything for me without asking for anything in return. I cannot demand that he has feelings for me too.

"We can stay here if you want…or if you want to be alone, I can leave…"

I cannot stand this anymore, the heat is not worth it. "Nyet, we can go. You are probably hungry."

"I'm fine. We can stay if you'd like."

Not only is he still being nice, I know he is lying. He is not good at lying, especially to me, but not only that, we have been together all day and he has not eaten anything. He usually gets snacks all day, in fact he really has no right to look that good. Stop it Linka. He is a friend, like Kwame and Ma-Ti and you have to get used to thinking of him as that.

"Or maybe we should go…it's been a long day and it's getting late."

"Fine." I agree, at least I can be alone in my cabin.

He climbs out and tries to help me, but touching him right now would be a mistake so I ignore him, I do not need the help anyway. I do not want to feel that connection between us ever again… I also do not want to **not** feel it, and I am afraid I will not, now that I know I was imagining it. I know I am not really making sense, but my thoughts are in as much turmoil as my feelings.

He has hold of my towel and is holding it up for me. I am not going to get that close, so I try to take it but somehow he manages to avoid my grasp and wraps it around me, pulling me into his embrace. The towel is between us but I can feel my body responding to him anyway.

"Don't do this," He says.

I am not going to give anything away. "What am I doing?"

"Pushing me away." He answers.

"I could not push you away if I wanted to. You have me tangled up in this towel." I know that is not what he meant.

And so does he. "You know what I mean."

Suddenly I feel very tired. "What do you want me to say Wheeler?"

"I don't know." Is his only response and it makes me sadder still.

"Neither do I." I pull away from him, knowing he will not restrain me, and walk away back towards our settlement.

He catches me up and stops me. "Ok then…what do _**you**_ want _**me**_ to say?"

"I… I do not want to tell you what to say. I did not think I had to… you always have an answer for everything." My misery is showing in my voice, I know he is not going to let this go.

He shakes his head. "Not this."

"What has changed? Am I not the same person? If I were not dealing with this withdrawal and we were just out here for a swim…" I want to know, if he is insisting that we discuss it I might as well know the whole truth.

"But you ARE dealing with the withdrawal… and be honest… do you think we would even be spending this much time alone together if you didn't need me?" He sounds so positive, so sure that I would not spend time with him if I were not so weak. "No. Things would be like they've always been… and I would give anything for things to be like that again."

Oh. "You would?" My heart sinks into my stomach, he regrets his offer of help then, he is doing all of this under sufferance.

"Yeah, cuz it would mean that this whole thing never happened to you." He explains.

I smile at his effort to make me feel better, and do my best to hide how I am feeling. I do not want things to go back the way they were, but I know now that they must if we are to remain friends. I have taken so much from him and given back only misery.

"We should go so we don't keep the others waiting to eat dinner." Wheeler says, I guess he thinks everything is okay now.

"You will still tell them that I went to my room and then bring it to me?" I ask. Just tonight, I promise silently, I cannot give him up tonight.

"If that's what you wanna do." He assures me.

"Da." Tomorrow I will make a point of including the others, show them that I am getting back to normal. I pull the towel tighter around me, it feels even colder now after the hot springs.

"Ok. Let's go." He puts his hand in the small of my back as we walk back to my cabin, one little patch of heat in a sea of numbness.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 17 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	18. Day Ten, Early Morning

**Chapter Eighteen – Day Ten, Early Morning**

I lie on my bed, staring into the darkness as I wait for dawn.

Dinner seemed to take forever. Wheeler kept up a flow of chatter, like he was trying to distract me from what I was doing, namely eating. I ate more than usual to please him, I just wanted everything to be okay, though inside I was hurting so badly I am amazed I could swallow. At least I managed not to throw it up until after he left.

I asked for a rain check on our video night, pleading fatigue, though of course that was just an excuse. I am sure he was relieved too, he cannot be unaware that the easy atmosphere we had enjoyed on the way to the springs had been destroyed by the time we returned.

I think that the one thing that did help to lighten the mood, was the look he gave me when he realised I had put my charm bracelet back on. Why would I not? It was a token of friendship and his friendship is as important to me as ever… perhaps more so, now that I know it will never be anything more.

He wanted to stay with me until I fell asleep but he needs to be in his own bed and have a good nights sleep, he certainly has not been getting any rest lately. I cannot sleep though, I keep wishing he were here.

He tucked me in and kissed my forehead goodnight, and I made no effort to detain him. What was he thinking I wonder?

Would it really have been so bad if I had let him stay? He still wants, or maybe needs, to help me... Would it really be wrong to let him, if that is as far as it goes? As friends? I would do the same for him after all.

I can feel the darkness closing in and a rising sense of panic in my chest. I know that Hope Island is the safest place in the world, but right now I do not feel safe at all.

I check the clock, there is still hours to go before daybreak and now I can hear noises. Animals I guess, there **are** nocturnal creatures here, they just sound eerie in the silence... I can even hear the waves lapping on the beach, normally I would find that relaxing, but not tonight.

Linka stop this, you will drive yourself crazy... I am already talking to myself.

The trouble is that if I try to block out the sounds, I just start thinking about things again and that makes me feel worse.

I put the light on and pick up a book I have been trying to read. I say trying, I have not been getting anywhere, I cannot concentrate long enough. After reading the same page three times without taking in any information, I give up and put it down again.

Nothing is stirring outside now. I left my light on. I know it is a bad thing for a planeteer to do but I cannot face the darkness yet.

The minutes tick by and I find that I am disappointed... somewhere in the back of my mind I had been hoping that Wheeler would see my light on and come to investigate. That way I would not be asking him for help but he would still be here. Even the others would be welcome right now.

I need to relax and try to sleep, but that is easier said than done. Every time I close my eyes I see the face of my cousin as I last saw him in the church, his eyes closed in final repose. Funerals are supposed to give closure, not new images to haunt your dreams!

I cannot stand this, I need him, I cannot do it alone.

I stand up, pushing aside the bedcovers and take several steps towards the door before I remember the light. I turn back and force myself to turn it off, trying to ignore the irrational fear rising once again, in my chest. I practically run across the way to Wheeler's cabin.

I knock but there is no answer. I cannot stay out here, even if I could get myself to calm down, if one of the others were to come out of their cabins... I open the door slowly, trying not to make a noise as I peep inside.

My eyes are still adjusting when I hear Wheeler's voice and it makes me jump. "What is it? Is something wrong? Are you ok?"

I nod and slip inside, closing the door behind me. "I am sorry for disturbing you."

I can feel my heart rate and breathing slowly returning to normal now that I am not alone. This is children's behaviour, I am glad we came home, I do not need my family to see just how pathetic I have become.

"It's fine Babe, I told you to call me if you needed me." he says kindly, though I know he must be tired. "So what can I do for you? Has your headache come back? Do you need another massage?"

"Nyet." I reply quietly, with just a hint of regret escaping my control. He waits for me to continue and after a moment I do, swallowing before I say. "I do not want to be alone. Can I sleep with you?"

He looks at me blankly and asks, "In bed?"

"That is usually where people sleep," I retort, embarrassed by his hesitation. I do not know whether it is because he does not want me here, or if he is just really tired but I feel like running away and hiding somewhere.

"No I mean…do you just want me close by? You can have the bed of course… I'll grab a sleeping bag…" He starts to move and then stops, obviously having second thoughts.

He is not going to sleep uncomfortably because of me, not again. "Nyet… I do not want you to have to be uncomfortable on the floor. I just did not want to be alone… I can sleep on the floor, just tell me where your sleeping bag is…"

He is still insisting that he take the floor... Can the thought of sharing a bed with me really be worse than sleeping on a drafty wooden floor? I wish I had not done this, every time I try to reach out to him I end up feeling worse. I was not flirting I only wanted his company. "Nyet, I cannot let you do that. I should not have come here. I am sorry for waking you."

As I turn to leave, he calls out to me and I pause, turning back again to regard him cautiously.

He slides over and pulls back the covers. "…if this is alright with you."

"Um, da." I stare a moment too long and feel the blush creep up my neck to my face, he is only wearing his underwear. It is not that he is not decent, he is, the shorts he wears on the beach are not much bigger, it is just… suggestive. At least, it is suggesting things to **my** mind, and they are not conducive to a good nights sleep.

It is not his fault if he happens to look like an incredibly well toned model laying there, welcoming me into his bed. Considering what he eats he has no right to have such well defined muscles at all… let alone all the way down to the top of his boxer shorts, which are laying rather low on his hips and… bozhe moy how did I pick up so much detail in such a short time? At least I will not see Boris when I close my eyes anymore.

"Oh, uh… I… I can put on a pair of pants or something." He says as he realises why I am staring.

And again, he is the one who has to make allowances, but it is not necessary this time. "Nyet… it is fine. If this is how you sleep and are comfortable, I do not want to make you hot or uncomfortable."

Before I can change my mind, I go ahead and slip into the bed beside him. We look at each other for a moment, and then laugh awkwardly, this is ridiculous, it is not as if we are going to do anything.

I lay on my back and fold my hands comfortably over my stomach. There is more light in here, Wheeler's room is angled so that the moon comes through his window, maybe he would consider swapping with me… but no, right now he would swap even if it was the last thing he wanted to do… besides, I like the company.

Wheeler fidgets. I do not know if he usually changes position so much, or if he is uncomfortable because of me… maybe I am taking up too much room? He can spread out if he wants to, I do not mind, he has been cuddling me for days, why would I mind contact with him now? I mean okay he is wearing next to nothing, but I think I am wearing enough for both of us. Hopefully I do not feel too bony through his sweatshirt…

He turns back to face me and I resume my contemplation of the ceiling as if he could read my thoughts if I look at him. I can see him out of the corner of my eye, watching me. After a while he angles his head to look up at the ceiling, as if to check what I am looking at and I cannot help but smile at him… I would rather look at him anyway, all I needed was an excuse.

"You know, after discovering my carpentry skills, I was thinking about putting a skylight up there. What'dya think?" He asks.

"Uh, da… that would be nice… pretty view." I mean it, and if he manages it he can make me one too, stars would definitely be less lonely.

He surprises me then by brushing my hair from my eyes and saying. "Not as pretty as this view," then he recollects himself and apologises… again. I wish he would stop doing that. Each time, just for a second, he makes me think that he means it and it confuses me all the more.

"And I was just kidding about the skylight… I'm not nearly good enough to do that! Every time it rained, I'd get leaked on for sure!" He jokes.

He should not put himself down like that, though maybe he just wants encouragement, if so I will give it to him. "You could do it… if you tried. I know you can do it."

"Thanks." He seems pleased.

I feel the need to set something straight. "And you did not need to apologize… but you also did not need to lie either."

"Lie? About what?" He looks genuinely confused, but I know he was not serious, not at the moment. He was probably just saying it out of habit.

"About the 'pretty view.'" I clarify sadly, contemplating his skylight again.

"I wasn't lying. I shouldn't have said it because it was inappropriate, but that doesn't mean it's not true." He sounds like he means it, but I still am not going to risk looking at him.

"You do not need to say that. I have seen what Bliss has done to me, to my body. I know what the lack of sleep and pain has done… left me with dark circles under my eyes and a sunken in ashen look." It is the first time either of us have mentioned my looks, and though I have spoken the complete truth and cannot blame him for agreeing with me, I will admit to being nervous about his response.

"Did you ever think that maybe I can see past that?" He says quietly.

"You can?" I ask shyly, turning my head to look into his eyes.

He smiles slightly but he seems to be telling the truth. "Yeah. I know what's on the inside. And I admit, when we first met, I liked what I saw… I never tried to hide that fact."

That draws an involuntary smile from me as I agree with him. "Nyet, you did not."

I know I am beautiful, well I was, and I was used to flattery so I was not impressed by my Yankee's attempts to get my attention. Still there was always something about him…

"But the more I got to know you, I knew there was more to you than just a pretty face." He continues, and of course the same goes for me, I had to learn that he was not just a pretty face too, only I was more resistant to it.

I thought I had all the answers, and where he wanted to get to know me, I was only going to put up with him for the sake of the planet. I was so wrong, and I think maybe I will pay for it for the rest of my life. I do not mean I can never be happy without him, that would be stupid and unrealistic. I just know that there will always be a regret for me, a 'what if'. He does not need to know that though.

"Like your cousin did with his wife?" I ask, unable to not make the comparison in spite of myself.

"Yeah, like that." He agrees without hesitation and I smile warmly at him. He has no idea of the effect his words have on me, they can take me from misery to, well, bliss, in a second and back again in the next. It is probably an effect of the withdrawal.

We lay there in a companionable silence for a while and then he says. "You know, you're one of the best friends I've ever had…"

"And you are mine." I reply without hesitation, or doubt. Whatever comes of this, no one will ever be closer to me, nor could they deserve my friendship more… though I guess he deserves better.

"So then… this shouldn't be so weird right?" he asks.

It should not be but… "Da."

He has a point to make, I know he does, "I mean, we fell asleep on the beach with no problem."

"Da." I say again.

"So maybe we should…uh, try that?" he suggests.

"Going to the beach?" I hope he does not mean that, it is warmer tonight but not much and it would take too long to gather the driftwood to make a fire.

"No. Um, unless you want to. But I meant more like…this…" He moves closer and slips his arms around me, turning me onto my side and pulling me back against him so that we are spooning.

"Is this alright?" He asks.

"Mmm hmm." I cannot trust my voice right now.

"You're comfortable? I mean, sleeping on your side? That's good for you?" Why is he so unsure?

"Da, this is… good," It is sooo good! I put my hand on top of his, holding it in place.

He sounds happy as he says. "K… Good night Babe."

"Good night Yankee… thank you for letting me stay with you." I can finally feel myself relaxing.

"You're welcome. Thank you for trusting me enough to come to me." He counters.

How could I not trust him? "There is no one else that I trust more."

His only response is to pull me closer, and I cannot help snuggling back into the extra warmth. He must have realised I am still cold because he puts his leg over mine and rubs his foot up and down, at least I think that is why he is doing it… it is certainly warming me up.

My feet are not feeling the benefit of the contact though, so I shift slightly to put them on his other leg and feel him jump at the sudden cold. I cannot help it, it makes me giggle but he does not seem to mind, he just gives me another squeeze and moves both his feet cover my smaller ones.

This is wonderful, I never want to move again. All my fears are gone and even the cold is seeping away. I guess there are real advantages to being 'just friends', even if the thought still makes me a bit sad.

"Linka?" He whispers after a while.

"Da?" I sound as sleepy as I feel.

"Happy Birthday Babe." I smile, there were definitely some highlights.

"Da…it was," I tell him, and slide my fingers through his, to link our hands together, while my free hand rubs the arm that is holding me in place. "Goodnight Yankee."

"G'night Princess," He replies and give me another squeeze.

I can hear his breathing and I think I feel his heartbeat against my back, both are very soothing and I can feel myself drifting away into sleep...

…_Laughing, we take our places in front of the camera. As usual Jason wants us to kiss but I refuse, this picture is for his family. _

_We are both dressed up, something being planeteers does not give us much time for, and at my Yankee's request I have left my hair down, to fall around my shoulders. _

_He stands behind me slipping his arms around my waist and I rest my hands on top of his, holding him in place. _

_As we wait for the camera to be set up, Jason nuzzles his nose into my hair and pulls me closer. He is always very affectionate, it is one of the things that drew me to him... somehow he makes it okay for me to be affectionate too._

_Some of his family come and join us for the next picture. Jason is getting bored by this time, he is like a big child sometimes, but I lo... like that about him too._

_He snuggles closer and presses his lips to the back of my neck, once, twice and three times._

_As the last picture is taken he drops his mouth once more, this time to the spot where my neck curves to meet my shoulder, and I can feel him smile against my skin. My own lips curl up to smile in response and as much as I have enjoyed his family's company, I cannot help anticipating the moment when we return to our room and close the door, shutting them out._

"I love you." He whispers.

_Somewhere at the back of my mind I am surprised by his words but I cannot seem to remember why. In any case they fill me with wonder and a fizzy feeling I have never felt before._

_"I love you too Jason Wheeler." I tell him with absolute certainty, then swivelling around in his arms to gaze up into his lovely eyes. _

_I never want him to let go, this feels so right..._

_

* * *

_

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 18 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	19. Day Ten, Early Morning Continued

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone reading and especially those reviewing, we really do like to hear what you think.

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen – Day Ten Early Morning, Continued**

My head is throbbing when I wake. I look at the clock, it is still early. Wheeler is wrapped comfortably around me and for a few minutes I try to go back to sleep, not wanting to leave the safe confines of his arms. It is no good though, I cannot relax with my head hurting so badly.

I know Wheeler wanted me to wake him if I needed anything, but as I turn to face him, shifting around as gently as I can in his embrace, I see how peaceful he looks. He is smiling. I reach up to gently brush some hair from his eyes. I cannot wake him, how many disturbed nights has he had because of me already?

All I need is a painkiller for my headache, then I can snuggle back in his arms and go back to the pleasant dream I was having. I feel my cheeks redden at the thought, but it **was** pleasant.

Getting out of bed is easier said than done. Wheeler does not want to let go and if my brain was not trying to get through my skull I would not have minded.

I head straight to the bathroom, but there is nothing in the medicine cabinet. Oh right, they need to protect the druggie! Now where would he have hidden them? Nowhere so obvious as the bathroom.

I go back into the bedroom and very quietly open his bedside cabinet… nothing. On to the desk and clothes drawers. I am trying to be tidy but my need is urgent, my head is splitting in two. I will tidy it later, when the pain subsides.

Okay so maybe he **would** be obvious, this is Wheeler after all and I am not in the habit of going in his room so he probably did not think to empty his bathroom cabinets. There are bottles in here but they are shaving gel and deodorant and hair gel… He never pays that much attention to his appearance! Oh well, there are some more bottles that look like they might contain pills, but I cannot read the labels so I start turning them around.

"They're empty," Wheelers voice startles me and I jump, turning around quickly.

That did not help my head at all, in fact it made my brain bang inside my skull. "Bozhe moy Wheeler! Do you not know how to knock?" I ask irritably.

"Didn't think I had to knock in my own room." What is he sounding so sullen for, it is the bathroom!

There are some things I am just not willing to share! "I could have been using the toilet!"

"Yeah, I thought that's what you were doing in here when I first woke up and heard you in here…but then I waited and you never came out. Then I noticed that all my drawers have been gone through. You're not gonna find what you're looking for." His voice has a strange tone, one I am not used to hearing and I do not know what to make of it. Somewhere in the back of my mind though, alarm bells are ringing.

Of course I am not thinking completely clearly. "How do you know what I am looking for?"

"Damn it Linka! Don't treat me like I'm an idiot! I come in here and find you scopin' out the pill bottles…what the hell else am I supposed to assume you're looking for? Is that why you wanted to sleep here?" He is snapping at me, and it is going right through my head.

"Nyet, I needed…" I begin but he is not listening.

"You needed a fix. You came in here pretending to need me, but all you were doing was waiting for me to fall asleep so that you could look for drugs."

Oh Yankee nyet, you cannot think that of me… "Nyet, I have a headache…all I needed was an aspirin. That is all! I am not looking for anything stronger. Just something to ease this headache."

"I told you before…if you ever got a bad headache, I'd give you another massage." He glares.

"You were sleeping…I did not want to wake you…" Oh my head! If I could just think clearer…

"I don't care! You should've woken me up! I told you I'd be here for you no matter what. Even if I was sleeping! So you can't use that as an excuse. You used me!"

I what? All I did was sleep in here, it is not like we… I did not offer to… "Nyet Wheeler! Please! I would never…!"

"You know what? Whatever. And for future reference, if you try to pull this with any of the others, you won't find anything in their rooms either. We got rid of ALL the medicine on the island."

I feel sick and his yelling is making me feel dizzy too. I do not know if it is because of the noise or because it is **him** shouting at me. "Please Wheeler, do not do this! I am sorry you think I used you, but it is not like that at all! I just…it hurts so much…I did not think that a massage would make it go away."

"It worked before didn't it?" He is not giving an inch.

"Da…but it came back." I wish my head would stop pounding, I need him to stop. I am sure if he would just give me time to think I could explain…

"They're gonna keep coming back Linka! It's the withdrawal!" He yells then sighs and, thankfully, lowers his voice. "Come back to bed. I'll do what I can to get rid of that headache."

I want to. Oh, how I want to, but it is not just my head that is hurting now and I do not think any amount of massage will help… not anymore. He thinks the same as the others now, I can see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice.

I push past him to the door of his cabin. "Where are you going?" he asks.

"Back to my room. I do not want you to think that you have to stay up the rest of the night and guard me from going through your things. I will sleep there, if I can get over the pain that I am feeling right now." I am not talking about my headache, which does not seem so bad by comparison.

I can feel the darkness closing in but I will not allow myself to give in to it. I will not let him see any weakness.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 19 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	20. Day Ten, Morning

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews guys. As someone pointed out I had Anonymous reviews disabled, I have now enabled them so feel free to tell me what you think, good or bad.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty – Day Ten, Morning**

I wake on the floor of my cabin, the sun sneaking through the gaps in the shutter. I groan softly as I sit up and try to remember what happened, wrapping my arms about myself in an attempt to stop the shivering.

Oh… I managed to get back to my cabin and lock the door before I passed out, but I guess I did not quite make it to the bed.

Everything aches, my muscles, my joints. It could be from sleeping on the floor but I do not think so… I think the withdrawal is really kicking in, just when I have lost all support. Or maybe because I have lost all support? Could my own determination to be okay have been keeping it at bay? Because that has gone now too.

I force myself to my feet and head for the bathroom, maybe a hot shower will ease my aches and pains. My head is still throbbing as well so I put my hand up to my temple to hold it and **ouch!** I look in the mirror, there are the beginnings of a bruise there, I must have hit it when I fell. Maybe I should be worried but I just cannot bring myself to care, my body is falling apart and I think I might just let it.

Stripping off, I quickly get into the shower so that I will not see the reflection of my emaciated torso. The water is almost hot enough to scald but it only warms the outside of me and once it has been turned off I am shivering again.

I dress myself in my planeteer outfit, I will not wear anything of Wheelers, no matter how cold I get.

Sitting on the edge of my bed and staring at the floor, I try to decide what I should do. What I want to do is go to bed and sleep… and not wake up again. And to be honest, if I thought I would find that peaceful oblivion, that is exactly what I would do. However, I am fairly sure that the others will not leave me alone that long, if only to salve their own consciences.

The other thing is Wheeler. Just thinking about those things he said last night makes my energy drain away, but should I just give in? Let him think that I am so worthless that I would do anything for pills… because that is what he was saying, that I would have done whatever was necessary to get him to let me stay in his room. I guess it is lucky things did not get out of control. Not even my pride is strong enough to make me live on with him thinking that… not after we had… this is not getting me anywhere.

I need to think about it logically, which is hard to do with a throbbing head, nausea and aching limbs. I cannot accept Wheeler's help anymore, he thinks I am an addict that would deceive my friends and do anything for a fix. But I cannot do this on my own anymore either, he has convinced me of that… I am not even sure I want to get better! Can I stay here after what has happened? Can I go back to being a planeteer knowing what the others think of me? I do not feel like a part of them anymore and I do not believe I ever can again… but I cannot go back to the USSR either.

I have an idea. It might seem a bit petty but I do not have a choice anymore. He thinks I am acting like a drug addict, using my friends to get what I want, so maybe that is the answer. If drugs got me into this, maybe drugs can get me out. I do not need anything to give me a high, just something to stabilise my feelings until the physical effects of the Bliss wears off…

* * *

I am thinking clearly now that I have something to focus on. Everything else, the pain, the cold, has all faded into the background. I know that if this does not work it will all come back with a vengeance, so I will just have to make it work.

Thankfully it is still early. Kwame will be tending his garden but the others will not be up yet so I have time to put my plan into action.

Stage One. Do the washing.

I know that sounds pointless, but it is not. I need to let Wheeler know that his help is no longer required and since I do not want to speak to him, I figure the best way to do it is to return his things.

There is no sign of Wheeler but when I take his things out to hang them on the washing line, I am greeted by Gi looking disapproving. "Hi Linka! Wheeler hasn't got you doing his washing has he?"

She is playing right into my hands!

Stage Two - Make them pick sides.

"Hi Gi." I say cheerfully. "Nyet, I borrowed these from him, I just thought I should wash them before I return them."

"Oh okay." She replies. "Does that mean you're not cold anymore."

I hesitate, just a second too long, knowing she will pick up on it. "I just thought that it would be better if I got some warmer clothes of my own. I was going to ask you if you felt like a shopping trip?"

Her eyes light up. Gi loves shopping and it would be unreasonable of her to refuse me when all I want is some jumpers. I know I should feel guilty but the freedom is exhilarating... They all think I am lying anyway, so why not do something to deserve it.

"I'd love to, if you are sure you're up to it." She waits long enough for me to nod and then leads us back towards the kitchen. "I just need to grab some breakfast, have you eaten yet?"

"Da." I lie, "Just some toast, but we can always grab something on the mainland."

"Are you going somewhere?" Ma-Ti asks as he enters behind us.

His sudden appearance shakes my resolve momentarily, but Gi is caught up in our plans and quickly explains them to him.

He does not see anything wrong... that is why Wheeler was really the only one who had a chance to control me, he looks for lying and cheating, it is a part of his upbringing, whereas the others are all too naive.

That does make me feel guilty, and incredibly sad, that I am proving Wheeler right about people. He told me once that everyone ultimately looks out for themselves, I was appalled and determined to show him that I am different... I guess **he** convinced **me** instead.

Gi is finishing her breakfast. I have done my best to appear cheerful, I need them both to believe I am getting better.

"Oh, Ma-Ti," I say as Gi and I prepare to leave. "Could you do a favour for me please?"

"Of course Linka." He looks pleased.

"I borrowed some of Wheelers things while I was not well. They are on the washing line, would you mind collecting them when they are dry and returning them to him?" I try to sound casual, but deliberately do not make eye contact, knowing that Gi is watching me intently.

Ma-Ti nods. "Sure, no problem. Have fun shopping."

Once we are in the geo-cruiser and in the air, Gi says suddenly. "Okay, spill."

"Sorry?" I ask, my thoughts having been elsewhere.

Gi gives me a knowing look. "There's something you aren't telling me, and it's to do with Wheeler right?"

This is it, the point of no return. I can tell her the truth and probably still win her over, but that is not what I planned. I need to keep Wheeler away from me. "Oh... Nyet I... Um... Everything is fine."

"Linka! Come on you can trust me!" She emphasises... where have I heard that before?

Here goes, "It is stupid... It was my fault."

"Go on." she says encouragingly, trying to sound sympathetic at the same time.

I make myself sound nervous, hesitating in all the right places. "We had an argument last night... I... I was cold and feeling lonely. All I wanted was some company but... he kind of got the wrong idea..."

"He what? Linka you aren't saying he tried to..." It worked, she is shocked.

I am still making excuses for him, I need it to sound realistic, I am the victim here. "It must have been the way I said it or something... only,"

"Only what?" Poor Gi.

"He accused me of using him... Like I had been leading him on all this time." I look intently into Gi's eyes, knowing that I can tell the absolute truth. "I would never use him Gi, I thought he was trying to help me out of friendship, and whatever he thinks I would never have betrayed that friendship." I look away. "I guess he thought it would turn into something else afterwards."

Gi looks furious. "Don't you dare blame yourself for this Linka! Kwame was worried about that all along, we should have listened to him!"

He was? Bozhe' moy what have I done? I thought they would think he just got carried away! I actually have to stop myself from protesting, Wheeler would not press his advances on me! But I have gone too far to back down now... He hates me anyway for what he **thinks** I did, what is one more reason? At least this one I deserve!

Gi sees my ashen face and misinterprets it. "Don't worry Linka, we will keep him away from you."

I nod, but so far from finding her words comforting, I am sinking further into despair and it only gets worse as I unconsciously slip my hand into the sleeve of the jacket I put on. I did it because my fingers are numb and I am trying to warm them, but I automatically began to play with the delicate chain on my wrist and the small charms it holds...

* * *

I do not know how I made it through this morning, I never realised how much stamina it takes to go clothes shopping!

Finally, Gi notices that I am about to fall down, (quite literally as it happens, but she does not need to know that,) and suggests we get lunch.

I feel queasy but I actually need to eat and replenish my spent energy. The hot chocolate I choose helps more than the food, which is fortunate because Gi is watching me closely. At least Wheeler did not treat me like a child who needs to finish their vegetables!

"Are you okay Linka?" Gi asks with concern.

Stage 3: Find a chemist

"Da, I just have a headache." I say, pulling a face. "Wheeler would not let me take anything for it, like I could get high on Aspirin even if I wanted to!"

Gi rolls her eyes. "Talk about over protective."

"I do not suppose there is any chance you could get me a painkiller?" I ask pleadingly. "Just one, I will not even touch the packet."

She hesitates but I know Gi, she wants to think she knows better than Wheeler… I should feel guilty because I get the impression she is a little jealous, in the sense that she really did want to help me, but I have chosen my course, there is no turning back.

We find a pharmacist quite easily. What I want is behind the prescription only desk though and Gi, though not really keeping an eye on me, is not about to leave me alone. I am close enough to hear the chemist explain one of the anti-depressant drugs to a customer. I can see which box it is from here, though I am pretending to listen to Gi, what I cannot see at the moment, is a way to get it.

While we are queuing up, Ma-Ti calls Gi and her attention is absorbed fully. She is annoyed, they are talking about Wheeler… good Gi has strong opinions, she won't be watching me. I wander away, pretending to look at some hair clips, all the while getting nearer to the prescription desk. I am not really thinking about what I am doing, there are too many things going on that I need to pay attention to, too many people that could be watching…

Now! The chemist has gone into the back and Gi has turned away, probably to say something that she thinks might upset me. I take the chance and reach over the counter, grabbing a box and stuffing it quickly into my jacket pocket. Then I grab a set of hair clips and head back to Gi.

Not a moment too soon, she was beginning to look anxious. "Sorry, I could not resist these, they are so cute!"

Totally vacuous but she falls for it, agreeing with me like I knew she would. We are almost at the pay desk, it is going to work! For a second I think I hear Ma-Ti, but I must have imagined it, after all there is no reason I would not hear him, other than I really do not want to.

By the time we get outside, I am feeling light headed with the exhilaration of what I have done. I know I will feel bad later, I feel bad if I forget to take a library book back on time… but right now I do not care and the anti-depressants will take care of later.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 20 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	21. Day Ten, Early Evening

**A/N:** As always, thanks for reading and reviewing.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty One – Day Ten, Early Evening**

As soon as we get back I head to my room. I tell Gi I want to try on my jumpers again and put them away, she wants to dispose of her own shopping so she is not giving me any trouble. Besides, I have proved to her that I am on the mend have I not?

I sit on my bed and pull out my stolen goods… bozhe' moy, did I really…? I cannot think about that. I just hope these things work!

As I open the packet, my door slams open… Wheeler!

I can feel the blood drain from my face as the nausea and dizziness rush back.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" He bellows at me.

Before I can answer, he has yanked me up off the bed, his hands clasping my wrists in a vice like grip and I gasp in surprise. He has never been violent with me before and I automatically try to get away, but he is stronger than I am.

He presses his forehead against mind and tries to lock our eyes together. "ANSWER ME DAMN IT!"

I cannot answer him, there is nothing I can say, so I continue trying to get away. It just makes him tighten his grip on my wrists and then he moves us to the side, slamming me against the wall, leaning his weight against me to trap me there. There was a time when I daydreamed about him doing this, but the circumstances were very different.

"LET GO OF ME WHEELER!" I yell, trying to push him away. I had not thought it possible but he is scaring me.

"NOT UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU WERE DOING?"

Does he really need me to say it? Well I will not! "WHAT DID IT LOOK LIKE? I AM NOT GOING TO BOTHER DENYING IT!"

"WHY NOT? YOU'VE GOTTEN PRETTY GOOD AT LYING…YOU HAD GI PRETTY CONVINCED!"** Had** her convinced? Has he spoken to her?

"I HAD TO DO IT!" I yell back, beginning to feel a panicky desperation.

"NO YOU DIDN'T!" He presses more tightly against me, yanking on my wrists to emphasise his point.

Stupidly, I find myself worrying about my bracelet. I am still wearing it and I can feel the charms pressing into my skin under Wheeler's hands. I do not think he can feel it under my jacket but if it gets caught the chain could brake… I suppose I should not care, I have destroyed what it stood for.

"WHEELER, YOU ARE HURTING ME!" I screech at him, half hoping one of the others will hear and come in, but as I look up into his face I see tears spilling from his eyes and my heart is wrenched. I really do not want anyone to see this.

He lessens his grip but shouts back. "YOU HURT ME!"

Then he throws my hands away and pushes himself away too. It seems as if the fight has gone out of him, he certainly does not want to look at me anymore. "Go ahead. Take them. Take them all."

Nyet! Fear grips me, would he really not try to stop me? If he hates me I will defy him, but if he gives up… "You do not even know what they are! It is not what you think!"

"Does it matter what they are? They sure as hell ain't aspirin! And where did you get them?"

He thinks he is responsible for me, he is asking because he feels he has to. "Stop treating me like a child! I do not need to explain myself to you!"

"Where. Did. You. Get. Them?" He asks, looking more dangerous than I ever thought possible. I have not seen this side of him before, but I guess I should have known it existed. No one that nice could have survived on the streets of Brooklyn.

"When we were out…" I begin, intending to tell him the truth.

He spins round and grabs my wrist again, using it to shake the pills in my face. "Don't freakin' lie to me! These are prescription! Gi would have never taken you to the doctor to get you drugs! And this bottle doesn't have a label with the doctor or pharmacy name on it. So if you didn't get them from a doctor or pharmacist, you must've gotten them off the streets!"

"Nyet, I did not!" My temper is flaring again, what is the point of demanding answers if he will not listen to them?

"Well you sure as hell didn't get them legally!" He snatches the bottle from my hand and throws them across the room.

"CHYORT VOZ MI WHEELER! THEY ARE ONLY ANTI-DEPRESSANTS!" I yell at him, does he not want me to have any help?

"_ONLY_? _**ONLY**_? THEY'RE NOT AN OVER THE COUNTER MEDICATION LINKA! YOU NEED A DOCTOR TO WRITE A PRESCRIPTION FOR THEM. Taking those is worse than taking headache medicine!"

"BUT IT IS NOT BLISS! IT IS NOT A BAD DRUG MADE BY SKUMM!" Why does he not understand? "These were made to help people."

"Do you even want help Linka?" He asks.

How can he ask that? "Da! Of course I do!"

"I tried to help you, but I can't do it anymore. And you can't do this alone. You need more help that what any of us can give you on Hope Island." He sounds sad but determined and it gives my stomach a terrible sinking feeling.

"What are you saying?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

His jaw is set. "You need to go into rehab to get treatment."

"Nyet…" Oh, please Wheeler, do not do this…

He is not listening. "YES! You're going to DC…to the clinic with the rest of the Bliss addicts. I've packed a bag for you."

The 'other addicts'… my stomach is turning over, I cannot process this, what he thinks of me now… "NYET!" I protest, needing to slow things down… I need to think.

But he continues without listening to me. "And when you get there, if there's anything that I forgot, or that you'd like to have, just call. We'll get it to you."

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! YOU CANNOT RUN MY LIFE AND MAKE DECISIONS FOR ME!" I am grasping at straws, he does **not** have the right but if the others back him up, I do not think I can stop him… can I check myself out of the clinic? Will they let me?

"SOMEONE NEEDS TO TAKE CONTROL! If you're not going to do what it takes to get better, it's time we forced you."

Where would I go? I would not have the means to get back to my family… "You lied to me! You promised!"

He has been talking to Gi, he is throwing my lies in my face, not shouting anymore just very heatedly. But he is missing the point, he started this by not listening to me. Everything I did was to protect myself, to stop myself from falling into the abyss but now I am right back where I started and he is going to push me over.

Well if that is how it is going to be, he is going to hear the truth first, that is what he wants after all, the truth! "You never cared about me! All you wanted was to make yourself feel better because you failed to save James. Well guess what Wheeler? You failed again! And this time it is worse because you made me trust you, you made yourself the centre of my world, the only thing holding me together… and then you turned on me."

I point at the bottle of pills lying on the floor. "The Bliss did not do that to me. Boris did not do that to me. You did it. You turned me into an addict by treating me like one. I never lied to you, it was you that broke the trust, not me."

I am crying but I will not try to stop it, I just let the tears fall. I cannot shout anymore, my strength is gone, but I continue, my voice little more than a whisper. "And now you will betray me again by sending me away to… to that? I will not be coming back Wheeler, there is not enough of me left and even if I somehow manage to survive it, I do not ever want to see you again."

It probably sounded like I was being mean, trying to get my own back on him, but I was not, I meant every word though it broke my heart to say them.

I slide down the wall and curl up, wrapping my arms around my knees and staring into space. There is nothing left to say or do, he will leave and tomorrow they will put me away and then… Nyet, I cannot allow that. It will hurt Grandmuska to lose two grandchildren like this but it is for the best, I would only be a burden.

He is yelling, blaming me… each word, each accusation causes a sharp pain in my chest and makes the empty feeling in my stomach grow… if only he had listened, there have been so many misunderstandings between us but this one we could not afford… at least it will be the last.

Now he is trying to reason with me? He is only making it worse, it is too late for 'what might have beens'. My whole body is aching again and my head throbbing. I wish Wheeler would hurry up and leave, though I cannot do anything until they all go to bed, because I will need to get something from the kitchen.

"…You can get through this. You'll survive…and you'll be back here, good as new. And we'll forget all about this. We'll be friends again."

He is dreaming! "You think you can win me over with your charm? Pretending that this is what is best for me? I am leaving, but not going to that clinic. I just need to get as far away from you as I can. I meant it. I never want to see you again."

He steps towards me and reaches out "Linka…"

"DO NOT TOUCH ME! LEAVE! NOW!" I panic, any sort of contact now will confuse me, weaken my resolve... I need him so badly but he wants me gone.

"FINE! IF THIS IS HOW YOU WANT IT TO END, FINE! I'M DONE FIGHTING WITH YOU! STAY HERE AND SUFFER THROUGH THIS YOURSELF WITHOUT ANY HELP, GO BACK TO RUSSIA AND DEAL WITH YOUR CRAZY UNCLE _**AND **_YOUR ADDICTION. YOU'RE SO FREAKIN' STUBBORN, IT'S A LOSING BATTLE!" He sighs "It's always a losing battle with you."

I let my head sink into my lap, not wanting him to see the tears forming in my eyes and he slams the door on his way out so hard it bounces open again. The noise makes me jump and my head jerks up again… I am glad he is not here to see the grief on my face.

He is gone.

* * *

For a time I just sit here staring into space as I let the full import of his words sink in. He is finished with me, he really does not care what I do… I am alone again. Perhaps I do bring it on myself… well if he can give up I guess it is okay for me to as well.

I force myself to stand though the room is spinning and there is no strength in my aching limbs.

Stumbling towards the kitchen, I can only hope I do not meet anyone, but that is not likely. It is late and the only one usually up after dark is Wheeler, and he is gone, probably as far away from me as he can get on this small island.

I know where everything is in the kitchen, I have everything ordered so that it can be found efficiently… something that irritates the others. At least they will not have to put up with me for much longer. I find what I need quite easily, a sharp knife, small enough to conceal in my jacket in case anyone does see me. This is private.

Back in my bathroom, I run water in the bath. I know this is how they do it in the movies and to be honest before tonight I have not given it much thought. I fall to my knees beside the bath as I watch the water run, a waste probably, bad planeteer! But not for much longer.

I should have died with Boris, then I would never have seen the look on my Uncles face, and on my friends faces… and Wheeler's. I am tainted, a diseased wreck they would rather not be around, well I am going to give them what they wanted from the beginning.

Is that enough water? It is to keep the veins warm and help the blood flow, I think this should be enough. I climb into the bath, slipping into the warm water it actually feels good, like the hot springs.

I am a disgrace, Wheeler is right, I should never have asked him to do this for me, it was unfair of me. Of course he could not say no, however much he wanted to, it is not in his nature to turn down a friend… and now I have made him… But I will not be sent away, better to end it here than be humiliated, and worse.

I will not think about it, my decision is made.

But even now there is small spark of defiance inside me, the survivor that is determined to go on even when the heart has had enough. As I hesitantly press the cold metal of the knife to my skin, I think about how it is better this way, how this will solve everyone's problems. The Planeteers will not have to cover for me in my absence, Wheeler will no longer feel obligated to baby-sit me, and I will no longer have to deal with the pain of knowing I have let down my family, my planet...and my Yankee. This is for the best. I just have to concentrate.

The glint of silver makes me stop again, I am still wearing Wheelers bracelet! Should I take it off? Nyet, if I am found wearing it, Wheeler will know that I do not hate him, that I still treasure what our friendship was even though it is over. I do not want him to think that my last thoughts were of hatred for him… this is a practical solution not revenge.

I do not want to get blood on my charms though, so take the knife in that hand instead and rest my elbow on the side of the bath to steady myself, as I put the blade to my other wrist. "Forgive me." I pray, though I am not sure whose forgiveness I really want, my God's or my Yankee's… both maybe.

I can feel the life draining out of me. My limbs are numb but I continue to grip the knife, until I feel my body go limp and the darkness overcomes me.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 21 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	22. Day Unknown

**A/N:** This chapter contains some suggestive themes that some may find upsetting. It is a dream sequence but if you are likely to be offended, I recommend skipping it.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Two – Day Unknown**

_I am running, I cannot remember from what but I know that if it catches up with me everything will end. My breathing is laboured, blood is rushing in my ears and my face is wet from tears. I have been abandoned to my fate, there is no one left to save me… no one left who cares._

_The pain and emptiness is almost unbearable but I have to keep going, I have never been so afraid._

_I stop at a fork in the road and bend double as I try to catch my breath. The path to the right is bright and sunny and very welcoming, that is the way I should go, but as I take a step in that direction I hear a voice that I know better than my own. "COME ON LINKA!"_

"_Yankee?" I whisper breathlessly, turning towards the other road. It is overgrown with trees but surely they cannot account for the depth of darkness down that way. There is a large black bird sitting at the side of the road as well and it sends a chill through my heart just to look at it… I know so much about birds but I cannot identify it, except that I know in my soul that it is a carrion eater… surely I should not go that way…_

_I hear Wheeler's voice again and that decides me, whatever lies in the darkness I cannot leave my Yankee to face it alone._

_I stumble along the road that is devoid of all light, and sob in terror as my clothes catch on unseen branches… at least I think that is what they are, sometimes they feel like hands, grasping me, trying to pull me from the path into the endless night._

_It feels like I have been running forever but the voices are the worst part… I tell myself that they are in my imagination but I am not sure…_

"_So! Is this what you were doing while my boy was dying?" Uncle? "Canoodling with your American boyfriend, learning all his city ways and corrupted habits?"_

"_You stupid cow!" Boris!_

"_Your mind is too polluted to use your ring." Wheeler?_

"_It is the drugs! She has brought them here with her and taken too many! The guilt she feels over not saving Boris is too much! She dies as he did!" Nyet, Uncle Dimitri, please…_

"_Nyet, if anyone touches my Bliss I will blow them away!" Bozhe' Moy! _

"_I left her looking after him!"_

"_How does she repay you for the drugs that you provide?"_

_There is light ahead, if I can just reach it… I cry out as I stumble and fall, sure that whatever is pursuing me is just behind, ready to pounce…_

"_She is dead to me…as dead as Boris." His voice is so close to me I scream._

"_NYET!" I scramble up and fall into the light._

_

* * *

_

_At first the light is so bright that I cannot see anything, but then it slowly fades away and I realise that I am sitting on the floor of a room with white walls and floors… and they are padded. The hospital! Wheeler really did it, he put me away!_

_I cannot adequately describe the despair that comes over me, not because of where I am, but because of who put me here. How could he? Why did he not just let me go? I meant what I said, I could never bear to see him again. No doctor can cure the hurt, the damage ,that is inside of me now._

_As if they hear my thoughts, three people in white coats enter the room. I steadfastly refuse to look at them, focusing instead on the angry slashes across my wrists and arms… the count of my failures._

"_Well Good Morning, and are we ready to admit what we are today?" I look up in surprise at the familiar chirpy voice._

"_Gi? Kwame? Ma-Ti?" I do not understand._

_Kwame sighs. "No, those are our names, you are a drug addict. Say it."_

"_Nyet." I reply warily. "Where is Wheeler? And Gaia?"_

_Ma-Ti laughs, it is a cruel, alien laugh that I would never have associated with him. "They aren't here, you destroyed them."_

"_**Nyet!**__" I cry. "You are lying!"_

_Gi puts her hands on her hips and huffs. "Well what did you think would happen? Gaia was doomed without the Planeteers and Wheeler… did you really think he'd be able to get over your death?"_

"_I am not dead." I answer, but the strange thing is I am not sure and now I have time to look around, I realise that I am not in a clinic at all, this is my room on Hope Island… just re-decorated as my own personal prison._

_Gi smirks, her eyes full of hatred. "No you're not dead, you're a zombie who can't even admit she has a problem."_

"_A slut who will do anything for a fix." Kwame adds, his voice cold and emotionless._

_Ma-Ti steps forward and grabs my wrist. "A lost cause who betrays those who love her. You are no longer worth our time and effort."_

_I shake my head, unable to speak for the sobs that are wracking my chest as I am hauled to my feet._

_Gi opens my bedroom door, it is dark outside but I can see something moving. "It's time you joined your own kind, you're not special any more, maybe they can help you."_

_I struggle but Kwame grasps my shoulders, his grip like a vice, and propels me outside… into the Blissed-out mob._

_

* * *

_

_I am in a sea of pain. _

_Each punch, each kick, they mean every one… I did not choose to be one of them, they hold me in contempt and blame me for their sufferings. My clothes are in tatters, there is not even enough left to preserve my dignity… and they are taking me somewhere, I cannot bear to think of what happens next…_

_A door opens and I am once again shoved into the light. I collapse onto the floor, too weak and too afraid to look up and see where I am now._

"_Linka…" I know that voice, it haunts my dreams. _

_I finally look up… I am in Wheelers bedroom._

_He slides over and pulls back the covers. "…if this is alright with you."_

_I stare in horror at the scene before me. He is only wearing his underwear which is laying rather low on his hips. It is not that he is not decent, he is, it is just… suggestive. At least, it is suggesting things to my mind, and they are not conducive to a good nights sleep._

_"Oh, uh… I… I can take these off if you'd like to see more." He says, as he realises that I am still staring, then he starts to laugh that sickening mutant laugh as his tail twitches._

_I stand up, trying to cover myself but the remains of my clothes stay on the floor of the hut. "Where is Wheeler, Skumm?" I ask defiantly… but the fear is there and I know he hears it._

"_What's the matter blondie?" He taunts. "You weren't so shy back in DC."_

"_That is a lie!" I reply hotly, knowing that I am playing into his hands but not able to resist denying it._

_Skumm laughs again and rubs himself through what I recognise as Wheelers boxers. "You need a real man, that adolescent eco-freak can't give you what you need, I can."_

_He holds out a pill in his other hand… Bliss… bozhe' moy! Yankee help me!_

"_You know what you have to do to get it." Skumm keeps talking but my gaze is focused on the luminescent pill. "No more freebies, Planeteer." _

_I shake my head. I want to run away but I cannot move._

_Suddenly Skumm is standing behind me and from the way he is pressed against me, I can tell that he is no longer wearing Wheelers underpants… or anything else. His hands stroke my shoulders and I begin to cry but I still cannot move._

_Gently, he moves me around and pushes me towards the bathroom… what is he going to do to me? I shut my eyes tight and pray for help._

_Skumm's hands move down from my shoulders and begin an unpleasant exploration of my breasts as his tail wraps its self around my ankle. I sob. "Please no…"_

"_Look down." I shake my head, I cannot watch, but he adds. "Into the water."_

_I do as I am told and cry out in pain and horror, pushing back against my captor and his rough fur, as I try to free myself, but he is not letting me go._

_The bath is over flowing with water and at he bottom, red blossoming from his freshly cut wrists, my Yankees beautiful eyes stare back at me… empty of life._

_I scream and keep screaming but no sound comes out, the only noise is Skumm's laughter that turns into a travesty of Wheelers voice. "Your friends and family have disowned you Babe, you're mine now, you have nothing left but me… you wouldn't want me to withdraw my protection would you?"_

_Even as he asks, his hands begin to slip lower down my naked body… and I finally find my voice. "__**Nyet! Never!**__"_

_I wrench myself free and make for the door, preferring to be torn apart by the mob than live with what Skumm is offering me…_

_

* * *

_

_I am falling._

_I opened the door of Wheelers cabin and launched myself out, but I was on the top of the Capital Building… I know it does not make sense, but I do not care, it will soon all be over and that is what I want… I have lost everything that mattered._

_The impact on the surface of the water hurts and I cry out, which means I get a mouth full of water as I sink below the surface. Coughing and trying to expel the water, I make for the surface but when I reach it, it is solid like a sheet of glass._

_I am crying, I cannot breathe and my chest and ribs hurt… I pound frantically on the surface of the water but it is no use and my panic just makes me swallow more of the liquid… the corners of my vision are going black, it will not be much longer. _

"_Linka… Come back to me Baby." Wheeler? Nyet, I imagined it… he is gone and my air is going too._

_I reach up towards the surface one last time as I begin to sink, my strength gone, my fight over. _

_A hand grabs my wrist suddenly and pulls me back up into the sunlight. For a second I struggle, thinking it is that rat, but then I hear his voice again. "Oh thank God!" _

_I try to say his name but end up coughing up water instead. He lets me and then wraps a blanket around me, pulling me close to him and stroking my wet hair from my face as I lay my head on his shoulder. I am still unable to think clearly but his words comfort me all the same. "It's ok. I'm here now. I have you. I'm not gonna leave you…I'm not gonna lose you."_

_The world begins to fade __away again but it is okay now, I am warm and safe in my Yankee's arms…_

_

* * *

_

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 22 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	23. Day Eleven, Early Morning

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews guys.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Three – Day Eleven, Early Morning**

Slowly the blackness recedes and I become aware of a comforting warmth, surrounding and protecting me. I smile, trying to remember where I am while not wanting to end this feeling.

Then I remember! My eyes snap open at the memory of the cold steel on my wrist… and behold the comforting vision of my Yankee.

His face is lying close to mine, a goofy grin on his lips as he sleeps peacefully beside me. Actually, more like on top of me, his arm is wrapped around me and he has a leg over mine… the covers are between us but it is nice anyway.

I lift my head a little way so that I can look around without disturbing him. We are in my room. Bozhe' Moy! He must have found me trying to… to… I cannot even think the words, how could I have considered condemning myself? My family could never have been convinced that what I had done was an accident, I would have been denied a proper burial, even assuming Wheeler had tried to convince them, which considering how we left things…

And yet he is here.

I am gazing at him, feeling guilty for the tracks of tears down his face and wondering why he came back. Whatever he is thinking about now is not giving him any pain though, so I do not want to wake him and spoil it, however much I need to hear his voice. He looks so peaceful! If anyone deserves some peace it is my poor Yankee, despite our most recent argument he really has been patient with me, so I will let him sleep for as long as he needs to.

He moans softly in his slumber and I cannot stop myself from gently caressing his cheek. I meant to soothe him but I can feel his heart rate increase, I do not know if it is something in his dream or if he is waking up.

Then he opens his eyes and exclaims. "You're awake!"

"So are you," I reply, not sure what else to say.

He frowns, concern in his eyes. "Yeah, but I was only sleeping you were unconscious…how long…"

"A while now." I tell him, I really have no idea.

"You should have woken me up." He says critically, thankfully though, he does not sound annoyed.

"You looked like you were having a nice dream. I did not want to disturb you. You were smiling… I figured you needed something to smile about." I add guiltily. "You have been crying," I trace one of the tearstains down his cheek with my finger, badly needing even that small contact.

"I was scared," He confesses.

"Me too." I admit.

He looks worried as he asks, "Of me?"

"Nyet… of me." I reply quickly, hoping he does not ask for an explanation, my thoughts and feelings are so jumbled I am not sure I can explain.

"Are you ok? You were under the water for a while and you weren't breathing." He tells me.

It is strange but I feel I can be completely honest with him again, this happens sometimes, when our emotions are worn out and there is only us left… if that makes any sense. "As well as can be expected I guess… all things considered. It is a little hard to breathe. I am pretty ashamed."

"You don't have to be ashamed around me. No one else will ever know about this. I promise. We'll keep this between you and me." Wheeler assures me and I am incredibly relieved.

"Thank you." I tell him, hoping he can hear the genuine gratitude in my voice. I am not sure I could ever face anyone else again if they knew, though now my solution would be to lock myself in here and never leave rather than the more drastic solution I tried last night. Wheeler could stay too if he wanted to.

"Do you remember…what happened?" He asks suddenly.

I try to answer, "I remember what my intentions were. I guess I passed out before I could…"

"Yeah…good thing." He says so positively that I feel my heart give a little leap in response.

But still, "Da…but I still could have died…if you had not…"

He does not want to be thanked and from his words I realise that he is feeling guilty too. "Let's not even think about 'what if.' All that matters is that I was there when it mattered… I know it won't make up for the time when I wasn't there for you…"

"Sssh. Please stop. I do not want to talk about it now." I do not want him to feel bad, I want to reassure him, but right now all I have the strength for is to lay here in his arms and let it all fade away.

"Then listen? I have a lot I want…_**need**_ to say to you." He persists, but he does not understand.

"Wheeler, I cannot do this right now. I cannot have another argument with you." I close my eyes hoping he will get the message and let me drift back into oblivion.

He gently rests his forehead against mine. There is nothing threatening about the gesture now but I can tell he is waiting. I open my eyes again to regard him and he tenderly wipes a stray hair from my face, letting his fingers brush against my cheek as he does so. It is a very intimate gesture, or so it seems to me, it is also very comforting.

"I can't handle an argument right now either Babe. I don't want to…now, or ever again," He whispers. "Which is why I'm apologizing."

"Apology accepted. You saved my life. There is nothing more to say." I am still trying to end the conversation.

"But I have a lot more to say. I did this to you. I drove you to this! I could have lost you. I don't know what I would've done if you…if I…because of me…you… " I listen in silence until he says something that nearly makes my heart stop. "But that's not true. I know exactly what I would've done. I would've been so overcome with grief, so full of guilt, I would've gone crazy. I would've…done the same thing you did."

"Do not say that Jason." I whisper, before being interrupted by a paroxysm of coughing as my lungs try to clear themselves of the lingering water. "I was trying to free you of the burden not hurt you further."

"Burden? I never thought that of you. I'd do it again, and again, and again if you needed me too. I'm so sorry Linka. I never meant to hurt you. I had no idea that my actions would've driven you to this. If I did…well…I would've never pushed so hard…I would've been more careful about what I did and said to you."

"I did not care about the pushing," I tell him, thinking of how rough he had been when he found me with the pills. "I am not afraid of you; it was that you wanted me gone…" I try to keep my voice even but I can hear the desperation, what if this has just convinced him that he is right? "I cannot go to that clinic Yankee, please? You cannot help me by sending me away, if that is what you really want you should never have come back in here."

"I never wanted you gone. I wanted you better. I wasn't sending you away to get rid of you, it's because I can't give you the help you need. I don't want you to go away. I want you here with me. I couldn't stand not seeing you everyday. I need you. I lo- -" I try to silence him, gently pressing my fingers to his lips, but he will not be stopped. "…love you. I realize that now. I kinda always knew it, but now I know for sure. I don't care if you can't say it back. I didn't say it so you'd say it back. I said it cuz I wanted you to know. No matter what happens. Even if you don't feel the same way, I just needed you to know. To give you a reason to never give up…because I'll always be there…even if it is just as a friend if you don't feel the same way I do. My life would be so empty if you weren't in it…I couldn't go on. I wouldn't want to."

It is the guilt. I have made him feel bad and now he will say what he thinks I want to hear. The trouble is I **do** want to hear it, and I could answer him, it would be so easy… but it is not real. It is grief and shock and we have hurt each other too much already. I want to believe him, but I do not think I would survive the disappointment when he comes to his senses.

"Then do not send me away." It probably sounds as if I am trying to manipulate him again, to use his fears to get what I want, but this time it is not what I intend. It is a sincere request born of my own fear, "I need something to hold on to, something to trust and believe in, no doctor can give me that."

I close my eyes and snuggle into his warmth, if only we could stay like this until it is over, no interruptions, no problems, just the two of us.

After a while he says. "What you said before…Do you think…those things that you said you needed…do you think I can give you that?"

**Da!** If not you, then no-one! But I do not say that, it has to be his decision not mine. "The better question is, do _**you**_ think you can give me that?"

"I want to," He replies making my heart soar. "You're sure you don't want someone more professional? Someone who's trained in this?"

How do I explain? I so rarely show my feelings that I know people sometimes think me cold, but it is not true. I feel things so deeply I just cannot risk being hurt… I need to be cared for, not looked after. "Hospitals and groups, drug programs… they are very important and help a lot of people, I know that, but for me… my situation is different, I am different. I do not think like an addict and I am afraid of being made to in the name of helping me heal. I need to be myself."

"Ok. But at least you wouldn't be alone in your suffering. These kids know what you're going through…maybe you could even be helpful to them. I'll go with you if you want. Maybe they have an outpatient program. We can stay in a hotel, not in a hospital or clinic, and then you could just go to the meetings or whatever when they were scheduled, but then come back to the hotel. It wouldn't be like you were trapped there if you could just come and go as you pleased." He is trying so hard to get this right, to find a balance, but he is wrong.

"The doctor said there would be others I could share my experiences with, but I cannot, I do not do well in a group. I will just retreat inside myself where it is safe." I reply honestly, but I know I am not telling the whole truth. I need Wheeler to understand, but it is so hard.

"Skumm made me special. I do not mean that in a good way. Boris and I did not have to do anything for the Bliss while the others had to amuse him. They did things… terrible things… and all the time knowing that I was different, protected… a pet if you like. They will **hate** me now!"

I look into his eyes begging him to understand. "I need to forget the things I saw Wheeler, I need the nightmares to stop..." I look away and whisper softly. "… and they only do not come when you are with me."

"Then I guess I've got bad news for ya Babe…" He begins.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 23 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	24. Day Eleven, Early Morning  Continued

**A/N: **Not too long to wait, right? Don't forget to let us know what you think.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Four – Day Eleven, Early Morning - Continued**

"Then I guess I've got bad news for ya Babe…" He begins.

Nyet! He cannot! I thought for a moment he understood. I stare at him unable to speak.

"Sounds like the only solution to your problem is for me to always be with you. So I guess you're stuck with me."

He tightens his grip around me and I am so relieved, I could sob. Instead I bury my head in his shoulder and sigh as my tension begins to ease.

He presses his lips to my temple and then rests them against my ear as he whispers. "And for the record, _**my**_ nightmares stay away when I'm with you too."

I pull back so that I can look into his lovely eyes, and smile at him. "Then we will protect each other." I tell him decidedly, sounding more like myself than I have in **so** long. Then spoil the effect somewhat by adding shyly, "You would probably be more comfortable in the bed though."

He hesitates for a moment, a shadow crossing his eyes and I guess he is worrying about taking advantage again, but then he nods and gets up. We are only apart for a moment before he resumes his position, this time under the covers, but I feel the chill of his absence and immediately snuggle back into his warmth.

I had meant us to sleep again but my mind is working overtime and since I can tell he is also still awake, I ask something that has been playing on my mind. "Wheeler… what do you have nightmares about?"

Again he hesitates and I wonder if I should not have asked, but then he starts speaking. "You know when I was telling you about James, the night I was staying at my grandparent's and my Pap had to go pick him up, and I said that when I overheard the phone conversation that I thought they were talking about my dad?"

"Da. And you said that you spent the summers at your grandparents' because it was 'a polite way' for them to keep you away from your dad. I did not ask then because I did not want to interrupt, but I did wonder what you meant by that." I say softly.

"It was because my dad had a drinking problem." There is steel in his voice when he says that, like he has just announced that he has some deadly contagious disease and is expecting a bad reaction.

"Oh." What else can I say? I knew his parents had problems but…

I am amazed by his openness as he tells me of the abuse he and his mother suffered at his father's hands. I can see it is not easy for him to talk about it and I am honoured that he trusts me with his confidence… especially after I tried to use what he told me about James against him.

He takes a deep breath, "Anyway, he'd get angry over little things and he'd take out his anger on my mom…and me. When he was yelling at her, I'd do my best to get him mad at me, say stuff to him, get in between him and my Ma…if he was wailing on me, at least he wasn't touching her. He'd beat me pretty good. He'd split my lip, make my nose bleed, slap me upside the head…that explains a lot huh Babe?" He jokes.

I shake my head and say sadly. "Shhh. Do not even joke about that. The only thing it explains is why you are so strong, and so willing to stand up for others. It started at a young age."

"I guess. Never really thought of it that way." He says almost shyly, and I free one of my hands from around his waist to reach up and stroke his hair soothingly.

How could anyone treat someone they love that way? Beat them for their own mistakes and make them feel worthless? It is not fair! I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to punish Wheeler's father and make him see what he did… and then let him do the same to me for all I have put my best friend through.

Now I know why my Yankee puts up with so much, he is used to being treated that way.

My heart is sad as I ask. "So your nightmares are more like memories? About him hurting you and your mother?"

"Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes they're memories. Sometimes they're distorted memories…almost like what really happened, but with different outcomes. Sometimes he ends up killing my mom…or me…and sometimes I think they're what I _**wished**_ had happened…I kill him."

I do not know how to respond but I want to comfort him, to let him know he is not alone anymore. I replace my arm around him and hold on as tightly as I can, nuzzling my cheek against his chest.

"Does your father still drink?" I prompt.

"No. At least, he says he doesn't, and my mom says he's quit. I think he got a reality check after James died. I would've never left my mom to come here if my dad was still drinking like he used to."

"And we would have never met," I say matter-of-factly.

He agrees. "No. We wouldn't."

"And I would probably be dead. Strange how things work out." I muse.

"No, you'd be fine because I wouldn't have upset you so much that you felt you had to…" There is still pain in his voice.

"Nyet." I say quickly, wanting to spare him any more self-recriminations. "I mean the Bliss would have killed me in DC. You were the one that got through to me."

"If not me, it would've been someone else. Who knows…maybe Gaia would have chosen a sophisticated Englishman or a cool surfer dude Aussie with a cool accent to replace me." He is joking again.

I do not really find it funny though. "I like your accent…and you _ARE_ a 'cool surfer dude!'"

"What? You're not gonna argue the point about my sophistication?" He is teasing now, that is much better.

"Nyet…I will leave that one alone!" I respond and we both chuckle.

I feel warm and cosy tucked up in Wheeler's arms. I like the way they feel around my new hoodie, though I cannot help but hope to get his old one back – the one he first gave me – I was growing very fond of it. My new one is a thicker, newer material but somehow it is not quite as warm, even when I was trying it on in the shop I realised… I realise something else, I was not wearing it when I got into the bath! I was probably soaking but… "Wheeler… did you…?"

"What Babe?" He asks warily, sensing my change of mood.

I swallow. "My clothes…?"

"I umm…was hoping you wouldn't notice. I uhh…you were…in the tub…the water…your clothes uhh…since they were soaking wet, they were in the way and interfering when I was doing CPR…"

"I needed CPR?" No wonder my chest hurts.

He sounds a little guilty. "Yeah Babe…you weren't breathing…your lungs were full of water. I had to do it."

"And you had to remove my clothes?" I ask, because I have done first aid training and I do not remember anything about changing their clothes. I lift the covers and inspect the rest of me "Even my trousers are different."

"Well, yeah, like I said, the shirt was in the way…and I hope it wasn't a favourite because I sort of ripped it open."

I cannot remember which one it was but still… "Sort of?"

"Ok, I definitely ripped it open. Time was a factor and I was panicking!" He explains.

I cannot just let it go. "And the trousers?"

"Were soaking wet. I couldn't put you into bed like that…and you needed to get warmed up. I couldn't risk you going into shock AND being in wet clothes…on top of the chills you've been feeling…I needed to keep you warm. That wouldn't have happened if you'd stayed in those wet clothes. And my shirt was soaked as well, so I had to take it off too. And trust me Babe…the last thing on my mind was…uh, you know…my main focus was getting you breathing again, then dry, then conscious."

He does mean that, I can tell. "I know…I trust you…I just was surprised…and embarrassed."

"You have nothing to be embarrassed about," He assures me.

I raise an eyebrow, I guess he could not help seeing, but still!

"No, I mean…I wasn't looking. I tried my best to keep my eyes averted. But I'm not gonna lie, that wasn't always possible."

I nod in acceptance, after all I brought this on myself, and he did save my life. I can feel my cheeks beginning to burn, both at the thought of his looking at my naked body and because my rebellious heart is relieved that he wasn't disgusted with it.

"If it'll make you feel better, I'll strip down, you can have a look, and we'll call it even?" He offers, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

For a second I actually consider it, but that really would make things awkward. "Nyet, that is ok," I laugh, trying to cover my further embarrassment.

"Geez, why you gotta laugh about it?" He says with mock offence, which I ignore because if I tried to reassure him I would only dig myself a hole.

Instead I say what I should have said in the beginning. "Thank you….for taking care of me…for being honest and caring and being a perfect gentleman…thank you for everything."

"You're welcome…and I want you to know that not once did I consider…looking. That…moment…wasn't enjoyable at all for me. I was scared I'd lost you," He pulls me closer. "And I guess maybe I learned something from those romance movies I _HAVE_ to watch when you and Gi pick the movies… but I just think that when a guy sees a girl… _REALLY_ sees her for the first time…well, she should be fully conscious and aware of the way he's looking at her, adoring her…she should see the look in his eyes when the full affect of her beauty hits him, and when he realizes that he's the luckiest guy in the world."

"Da. That is how it should be," I agree, but my thoughts have returned to my nightmares and the things I have not told him. It **should** always be like that but sometimes… I push the thought aside.

We do not need to sleep, this is relaxing enough, though I guess the others will come and disturb us at some point… not yet though it is still early. He presses his lips to my temple and rubs my head absent-mindedly. Wheeler is naturally affectionate, even when he is not trying anything he unconsciously feels the need to touch. I am very different with other people, but with Wheeler, I like it. It is reassuring and pleasant and considering all that has happened, I do not think I could be happier than I am right now.

"So you said that you needed to forget the things that you saw…is that what your nightmares are about? You wanna tell me about them? You don't have to if you don't want to…I mean, just because I told you, doesn't mean you have to tell me…but if you think it'll help to talk about it…" He blurts out suddenly, stammering his way through.

"Did it help you?" I ask, not really wanting to voice the things I saw.

"I don't know. It doesn't change what happened…" He tells me, and for a moment I think I will not need to say anything, but then he continues. "But I'm glad I was finally able to talk to someone about it…and I'm glad that someone was you."

Oh, then I owe him the same and who knows? Maybe it will help.

I take a long moment to collect my thoughts. "Skumm set himself up as a ruler and he expected his people to put on entertainment, which they did. He had them compete for the Bliss."

I explain some of the contests, gulping slightly as the sick feeling returns, but Wheeler gently rubs my tummy and hugs me, kissing my head and saying soft words of comfort as he wipes away my tears.

After a while he asks softly, "What else did he make people do?"

I can do this… Wheeler will understand, he has to! I take a deep breath and begin, unable to prevent the tears welling in my eyes as images fill my mind.

"The girls…they did not fight…not often anyway. They had other ways of pleasing ." I swallow hard, hoping he does not need me to spell it out.

"Other ways…as in…?" I guess he does not want to say it either, he looks as sick as I feel.

I swallow the bile again and force myself to reply. "Da. At night, girls would come to him. It started with just a few, but then once the word got out that these girls were getting more Bliss, more and more would show up. It got to the point where he would have to turn them away…He would share them with his henchmen…and Boris. I was there."

"There? Did you?"

"Nyet!" I say quickly, "He wanted to keep Boris and I close, in case we came to our senses and left. We slept in the same room as … Boris was on the floor… I was in the bed."

"With him?" He asks clearly appalled.

"Da…but I never…" I did not, he has to believe that…

I can see his relief, oh Wheeler! "Good. I'm glad he kept his filthy paws off you."

This is the moment I have dreaded. My tears are falling unchecked, I feel sick and I am terrified of what he will think of me. "I never went all the way with him…"

As I explain the things Skumm did I can feel Wheeler's anger grow. We are so close that I cannot miss the way his muscles have tensed, and his hands were laying flat against me but now I think he has balled them into fists. His eyes have a dangerous look in them too. I am not afraid of him though, I do not think I could ever be really afraid of him, what scares me is that he might leave. If he turns his back on me now, if the anger turns to disgust? I will end up right back where I was earlier…

"So, when I do those things, does it bring back bad memories? Does it remind you of him…cuz if so, I'll stop." He offers out of the blue.

Where did that come from? It is not what I was expecting. Surely it is obvious by now that I like it when he does those things? "Nyet. I do not want you to stop…I want…I _**need**_ you to continue doing those things to comfort me…because it reminds me how those actions should make me feel. Not disgusted, but appreciated. Respected. Valued. Not like property. Not like I need to obey in order to get something in return."

"I'd never expect anything in return, I'm just trying to be here for you." He assures me.

Did I not just say that? I guess we both need reassurance, I will try to explain though I can feel the warmth rise in my cheeks. "I know. And it is so very different when it is you. Even when I was out of my mind with the Bliss, I still knew that what Skumm was doing was sickening…but I needed to suffer through it…I could not risk not getting more Bliss. And the only thing that worked for me was…was pretending he was someone else. It was someone else's hand on my cheek, someone else's finger twirling around my hair, someone else's breath on my skin. Someone whose voice was sweet, whose hands were warm, whose touch was tender…I pretended it was you."

"It's ok Babe. He's never gonna touch you again. I'll burn his fingers off, and then I'll kill him if he tries." He kisses my forehead… was there hesitation there?

I might have imagined it, I am still afraid, he could still change his mind but I need to be completely honest with him now, if he is really going to help me he deserves that. Finally I blurt out my greatest fear. "...How far would I have let him go? Would I have given in and let him…do whatever."

"NO!" He yells suddenly making me jump. "No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't have let it go that far."

I look up at him, wanting to know that he really believes that and needing to believe it myself. "How can you be so sure, when even I am not so sure?"

"Because…because…, Because I just am! I know you. The sensible, logical Linka was still inside you. She would've prevailed. I know this because I've seen how strong you are." He **wants** to believe it but his evidence is seriously flawed.

"I was not very strong last night." I say, my voice coloured by my shame.

"Last night never happened. Last night doesn't count…the bad parts anyways," He says, his lips against my ear. "As for what happened with Skumm, you'd remember…and you don't remember doing anything more…right?"

"Nyet. I do not remember doing anything…but I also do not remember Boris crashing through the window at the Capital Building…Wheeler…if I did not remember that…what else do I not remember?" There, I said it. I tried to bury it, I tried to ignore it… I dreaded Wheeler finding out, I dreaded how he would react…

His answer is to wrap himself around me as securely as he can as if he is frightened that someone is going to take me away. The knots in my stomach finally begin to loosen. He won't send me away to the clinic or anywhere else, I am sure of that now, he is claiming me… just as friend of course, but it still makes me feel better knowing that I have not lost him for good.

I do not think I will ever feel better about the Bliss though… or whether there are any gaps in my memory, but I do not know what to do.

As if in answer to my thoughts, Wheeler begins. "There's ways to find out…to be sure."

Yes there is, but I am not sure if I am ready for him to… "You could go to the doctor and be examined."

Ohhhh! Nyet, a stranger checking would be worse than letting you.

"Or maybe Ma-Ti could use his ring to scan your memories…" He continues

A momentary panic sets in. "NYET! Not Ma-Ti! No one else can know Wheeler!"

"Ok, ok…I know…he's the only one I can think of that can get inside people's heads though…other than a hypnotherapist. And we can do that if you want. There's places that I know of in New York…we can go there for a few days. Tell the others that we're going on a mini vacation…" He is trying to help but I really do not want to be around strangers, I cannot trust them. It is not like he wanted a real holiday with me, that was just a cover.

"What about Gaia?" She would help if I actually asked her, I think. "She could get into my head just as Ma-Ti could." And she could deal with what she might find a lot better than he could. He understands so much about people, from his own instincts as much as from his power, but he is still basically a child and he should not have to deal with this.

Wheeler seems to agree, though just for a second I think I see disappointment in his eyes. "That's a good idea. Maybe you can talk to her tomorrow…if you're feeling up to it. And I'll come with you…if you want…you know, for support."

"Da, of course I want you there." I say quickly. I think he needs to know the truth too and I do not want to have to go through it twice. "And we will see how I feel tomorrow…if I am ready. I want answers…I just do not know if I am ready to hear them."

"Is there anything else you want to talk about?" He asks.

"Nyet. That is everything that happened. Those are the things that I dream about. Those memories…and then possible scenarios…if he did try…and I let him." And if there was anything else, I have forgotten that too!

He tries to reassure me but I think maybe he is trying to convince himself too. "That's one nightmare you WILL NOT be having tonight. It's me tonight. I'm the one holding you. Even in your sleep, I'll protect you. Just think about that every night before you go to sleep…"

Oh I do Yankee, even before all this happened, I have thought about that. I have shared enough of my private feelings with him tonight though, so I will keep that to myself for now.

"If you start to have a nightmare about Skumm, maybe that seed will be planted in your subconscious and I'll show up in your dream. I'll protect you…and he'll stop coming around. Those nightmares will end for good." He says with confidence.

"I hope so." I reply sincerely.

"You should get some more rest. It was a long night," He whispers and then shifts himself to get comfortable, rubbing me gently on my stomach. He is very affectionate but every bit the gentleman and I am exhausted. All I can do is curl up against my protector and let myself drift away into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

_I lay on my side with my eyes tightly shut and try to ignore what is going on behind me. The noises, the way the bed is moving… I pop a pill in my mouth and swallow it quickly, trusting its soothing effect to wipe away the face of Skumm's latest choice. She came here willingly enough of course, and she will be well rewarded for her service to our Lord but… is there enough Bliss to wipe away the memory?_

_I grip my bag of pills tightly. It was her choice, just like the one last night and the night before that. At least we are away from the party downstairs, and Skumm's men. Here I do not have to watch._

_Skumm's tail flicks against my leg and I put another pill in my mouth, inching a little further towards the edge of the bed._

_The Bliss is not helping much tonight but I dare not ask for any more. Boris has passed out on the floor, beside Skumm's bed. If I run out of my own I could take some of his, Skumm is generous to both of us but… I do not want to attract attention to myself._

_Even though I am still dressed, I know my figure would draw attention, I have always been beautiful but the Bliss enhances everything, I am lucky to have Skumm's protection because I would no doubt draw the interest of his henchmen._

_I hear a thump as the girl lands on the floor, my master is done with her. He throws her a bag of pills and tells her to get out then stretches and settles back comfortably. Hopefully he will go to sleep now and then I can too. _

_No such luck._

"_Linka." He coos softly, turning towards me. "Did you enjoy watching my prowess?"_

_I do not answer, he might still just fall asleep. Does he really think I watch? _

_His finger trails a line down my back making me shiver and then leans over to whisper in my ear. "Come a little closer my dear."_

_I do not dare refuse so I turn onto my back, not really getting any closer but appearing to respond. _

_He smells my hair and runs a furry hand along my cheek and down my arm so that he can play with my fingers. He is gentle but the feel of him makes my skin crawl. I close my eyes and try to imagine someone else in his place, not just anyone but the one person that has been filling my dreams for the past year._

_My master knows the effect he has on me, he knows that he makes me feel sick… he enjoys the power he has over us all. But I cannot risk that he will stop supplying what I need so badly. That is the reason I do not say anything when he wraps his limbs about mine, entwining us and holding me tightly against his bare chest._

_I keep my eyes shut… he just wants to hold me while he sleeps, he has had his pleasure tonight… except that I do not think he is tired at all! I begin to struggle, panic rising my chest. Where is Wheeler? Why has he not come to rescue me? He promised! _

"_Nyet." Oh please. Why would he let Skumm…? _

_Then suddenly he releases me and someone takes my hand and kisses it. I say someone because it feels different, and then I hear a voice I was beginning to think I would never hear again. "Linka, it's Wheeler. It's not Skumm. He can't hurt you Baby, I won't let him. I'm here."_

"_Yankee? You came." I open my eyes and look up._

"_Yeah. I told you I would. It's me Babe," Wheeler tells me, replacing Skumm beside me as he slips into the bed and pulls me into his arms, kissing my cheek lovingly._

"_It is you," I agree, nuzzling his bare chest as I snuggle into his arms._

_He strokes my hair soothingly and makes me a promise. "It's me. I've got you, and I'm not going anywhere. No one's gonna hurt you. No one. Especially not Skumm. They've gotta get past me first…and I'll never let you go,"_

_I cannot think clearly but it does not matter. I know this does not all entirely make sense but if Wheeler says it is alright, it must be. I am safe now, curled up in my Yankees arms as I watch the dead rat slowly be engulfed in flames._

_

* * *

_

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 24 of Becks7's Co-Dependents


	25. Day Eleven

**A/N:** Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Liberty, I do have more stories planned it's just finding the time to write them. I miss some of the other writers too and it's harder to write when you have very little that you like to read... reviews help though :o)

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Five – Day Eleven**

_Wheeler. _

He is nearly always the first thing I think of when I wake, but today I have a reason, he saved me. He is still wrapped around me, holding me close in his warm embrace. My mouth curls into a smile, I could get used to this.

We should be going though, Skumm's men might… my chest aches as I breathe in, why? The water, the knife! I gasp and look up at… the ceiling in my cabin. I breathe a slightly painful sigh of relief. Skumm was just a nightmare. I wish the rest of it was too.

Wheeler is still sleeping, I love watching him like this but since there is no immediate need to get up, I close my eyes again and let myself relax, drifting into a light doze. Safe in my Yankees arms.

After a while he stirs, stretches and then cuddles back around me. I hug him and wish him a good morning, snuggling closer into his warmth.

"Mmm hmm," He pulls me tighter, obviously not wanting to be disturbed yet.

"It is late." I say quietly. "We should probably get up before the others come looking for us… and if they find us… like this…"

"…they might get the wrong idea. I know." He seems disappointed but lets go of me anyway.

Wheeler gets out of bed, stands up and starts doing stretches… he looks like a male model! I keep wondering how he can have such a good body when I know what he eats!

His eyes flick to mine and I quickly look away, bozhe 'moy, he is trying his best to help me and be a gentleman, and I sit here checking him out!

I can feel the blush creeping up my neck, I need to concentrate on something else… anything else… like the way my door is moving with the breeze. "WHEELER! THE DOOR WAS LEFT OPEN ALL NIGHT!"

"Oh, yeah. It wasn't shut when I got here last night. It's why I was able to just walk right in. I guess yesterday when I slammed it, it knocked it out of alignment. It doesn't shut right now." He explains.

I look at him not knowing whether to be angry or just laugh. "So you broke my door…again?"

"Guess I don't realize my own strength," He says, flexing his muscles and then asking teasingly, "Wanna feel?"

I suddenly feel very shy, I would like nothing more than to run my fingers over those muscles but I would die of embarrassment doing it so openly. It is much better to feel his arms around me anyway, when his top is bare I can feel nearly every movement of his well kept muscles…

"I have felt." I tell him, letting him know that I really am aware of him. Even through my embarrassment though, I am still thinking. "But what if someone came by…and saw…?"

"I don't think anyone did. We would've heard Gi squeal with delight, Ma-Ti would've squealed in embarrassment, and Kwame would've gasped so loudly in disgust that he would've sucked all the air out of the room….and then he would've let us know how inappropriate we're being."

I am not convinced. I know we were not doing anything wrong but I am not sure I can cope with Kwame yelling at me today… then again, I gave Gi more than enough reason to yell yesterday anyway.

"Don't worry Babe. People have been keeping their distance from you anyway... I'd bet big money that no one came anywhere near this cabin last night."

"Da, you are probably right." Why does that not make me feel any better?

"I'm gonna go back to my room and get dressed. Wanna meet me in the kitchen for breakfast?"

Not really. "I guess."

"You don't have to…I mean, if you're sick of me…" I know he is teasing, it is just his way, but it makes it harder to refuse.

"I am not sick of you…" I reply anyway, forcing myself to get up out of bed. "I just do not want to eat. I know I have to… but nothing sounds appetizing to me."

I wrap my arms around myself and rub my arms, it is cold again, though it does not feel quite so bitter as it has done, perhaps it is just because I have left a warm bed.

"Well maybe you'll feel differently once you get there." He suggests hopefully. "Maybe you'll find something that you can tolerate."

"I will try." I agree, though mostly for his sake.

"That's all I'm asking," He replies and holds his arms out.

Without hesitation, I walk straight into them and wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head against his shoulder, which is in just the right place. In turn, he folds me in his arms and kisses the top of my head, rubbing me gently to warm me up. We are exactly the right height to make this comfortable for each other. It is strange how the only person I have ever felt comfortable enough with to be so close to, seems to be so physically perfect for me.

I have just begun to wonder in what other ways we fit together when he pulls away slightly.

He kisses my forehead and then rests his own against it as he slides his hands down my arms to hold my hands. "See you in a bit."

I look up to meet his eyes and nod my acquiescence but make no move to pull away from him. Instead I let him release me and he walks backwards out of the door, never taking his eyes from mine.

I stand there for a couple of minutes after he leaves, staring after him. How is it that Wheeler can make something as simple as holding hands, feel so intimate? We did nothing, and yet I feel like I just said goodbye to my lover… I can still feel his touch on my body, the feel of his lips, the gentle brush of his fingers… just **his** touch.

Even if I tried, I could not remember the feelings from my nightmare now, there is only Wheeler and I want it to stay that way.

* * *

When the spell finally breaks I head towards the bathroom but stop dead as I reach the door. I can feel the colour draining from my face. My ripped and discarded clothes are lying abandoned at the side, along with Wheeler's t-shirt and a towel. Bozhe 'moy, if the others were to see this…

I gather them up quickly and take them into the bathroom to dry, only to pause again at what I find. The floor is wet and there is still water in the bath. Worse than that though, is the knife that is still lying by the tub.

I edge round it like it is some huge bug, and throw my bundle into the corner. Tears fill my eyes and I am trembling. _You are being stupid!_ I reprimand myself and taking a deep breath I step forward and lean down to retrieve the kitchen utensil. Before my fingers touch the cold metal however, I freeze and pull away again.

I cannot do it.

Backing towards my bedroom door, my nerve breaks and I turn and run. Yanking open my unlocked door I head straight to Wheeler's cabin and enter without knocking. Without even thinking about what I am doing, I try the second door into his bathroom – where I can hear the water running in the shower – and call his name.

"Lin?" He replies, understandably surprised. His head pokes out around the shower curtain while he pulls it around himself. "What's wrong?"

My cheeks are burning and I look away. "I am sorry. I… I am sorry."

"Hey, it's okay." His hand gropes to the side for a towel and he emerges a few seconds later with it wrapped around his waist.

I still cannot look at him as he comes to stand in front of me, first rubbing my arms and then pulling me against him and holding me close.

"Tell me what's wrong." His voice is steady and confident, perhaps because he knows that I have run to him at the first opportunity.

It might make him feel confident but it makes me feel very small and helpless. "The knife… it is still in my bathroom."

I can feel him grimace. "I'm sorry Babe, I should have cleared all that!"

He sounds so guilty, I tighten my grip and rub my cheek against his shoulder. "It is okay, but I could not pick it up… I am so sorry Wheeler."

"Hush now." He is stroking my hair with one hand and holding me securely with the other.

My shaking slowly subsides and I sigh quietly.

Wheeler pulls away and kisses my forehead. "I'll go tidy up, stay in here 'til I come back okay?"

I nod and as he moves away. "Erm Wheeler."

"Yeah Babe?" He smiles as he turns back.

I point at the wet towel that is his only protection. "Do you want to get dressed first?"

He is actually blushing! It makes me giggle, and his eyes light up in response. "Oh you think it's funny huh?"

"Wheeler…" I say warningly, backing away as I anticipate what he is going to do. Trying to duck away from his reaching arms, I slip on the wet floor but before I hit the ground, he catches me, gathering me close. "Wheeler!" I squeal, as he makes good on his threat, sticking his fingers into the sensitive part of my side and tickling me until I beg for mercy.

When our laughter subsides, he kisses my forehead and leads me into his bedroom, gently sitting me down on his bed, before collecting his clothes and disappearing back into the bathroom.

I am a bit damp from where he hugged me but it is not too bad so I sit back and curl my legs up underneath me. A short time later he exits the bathroom again, wearing trousers but still bare-chested. "Won't be long Babe."

His hair is wet and the whole effect is incredibly cute. I groan and slide down until I am laying on my back, and staring at the ceiling.

He definitely needs a sky light!

* * *

"Trying to envision what that skylight will look like?" Wheeler's voice makes me jump and my cheeks flush, I did not hear him return.

"Da, I guess…sorry. I was lost in thought." I tell him sitting up and giving a nervous laugh whilst hoping he will not ask what I was thinking about.

"Good thoughts I hope," He asks as he sits next to me, making me blush deeper.

I had been thinking about him, and how our relationship had changed since we first met. Most of it had been good so I nod shyly and smile at him.

"Your room and bathroom are all ready for you…but if you want…if you're still feeling weird about it…you can use mine. Or not…you can use yours and I'll come with you…uh, not IN there with you, but I mean…to your room. I'd wait in your room…so I'd be close if you needed anything…not that you would. Unless you want me to wash your back, hehe…uhh…bad joke…sorry."

I chuckle quietly at his embarrassed babbling, I find it rather sweet. "It is really okay Wheeler, you do not need to apologise but I think it would be better if I used my own room, on my own, I need to get over my anxiety." I slip my hand inside his and link our fingers. "You can come and sit on my bed and wait for me if you want to though."

He gives my hand a squeeze in response. He has that look on his face that he has sometimes, when I do or say something to please him, Gi calls it goofy.

As I stand up, I feel a sudden stiffness in my calf and cry out in pain, nearly falling over.

"What's wrong?" Wheeler asks steadying me, and helping me to sit down again.

I rub my tightened muscles, aware that my leg is not the only place that feels tight. "Cramps. I have been aching since I got up but it was not too bad and I thought a warm shower would fix it, I guess I waited too long."

He responds immediately. "That's my fault. I should have taken care of that mess sooner. Let me make it up to you."

"It is not your fault Wheeler…" Trust my Yankee to blame himself… his offer catches my attention though and I cannot help asking curiously. "But how do you plan on making it up to me?" I have a few ideas.

"Scoot back a little and lay back." He tells me, his eyes sparking.

I do as he requests and he kneels down in front of me. Considering where my mind was going a few moments ago, I cannot help wondering exactly what he has in mind. I sit up on my elbow and ask, "Wheeler what are you…"

"Sssh, lay back and relax," Is that amusement I hear in his voice? He must know what I was thinking about! I do as he says, fighting my embarrassment.

He pulls up my trouser leg to my knee and starts to massage my sore leg. He really is very good at it and I can feel my muscles begin to respond almost immediately. I tuck my arms behind my head and close my eyes.

He moves on to my other calf and then when he is done, stands up, still holding my leg and places my ankle on his shoulder, stepping forward.

"Is that too much stretching? I'm not hurting you, am I?" He asks, looking down.

"Nyet, that feels… good." A slight understatement!

"It's a good way to stretch the hamstring muscles," He is still rubbing my leg as he talks.

I nod, closing my eyes again. "Mmm hmm," Speech seems somehow beyond me at this point. I do not know how he manages to affect me so much, he is not even touching anything sensitive but the feeling of his hands on my skin is… stimulating.

His hands move up to my thigh, rather high on the inside of my thigh in fact. I want to laugh – a nervous laugh, I do not find it amusing – but I manage to keep my composure. I know he is not trying anything, but I cannot help wondering if he knows the effect he is having. These sensations are all new to me, but I am sure it is not the first time he has touched a woman.

I sigh as he releases my legs, sorry that it is over, but apparently he has not finished. "Switch positions, with your head up by my pillow, and lay on your stomach," He instructs me. "Oh, and take your shirt off."

"What?" My heart starts thumping and for a second I cannot breathe.

Apparently I embarrassed him, "Umm, just the sweatshirt…you have a t-shirt on underneath…I uh…it's too thick…if you _really_ want a good massage, I gotta be able to get to your muscles…can't do that through all the layers."

"Oh. Ok." My heart is still trying to escape my chest but I do as he asks and try not to think about it too much.

He kneels astride me, there is no weight on me but there is contact. Between that and what his hands are doing… I have always been older than my years but right now I feel very much like a teenage girl.

My t-shirt is riding up, I can feel a slight draft across my back. My unruly mind begins to day-dream, imagining him pushing my shirt up and doing what he is doing now but with no cloth in the way, imagining the feel of his lips as they join his hands…

I gasp air into my lungs as I feel his hands make contact with my exposed skin, almost as if he had heard my thoughts! I am lost in the moment, the pleasure of his touch, the anticipation of what is to follow.

He stops suddenly and pulls my top down, adjusting his position to make it easier to continue the massage.

I could cry with frustration. Does he not feel anything? Is he so used to touching women that this has no effect on him? Or is my current form really so repulsive that he has lost all interest?

When he reaches my neck and shoulders I begin to relax again, he is far too good at this to do otherwise.

He is not too disgusted to touch me, I remind myself, even if his interest is no longer romantic. He has after all, seen everything there is too see, even if he tried not to look as he said. He looked! It would be unnatural if he did not… I would have, I would not have been able to help it. And perhaps after I am fully recovered, things will go back the way they were, only this time maybe I will not push him away so vigorously.

This does feel wonderful, I could stand it for hours. Unfortunately however, he has other ideas. I feel him lean down, more of his body coming into contact with mine as he puts his mouth close to my ear. "Feel better?"

I am so relaxed right now, I do not want move and if he was inclined to lower himself a bit further and cuddle into me, I would happily stay here all day.

It is not to be though, he gets up and stands beside the bed so I give in and roll onto my back. "Da, I feel so good, I do not want to move for fear of tightening up again… but I really do need to get back to my room and shower."

Without warning, he slides his arms under me and lifts me up.

"Wheeler! What are you doing?" I ask in surprise, throwing my own arms around his neck for safety.

"What's it look like? You don't wanna move, so I'm carrying you!" He is enjoying this!

I laugh, "I was joking! I can walk!"

"I know you can…but isn't this better?" He teases as he carries me out of his room and towards mine.

This happens to coincide with another favourite day dream of mine, well more than one actually, but in those he lays me gently on the bed and lies down beside me, which he could have just done in his room.

I am so caught up in my fantasy though that it does not occur to me to release him when we reach our destination, consequently, his attempt to playfully drop me on my bed results in him being pulled off balance and landing unceremoniously on top of me with his face between my breasts.

We both erupt into helpless laughter, which feels even better than the massage. As we calm down a little he lifts himself up and gazes down into my eyes.

"Sorry," I tell him. "I did not mean to make you lose your balance and fall. Are you ok?"

He smiles and nods, then strokes my hair from my face. "I'm more than ok. But what about you? I just kinda crushed you!"

"I am ok… more than ok, as you said." I reply, resting my hand on his arm and then taking a chance, reaching up to run my fingers through his hair.

We look at each other and smile, the moment is perfect, all he needs to do is bend his head slightly to close the distance between us. I am ready and more than willing, this feels right…

He laughs nervously and moves away. "Guess I better let you up so you can get your shower,"

"I guess," I reply sharply, getting up and grabbing some clean clothes before entering the bathroom. I close the door with a snap and lock it, then I stop and rest my forehead against it.

Why should I be angry with him? I cannot make him feel something he does not… I have to stop this before I ruin our friendship!

* * *

To be continued…

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 25! Let us know what you think!


	26. Day Eleven Continued

**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews, keep letting us know what you think :o)

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Six – Day Eleven Continued**

Undressing quickly, I step into the shower and turn it on, but I cannot stop thinking about what just happened. The truth is, I am not really angry, I am hurt, and the shower is not the only source of the water running down my face.

I have calmed down by the time I exit the shower and promise myself that I will not go there again. If he says something flirty I will ignore it, if he touches me I will hide my reaction. Whatever he feels, or used to feel, he wants us to be just friends now, and that is probably the best thing for us and for the Planeteers and I will not keep confusing him.

When I am ready, I take a deep breath and open the bathroom door.

Wheeler is laying on my bed with a pillow over his face, but when I enter he sits up and pulls the pillow down, regarding me warily.

I force myself to walk out into the bedroom and say as cheerfully as I can. "It is a little late for breakfast but at least the others will not be around."

He does not say anything but sits up, still regarding me intently as if he is trying to work out what I am thinking… or maybe he is just waiting to see if I am going to explode at him again. I shrug and sit down in my desk chair, not sure what to do or say. Everything was going so well and I feel like I have just put us back to square one.

Wheeler gets up slowly and comes to kneel in front of me. He rubs my arms and lets his hands trail down to hold mine.

I stare down at our joined hands, not knowing what to say or do. I guess he does not know what to say either but after a while, he gently lifts his hand to tilt my chin upwards until my gaze meets his. He smiles and I can feel the knots in my stomach start to loosen.

But there is a sadness in his eyes that I cannot bear and so without even thinking about it, I pull one hand free and gently stroke his hair back from his face. "I am sorry Yankee, I seem to be over-reacting a lot lately."

"No, I'm sorry. I seem to keep giving you reasons to over-react…and you're not over reacting…you're reacting at a perfectly normal level. I just…I keep forgetting…" He tries to reassure me but he obviously feels as uncomfortable as I do.

I have to ask. "Keep forgetting what?"

"I keep forgetting _why_ we've been spending so much time together. It's not because you want…err, umm…if it weren't for the uh…whole Bliss thing…things would just be business as usual around here…right?"

I want to argue with him, I wish he was wrong but he is not. "Da…probably…"

He raises an eyebrow sceptically and I am forced to confess. "Definitely, but that still does not excuse my behaviour. You are just being nice. I am reading too much into things."

"And that upsets you? When I… care too much?" He asks.

Wheeler does not understand that the little physical gestures he makes, while trivial to him, are not something I would allow with just anyone. "Da…"

"I don't know how to stop." He says apologetically. "I can't turn it off." Of course he cannot, it is just a part of who he is, he does not mean anything by it.

"I am not asking you to." I tell him. "I just need to learn how to accept it…" without betraying my own feelings all the time, no matter how much I like being the person that I am when we are alone together. "But I do not want you to stop. I need to know someone cares… even if it is just as a friend. I need you as a friend."

"Then I'll keep caring. I'll never stop. Promise." He stands and holds out his hand. "Join me for brunch… Friend?"

I accept his hand, gripping it tightly and nodding to acknowledge our agreement.

I do not know whether to be happy that our friendship is strong enough to survive this, or cry because that is all it will ever be.

* * *

By the time we get to the kitchen it is getting on for midday. I route around in the fridge trying to find something that looks appetising. There is not much but I settle for a blueberry yogurt and an orange. At least it is healthy.

"You want some toast?" Wheeler asks

"Do _you_ want me to want some toast?" I counter playfully, trying to recapture the more relaxed mood we achieved this morning.

Immediately defensive he tries to explain. "Noooooooo, I was just offering to make you some because I was going to make some for myself. I can't have eggs without toast and I figured if I was going to make some for me, I'd offer to make some for you…"

"Wheeler, I would love some toast. Thank you for offering," I smile at him, letting him know I was teasing.

"Very funny Babe." He replies.

I nod. "It is fun watching you squirm."

"Well, as long as you're happy! That's all that matters." He leans across the table and places a kiss on my nose. It is a very sweet gesture and I raise my eyes to his, staying like that for a long moment until the toaster, finishing its task makes Wheeler jump and he moves away. "Uhh, I guess my toast is done."

I sit down as he collects his toast, feeling vaguely disappointed, though I am not sure what I expected to happen.

"Here, you can have these." He holds out the toast. "My eggs aren't done so I'm not ready for my toast yet."

I take the toast and place it on the table in front of me. "Thank you."

"Want some orange juice? I'm not asking because I think you need it, I'm asking because I'm getting myself a glass!" he asks carefully.

I want to shake him, I was joking before, not trying to make him paranoid. "No thank you, but I will take a glass of water as long as you are pouring drinks."

We keep the conversation light hearted as we eat, Wheeler has the knack of talking about nothing and making it entertaining. I am just starting to feel really relaxed when he brings me back to reality with a bump.

"So are we going to go and have that talk with Gaia?" he asks softly, as if his tone can stop the sting.

I consider it for a moment and then say. "Would you mind if we did not? I… I need time to find my balance again. I am not sure I can cope with finding out yet, even with you there." I look up at him, willing him to understand.

"No problem." He replies and lifts his hand to gently stroke my cheek. Then he pulls away and asks in his regular, cheerful voice. "So what would you like to do today?"

I shrug. "Something normal. I am not sure I can face the others though, I dread to think what Gi must think of me after my behaviour yesterday."

"Well they're off somewhere so we probably won't have to deal with them." He thinks for a moment. "We could watch some movies, we were gonna do that the other night remember?"

I nod. "I would like that, but the others…"

"Won't be back until at least dinner time. When they turn up we can take our dinner to our rooms or down to the beach or something." He sounds like he has everything under control.

"Okay." I smile at him and say playfully. "I get to pick the video though."

He drops his head in his hands theatrically. "Oh no, what have I gotten myself into?" Then he winks and starts clearing away our breakfast things.

I help him tidy and then we make our way to the lounge and I flop down in front of the video cabinet while Wheeler makes himself comfortable on the sofa.

Should I be kind and pick something he likes? Nyet, he makes me watch enough of his horror movies, but maybe I can find a compromise. Then I remember something, I get up again and head towards the door. "I have a couple of tapes in my room that I brought back from home with me," I pause at the door. "Do not worry they are in English."

I return quickly and set up the video. While I was gone Wheeler has gone back to the kitchen and brought back a bowl of popcorn. "Yankee, we just had breakfast!"

"We can't watch a movie without popcorn Babe." He replies with a cheeky grin, holding his arm out for me.

I roll my eyes but snuggle up against him anyway. "I think you will like this, it is a romance but it is funny."

"Whatever." He replies, sounding dubious.

I chuckle. "Trust me Yankee."

He gives me a squeeze and we settle down to watch the film. As it happens, he laughs all the way through it and I eat most of the popcorn, I guess we know each other pretty well.

* * *

As soon as I hear the others returning I retreat to my bedroom, leaving Wheeler to deal with them and get our dinner. I know that is not fair to him but he assures me that he does not mind and I must admit, I like having someone to take care of everything for me.

While I am waiting I find my draughts set so that we can play a game. When he comes to join me though, he takes one look at the counters and pulls a face. "Checkers? Babe I suck at checkers! Don't you have a chess set?"

I am surprised. I know I should not be, he is not stupid, it is just that chess is an intellectual game and he usually prefers something more… straightforward. "Da, I do." I say quickly, looking for the chess pieces and trying to cover my slip... but he catches me.

"You didn't think a guy like me could play chess did you?" He is teasing… I think. He does have a tendency to put himself down.

I give him a saucy smile. "I just thought you preferred more 'physical' games."

He laughs. "I'm good at chess."

"So am I." I reply.

His eyes light up. "That sounds like a challenge."

Wheeler and I have always been competitive with each other, it is a playful rivalry though.

Then my gaze falls on what he is carrying… a large pizza and a couple of cans of coke. "Wheeler I cannot eat that!" I exclaim. "Putting aside for just a moment how unhealthy it is, my stomach will never keep that down!"

He shrugs. "Babe your stomach is not keeping much of anything down, the way I see it you might as well enjoy it." He puts the plate between us on the bed and hands me a coke. "And, it's your favourite kind."

I eye the pizza warily and watch Wheeler enviously as he takes the first slice and makes a show of enjoying it. He is correct about it being my favourite, though I do not eat it often because I try to keep fit. Maybe he is right about my trying it too, after all putting on weight is not going to be a problem.

A couple of hours later I am bent over my sink, regretting my reckless impulse. At least Wheeler has not abandoned me, he is here now rubbing my back and keeping my hair out of my face… it seems to have become his job!

When my body finally has pity on me and settles down, I rinse my mouth and at Wheelers prompting, go and lie on my bed while he cleans up.

"You okay?" He asks as he comes to join me a short time later.

I nod and snuggle into his arms as he wraps himself around me. I feel drained. The events of the last few days are catching up with me and now that I do not have to fear what is to come, I can no longer fight the fatigue.

"Sorry." He kisses my forehead. "I shouldn't have pushed you to eat that."

"You did not." I say, closing my eyes. "You were right, it does not make a difference what I eat, what matters is that I am not alone."

I doze for a while until I feel Wheeler nuzzling my face. "Mmmm?"

He chuckles and I get the feeling that it is not the first time he has said this. "Babe, it's getting late. We should get ready for bed."

I open my eyes sleepily. "Can we not just stay like this?"

He kisses my temple and then raises me into a sitting position. "Come on Babe."

I groan and lean into him, my energy gone. "Too tired."

"You okay to sleep in what you have on?" He asks and when I nod, picks me up in his arms as if I weigh nothing at all.

It takes him a few moments to pull back the covers on my bed while holding me in his arms, but then he puts me inside and pulls the blanket up around me.

"Stay." I murmur and he leans down to kiss my head.

"I'm not going anywhere Babe, I just need to use the bathroom, I won't be long." He waits until I acknowledge his words and then moves away.

I cannot keep my eyes open but I also cannot sleep, I am waiting for him to return. He does not take long however and when he slips in beside me I cuddle into his embrace without opening my eyes. He has stripped down to his boxers, he is lucky that he does not feel the cold.

"Good night Babe, sweet dreams." He places a last kiss on my cheek and rests his head against the top of mine.

I press a kiss to his shoulder in response. "You too."

* * *

To be continued…

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 26! Let us know what you think!


	27. Day Twelve

**A/N:** As always, thank you to everyone that reads and reviews.

* * *

**Chapter**** Twenty Seven -** **Day Twelve**

Wheeler is watching me when I wake the next morning. "Hey there sleeping beauty." He says with a grin.

"Good morning." I sigh contentedly and close my eyes again. "What time is it?"

"A little after nine." He replies, and as I suddenly sit up in surprise, "Whoa, calm down."

I look down at him. "We have to get up, why did you not wake me?"

"Because you need the rest and we don't need to do anything." He replies, gently pulling me down again.

I frown at him but comply. "The others…"

"Are not going to bother us. Babe, you really need to learn how to sleep in." He closes his eyes and cuddles into me.

"I am awake." I protest. "What is the point of staying in bed once you are awake?"

"Cuz it's comfy." He gives me a squeeze.

Well he is right, but still. "Wheeler I…"

"Shhh Babe." He rubs my back with his thumb and tenderly nuzzles me, placing the odd kiss on my forehead.

It is a very convincing argument and I find myself pressing closer to him, which he accommodates by slightly tightening his grip to hold me in place.

I think I should be worried, or outraged, or… something. Instead I am completely relaxed and far happier than I have any right to be. There is a little voice at the back of my mind telling me that having a boy in my bed is shocking, even if it is perfectly innocent. But here and now, curled up in Wheeler's arms, that voice sounds ridiculous and I wonder what I used to worry about. Not that I would be doing this with anyone else, but it feels so right with my Yankee.

When I wake again it is approaching lunchtime and even my stomach is complaining. I stretch as best I can around my companion and then lovingly stroke his hair from his face. "Time to get up Yankee, and I mean it this time." I add in a teasing tone. "Your stomach is keeping me awake."

He chuckles, I guess he was not asleep after all. "Whatever you say Babe. But how about I go and get our breakfast and you wait for me here?"

"Trying to keep me in bed Wheeler? You will have to do better than that!" I blush as I say the words, not realising until I speak, how it would sound.

Wheeler grins down at me and winks. "I'll keep that in mind. For now though, maybe we should just get up."

He gets out of bed and retrieves his clothes, leaving me slightly speechless. I know he was just teasing but it says a lot about how relaxed he is feeling, he has not acted like that since this all began. Perhaps he just needed a good nights sleep too.

"Meet you in the kitchen." He calls over his shoulder, and he is gone.

And I am still laying comfortably in my bed. I sigh as I get up, maybe I should have taken him up on his offer to fetch breakfast, I did not really want him to let go… at least we can do this again tonight.

* * *

We are just finishing washing up the breakfast things when we hear Gaia's call.

"Well, I guess it'll have to wait until we get back from the mission," Wheeler says, and I nod, secretly relieved. When he broached the subject of speaking to Gaia about my nightmares again, I had agreed that we should not put it off any longer, but to be honest I am still afraid of hearing the answer.

"You mean until _YOU_ get back from the mission." I remind him. "No doubt I will be kept at home again."

"We'll see about that," He replies.

Surprised, I ask, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I'll suggest you come along." He says simply.

I look down, ashamed of my own insecurity. "Wheeler…after the other night…even _**I**_ do not know if I am ready."

"The other night is EXACTLY why you need to get back out there." He assures me. "You're a part of this team. We need you. How are you going to convince the others of that if you don't believe it yourself?"

"I do not know." I reply, turning away.

He comes to stand behind me, wrapping his arms about me and whispering in my ear. "I believe in you."

My heart swells at his words and I cover his hands with mine, holding him in place. "Spasiba."

"We better get going. They'll wonder where we are." He says as he releases me.

"They will wonder where _**you**_ are. They will not care if I am there or not. They will not be as willing to let me come along as you are, I am sure." He does not answer, instead he puts his arm around my waist and leads me to the door. He seems pretty determined, I hope it works.

* * *

When we get to the Crystal Chamber, Gaia has already started briefing the others on the mission. She stops when we arrive. "Hello Linka, how are you feeling?"

"Fine, thank you." I reply politely but I can feel resentment bubbling up in my chest. Does she even care? She does not bother about what is happening to me unless I come in here!

"Nice of you to finally join us Wheeler," Kwame says, practically glaring at us both. I do not know what his problem is, he should be pleased that Wheeler took on the burden of looking after me so that none of them have to worry.

"Sorry. We were eating breakfast and didn't want to leave a mess in the kitchen," Wheeler replies.

Kwame actually checks his watch, I cannot believe this! "Breakfast? It is nearly 12:30 in the afternoon,"

"Thanks for the update Big Ben. I slept in." I know that tone, Wheeler is losing patience with him, this could go badly.

"Did you not get enough sleep?" Kwame asks and even I cannot miss the undertone.

Unfortunately, Wheeler does not miss it either and instead of just answering, he does his best to give our team mates the wrong idea. "Rough few nights. Eventful… I was up pretty late… had my hands full."

Normally I would be mad at him but considering Kwame's attitude, I have no intention of convincing him otherwise, he should know us both better than that by now, especially Wheeler.

Bless Ma-Ti, it all goes over his head. "Is everything ok back home?"

"Yeah buddy, everything is fine now. Thanks for asking." He has improved Wheelers mood too, which earns him a grateful smile from me.

"You are welcome." Our young friend replies.

Gi then calls our attention back to the view screen and the problem at hand. She will not make eye contact with me but I cannot blame her. She has a right to be annoyed with me.

"Gaia was just telling us about a typhoon that has hit the Philippines. It's caused much damage and our help is needed to help find survivors and rebuild."

"No Eco-Villains?" Wheeler asks

"No," Gaia confirms.

Here it comes… "Great! Then Linka can come!"

"What? No!" Kwame is the first to respond. There is a surprise!

Wheeler is immediately on the defensive and while I want him to prevail I wish I could calm him, I am sure Kwame is just going to fight him just for the sake of it. "Why the hell not?"

"Because, she is too weak. We need stamina, people who can work all day, carry victims, lift and clear debris." Ouch! Kwame there are nicer ways to tell someone they are useless.

"AND WHOSE POWER DO YOU THINK WILL HELP THE MOST IN DOING THAT?" Wheeler yells.

Kwame is the calmer of the two but he is treating me as if I am not in the room! "Can she even fully use her ring yet?"

"YEAH, SHE CAN!" And now Wheeler is doing it too! I have had enough.

"STOP IT! BOTH OF YOU!" I yell. "STOP ACTING LIKE I AM NOT EVEN HERE! Yes, my ring works, and yes, I think I can be a valuable asset in helping to clear and clean up, and even if you do not think I have the stamina, I can help the victims, I can help treat their wounds, or comfort the scared ones…"

"Uh, Linka… this is where I must interject," Ma-Ti says carefully. "Even something seemingly as simple as taking care of the wounded could be very emotionally trying and tiring. It could be too much for you to deal with."

"Since I myself am a victim?" I challenge him, wishing they would just say what they mean. "This is different!"

"No, that is not what I mean. I just do not think that someone who has been through as much as you have recently can handle seeing any more tragedy," Ma-Ti explains.

"Ma-Ti is right Linka," Gaia says.

Wheeler is not giving up, when he says he will do something, he sticks by it. "She'll be fine. I'll…we'll be with her to comfort her, or if she needs to talk about anything. And if we need Captain Planet…"

"We will do what we planned on doing last time… Ma-Ti will contact Linka and…"

"MA-TI COULDN'T CONTACT LINKA THE OTHER DAY, WHAT IF HE CAN'T CONTACT HER WHEN WE'RE GONE?" Wheeler's temper is worse than mine but I can hear something else in his voice… fear. He does not want me to stay here alone and he cannot tell them why.

"He couldn't? Why not?" Kwame asks Ma-Ti.

Ma-Ti looks nervous at suddenly being put on the spot but he manages to answer anyway. "Uh, I do not know. I just assumed that since she is still dealing with the withdrawal, her mind and body are still polluted."

"My point exactly," Kwame gloats. "She is still recovering."

"No, Linka staying behind is NOT an option!" Wheeler sounds like he is just being stubborn but knowing it is more than that, I am deeply embarrassed.

"Wheeler…" I begin.

"No Babe, I mean it." His attitude towards me is quiet and sincere but is markedly different when he turns back to the others. "Even if you don't let her do anything on the mission, we can't leave her here by herself for God only knows how long! She needs to get off this damn island!"

"Perhaps she can go home while we are gone?" Ma-Ti suggests. I know he means well but…

"NO!" Wheeler says it with me at exactly the same time making the others give us startled looks. It must seem very odd to them.

"She's coming with us, and that's final!" Wheeler insists, but it is no good.

"You are outnumbered Wheeler. Ma-Ti, Gi, Gaia, and I…none of us think she is ready, and we all know that it will be impossible to keep her from wanting to help if she is there."

"He is right Wheeler. I would want to help, but apparently I am not capable." I cannot keep a bitter twinge from my voice. Kwame treated me like a sister when we first met, I guess my relationship with Wheeler is not the only one that has changed.

Wheeler's response surprises me as much as it does the others. "Then I'm not going either."

"WHAT?" They all exclaim.

"D-d-d-did I stutter? _I'm_. _**NOT**_. _Going_." He is going into cocky street kid mode, this is not good, it is not just my relationships that are suffering and it is all my fault.

"Wheeler, are you abandoning your team-mates?" Gaia asks in that infuriatingly calm voice of hers. Emotional blackmail Gaia? That is just not fair to Wheeler, whose fault is it if he does not think I am safe here with you?

"I guess I am. But how is it any different than what they're doing to Linka? So no, I'm not abandoning my team-mates. I'm staying behind so I _DON'T_ abandon a teammate… especially at a time when she needs me most. I'd rather help her than a bunch of strangers!"

I do not want to hear him say that! He is one of the most caring people I know and he should not have to make that sort of choice. I take his hand and pull him away so that the others will not hear me.

"Wheeler, do not say that. You have a job to do. You are a Planeteer, not my babysitter. Those people need you more than I do right now. People are trapped. They are dying. They need to be saved. You have already saved me. Now go save them." I give his hand a squeeze trying to let him know it will be alright.

"Are you sure?" He does not sound happy and to be honest, neither am I.

"Da. I will have Suchi to keep me company," I say cheerfully and move forward to give him a hug.

"What about that discussion we were gonna have with Gaia?" He asks. "Are you gonna do that while you're here?"

I do not want to talk to Gaia at all right now! Let alone on my own. "Nyet, I want you there… in case I get bad news."

"Ok. Good thinkin'. I was kinda hopin' you'd say that, because I need to know the answer to that question almost as badly as you do… and I wanna be here with you, to **celebrate** the good news!" He hugs me tightly before letting go completely and turning back to the others.

I know he is just worried for me but at the back of my mind I start to worry again. What if it is **not** good news? It is easy for him to say it is all going to be okay, but how will he react if it is not? I do not think I would be able to deal with it, without him… I am not even sure I would be able to cope with **that**, if he is with me!

"Fine. I'll go, but only because Linka says she'll be ok…but I don't feel right leaving her behind…AGAIN." He is still annoyed with them, I hope it does not cause problems, they need each other… something else to worry about.

"Good, now that that's settled, you must get going. The sooner you get there, the sooner you can come home." Does Gaia have to be so dismissive? Do our feelings not matter to her at all? Maybe I should not ask her to help, at least a doctor would not say, 'oh well, never mind, you have a job to do.' which is what I imagine she would say right now.

Kwame whispers something to Wheeler and for a moment I think my Yankee is going to hit him but then he seems to get himself under control and answers quietly. I will have to ask him what he said later.

Gi moves towards the door and I fall in beside her, taking the opportunity to speak to her while I can. "Gi, I am sorry, I know you have a right to be angry with me but I want you to know it will not happen again."

"It's fine Linka." She replies stiffly. "It's a part of the withdrawal, we should have expected it."

I shake my head. "Nyet, you should not. Gi," I put my hand on her arm, causing her to turn her head to look at me. "I was angry with Wheeler and trying to get back at him, I should never have dragged you into it but I was not thinking clearly."

She thaws a little but still says. "It **is** a part of the withdrawal Linka, Wheeler recognised that and I didn't. You need to as well."

We stop as we reach her cabin and she continues looking embarrassed. "I wanted to believe you. I wanted to think I could help you better than Wheeler could. I'm sorry too."

I breathe a sigh of relief. "Then I guess we will have to forgive each other?"

She smiles and suddenly gives me a quick hug. "We do want to help Linka, we just don't know how."

"I know." I tell her, a little choked because I did not believe that at all before now, and I still have my doubts about the others. "Wheeler just… he seems to know what to do."

Gi grins at me. "I bet."

My cheeks turn red. "Nyet, Gi it really is not like that! I know what I told you but he has not tried anything."

"That's not what he said." She replies and when she sees my surprise. "When I told him what you accused him of he thought at first it was because he'd been 'enjoying your company too much' but had thought you were asleep and hadn't noticed." She is trying not to laugh. "I gather it was perfectly innocent… well unintentional anyway. Boys can't really help it you know."

My cheeks are really burning now. "If he... if that happened, I **was** asleep!"

She is laughing now and says saucily. "Never mind, it probably won't be the last time."

"Gi!" I protest, but she has already disappeared inside her cabin.

* * *

Wheeler has left his door open but I knock anyway and stand in the doorway waiting for him to respond.

He turns around and smiles, though it does not reach his eyes. "Hey Babe."

"Hey." I enter and stand beside him.

"I'm sorry we're leaving you again… are you sure you're going to be ok?" He asks.

"Nyet, I am not sure… but I will try." I tell him honestly. "And thank you for sticking up for me. It really means a lot."

"Well, I meant it. You should be with us… think you can fit into my suitcase?" He jokes.

I turn my gaze on his bag and regard it appraisingly. "Looks uncomfortable… but I wish I could."

"Here," He is holding out the bag of clothes that I had Ma-Ti return to him. "Hopefully this will make a good enough substitute."

Not even close! But I am glad to get them back. "Maybe I can stuff them with pillows to make them lifelike!"

"Pillows? You'll need rocks if you're trying to replicate this rock hard bod!" He teases.

"I am trying to replicate your body… not your head!" I reply in the same teasing tone, and reach up to run my fingers through his hair.

He puts his hands on my hips and looks down at me. He is in one of his unusually serious moods. "I'll call you whenever I can. As soon as I figure out the time difference, I'll call every night before your bed time."

He rests his forehead against mine as if he is trying to comfort me. "And what about you?" I ask. "How will you sleep? What about your nightmares? It is not just about me."

"To me, everything is about you," He says and then to my amazement, slowly unzips my sweatshirt and slides it off my arms. I make no move to stop him of course, I do not mind… and I do not need it anymore now anyway, Wheeler undressing me has caused more than my face to flush hot.

"And since I gave you my hoodies," He continues, throwing my top towards his bag. "It's only fair that you give me one of yours."

"I do not think it will fit you," I tease, trying to regain my composure.

He is not phased by it though, instead he is being incredibly sweet, more so because I know it is genuine. "I'm not gonna wear it, just sleep with it… hug it, use it as a pillow… whatever. As long as it smells like you, maybe my brain will think you're there."

"Call me before you go to bed too? I would guess that there is a 12 hour time difference." I say.

"I will," He promises.

I check we understand each other, I really need to hear from him. "So two calls a day, once before I go to bed, and once before you go to bed."

"Sounds good Babe." He looks a little happier I think.

"Ok… until then, Suchi will keep your side of the bed warm," I tell him but then I realise what I just said, "I uh… did not mean… not that you have an _official_ side… but when you have stayed with me… you have always been on the same side…"

"Babe… slow down… I know what you mean… and make sure that monkey knows that when I'm back, he's out!" He plays along.

"Ok… and you do not honestly believe that I would let a dirty animal in my bed do you?" I wish I had not said that! I know Wheeler will not think anything of it but my mind immediately jumps to Skumm and I feel sick…. What if I did?

"Hey! I bathe on a regular basis!" Is Wheeler's come back and it breaks the tension, at least the tension I was feeling.

Glad of a reason to laugh, I slap his arm, but not too hard. "I meant Suchi!"

"Oh good and if you'd feel better… you can stay in my room… since it looks like I won't get around to fixing your door so that it shuts." He offers.

I had forgotten about my door but even if it were not broken I would be tempted to sleep in here. "Thank you."

"I guess I should be going." He sounds as miserable about this as I feel.

I have a sudden inspiration. "Wheeler wait… I want you to have something."

I quickly take off my ring and hold it out to him, but it does not have the effect I am expecting.

Now he sounds frightened! "What is this? You're gonna be here when I get back right?"

"Da! I will still be here." I hasten to assure him. "Sorry, I did not mean to alarm you. I am not turning it in. I want you to have it… in case you can use it during the mission… or in case you need to call Captain Planet. We cannot chance that Ma-Ti will not be able to reach me."

I am not entirely sure that it will work for him but I will feel better if he has it.

"Ok," He replies and slides my ring onto his little finger. "As long as you know this is only temporary… and I'll be putting this ring back on your finger when I come back."

I like the sound of that and for a moment I imagine how it will feel… though in my head it becomes a different ring on a different finger. "Da, it is only temporary. Take care of it."

He gives me a hug and says, "I will. So I guess this is goodbye?"

I swallow. "For now. Be careful Yankee… and hurry home. I will miss you."

"I'll miss you too Babe," He kisses me softly on the cheek.

"Walk you to the Geo Cruiser?" I suggest, not sure what else to say.

He holds the door open for me. "After you."

He takes my hand but then as we approach the others, releases it again. Nyet, I will not have him worrying about what they think! I reach out and reclaim his hand, making him look over at me in surprise. He smiles though, and does not let go again.

"Suchi, you stay here with Linka," Ma-Ti says, as he arrives at the geo-cruiser just behind us.

Our furry friend immediately jumps onto my shoulder and hugs my neck.

"You take care of her, Fur Ball," Wheeler says, stroking the small monkey's head and Suchi agrees, he really is a very intelligent primate.

"Bye Babe," This is it, he is really going!

He leans forward to kiss my cheek again and… I cannot help it, it is pure instinct, I turn my head to catch his mouth with my own. It is only brief, but it is electric and leaves my lips tingling and my heart pounding.

He is grinning like an idiot. "Be safe Yankee."

"I will." He promises in return and winks as he enters the geo-cruiser.

Somehow he manages to find his seat without ever taking his eyes from mine and as they take off he presses his hand against the glass.

I wave, stroking Suchi with the other hand and trying not to cry until he is out of sight.

* * *

To be continued…

A/N: And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 27! Let us know what you think!


	28. Day Twelve Continued

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews and the favourites, it's always good to hear what you're thinking.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Eight – Day Twelve Continued**

It is quiet and lonely and I give the Crystal Chamber a wide berth, but it is not as bad as last time.

Wheeler and I are talking for one thing, and I have his call to look forward to… I cannot stop thinking about that small kiss, and what might have happened if he had stayed.

Suchi sat with me all afternoon, chattering away, cuddling in my arms and hiding his face if the film made him jump. He really is very cute and has made me laugh several times, but he will never be much of a substitute for my Yankee.

Gaia has not called me or bothered to speak to me to make sure I am okay… is it because she knows that I am and does not realise that humans need reassurance, or is it because she does not care? She is mother nature, she has to know everything so that only leaves the second option. Perhaps Wheeler's idea about us going away from here is not such a bad one, I know he only meant me to have medical care but at least in America I would not feel that I was a minor annoyance.

I eat a little dinner, just in case Wheeler asks me about it when he calls, I am not hungry.

I feed Suchi at the same time and once he has eaten he goes to the window, waiting for permission to go and join his friends in the trees. "Da, go on." I tell him with a smile, and he scampers away happy.

I return to the lounge and search for another film but cannot find anything I want to watch. It is creepier here without my little furry friend for company and I shiver inside my borrowed hoodie. Looking at the clock, I decide to start getting ready for bed, Wheeler will call soon and if I am comfortable I can say good night to him and go straight to sleep.

A quick shower and a last look around to make sure everything is turned off and I am heading back to my room with the cordless telephone. One look at my bed though has me turned around and headed straight for Wheeler's cabin.

I make myself comfortable in his bed and wait for the phone to ring. I have his sweats on again over my night things and my charm bracelet on my wrist… surrounding myself with him I guess. Under normal circumstances I would consider this rather pathetic behaviour, doing nothing but waiting for a boy to call is not exactly my style. But then I have never known a guy like Wheeler before… besides, I remind myself, I have not been well so I am allowed a little self-indulgence.

The telephone rings at last and I snatch it up.

"Hello?" I cringe at the eagerness in my voice but I cannot help my feelings now.

He sounds equally happy at the contact. "Hello Beautiful!"

I am thrilled to hear his voice but that is not the right thing to call me anymore and I feel the need to point that out to him. "I am sorry, I think you have the wrong number,"

"I don't think so… as a matter of fact, I'm sure I have the right number." he says confidently.

I am not ready to let it go though. "Is it hot there? Are you keeping hydrated? Clearly you are delusional."

"Knock it off." He says quietly, and then explains. "Hearing you talk badly about yourself scares me… like, what kinda mindset are you in."

"I am fine Wheeler, really. I just do not know how to take a compliment." I did not mean to worry him.

"Oooh, well that explains a lot… all those times I've flirted with you and been shot down… maybe I should insult you and be mean, then you'll like me better!"

"I like you just fine as you are…" Best not to dwell on that though, I change the subject quickly. "So how are things going over there?

He sounds sad as he replies. "Ok, I guess."

I am not surprised, it is not a pleasant job sometimes and from everything I heard, this time it must be fairly heartbreaking. "Has my ring been useful to you?"

"SO MUCH!" he sounds excited. "And the first time I used it… it was great Babe! You should've seen the look on Kwame's face!"

Ah, that explains it! I chuckle. "I am glad you have been able to use it… it makes me feel useful."

"I wish you were here, being the one to use it," He is straight back to sounding depressed.

"Da, me too." So much!

"Using your ring though… kinda makes me feel closer to you… uhhh, I mean, like you're here. I wasn't sure if it was gonna work for me." He confesses.

"I was not sure either… I just thought… it would be worth a try. Why did you think it would not work?" I ask curiously and snuggle down under his bedclothes, ready for a more comfortable chat.

"I just assumed that our rings would only work for who they were assigned to." He replies. "What about you?"

"Same thing." I agree. "Why do you suppose it worked?"

He does not seem to be in a rush to get away, we could talk like this for hours. "I don't know. I have a few theories though."

"Share them?" I ask, trying hard not to yawn but failing, maybe I am too comfortable.

Wheeler heard me and decides to tease. "Am I boring you?"

"Nyet! You know how I get fatigued. I did not take a nap during the day like I usually do." And I am warm and cosy in your bed, but you do not need to know that. "Now tell me your theories before I really do fall asleep!"

He chuckles but does as I ask. "Well, either your ring worked for me because it 'knew' that you wanted it to work for me…or…we have a connection…a bond…and that's why it worked….or I'm full of hot air and since that element is already a part of me…"

That makes me laugh aloud, "That is very likely!"

"So I guess that means that if you tried to use my ring, you could because you're hot." He suggests, trying to be clever.

"Wheeleeeeeeeer," I groan, that really is terrible.

"Uh uh uh, the correct answer is, 'Spasiba Yankee… you are also hot!'"

Again I laugh, loving the way he has returned to the familiar banter, it has been a while. At the same time, an image of him emerging from his shower with nothing but a damp towel to cover his differences pops into my mind, and I have to agree with him, albeit silently.

I force my mind back on track. "But I like the second idea… about the connection."

"Yeah?" He sounds like he likes that too.

"Da," I yawn again and hear him mimic it, yawning is always contagious. I wish he were here so that we could go to sleep together.

"Well then, we'll stick with that theory until proven otherwise." He says cheerfully. "I have a feeling that when I'm ready for bed, you'll still be sleeping until I get on somewhat of a normal sleep schedule here."

"I hope you are not there long enough to need to get on their sleep schedule!" I reply somewhat alarmed and then forcing myself to calm down. "What time do you think you will be going to sleep?"

"Six more hours maybe?" It is a question, can I be awake by then?

"I will set my alarm and wake up to talk to you," I promise.

He argues though. "You don't have to do that Babe, get your rest."

"I will go back to sleep after we speak… unless you do not want to talk to me." I am joking… mostly. There is still that small fear at the back of my mind that says I am being a burden.

"Of course I wanna talk to you! I just don't want you to feel like you have to go out of your way… you need your sleep." He is just worrying then.

"I also need to hear your voice as often as possible." I confess. I have it worked out now though. "So I will wake up at 6am, and you will call me. We will talk again, and I will say good night to you, and you good morning to me… and then goodnight because I probably will go back to sleep. Or maybe I will get up and go for a run,"

"Wait, are you sure that a run is a good idea?" He frets. "I mean, that's great that you feel up to it, but don't over do it… especially with no one there to help if you pass out or something,"

"Suchi will take care of me." I know he will come if I call him.

Wheelers voice drips with sarcasm as he replies. "Oh right…I forgot, King Kong Suchi can carry you back to your room if you pass out on the beach!"

"Fine Wheeler, I will just sit around in my room all day and wait for you to come home before I do anything." His response needled me just a bit. Is it not bad enough that I am stuck here on my own? Must I act like an invalid too?

"I'm sorry Linka. You know that's not what I want." He sounds worried again. "Just promise me that you won't push yourself too far if you don't feel well enough. I'd feel better."

If it will make you happy Yankee, I sigh. "I promise."

"Thank you. I should probably get back to work and let you get some sleep." He says.

"Da, the sooner you finish, the sooner you can come home." _To me_, I add silently

"That's what I keep telling myself." He replies, and then brings a surprised, if sleepy smile to my face. "I miss you, and it's only been half a day."

I can barely keep my eyes open now but respond sleepily. "I know… I miss you too. Goodnight Yankee."

"Goodnight Babe. Sweet dreams…and remember, if you're having a bad dream, I'll be there, in your subconscious, to protect you. Just think of me, and I'll be there." He promises.

Smiling, I snuggle down further. "I will. Thank you for calling."

"My pleasure Babe. Talk to you soon." I nod, knowing he cannot see me and when I hear him hang up, automatically turn the phone off.

I need to put it on the side and set the alarm…

* * *

To be continued…

A/N: And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 28! Let us know what you think!


	29. Day Thirteen

**Chapter Twenty Nine - Day Thirteen**

My body clock always wakes me at 6 am every morning, I do not know why, it is just how I was made. It has been a bit off lately though, probably due to the Bliss, and this morning it fails me again.

Something is not quite right but I cannot tell for a moment what it is, then it comes to me, the light is on the wrong side of my bed. I open my eyes and gasp. I am in Wheeler's room, it is all coming back to me now… he is on an alert but is going to call me…my eyes fall on the clock on his beside cabinet… nyet, he **was** going to call me.

A frantic search for the phone, uncovers it on the floor and as I check the clock once more, I find myself fighting back tears. I cannot believe I missed his call!

I flop back on the bed and bury my face in the pillow, hoping to catch a hint of his scent. It is there, faint but not completely obliterated and it is enough to calm me. He will call back when he wakes, it has not really been that long.

I sigh and get up, straightening his bed and making my way back to my own room to wash and change.

Suchi is already in the kitchen when I arrive, eating a banana… he could find enough food around the island like his wild cousins but he is too tame. Or maybe he is just lazy. It does not matter, I am glad of the company.

"Good morning Suchi." I say, getting myself some cereal and joining him at the table.

He leaves his empty banana skin and climbs up onto my shoulder to cuddle there. He really misses Ma-Ti when he is left behind and that makes me even more grateful for his company.

Suchi does not object when I stand up to clear the table, but remains on his perch by my ear. I tidy up and take the cordless back to my room, I have been carrying it around all morning, I even took it in the bathroom with me in case Wheeler called and I had to answer it quickly.

I make myself comfortable on the bed and wonder briefly if I should go back to Wheeler's room. I dismiss the idea, this is only a temporary measure, I cannot get too used to it.

Trying to distract myself, I pick up the book I have been trying to read and open it at my bookmark. After a while I sigh and skip back a few chapters, trying to find a section I actually remember reading. Since my return from Washington I have been unable to concentrate and while I know I have read the words, the sentences are a mystery to me.

Suchi crawls down my front and curls up in my lap, in the folds of Wheeler's jumper. He looks very comfortable

When the phone rings I start, disturbing the little simian, and fumble with the handset. Suchi tells me off and snuggles back down but I have only one person on my mind.

"Hello?" I look at the clock. 10am, too early for Wheeler?

"Linka!" My Yankee sounds as relieved as I feel.

"Wheeler! I am so glad you called!" I blurt out and apologise quickly, before he has a chance to speak again. "I am sorry, I fell asleep before I set my alarm and missed your call earlier!"

"It's ok. I'm just glad you're awake now." His voice is tense and there is something else… he sounds choked.

Immediately alarmed I ask, "Is something wrong? Did something happen? Are you ok?"

"No Babe… I'm not. I just had a really bad dream. Really bad." He tells me.

Oh Yankee, I should be there! Gaia and Kwame have a lot to answer for. "About your father?"

"No…well, yeah, sort of…but he wasn't in it…it was me. I was just like him. I had a wife and a kid, and I hurt them. I thought it was me…I thought the kid in the corner was me, not my son! And then, when I hit you…" his words tumble out and I find myself a few seconds behind as I try to make sense of them.

Me? I was his wife in the dream? "You hit me?"

"Yeah." He replies sheepishly

I am so amazed I have to keep clarifying it. "And our son?"

"Yeah…I'm sorry." He apologises.

What for? "For hitting me… or dreaming that we were married?"

"Yeah. For that…for both…for calling you…for telling you…it's too much information…I didn't mean to freak you out or embarrass you…I just want you to know that I'd never hurt you. I will NEVER hurt you." He sounds panicky, this would be so much easier if I were there with him.

"I know that." I tell him. "Jason listen to me, are you listening?"

"Yeah." He sounds like a small child, I wish so much that we were together, I may never forgive Kwame.

"First of all, do not ever worry about telling me anything. I am not freaked out or embarrassed, I am just grateful that you can confide in me with the same honesty and trust that I have given you." I take a breath, "Yankee, our nightmares are about our worst fears not about who we are. You told me that there was no way I could have let anything happen, well I am telling you the same. It is **not** who you are, you are **nothing** like your father and you will **never** let that happen. You are stronger than he is Yankee, you prove that with everything you do."

I lick my lips but he does not say anything in the pause so I continue. "Look at the way you have looked after me, you have been angry with me so many times but you are always gentle, you have never hurt me and I know you will not."

There is another pause and I wonder for one terrifying moment if he has gone, but then I hear his voice, whispering so quietly I have to strain to hear. "That's not true. The other night… when I found you with those pills I…"

I wince. I had forgotten about that. "I was not afraid of you." I say truthfully. "I never once considered that you might hit me, it just is not something you would do. In fact there have been a few times when I have been surprised at just how incredibly gentle you are."

"It's you. You make it so easy to care about you." He says and my heart starts beating faster. "I've never felt like the nurturing type… I never _learned_ how to take care of someone because no one ever took care of me… but when I'm with you, something just kicks in and takes over…and I do and say things that I wouldn't normally do…I…go soft. And the tough guy that I've always had to be melts away. I'm not sure how I feel about that…kinda vulnerable. No one's ever seen this side of me."

There are tears in my eyes at his confessions but the jealous part of me still needs answers. "Surely your girlfriends have seen this side of you."

"Girlfriend. I've only really had one serious relationship before..."

I did not mean to embarrass him, I am not sure I thought I **could** embarrass him, but I appear to have managed it. He continues to explain how his experience with women was more physical than affectionate and that he had only really been interested in one thing, which I had always suspected but somehow the idea of him being unloving had never occurred to me.

My own cheeks are burning, I have finally found a bright side to us being so far apart. I do not know what to say so I just keep quiet and let him continue.

"My point is, who I was before…isn't who I am now and I think that's because of you. I act different with you than I did with her…besides the obvious that she was my girlfriend and you're just my friend. I mean, even when she and I were just friends, and we were running around on the streets, I never felt the need to protect her…like I do with you…I'm sorry. You probably don't even care to know all this stuff…but I just thought you should know that I wasn't always the gentle person that you've come to know…and if it weren't for you…I'd still be the jerk that I was in Brooklyn."

My tears are flowing freely and I cannot speak. My mind is reeling from the rollercoaster his speech just took me on.

"Linka? Are you still there? Linka?" He sounds worried.

"I am here." I say, trying to organise my chaotic thoughts. "I wish I could take credit for all that but I know better. Lyubov moy, this is who you really are. The kind, gentle, loving young man that I know and... and who has become my best friend, that is the **real** you."

I plough ahead trying to ignore my own embarrassment. "You hide behind the tough guy and the humour because of the upbringing you had, so that you would not be hurt anymore. If I am what you needed to get past that then I am honoured, but the truth is you have done the same for me."

"Wha'da'ya mean?" His voice is raspy, I hope he is okay, I wish I was there to hold him.

I chew my lip nervously for a moment, unsure of how to explain. "I was never an affectionate child. I did not suffer abuse the way you did, but I was shy and awkward. I tried to fit in but something always set me apart; I did not have a mother, my marks in my tests were higher than the others, I lost my father and then... there is the way I look."

Even now I am blushing to refer to myself that way. "I know a lot of girls use their beauty and enjoy the attention it brings them, but I never did. I went further and further in on myself, pushed everyone away and pretended that I did not care. Grandmuska would hug me sometimes but I was never comfortable with friends, especially boys, hugging me or kissing me, even just on the cheek. You made it okay for me, **more** than okay, not just to accept that kind of contact, but to give it. But you have not changed me Yankee, you have brought out the person I was inside, and made it okay for me to be that person."

"Good… because you shouldn't hide that person. She's really great to be around. " He sounds stronger and I find myself beaming through my tears. "As for not being comfortable with giving and receiving affection, I think you're a natural at it. I wish you were here right now to give it…or that I was there for you to accept it."

Who would have thought a year ago that his opinion could mean so much to me? "I wish so too. Are you ok?"

"No, but I will be." He tells me.

I am worried, I want to help, so I ask him. "Why not? What can I do for you?"

"Nothing. I won't be ok until I'm home. I don't want to be here. I want to be home." He sounds like a petulant child again but I understand, I have felt that way myself and I long to put my arms around him and comfort him.

"I want that too… but you have a job to do. As Planeteers, sometimes we have to do things that we do not want to do. To make sacrifices… and this is not the first time we have sacrificed something for the Planeteers."

He probably thinks I mean our former homes in our own countries, which is what I intended, but I know that our sacrifices did not stop there. I know too that it is me that has imposed them… it is my view of what is best for the team that has kept us apart.

"No, it's not," He agrees with a yawn.

It makes me smile, he must be relaxing again, maybe I **have** helped him, even from here… "You should get some rest."

"I should change out of my clothes! I was so beat, I just collapsed on the bed without changing. No wonder I had a bad dream…I didn't have your shirt that I stole."

"Do you think it will help?" I ask with a smile, knowing what he will say.

"I know it will," He replies and then asks "Where are you now?"

It is a good thing I decided to come here instead of Wheeler's cabin. "In my room. I was reading a book."

"Can you go to the Crystal Chamber?" he requests.

A pit opens in my stomach. "I would rather not…what if Gaia…"

"I need to _see_ you. I'm going to the Geo Cruiser to hook up the com link…I just…I need to see you, to see for myself that you're ok because right now, the only image I have of you in my brain is the one from my dream."

"I am fine Wheeler, I promise… but if it will help you sleep better, I will do it." He does everything he can to make my nightmares go away, how can I refuse him?

"Thanks, I'll talk to you in a few minutes."

"Ok." I reply, gently picking up Suchi and putting him in the warm spot on my bed.

After Wheeler turns the phone off I make my way to our command centre hoping that Gaia will not comment.

* * *

"Hello Linka," Gaia says with a polite, and I assume, insincere smile. "Can I help you?"

I want to turn around and leave then and there, she obviously does not want me here and is just trying to sort out whatever I want quickly, to get me out of her way. "Can I use the view screen please? Wheeler wanted to talk… where he can see me."

I can feel my cheeks grow hot, I know what she must think and considering the look she gives me, I am sure that I am right.

"Of course Linka." She says with a smile in that maddeningly soft voice of hers, and gestures for me to go ahead. "I will be communing with the planet in my sleep chamber if you need me."

Anything rather than speak to me apparently! I watch her disappear and then activate the view screen, waiting for Wheeler to make the connection on the other end.

He grins and I cannot miss the admiring glance he throws in my direction, it warms me as nothing else can. "Hey Babe. You look good in Red, White, and Blue!"

"HA! Never in a million years Yankee! But you look good in red!" I retort, noticing his appearance.

"And you see, I am fine," I add, rotating so that he can take me in from every angle.

"I see." He replies, taking full advantage of the opportunity.

Feeling a little self-conscious, I change the subject slightly. "But it is nice to see you and not just hear you… it is more real. I worry about you too while you are over there…what if there is another typhoon?"

"Don't worry. We've been keeping an eye on the weather channel," He yawns.

I smile affectionately at him, he is cute when he is sleepy. "You look tired. I should let you get some sleep."

"Trying to get rid of me?" He teases. "Must be a really good book you're reading… is it one of those steamy romance novels?"

"Nyet!" I protest, embarrassed because it is a romance, though it is not steamy.

"No? No love stories about a tough guy from a rough city whose life is changed when he falls for a beautiful, classy, mysterious, foreign girl?" He makes himself comfortable in his seat and unselfconsciously nuzzles my top.

"Nyet…" I try not to react to his words but my heart responds anyway. "That story has not been written yet Yankee…Wheeler?"

He is falling asleep. "Goodnight, Lyubov moy."

"Goodnight, Babe." He murmurs into my top and I find myself grinning at him.

I stand there for a while, just watching him drift away into sleep, then I look around self-consciously for Gaia. She has not returned though and I cannot seem to keep my eyes from the view screen. At least if I cannot be with him, I can watch over him, maybe my voice will be enough to chase away any more dreams he might have.

I run to the kitchen as quickly as my weakened body can manage, and bring back a stool. After I am sure he is sleeping peacefully, I return to my cabin and fetch my book.

Suchi yawns when I enter, but then pulls the folds of my blanket around him and goes back to sleep, I guess he will not be joining me!

Wheeler's presence, even remotely, is very soothing. It is also distracting.

No matter how hard I try to concentrate on my book, my gaze keeps returning to my slumbering Yankee. When Wheeler relaxes, he really relaxes! But watching him with his head cushioned against my sweatshirt, like a child with a comfort blanket, I find myself once again feeling very protective. He kind of missed his childhood and yet in a lot of ways he is still a child, lost and needing someone to take care of him… I want to be that person, and I will be if he will let me, even if it is just as a friend.

* * *

It has just gone half six when I decide it is time for my companion to wake. I feel a bit guilty, he obviously needs the rest and I am probably a part of the reason for that, but he has a job to do.

The second time I call him, he stretches and then opens his eyes.

"Good morning Wheeler. Did you sleep well?" I ask smiling.

He shrugs. "I guess…as well as can be expected in an airplane chair! Have you been here the whole time?"

"Da… what else was I going to do here?" I reply.

He does not sound convinced. "Surely you could have found something more exciting than watching me sleep?"

Actually… "Nyet. I would read my book and check on you…and I had lunch and dinner."

"Good. And you were able to keep it down?" He is turning into a mother hen.

"Da… but I have been avoiding the leftover pizza!" I tease. "I do not want to get sick when there is no one here to take care of me."

He cannot be thinking clearly yet. "What about Gaia?"

"Like I said, I do not want to get sick when there is no one here to take care of me." I could just see her standing beside me while I am throwing up, she does not even want to be around me when I feel okay. Perhaps she is afraid that my polluted body will somehow contaminate her.

"I'm sorry you feel that way Babe," I nod, not knowing what to say and he changes the subject. "What time is it?"

"Here? Almost 7pm. Which means it is almost 7am there." I answer promptly.

"I guess I should get up and get to work," he is grumbling, typical Wheeler.

I agree. "Da, remember, the sooner you finish…"

"The sooner I can come home…I know…I'll call you again at midnight your time. That's when I'll be taking my lunch break." He tells me.

"Ok. I will talk to you in five hours then?" I say, a little too eagerly perhaps. Now that he is going I am regretting my decision to wake him, one of the others would have come by looking for him eventually!

"You bet. Talk to you later Babe." He replies.

I will be waiting. "Da, be careful Yankee."

"I will. Bye," He winks and I think he is going to turn the screen off but he hesitates.

Is he waiting for me? "Goodbye."

The screen goes blank and I sigh. Five hours… not that long… not really.

Once the link is broken I return my chair to the kitchen and relocate myself to the sofa in the common room. Gaia did not return all afternoon, I can understand her giving us some privacy but he was sleeping! I guess she just does not want to be around me anymore…

It takes less than an hour to finish my book. Sitting with Wheeler close by (sort of,) let me relax enough to actually read it, but now I have nothing to do.

I finally decide to go for a walk. I will take it easy but at least it will be a little exercise, I think my muscles may need it. As I reach the tree line, Suchi drops down in front of me, startling me, before climbing up to sit on my shoulder. "Coming with me for a walk?"

He chitters away in what I think is definitely an affirmative tone, and we continue on our way.

It does not take me long to get tired and I curse quietly before tuning back. I wish Wheeler were here… why? To carry me? Baby me? Maybe, but mostly I just wish he were here.

A quick shower and a change of clothes and I head back to Wheeler's room to wait for his call. Somewhere in the back of my mind I am embarrassed by my neediness and I am very aware of how good a person he is, not to take advantage of it… even if a part of me is still wishing he would.

* * *

To be continued…

A/N: And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 29! Let us know what you think!


	30. Day Fourteen

**A/N: **Thanks for reading and reviewing... and sorry for the delay but thanks to Pinkin for the extra encouragement ;o)

* * *

**Chapter Thirty - Day Fourteen**

I have decided that I will tell my Yankee that I am sleeping in his room. Hopefully it will help him feel closer to me, and let him know that he is still giving me comfort and perhaps in turn it will help to ease his nightmares later.

I still have not gotten over the idea that he dreams about me being his wife… okay I know it was not a good dream, but it means that the idea is in his head, da? Floating around in there with lots of other flotsam but who knows, maybe someday it might surface…. stranger things have happened.

The phone handset is on his bedside table, right next to the clock. I watch the numbers on the clock turn to 12:00, exactly midnight… and then 12:01.

I am cross. I know that is unreasonable, he is probably busy and could not get away on time, he is doing very important work and it is not something you can just drop… but he **knows** how much I need to hear from him! My world is upside down, he is my one constant, and I need him to keep his word. Even something as small as this, three, no four minutes late… it is too many.

Sighing, I flop back on the bed and stare at the future skylight. Perhaps if I do not look at the clock it will not seem like as long… except that I keep sneeking a peek because it actually seems longer if I do not know. 12:10… 12:30… 01:00!

That is it, one hour late! Obviously he cannot be trusted, I am not answering it now. If he cannot be bothered to call me on time, then I cannot be bothered to stay awake and wait for him. I turn my back on the phone as if he would know that I am ignoring him, and resolutely close my eyes.

02:45. What if something has happened to him? Nyet, the others would have called me instead… would they know I was waiting? Would they even care? Nyet I am over-reacting, they would let me know or Gaia would.

It has not really been that long, they probably just cannot stop what they are doing, or they might be too far from the geo-cruiser. Wheeler is probably freaking out because he cannot get back to the phone, he will be in a worse state than I am… probably…

03:58. I do not know when I started crying but I cannot seem to stop. I feel like I am the last person in the world still alive and the walls are closing in. Oh please Yankee moya, call me soon…

* * *

Seven in the morning and I am still awake… **Where is he?** I am worried sick, but I cannot bring myself to go to the Crystal Chamber and ask Gaia. She would tell me if something had happened… wouldn't she?

I cannot let Gaia see me like this… so weak. She would use it against me, stop me going on more missions… and leave me stuck here alone again wondering what has happened to my friends… to Wheeler.

Snuggling further down his bed, I do not take my eyes from the phone, willing it to ring. How long will I wait until I give up and ask Gaia? I can feel the panic rising slowly in my chest, I cannot keep it at bay much longer.

When it finally rings I nearly jump out of my skin, as it is, the handset falls to the floor and I scramble frantically to retrieve it.

"Hello?" I try to keep my voice calm but it is tinged with hysteria.

He says one word but I know who it is immediately. "Linka!"

My relief is audible and echoes his. "Wheeler!"

"Babe! I'm so sorry!" He apologises.

"What happened? I was so worried!" I demand, wishing he would just keep talking and let his voice soothe away my fears.

"I know, I figured! I wanted to call you sooner, but by the time I realized what time it was, it was the middle of the night on Hope Island, I knew you'd be asleep…" He explains.

I wish! "Da, but I was not asleep… I was waiting for you to call." Not that I really had a choice, I **could not** sleep without hearing from him.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to call…I really did…Ma-Ti, tell her," He passes the phone over to our young friend who corroborates his story. I do not want to be unkind, but it is not Ma-Ti I want to talk to and I wait impatiently for Wheeler to take back the phone.

Fortunately it is not long. "Uhh, so you see Babe, I tried."

"Where are you now?" I ask, actually a little surprised that Ma-Ti is with him at all.

"In the Geo Cruiser." He replies.

I want to see him, I cannot get it out of my head that there is something wrong. "Are you setting up the com link?"

"I can if you want." He offers casually… too casually, what is going on?

"Of course I want… you need to make up for missing your call earlier!" the fear that had started going away when I heard his voice is returning, I need to see him, to be as close to him as I possibly can at such a dreadful distance.

All thoughts of Gaia banished from my mind, I rush back to the Crystal Chamber and wait for his signal.

"Good morning Beautiful!" He says cheerfully as his face appears on the screen.

"HI!" I grin, overjoyed to see him and relieved all over again as if hearing his voice did not really prove that he was alive. After a moment though, his appearance sinks in and my relief turns to alarm. "Bozhe moy Wheeler! You look horrible! Why are you so pale? Are you sick?"

"Yeah…I uh…got the flu bug," He tells me.

He does not sound convincing, but why would he lie? He does look terrible maybe it **is** more serious and he does not realise. "Flu bug? Are you sure it is not a parasite? When you go to places like that… and there is stagnant water, and raw sewage I am sure…"

"Calm down Babe, it's not a parasite." He sounds sure, so I guess it must be okay.

I am still a little worried though. "Well, it is good to see you, even if you do look awful."

"Gee thanks." He replies.

"I did not mean it like that… I am just happy to see you." I just wish you were here so that I could make sure you are really okay… and look after you.

"I know. I'm happy to see you too. And I've got something to tell you." He is up to something I think, I can always tell.

"Oh yeah? What is that?" I ask, playing along.

"In about five hours, you'll be able to tell me how crappy I look… IN PERSON!" He grins, anticipating my reaction.

I cannot help it, my heart leaps in response and my lips curl up into a delighted grin. "What? Do you mean…?"

"Yep! I'm comin' home Babe!" He is smug now.

"Oh Wheeler! That is wonderful news!" I exclaim, not even caring how obvious I am being. "I cannot believe you are done there already!"

"Well, my…illness was a big part of our getting sent home…" he is hesitating.

"Wait…they are sending you home just for the flu? Why not just keep you in bed and let the others finish?" Something is not right, but he will be home soon, with me, and then everything will be okay.

His next words distract me however, "Umm, I guess they don't want me getting everyone else sick. Besides, we called Cap and he did most of the hard work."

"You did? You were able to?" Maybe that is why he is weak, I worry… using two rings might have some sort of side effects…

"Yep. So our theory is still in tact." He replies, reminding me of our earlier conversation and drawing a smile.

"Good. I am glad to hear it. I cannot wait to see you!" It is hard to remain worried when we are so close to being together again.

There are actually tears in his eyes! "I can't wait to see you either Babe. I better let you go. Try to get some more sleep…it'll make the time go by faster, and I want you well rested." He glances away and then tries to explain himself. "Uh…because we have a lot of catching up to do…talking…and uh, how are you feeling? How's the muscle soreness?"

"It is still a problem." I answer. I am guessing that Kwame is giving him a hard time about us again. Why can he not just let things be, it is not as if we are doing anything wrong… in fact we would not be doing anything wrong even if we were doing something, which we are not!

"Oh, ok. Good…I mean, NOT good, but good that I'm coming home." He digs himself deeper, poor Yankee.

"Da, it is good that you are coming home." I agree.

"Well, like I said before, I better let you go. We'll be home for lunch…so pick out your favorite yogurt and fruit, and I'll make the toast!" That soon?

"Sounds…delicious." I reply, keeping my face neutral.

He responds as I expect him to. "Really?"

"Nyet!" He is so easy to fool, it is adorable.

He laughs. "Sorry, I'm not used to you being the sarcastic one! See you soon Babe."

"Not soon enough Yankee!" I tell him truthfully, not caring what the others think.

Once he closes the link I sigh and head back to his bedroom. I should be able to sleep now for a couple of hours at least.

As I make myself comfortable I wonder vaguely where Gaia was, she must really not want to talk to me… perhaps she does not want me around much longer and is just waiting for me to get well enough so that she can ask me to leave.

I bury my face in Wheeler's pillow, I wish he were here! But he will be, soon now, then everything will be okay.

* * *

To be continued…

A/N: And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 30! Let us know what you think!


	31. Day Fourteen Continued

**Chapter Thirty One – Day Fourteen Continued**

There is just over an hour until Wheeler expected to be home. I woke a short while ago feeling ridiculously excited and happy and now I am doing my best to prepare a welcome home lunch for everyone. Admittedly there is only really one of them I want to welcome, but I need the others to see that I am getting better.

When I hear the Geo-Cruiser I want to run out to it, throw myself in my Yankee's arms and never let go. Fortunately I am still in command of my senses…. Well mostly. I did run to the kitchen door before I stopped myself and forced my legs into a more dignified pace. Just friends, I say to myself over and over, needing to be reminded every step of the way.

As I approach the group just alighting from our craft, Suchi comes streaking down from the trees and straight into Ma-Ti's arms, how I envy his freedom.

I allow myself to meet Wheeler's gaze and smile at him, before turning to the others. "When you all get settled, come to the kitchen, I have prepared a Welcome Home lunch for you."

"For all of us?" Gi asks.

"Da, of course for all of you! It would be rude to welcome just one of you home when all of you have been gone doing such hard work!" And you do not have any idea what a strain it is, I am afraid I am being overly bright and cheerful to compensate. All I want is to settle in Wheeler's arms and let everything else disappear.

"That sounds wonderful. I am starving," Kwame says.

"Me too," "Uh huh," Ma-Ti and Gi agree.

They all begin to head towards their cabins but as Wheeler comes level with me I take his hand and squeeze it, tugging on his arm to get him to lean down. I want him to hug me… actually I want him to kiss me but despite the things we shared in our telephone conversations, I know that is not what he wants. Still, when he keeps his head turned away, obviously expecting me to whisper to him, I press a gentle kiss to his cheek. A friend's gesture, da?

"Welcome back," I tell him.

"I think you mean 'Welcome home,'" he corrects, tucking his arm around me.

"Da, welcome home," I agree, smiling up at him, he is **very** welcome and the distinction he just made… da, this is our home. I study him closely. "Are you sure you are feeling ok? You still look sickly."

"I'm fine. Much better now that I'm back here." He gives me reassuring squeeze.

I am still not convinced though, I feel very protective of my sweet Yankee right now, he will not be going away again any time soon! "If you say so. But if you would rather just go and lay down, I will bring your lunch to you."

"No, really. I wanna eat with everyone." he says, "That was really nice of you to do that."

"I wanted to show them that I am not useless…that I **am** capable of doing things." I explain.

"Good idea." He agrees.

I nod and tell him. "I will see you at lunch."

Then I disentangle myself from my companion, and head towards the kitchen to finish preparing lunch. I am a little disappointed that he insisted on us all eating together, I was hoping we could have some time alone, but he is right we do need to do things as a team again.

It is only that I am not yet ready to do without him and the closeness we have built up… I guess I will have to sometime, but not yet.

* * *

I like cooking. Though there was a while back in Russia when I refused to do any, as I remember, it was shortly after my brother declared it to be women's work.

It is not long before Wheeler joins me. My back is to the door and he enters quietly, probably wanting to make me jump, but I know he is there... as if I can sense his presence.

Okay, I am probably imagining that because he keeps talking about our 'connection', though it could be possible for me to sense my ring.

But I **do** know he is there, and it is confirmed a few moments later when he slips his arms around me and leans over to place a small kiss on my cheek.

It feels so natural. I know he said he is different with me than with his past girlfriends but I cannot help wondering what it would be like if we were really a couple.

Turning in his embrace – slowly so that I do not give him the idea that I am trying to get away – I put my own arms around him, securing us together.

"Hi," He says, and I smile up into his loving gaze.

It **is** loving, and I find myself wishing it held more than the open affection of a good friend... it hurts to remind myself that it does not. But my Yankee is a tender-hearted boy who has been waiting for a long time to find someone it is truly safe to love, even as a friend, and I will not let myself do anything to jeopardise that. We both need each other too badly.

"Hi, are you hungry?" I ask, figuring it is a fairly safe topic.

His response amazes me.

"Yes," he replies, and before I can say another word, leans down and joins our lips together.

I do not know what to think.

It was not the passionate embrace of a couple who have been apart for days, but then we are not a couple. It was not the loving kiss a couple share at the end of a movie, to show that they are going to be together either. It was... nice.

If he had not told me that he is not usually affectionate in this way, I would assume that it was merely a token of friendship and support... except that it lasted a few seconds too long for that.

It must have meant something, but what, I cannot tell. At the very least it has disordered my thinking once again and while these confused ramblings are running through my brain, he is waiting for a response.

I smile at him and press myself closer into his embrace, tightening my grip. "I am glad you are back."

"Me too Babe." He replies and I smile up at him, only to see tears shinning in his eyes.

"What is wrong?" I ask, reaching up to gently cup his cheek.

"Nothing, I'm just happy to be home."

I wish I could be sure of that, but he distracts me by lifting me onto the counter, so that our eyes are level. He steps forward and I let him part my legs so that he can move closer.

Now people say that women plan their weddings from childhood, that they imagine and fantasize every detail... sometimes including their future partner. I have never done that – not until I met Wheeler anyway – my dreams were always about personal accomplishments rather than romance, and I have always thought that it was just something cynical men say.

I do not know if it is something about the way Wheeler does it, but when he takes my hand to return my planeteer ring, I find myself picturing another scene... a different ring, a different finger.

My heart speeds up and my breathing becomes shallow... does he know the effect he is having? I hope not. I do not want him to start avoiding me because he thinks I am trying to trap him...

Am I imagining this? He kissed me before and now he is kissing my hand like I am a princess or something... like if the ring he had just given me was...

Stop it Linka! I admonish myself, I have already made a fool of myself once by letting my feelings show. He is just being a gallant **friend.**

Still, the moment is charged and I cannot resist the urge to run my fingers through his hair.

Wheeler must feel it as strongly as I do because he moves as if to kiss me again... I do not know what he wants from me anymore, but my own feelings will not let me pull away.

I close my eyes, waiting. Ready to let happen whatever is going to happen as a result of this.

"It smells great in here." Gi calls as she enters the dining area.

We both automatically pull away... I should have known we would be interrupted, but for a brief time I forgot the others even existed.

Wheeler sighs and rests his head on my shoulder but even that is too intimate now. I quickly push him away and drop down to the floor, practically running from the kitchen.

"Gi! Hi! I hope you think it tastes as good as it smells!" That sounded way too bright and cheery but hopefully Gi will put it down to my being alone the last few days.

I know if she suspects anything that she will start asking questions, but right now I do not have any answers for her... I need time to think. I need to know what Wheeler is thinking!

* * *

Wheeler is quiet all through lunch, I know there is something wrong but I cannot tell what, and I cannot ask in front of the others.

Our friends do seem to enjoy the food, which pleases me, but I must admit I find the conversation a little painful.

I do not want to hear about their trip. They left me behind and managed perfectly without me and not one of them has even considered how I might feel about that... except perhaps Wheeler of course.

I try to help Wheeler clean up but he insists that I rest. I am guessing he wants to get me away from the others so that we can talk properly so I do not make a fuss. It is his turn to clean up though so I hope he can get away soon.

When he does leave the kitchen, he goes straight to his cabin. I am watching from my window and it surprises me… maybe he thought I would go there though, I did leave some of my things in his room. When he does not re-emerge I make my way over to peep inside.

He is not in sight so I guess he must be in the bathroom and I slip inside. "Wheeler?"

"In here," He calls and walks out of the bathroom to join me

Now that I am standing in front of him I start to worry again. He obviously was not expecting me… maybe he just wanted to get rid of me earlier, if he is feeling bad about kissing me…

Feeling the need to explain my intrusion, I begin to babble "I thought you would come to my room when you finished cleaning up…but then, I saw you come here and thought maybe you were expecting me to be waiting for you here…so I came here,"

"Uh, yeah, I didn't really want to disturb you…if you were resting." He says awkwardly. He cannot believe that can he?

"I am not tired…but perhaps you are? Should I leave you alone?" There, I have given him a way out, but if he takes it… I can feel my heart begin to pound in my chest…

"No, I'm not tired." He says quickly, and then continues tripping over his words more badly than I did. "You don't have to leave… unless you want to… I don't want you to think you've gotta stay here."

"Why would I think that?" I ask, genuinely confused.

Apparently I am not alone either. "I don't know…I don't know what I'm talking about…"

"You were quiet at lunch," I offer, trying to give him a chance to tell me what is really wrong.

"I guess I had a lot on my mind…and everyone else was talking…getting along. It's been a while since things were like that. I was just taking that in…seems like things are starting to get back to normal around here."

I do not believe him. He is lying to me, I know he is… I thought we were past that. "Wheeler, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I just…don't know what to do next." He confesses, clearly embarrassed.

It takes a couple of seconds but then something finally clicks inside my brain… he wants to know how to act now, after the kiss. Of course if I had any sense I would tell him to forget it happened and carry on the way were just before he left… **If** I had any sense.

The trouble is that where Wheeler is concerned, common sense goes out the window.

I know I should keep my distance, I know this will end in heartache for me and possibly him too, I know I should walk away while I still can… so naturally, I walk up to him and wrap my arms around his neck. "Then maybe we should just pick up where we left off in the kitchen?"

He pulls me to him and lifts me once again so that he can nuzzle into my neck. When he puts me down again, he puts his hands on my hips and rests his forehead against mine, while I trail my fingers through his lengthening hair.

"Have I mentioned lately that I missed you?" He asks, being just a little silly.

Responding in kind, I reply. "It has been a few hours."

"Oh. Well then I guess I'm overdue… I missed you," He whispers.

"I missed you too," I whisper in return. "It was too quiet around here without you."

I cannot tell if he is really upset as he responds. "Hey!"

"I did not mean it like that…" I tell him quickly. "I meant that it was boring without you. You keep me excited."

"You only want me for my massages," I know he is joking but still…

I shake my head decisively. "Nyet,"

"Well, I know it's not my cooking skills," He is still making jokes.

I need him to be serious. "Wheeler…" I say in a no nonsense tone.

"Yeah?" He is almost whispering.

I work up the courage to say what I want him to know but I cannot look at him while I do. I look down but as I do, at the corner of my vision I see an expanse of red where it should not be. "Bozhe moy! Wheeler! You are bleeding!"

* * *

To be continued…

A/N: And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 31! Let us know what you think!


	32. Day Fourteen Afternoon to Evening

**Chapter Thirty Two – Day Fourteen – Afternoon to Evening**

I try to pull his shirt up so that I can inspect the wound that must lay beneath but he stops me. "It's nothing. No big deal."

"You are bleeding through your shirt!" I point out.

He shakes his head. "It's just a scratch."

"Scratches do not bleed that much. Just let me see it," I continue trying to get at his shirt.

And he is still being difficult. "I'm fine Babe, really."

"Jason Wheeler, I am not going to ask you again. Let me see it." I am not letting this go, I do not care what he says.

He raises his hands in surrender and I pull up his shirt. What I see shocks and frightens me. "Chyort voz mi Wheeler! 'Scratches' do not require such large bandages! And yours are saturated with blood! I need to change them for you."

"I can do it Linka, you don't need to…" He is back to protecting me, it has to stop.

Cannot he see that I need to protect him too? "What did I tell you before? If I am supposed to let you take care of me, why cannot you trust me to take care of you?"

"I trust you. I just…I don't want to worry you." He finishes lamely.

Worry me? I am terrified. "You are bleeding and obviously have been injured… if you do not want me to be worried, tell me what happened and let me take care of it for you,"

Thankfully he finally gives in. "Ok…the doctors gave me extra dressings for my wound. They're in my bag."

Nothing is easy to find in Wheeler's bag, he just shoves everything in and forces the zip closed. When I manage to retrieve what I need I tap the bed. "Sit,"

He follows my instructions and I move to stand in front of him, between his legs so that I can reach easily. "Arms up."

He does as he is told but I can see that it hurts him, and my concern makes my next words more like a scold than I intended. "If you had told me you were injured, I would have been gentler when I hugged you."

"I didn't mind," He winks… only Wheeler would flirt now! It makes me feel a bit better though.

As I begin my task, I ask him for an explanation, hopefully he will feel he can be honest now. "And you should not have lifted me! So what happened?"

I should have known that there would be a girl involved… though I do believe he is telling me the truth, he was not interested in her. When he gets to the point where her boyfriend stabbed him though, I practically scream at him. "YOU WERE STABBED?"

Typical Wheeler tries to make light of it. "It wasn't serious."

"Wheeler! You were stabbed, of course it is serious!" The sight of his wound brings me back to the present though, there will be time enough to set his thinking straight later. "You popped your stitches. I will clean this up as best I can, but we will need to get you to the doctor to stitch you up again."

"No, no doctors." He sounds like me! "I don't wanna leave Hope Island…I've already been away too long."

I do not want him to leave either, what if they want him to stay there? But this is too important, I must not be selfish. "But you need to get that closed up."

"You do it." He says stubbornly.

He needs better care than that! "I am not a doctor, Yankee! Besides, look at my hands. I cannot hold them steady; there is no way I could do it. And even if I did agree to do it, you need anaesthetic to numb it before it is stitched…"

"Just use butterfly stitches." Is he trying to be macho?

I shake my head in frustration, knowing he is not going to give way. "You are so stubborn!"

"I learned from the best!" He retorts and I do not know whether to be flattered or insulted.

"Lay down!" I snap at him.

He waggles his eyebrows suggestively. "Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for you to say those words to me Babe?"

"Too bad you are hurt!" I tease in return, though if I am honest… if he really wanted to be macho I would be tempted to… nyet I am being selfish again. His health has to come first.

I do my best to clean the wound and remove the broken stitches without hurting him. He does not cry out but he winces every so often and I wish with all my heart I could take the pain away. I put a clean pad on the wound and apply pressure to stop the bleeding, just as I have been taught but despite my efforts, when I take a closer look at the gash I cannot but be disturbed.

"This looks horrible!" I tell him.

He keeps trying to reassure me. "It's not that bad. My rib stopped it from even going in that far… fortunately."

"Nyet, that is not what I mean…it is all red and puffy. It is infected. Did they not give you anything for it?" He needs to go to a proper doctor…

"Yeah, I got some antibiotics." That is something at least but…

"But how did they treat you? Did they flush and cleanse the wound properly?"

He shrugs. "I don't know Babe. I was unconscious. I remember fighting with the guy, we were struggling on the ground, some people pulled us apart, and the next thing I knew, I woke up in a cot in the clinic that the Red Cross had set up."

"So your treatment was subpar?" I am becoming alarmed though I try to keep myself at least seeming calm…

"Well, compared to your standards…yeah, I guess." I should have been with him! This is Kwame's fault!

I am here now though and I am going to look after him. "How are you feeling?"

"A little dizzy actually." He admits.

"You have already lost a lot of blood from the initial wound, I am sure…and now you have lost more, **and** it is infected. I am going to go get you some orange juice. You need sugar and iron to make up for the blood you have lost. I will ask Ma-Ti if he can come up with something to help with the pain and speed up the healing. The bleeding has stopped for now. Do **not** move."

"Yes ma'am." He replies, still trying for humour.

* * *

Wheeler is asleep when I return and that worries me. He should see a doctor but he really is so stubborn!

I sit on the edge of the bed and watch him for a moment, wondering if I should let him sleep, his body needs it to heal... but it will not heal with an infection and I need to finish treating him.

Gently stroking his cheek, I call softly, "Wake up Jason."

He murmurs but does not open his eyes. That is not as worrying as it sounds, he is always like this when he sleeps during the day. "I know you want to sleep Lyubov but you need to drink this."

"You should be in a hospital," I say as he comes to, and then when he is ready, I hold the glass of orange juice to his lips.

He takes a drink and then says. "You can take care of me just as good as any nurse… besides, I'd rather have _**you**_ taking care of me."

I would be lying if I said his assertion did not please me but... "But this is my fault."

"That's weird, I don't recall you being the one to stick a knife in my side," He says sarcastically.

"When I hugged you…" I am sure he knows what I mean.

He is inclined to argue though. "You did not pop my stitches when you hugged me Babe!"

"But you should not have lifted me!" I counter.

He comes back with. "Yeah, so it's my fault, not yours."

Good point but… "If I had known you were injured…"

"I know Babe… but you didn't know. It's not your fault. I'm glad you didn't know…or else I would've never gotten that big of a hug. I'm fine…really," I try to stop him but he sits up, I guess he is done playing patient, his stubborn streak is showing again. "But how are you?"

"Fine." What does it matter how I am? His condition is more serious now!

"Yeah, but how are you _**really**_?" He puts his hands on my shoulders and probes the muscles.

I know what he will find, though I think the worst of the tension is worry about him, rather than a sign of withdrawal. When he starts rubbing the muscles the relief causes me to let out a small moan… I had forgotten how good that feels.

"That bad huh?" He asks.

"I guess I did not realize how bad it really was." And it just feels good having his hands on me… bozhe 'moy, I need to get a hold of myself!

I lean forward so that he can get to my neck… I meant him to massage it but maybe his thinking is as clear as mine is right now because, instead of his fingers I feel the tender warmth of his lips.

Raising my eyes to his, I pause for a moment still wondering what all this means and then return my attention to his wound, gently caressing the skin around it. "I am supposed to be the one taking care of you now."

"We can take turns," He offers.

I nod but cannot bring myself to look up, the ugly gash in his side is holding my attention, it is so terrible seeing him cut open… vulnerable.

"Thank God for that rock hard body we've been talking about huh? Coulda been pretty bad if that knife had actually gone in." Why does he have to joke about something like this? I try to smile but I am closer to crying than laughing.

I move my hand a little higher, and whisper. "Two more inches."

"Huh?" He asks, not understanding.

"Two more inches higher and it would have been your heart." My voice sounds hollow to my ears as I lay my hand over the vital organ.

He shakes his head and covers my hand. "Wouldn't have mattered, my heart wasn't with me. It was back on Hope Island."

I smile, this time genuinely because I know it is his way of telling me that he cares and trying to make me feel better, but it does not change the facts and the reality of the situation is beginning to hit me. "That is sweet of you to say, but unfortunately, still not possible. If that knife had been just a little higher…"

"Shush…no 'ifs'," He tells me, pressing his fingers to my lips to keep me silent before tenderly wiping away my tears. "All that matters is that it wasn't. I'm fine. I had to be. I had to come back to you… and I did."

My heart is trying to break through my chest as our eyes meet and we are locked together for a brief eternity. I feel as if he can see into my soul and for once I do not mind, I want to be as open with him as he is being with me.

We lean towards each other. The moment is perfect, my doubts are gone…

"Linka I have the medicine you asked for!" Ma-Ti says as he enters the room.

I pull away and get up to greet our friend as all my insecurities come rushing back.

"Jesus, doesn't anyone around here knock?" Wheeler growls.

We both ignore him as I take the bowl Ma-Ti is holding out to me, thank him and ask for directions. The interruption **was** for the best, Wheeler was right earlier… he said none of this would be happening if I had not gotten sick and the same applies to him. Neither of us are thinking clearly, we are just responding to the stress of the situation.

I listen to Ma-Ti's instructions carefully, memorising them. We are lucky to have him.

I am pleased when Wheeler thanks Ma-Ti too, but then he makes it clear that he wants him gone and that does not please me at all.

"Wheeler! That was rude!" I say after our young companion's hasty retreat.

"Sorry… must be the pain talking," He lies.

It **is** a lie, even Ma-Ti could see through that one. "Mmm hmm."

Trying to be all business, I order him to lay down and sit beside him on the bed. He is watching me, I wish I knew what he is thinking… probably wondering if he can take things back to where they were before Ma-Ti came in, but he cannot, I will not allow it.

"I will try to be gentle, he did say it should help numb it too." I offer as I dip my finger in the bowl.

Wheeler sighs and stares up at his ceiling. "Whatever."

My heart constricts, I hate it when he is mad at me, but I need to keep a clear head… **I nearly lost him! **Does he not realise what that means… Two inches higher and the Earth would have lost two Planeteers. I am not being dramatic, it is a fact, I simply could not cope without him.

As Ma-Ti directed, I massage the medicine in around the wound, gently pushing the skin together as the balm dries. It is a slow process but I do not mind, however gruesome I am grateful for the contact.

After a while I rest my free hand on Wheeler's stomach, it is a more comfortable position amongst other things. His temper must be calming because he lays his hand on top of mine again and I can feel his eyes on me.

"What does Lyubov mean?" He asks quietly, causing me to meet his gaze in surprise.

"Love. Why? Where did you hear it?" I ask, wondering for a ridiculous moment if I have a reason to be jealous and feeling it anyway.

A grin stretches across his face and his grip tightens on my hand. "You called me that, twice."

I feel like my face is going as red as his hair and I immediately look back down at my task. "It is a term of affection, where I come from it is something a friend or relative would say."

I am still refusing to look at him, I have no idea if he believes me… I did not even know I had said the word out loud.

"Yeah." He says after a moment, releasing my hand. "That's what I thought."

For once I cannot tell from his voice what his mood is, but he is not the only who can be stubborn.

I finish pressing the wound together and watch as the medicine dries and holds it in place, just as Ma-Ti said it would. "You will have to be very careful, it seems to be working but it might be easier to pull apart."

I put a clean pad over it and ask Wheeler to sit up carefully while I bandage it in place. He does as he is told but he is being uncharacteristically quiet. I do not know if it is from the pain, or because of our conversation but I want him to say something, anything, to let me know he is okay.

"How does that feel?" I ask when I am done, finally risking a glance up into his eyes.

He closes them and turns his head away. "It hurts like hell. Worse than any pain I've ever felt before."

"The medicine is not helping?" I ask, worried that I have made it worse.

"They don't make a medicine strong enough," He says.

That is not good, perhaps the infection is worse than I thought… "Perhaps you should see a doctor."

"I'M NOT GOIN' TO A DOCTOR!" He yells. "Just…I just want to be alone."

Alone… without me? "I do not think that is a good idea…if you start bleeding again…"

"Well, I'm going to sleep. So you can just go do…whatever…no need to babysit me." He sounds annoyed.

Is he really going to send me away? I know he is hurting but we promised to look after each other… Is this because of the pain or something else? "You do not want me to stay?"

"And do what? Watch me sleep?" His sarcasm is unnecessary and needles me into responding in kind.

"What else am I going to do? No one will let me do anything around here." I stand up and move towards him, at least we can comfort each other and maybe his pain will ease off after a while, we did aggravate the wound after all. "Maybe I will also take a nap."

"Alright. I'm pretty tired, so I'll probably sleep through the night. See you tomorrow." He turns his head away.

I feel like he just punched me in the stomach and for a few moments I cannot move, not forward, not back. Speaking being impossible, I turn to leave. I try telling myself that it is the pain talking and that he does not mean it, but that does not stop the tears.

"Linka wait…" He calls out.

I stop, feeling a little dizzy, and quickly wipe my face, he cannot see me cry. Trying hard to stop my voice from cracking, I answer without turning round. "Da?"

"Will you stay with me? We don't want our nightmares coming back do we?" I guess his temper has calmed down.

I turn to face him and do my best to smile, then as he moves over, join him in the bed. He is lying on his back because of his wound so there is not much room. I have to lay on my side so I choose to face him, since I would not feel right lying in his bed with my back to him, I just hope I got all the traces of my tears.

I am right on the edge but I cannot get any closer or we will touch. I know that sounds stupid after all we have been through – I am not worried about his wound, I would be careful – it is just that I am too afraid that he might push me away.

"Hey Linka?" He whispers, still staring at his ceiling.

I still do not entirely trust my voice. "Hmm?"

He moves his hand to take mine, lacing our fingers together. "Thanks for taking care of me Babe."

I have no control over the smile that spreads across my face, I feel like I can breathe again, though I had no idea I had been holding my breath. "We take care of each other, that is how it should be."

I squeeze his hand in return and then wriggle closer so that I can rest my head on his shoulder. I place my free hand on his arm, both to increase our contact and to stop me rolling over onto his wound. "Sweet dreams Yankee."

"You too Babe," He kisses my head and then his breathing begins to deepen and he falls asleep.

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N: And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 32! Let us know what you think!**


	33. Day Fifteen

**Chapter Thirty Three - Day Fifteen**

When I wake I am alone. I can hear the shower running though so I know Wheeler is not far away. It is such a relief to know he is home! Closing my eyes again, I let myself drift into a light sleep until I am startled fully awake by Wheeler's voice.

"OW! DAMN IT!"

Alarmed, I leap out of bed and rush through the bathroom door without thinking. "Wheeler are you…OH!"

I stare just a little too long, but he is completely naked! Realising what I am doing I quickly cover my eyes and turn my back.

"SORRY!" We both exclaim at the same time.

I think the image of him is seared on the back of my eyelids but another exclamation, brings my attention back to the present. "Are you alright?"

"No…" He admits. "I bent down too quickly to try and snatch up my towel and reopened my wound…worse than what I did to it when I first opened it trying to keep the bandages from slipping."

I want to help him but, "Are you decent?"

"I am now," He replies and when I turn around he does have his towel in place.

He is bleeding from his wound and it needs immediate treatment but at least it is seeping rather than gushing. "You should have woken me. I would have taken care of this for you."

I pick up a clean pad and press it to the wound as he responds. "You looked so peaceful. I didn't want to disturb you."

I roll my eyes, sometimes there is no point in arguing with him. "Come on, grab your bandages and lay down. We need to get the bleeding to stop again."

"Hold on…lemme grab some boxers…there's a better chance of them staying on than this towel!" He jokes, retrieving a pair from his drawer and ducking back in the bathroom.

I consider arguing, his modesty is not exactly important compared to a gaping wound, but it would make us both more comfortable and I guess as long as he is quick…

When he exits the bathroom, though my eyes automatically go where they should not, my embarrassment is momentarily forgotten in laughter. "Are those monkeys?"

"Gorillas actually." He contradicts.

"Yes, you really are 'Going Bananas'," I tell him, reading out the words on the waistband of his boxers.

He feigns hurt. "What? You don't like 'em?"

"Nyet it is not that…they are…cute…and you can wear whatever you want…I just…cannot believe you wear those!" I am still trying not to laugh, but they really are cute.

"Well, usually, no one sees them…they're reserved for special people." He tells me.

I raise an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

He nods. "Yeah, so consider yourself lucky!"

"Oh, I do!" I reply sarcastically. Me and how many other girls, I wonder. "I can use information like this against you for YEEEEEEARS to come!"

"I can't believe you're not taking this seriously," He protests but I can see the familiar sparkle in his eyes. "You're the only person that I've ever let see these!"

Oh… I hide my embarrassment with bravado, crossing my arms in front of me and saying tartily. "Tell me Wheeler, how am I supposed to take anything seriously when a grown man is standing before me in boxer shorts with bananas and monkeys on them!"

He comes back with. "GORILLAS! And just because I'm legally an adult, does not make me a grown man…I'm 18…still a teenager!"

"Obviously," I smile affectionately at him. I have missed these moments. "Now come lay down here before you get blood all over those nice boxers."

He does as he is told but replies. "I'm sensing a hint of sarcasm."

"Just a hint? I guess I am not trying hard enough!" I tease in return.

"I don't know what hurts more…my wound or the fact that you don't like my favorite boxers!" He continues to complain but I am sure he is just trying to take his mind off of what I am doing with his wound so I continue the banter

"When did I say that I did not like them?" I counter

He is one of the strongest people I know. I have gotten the bleeding to stop but it must be hurting him and yet he continues to keep up a cheerful front. "You didn't have to say it…it's the lack of respect you're showing for them!"

I really am trying hard not to giggle now. "I have nothing but the utmost respect for you **and** your preferred sleepwear Yankee."

"Oh these aren't just for sleeping. These boxers have been with me on some of my favorite missions…that's why they're my favorite boxers!" He tells me.

"Which missions have been your favourite?" I ask, interested to hear the answer.

I think the medicine is working a little because he is beginning to relax. "Ok, well, my first favorite mission is our first one…because it was a day that changed my life forever…and it was the day I met you."

Oh… He is just being a smooth talker as usual but I can still feel myself react. I cannot trust my voice and my cheeks are growing hot but I keep my attention on his wound hoping he will not notice.

"Then there's the mission in Thailand…with the dragon." He continues.

That surprises me. "You liked being captured by a mechanical dragon?"

"I liked what was about to happen BEFORE I got captured by the mechanical dragon." For a minute I do not follow him but then I remember our walk and how we nearly kissed. My lips creep up at the corners as I remember that night. We came so close and I wanted it to happen, in fact I was unguarded enough to begin to respond… but then everything went wrong and Wheeler nearly died trying to save me. He didn't even think about it, he just diverted the dragon away from me and gave me my first glimpse into his heart. It terrified me, that someone could disregard their own life for mine so easily! As soon as I knew he was safe I made sure to keep him at arms length, I would never forgive myself if something happened to him because of me...

"But I had my lucky boxers on, so I knew I was going to be ok." He continues, apparently unaware of my discomfort. "And then there was that time with Sneezer! I wanted to get you a birthday present, but was an idiot and thought that an ivory necklace would be nice. Then I learned the cost of ivory…not just money, but the life of all those elephants…and that mission didn't leave me any time to get you a present…but you said seeing Sneezer reunited with her mom was good enough…and you were so happy, you almost kissed me."

"That is not what happened!" I say quickly, happy to divert my thoughts. "You said that in America, when you got a present, you thanked the person with a kiss. I said that in the Soviet Union, when boys make fast move, they get a fast nyet! Your lucky boxers were not so lucky for you then!"

He always has an answer though. "Sure they were…Sneezer and her mom were reunited. I didn't say they were always lucky for _**me**_!"

"Anymore favourites?" I ask.

"That time we went to DC…and I found out you were a hacker!" he says at once.

He has some very strange ideas about things. "What was so great about that?"

"Nothing…just learning something new and surprising about you…and it was kinda nice gettin' to work with you on a mission…just the two of us…and we didn't kill each other!"

He definitely has a point. "Da…we were a good team."

"We still are!" He says.

We are, or we would be, but… "Nyet…I am no longer a member of the team…it is only a matter of time before I am asked to leave."

"No way! That'll never happen." He exclaims.

I look away, unable to meet his eyes. "You sound so sure."

"Because I am." He assures me. "Remember when I was trapped behind that wall of ice with Blight? It was only a matter of time before we ran out of air…but you didn't give up on me…just like I'll never give up on you…Which brings me to my last favorite mission."

Turning my head back in surprise, I try to clarify. "Being trapped behind a wall of ice with a mad scientist?"

"Yep…it was worth it for the hug I got when you saved me…and then when we watched the sunrise…the start of the New Year…and I heard your beautiful singing for the first time. The lucky boxers were there for it! It was a great way to start off the New Year."

"It may have been a great start…but it has not been a very good year so far," I tell him sadly.

"No, it hasn't been…but the good news is it can't get any worse, right? Things have to start getting better…and they will…I thought they kinda were." He places his hand over my free one.

I turn my palm face up and grip his hand in return. "Da, they are…thanks to you…"

We smile at each other and though I do not really want this moment to end, I know it must. I release him and stand up, indicating that he should sit upright. "There, you are all patched up…again. I will wrap you in gauze and you will be all set."

It does not take long for me to finish my nursing duties. "All better…how do you feel?"

"Thanks Babe…didn't feel a thing," He lies, resting his hand on my waist.

I ruffle his hair in response, trying to keep things casual. "You are welcome," Then I sit down next him so that our hips are touching, his hand still resting lightly on my waist.

Wheeler breaks the companionable silence that ensues in the worst way possible. "So, should we plan on seeing Gaia today?"

"**Nyet!**" I almost shout in response, panic gripping my chest.

"Babe, you've been putting it off for days…what if something else comes up to put it off even longer?" He is trying to be reasonable again.

"That is fine by me." I say stubbornly.

He is not giving up though. "I thought you wanted to know."

"I **do**, but why is it so important to **you**? What difference does it make?" I ask, afraid that I already know the answer.

He confirms it. "It makes a huge difference."

"You want to know what Skumm did to me? You want to know if I am still worthy of your flirtations? Or whether or not I am damaged goods?" There I said it, it is all out in the open now.

"NO! This isn't about me. It's about making sure you're ok," He assures me quickly and I do want to believe him but I cannot help but wonder.

He cups my cheek with his hand in a soothing gesture. "Nothing will change how I feel about you. I'll always be around to annoy you with my flirting and bad lines, no matter what. I just…I have so much anger towards him. I wanna kill him for what he did to you…If I know that he didn't…you know…I'll still hate him, but maybe I can eventually get over that feeling of wanting him dead."

"And if he did…?" Would you really not be disgusted by me, Yankee? I would be… I could not blame you for…

His next words completely cut off that line of thought. "Then I'll make him pay for what he did to you…for all of it."

"You are not saying that you would kill him…are you?" I ask fearfully and when he does not answer I know that I am right. Taking his hand I move so that I can look him straight in the eyes. "You are better than him Jason. Do not let him cause you to do anything that is against your nature. I appreciate your wanting to get vengeance for me…but it is mine to get. I must be the one that deals with Skumm, and when that opportunity comes, I will take it…but it must be me who does it."

"What will you do?" He asks

And I reply honestly. "I do not know."

"But if we go to Gaia, she can help…" Back to that again.

"GAIA DOES NOT WANT TO HELP ME!" I shout.

He shakes his head. "Why would you think that?"

"She has had her chances. She avoids me. I think she is ashamed of me for becoming addicted to Bliss." I do not think I realised how much I missed having someone to confide in, I could never tell the others my fears like this, but with Wheeler it is just the natural thing to do.

"It wasn't your fault…she knows that." He tries to reassure me.

"Does she? She sure is not acting like it! She probably regrets choosing me for the Planeteers. I have been nothing but a disappointment." My eyes fill with tears, as I begin to let go of the emotions I have bottled up in his absence.

Of course he can do nothing but listen and offer me platitudes. "That's not true. You're the best Planeteer there is!"

"You are just saying that!" I scold him.

"No, I'm not. It's true. I've learned more from you than from anyone else. Maybe Gaia just doesn't know HOW to approach you? I mean, maybe she's having the same problem that the others are having? They didn't know how to approach you…they're still struggling with it."

Am I really so terrifying? I wonder. "But she is not like them! She is more! She is the Spirit of the Earth! She should know! She should have all the answers! She should not be afraid to approach me!"

"How can you say she's avoiding you? You hardly venture out of your room or my room…and when you do, I'm with you." He points out.

But it is not a good enough excuse for me. He does not know everything. "When you were away and I went to the Crystal Chamber to talk to you on Planet Vision, she could not leave the room fast enough."

"Maybe she wanted to give us some privacy?" He says waggling his eyebrows suggestively. I am not in the mood to be amused by that though and when he sees that he continues. "Seriously though Babe, I think maybe you're reading too much into it. I'm sure she just left because she didn't want to intrude."

I am nearly crying now, does he not understand? "Do not defend her to me! I do not want to hear it! I need you on my side!"

"I don't wanna take sides Babe. I wanna be neutral. But at the same time, I wanna be supportive of you." He means that to be reassuring, but he will not be able to remain neutral when she asks me to leave and if he supports her…

"Thank you." I say anyway, not wanting to argue with him.

Again it is Wheeler that breaks the silence. "So you're just gonna forget about it? Forget about finding out the truth?"

"Maybe not knowing is best." I tell him.

"If you can live with that…I guess that's fine." I can hear the argument in his voice though he is being careful not to disagree.

"You do not agree? You think I am wrong?" I prompt him, more aggressively than I had intended.

He is still being careful. "It's not my place to say…if this is what you want…I'm with you."

"For now…this is what I want." I tell him truthfully. He said it was fine if I could live with not knowing, well I can, it is 'knowing' that I am not sure I can live with.

"Ok…" He stands up. "I'm gonna see if Ma-Ti and Kwame feel like playing some video games since that's about the only fun activity I can do…wanna come?"

I feel strangely disconnected, I do not really want to be alone but at the same time I do not want to continue the conversation we have been having. "Nyet…I think I will go for a short walk…I promise, I will not over do it!"

"Good," He leans down and kisses my forehead and then starts putting the rest of his clothes on.

"Be careful." I admonish him as I begin to clean up the used bandages.

Is he trying to get away from me? He did ask if I wanted to join him but I got the impression that I was not really welcome… am I being too clingy? But he has only just got home… did he not miss me at all?

I smile at him as he leaves to find the others but my expression turns sad almost immediately as a million troubled thoughts war with each other inside my brain.

Heading down to the beach, I walk as quickly as I can, as if I am trying to leave my troubles behind. Or perhaps I am punishing Wheeler for not caring enough, by breaking my promise to him to take it easy. The exercise does help though, whether because I needed some fresh air or because by the time I return I am too tired to keep fretting, I do not know.

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N: And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 33! Let us know what you think!**


	34. Day Fifteen Continued

**Chapter Thirty Four – Day Fifteen Continued**

I am beginning to struggle as I return from my walk, but seeing Wheeler makes my pride kick in. I am not going to let him know I overdid it! "Done playing video games already? What is wrong? Kwame and Ma-Ti keep beating you?"

"No way! You know better than that! And actually, I ended up playing alone. Couldn't get anyone that was willing to take me on!" He replies, falling in beside me.

"I would take that challenge…if I were not so tired. I cannot believe it. It has not been long since I woke up, and that short little walk has exhausted me…" It is not a lie, if I were back to normal that walk would have been nothing. "…and I can already feel my muscles tightening up."

"You haven't eaten yet and neither have I. How about we grab some grub and then I'll see what I can do about loosening up those muscles." He offers.

I am not hungry but I am selfish enough to want the attention. "Nyet…I am not feeling like eating…but I will take you up on your offer about loosening up my muscles."

"Sorry Babe…you gotta eat. No eating, no massage! Besides, keeping hydrated and eating right will help with the muscle tension and cramping. Now come on, there's a glass of water and a banana loaded with potassium in the kitchen with your name all over them!"

I sigh but give in, eating like Suchi should not be too hard… I hope. "Daaaaa, Dr. Wheeler. If you insist."

"I do," He puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me to him, chasing away some of my fears. He has no idea the effect he is having on my emotions at the moment. What would he do if he did?

Thankfully lunch does not take too long, though now I am watching to make sure he is eating enough as well. Rather than helping my muscles though, sitting down has only made them stiffer and by the time we finish, I am very ready for the massage Wheeler promised me.

When we get to my room I kick off my shoes and drop my vest over my chair, and then make myself comfortable on the bed. Wise guy Wheeler cannot resist the urge to tickle me but though I throw a pillow in retaliation, the laughter makes me feel better.

Then he begins the massage in earnest and my body finally begins to relax. I can feel sleep approaching but do not try to fight it, not with Wheeler here to chase the bad dreams away.

When I wake my Yankee is laying next to me, trying to carefully tuck his arm around me. I lift my head to make it easier for him and he apologises for disturbing me.

"It is ok…I have slept long enough. I am sorry I fell asleep, but your massage was so relaxing…" I snuggle closer, careful to make sure my arm is over his waist and not near his wound.

"That's the point. Glad it worked." He says.

There are a few moments of peaceful silence and then he asks. "Are you happy Linka?"

It seems like such a strange question to me, I do not understand him. "With what?"

"With…this…" He replies.

"'This?' As in needing a massage to ease the pains caused by something as minor as taking a walk? To not have an appetite for any of the foods that I used to love? To be so cold, I feel like I am stuck outside in a Siberian winter, when in reality, I am on a tropical island? To know that I am incapable of helping my team mates on missions because I am not well enough to be useful? That my teammates do not have any confidence in me? Nyet…I am not happy."

I did not mean to take all that out on Wheeler, of all the people I know he deserves it least, but what did he want me to say?

"No, I guess you haven't had much to be happy about recently." He says cautiously. "But that's not what I meant. I meant right now…when you woke up. Were you happy?"

He deserves an honest answer. "Da…it is one of the few times that I am happy. When I am with you…"

"Ok…good," He hugs me closer to him, apparently satisfied with my response.

"That is all you needed to know?" I ask.

He leans his head against mine. "Yeah. I guess I just needed to make sure."

I sit up a little, leaning on my elbow so that I can see into his eyes and hopefully he can see that I mean what I am saying. "I am sorry…I should say it more often…to let you know. The only times I have been happy throughout this whole ordeal has been when I am with you."

"I'm just glad I can be here for you. And I'll always be here, even when you're all better and you don't need me anymore. I'll still always be around," He caresses my cheek and I automatically reach up to hold him there.

"I will never be 'all better' Wheeler. There will always be that temptation…that feeling that Bliss gave me…I know it was a false happiness, but it was unlike anything I have ever felt before. If there were a safe, legal way of getting that feeling…I would do it in an instant…and that worries me. Because what if there was an unsafe, illegal way of getting that same feeling…would I do anything for that also?"

"So you don't think anything else will ever make you happy? That no other happiness will ever top the feeling that Bliss gave you?" He asks.

Sometimes, when you look at me… "I do not know…I just know that I need to avoid anything that will make me sad."

"Like missions? Or going back to the Soviet Union for that dinner you were talking about?" He prompts.

"Nyet…I think I will be fine for those things. You will be there on missions…and you were going to come back to the Soviet Union with me, da?" I sound more nervous than I like.

He smiles. "Sure…if you still want me to."

"Da…I still want you to…I _need_ you to." I confess.

"Then I'll be there…always, like I promised." He sounds older when he is like this, more mature.

"Spasiba," I lay back down and rest my head on his shoulder, comforted by his presence.

After a few moments he says. "I uh…I ran into Gaia earlier."

"Oh?" I try to keep my voice neutral but I have a feeling I am not going to like what he is going to say.

I was right. "Yeah…I asked her why she's been avoiding you."

"You should not have done that Wheeler." I admonish him, butterflies filling my stomach.

"But I found out why…you'd be surprised," he says. "She felt guilty."

I look at him in surprise. "Guilty about what?"

"About not being able to prevent what happened to you and your cousin, about making you a target." He gives me a squeeze trying to soften the words.

"And her answer is to leave me to it? I needed her support Wheeler, I needed to know that she still has faith in me… nyet, I do not buy it." I am angry and hurt, how can he believe anything she says.

Wheeler presses a kiss to my forehead in an attempt to soothe me. "Babe, she hasn't handled this well but she thought we were doing okay together, she didn't realise you needed her too."

"She sent you away!" I sob, burying my face in his shoulder. "And I nearly lost you for good."

He holds me tightly against him, though his wound means he can only use one arm. "Shhh, Babe, it's okay. I'm fine and I won't leave you again, no matter what anyone says okay?"

I nod and he continues. "You expect Gaia to be better at this because she's a supernatural being but… I think that's why she's not. She's not human Babe, I think… she sees the big picture but sometimes misses the detail. But she cares a lot, and she feels responsible for what's happened. So you see, if you wanted to talk to Gaia, she'd really like to help you. I think it'd be good for both of you to help the healing process."

"Perhaps you are right." I concede. Wheeler's words having had a calming effect on me. I **want** to believe him because I need to know I still have a future here.

"Whoa? Say that again? I think I misunderstood you!" He teases.

I give in. "You are right Wheeler!"

"Mark this date on the calendar!" He continues.

It is time to put a stop to his gloating. "Very funny wise guy…keep it up and I may change my mind!"

"Ok, ok," He gets up and holds his hand out to me. "Let's start the healing process, shall we?"

I take his hand and walk with him to the Crystal Chamber, but in truth, I would rather have stayed curled up at his side.

* * *

"Gaia? Are you still here?" Wheeler asks as we enter our command centre.

"Yes Wheeler, come on in," she replies as she appears before us. "Hello again. And hello Linka…how are you feeling?"

"Ok I guess…getting a little better every day." I answer politely

"Good. I'm glad to hear it… Linka, I owe you an apology. I understand that I have been giving the impression that I'm avoiding you and that I was upset with you. I'm sorry you felt that way…that was not my intention. I was upset with myself. I felt guilty for making you a target of Skumm. I thought you would be mad at me for putting you in that position too, that's why I was avoiding you."

I grip Wheeler's hand and keep my voice as steady as I can. "We all accepted the risks when we joined the Planeteers but… when something like this happens we need to know… I needed to know that you were behind me."

I stop, trying to calm down as I can feel tears threatening to overwhelm me and Wheeler pulls me against him in an encouraging hug.

"Of course I am behind you Linka, I have just been trying to give you time to heal. I don't want to ask too much of you too soon, or push you and see you fail." Gaia tries to explain. "That wouldn't help your recovery even if it wasn't your fault."

"So instead you made me feel like I was so insignificant that it did not matter if I recovered?" I am crying. "If I got better maybe I could be useful, if I did not then I am out!"

"**No!**" Gaia looks shocked. "Linka I promise you, there was never any question of my asking you to leave… the fate of the planet is tied up too closely with you and the other Planeteers. No one else can do this, if anything I am more afraid that I am asking too much and you will choose to leave."

I shake my head, unable to speak and clinging to Wheeler like a lifeline.

Gaia looks at me sadly and as I watch, becomes more solid. "It's not just saving the planet anymore either Linka… a mother is supposed to protect her children, and I couldn't protect you this time… and I wanted to."

I let out a sob and seeing Gaia lift her arms, I leave the safety of Wheeler's embrace to run forward, letting her enfold me in her gentle grasp. She is crying too.

When I calm down, the spirit of the Earth releases me and I return to a grinning Wheeler. He gives my hand a squeeze and I know he is feeling smug about his diplomacy skills. He is entitled this time though, so I only smile in response.

Gaia is smiling knowingly at both of us, I guess our new closer friendship is fairly obvious, at least she seems to approve. "Wheeler said you might like my help with something?"

I nod shyly. "If you can… if you do not mind." She nods so I say. "I want to check my memory… to make sure nothing happened that I do not remember."

"I understand." She says quietly and then. "Let's go back to your room for some privacy."

I am terrified. We get to my room before Gaia and Wheeler is doing his best to soothe me but it is not working and when she appears I move away from him blushing. He was not doing anything inappropriate but I do not want Gaia to get the wrong idea.

"Are you sure you're ready for this Linka?" Gaia asks.

I take a breath. "Da. It is time I put all of this behind me and move forward."

"Lay down Beautiful. We'll get this thing underway," Wheeler says, I think perhaps he is as nervous as I am.

I follow his instructions and go to the bed, trying to make myself comfortable. "You will stay, right?"

"Absolutely. I'm not leavin' your side," He assures me, moving my chair over to sit beside me.

I smile and squeeze his knee in silent thanks, and then fold my hands over my stomach. I wish I did not have to let go of him, but it is probably not a good idea to hold on through this.

"Ok Linka, just relax and close your eyes. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly," Gaia instructs.

I do as she asks, remaining conscious of my Yankees proximity to help me relax. It is almost as if I can feel him there, though we are not touching….

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N: And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 34! Let us know what you think!**


	35. Days Fifteen to Twenty Four

**Chapter Thirty Five – Days Fifteen to Twenty Four**

"Hey there Sleeping Beauty," Wheeler's voice says from beside me.

"I fell asleep again?" I ask, a little alarmed. Did it work? I wonder

"Yeah." He says softly. "Do you remember anything?"

I shake my head. "Nyet."

He sits up and as I do the same, pulls me to his side. Bozhe' moy! I know what is coming… at least he did not leave me. "It is not good news, is it?"

"Actually, it's the best news we could've hoped for." He grins down at me. "You're ok…nothing happened… nothing that we can't get you through anyway."

"You mean Skumm and I did not…" I need to clarify, I need to hear him say it.

And he does. "Nope. You slept alone in a closet every night."

"Oh Wheeler, I am so relieved." That does not come close to what I am feeling as I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his shoulder. I cannot stop the tears that come and I do not try.

Despite my attempts at bravery, this means more to me than he can know… there are so many levels of 'not okay' and the thought of my giving myself to that rat was just off the scale.

"I know Babe. I'm relieved too." Wheeler rests his head on mine and I know he is crying too… maybe he does understand how badly I would have taken it, he would not be this upset because of his own desires, he was worried for me. Like the night I tried to end it, or when he had that dream and was afraid he had hurt me.

After a few minutes he lays us back down again, it is more comfortable for both of us and there is no need for us to move. I look up at my Yankee and smile, this is all because of him… he kisses my forehead and then returns my gaze steadily. There is no need for us to talk, for a while everything is okay.

I feel stronger. Wheeler was right, there are some things I just would not do. I can trust myself again… and Gaia trusts me and needs me. I have a future again. It really is only a matter of time.

* * *

When did it become so normal for us to lie in bed together?

"So, what do you want to do today Babe?" Wheeler asks conversationally, his nose nuzzling the side of my head as it lays on his shoulder. He is still coming to.

What do I want to do? I want to stay here and enjoy the feeling of his arms about me, I want to return some of the massages he has given me and I want to explore some of the things that I had been afraid I might have done while blissed out. I think for a minute and then reply. "It is probably about time we set up a proper diet and exercise routine, maybe some of those pamphlets you had might help?"

"Sure thing… can we stay here a bit longer though? I had such a great nights sleep last night, I slept too heavy." He gives me a squeeze.

I smile. "Da, me too. It must have been the relief… of the good news."

I want him to tell me again, is that strange? I guess I need to know it was not a dream.

"The best news!" he agrees placing a kiss on my forehead, before burying his face in my hair. After a few moments he adds, "Thanks for trusting me Babe, even when you weren't sure."

"What do you mean?" I am genuinely confused.

Wheeler rubs my arm and snuggles closer. "You didn't know nothing bad had happened but you weren't afraid of me touching you… to comfort you I mean."

"I like you touching me." I can feel my face burn with embarrassment. I meant it in the platonic sense, as he did, but it came a little too close to the truth. I try to explain quickly, realising as I do that it is easier to talk about it now. "Comforting me, I mean. I can still remember Skumm doing things… like leaning over me in his bed, and squeezing my arm or brushing a finger down my cheek or neck... or rubbing my thigh when I was sitting next to him. He knew I did not like it but I did not complain openly and I felt dirty afterwards, even though it was not really anything more than flirting."

"It's okay." He murmurs softly as I pause, pulling me into a tighter embrace.

"I do trust you." I continue, still blushing slightly. "But it is also not the same, I do not mind. There is nothing creepy or dirty about the way you touch me, even when you are flirting."

I am looking up into his eyes so I can see how happy that makes him, but I am not done yet, I need to confess something else. "I felt tainted when I returned to my senses, I was surprised that you even wanted to come near me, even though I know that is unfair to you, you are too good a friend to turn your back on me. But I still felt… unclean. No amount of showers could make that feeling go away, but you did. So thank you."

I bury my face in his shoulder, hiding my embarrassment but glad I have told him. He does not answer, he simply holds me and presses his lips to my head. The moment is intense but it does not take long for us to relax again and we are both in good moods.

When we finally get up, we are still taking everything at a leisurely pace and the best part is that Wheeler has forgotten all about Kwame's remarks, or he does not care after what I told him this morning, either way he is being very affectionate. He wants to cuddle, his arm is constantly around me and if one of us moves away to do something, he catches me to his side at the first opportunity. There is some kissing too, mostly on my head or temples but occasionally he will tease me with a quick, chaste peck on the lips. Is this what it would be like to be a couple?

I am just glad that the others are elsewhere on the island today… I suppose I should be concerned that I do not know where, but they did not ask us to join them and I cannot say that I am bothered right now.

* * *

My Yankee is being very strict about the fitness program we established for me, Gi even asked me if he was bullying me yesterday evening. He was not of course, he was just being as stubborn as I was… which is what I need, I would walk all over the others.

Sometimes I feel guilty when we clash, but then I see that look in his eyes and it reminds me that our arguing is normal, it is when I am being submissive that he worries.

There are times, like now, when we are cuddled up and warm on the sofa and I am not watching the video because I am restless but I do not want to do anything else either. He senses my mood and babies me… and I play up to it, just a little bit. I know he thinks it is all to do with the withdrawal and that does trouble my conscience a bit, but I am enjoying it while I can because when I am completely better, I think my pride will stop me from allowing it.

"Time for bed Ruskie Tootskie?" he asks.

I pout. "I do not want to get up."

"Meaning you don't want to go to bed yet, or you just don't want to move?" He pokes me playfully in the side but I whine and turn away so that my back is leaning against him.

Wheeler wraps both arms around my waist and seeks out the tender spot on my neck with his lips. I melt when he does that and he knows it. "I'm gonna turn everything off and clean up. That's not gonna take me long, and then I'm gonna carry you to our room and massage away all of your tension."

**Our** room? Does he even know he said that? I can feel a warmth spread through me that has nothing to do with the hoodie and track trousers I am wearing, but I do my best to hide my smile. It is not really necessary, he knows I love his massages and would not even think to object, he will put any reaction down to that.

* * *

I feel so awful I cannot describe it. I woke this morning with no energy, I do not need to fake it, I feel like the world ended and I may as well just lay here.

"Time to get up Beautiful." Wheeler says cheerfully but I am not interested.

"Nyet."

He nuzzles me. "Babe come on, we have a routine to maintain."

"I do not care."

"I know what you want." He teases, rubbing my arm. "But it'll have to wait until after our run."

"You sound like Skumm, now leave me alone." I turn my back to him, leaving him in a stunned silence.

After a few moments he says. "I meant a massage Linka, I wasn't coming on to you."

I know that, I **do** know that… "I do not care, I just want to sleep."

"Okay." He hesitates a moment longer and then gets up out of bed. "I really wasn't suggesting anything…"

"I know." I am crying, I ache all over, I have no energy… I just want the world to fade away.

I hear my Yankee go in the bathroom and hear the shower come on. He does not take long and I keep my head buried under the covers so that when he comes out, he cannot see the tears in my eyes.

"I'm gonna get some clean clothes on and make breakfast…" He is still trying, he does not deserve my bad moods. "You want me to bring you back some."

"Nyet." I am not hungry, in fact I do not want to ever eat again.

He goes away and it feels like forever. I am falling into a black hole and I do not have the energy to climb out, and Wheeler has left me to it. I guess he will not be coming back, he has no reason to.

"Breakfast was boring, you didn't miss much." Wheeler says as he re-enters my room and I hear him kick his shoes off. "The others are off to lecture at some youth club, a lot of good it'll do, you know what teenagers are like. I think you've got the right idea today."

He slips back into bed and wraps his arms around me, pulling me back to spoon against him.

I turn onto my back so that I can look at him. "Why?"

"Huh?" My Yankee is very articulate.

"After what I said to you, why did you come back?" My face is still wet with tears and he gently begins wiping them away.

He actually looks unsure of himself for a moment but then he covers it well. "Didn't you want me to?"

I nod miserably and he relaxes, fidgeting around until he finds a comfortable position for both of us. "I know it's hard to believe right now, but the way you're feeling isn't going to last, it's part of the withdrawal."

"Nyet, I was getting better, I am past that." I tell him.

He looks smug. "If you'd read the pamphlets, you'd know that you have to expect days like this. Days when it all catches up with you."

"So how do I make it go away?" I ask, hearing that childlike note in my voice that I hate so much.

"Exactly what we're doing, cuddle up and wait for it to go away." He kisses my nose. "Let me know if you get hungry, I'll go fix you something."

I am not feeling polite so I turn my back on him again without another word, but this time it is just to get comfortable, I love having him hold me that way. It doesn't feel quite so bad anymore either, I still feel all the things I did when I woke up, but now there is a warm glow in my heart and it is keeping the darkness at bay.

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N: And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 35! Let us know what you think!**


	36. Days Twenty Seven to Twenty Eight

**A/N:** The Eden Project is a real life centre that was established in the UK as one of the landmarks created to celebrate the new Millennium. The theory is, if the planeteers had been involved it would have happened sooner. Any and all people in the story are fictitious and not intended to resemble anyone.

* * *

**Chapter Thirty Six - Day Twenty Seven to Twenty Eight**

They are up to something. I do not know what it is but they are definitely conspiring behind my back, it has been going on for the last few days. Even Wheeler has been having private little conversations that end abruptly when I enter the room. He is all attention and pretends that nothing is going on but I am not stupid!

Right now though he is curled up beside me on the sofa, snoring gently instead of watching the movie he insisted we have on.

I poke him in the side. "Wake up Yankee!"

Not the nicest way to rouse someone I know, but I am bored and it is his fault. I admire his ability to fall asleep at a moments notice but he is not going to get away with it right now.

"It's too early, go back to sleep Babe." He moans and tucks his head in my shoulder, his arms tightening around my waist as he pulls me back against him.

I fight the urge to laugh. "Jason Wheeler, it is lunchtime not early morning." And as he finally opens his eyes, I add in a far softer tone. "I am going to make us something to eat, try to be awake when I get back."

"Hmmm? Oh, no Babe. It's okay, I'll get it." He says, shaking of the last of his slumber and releasing me to stand up.

"What? Why?" I protest.

Wheeler leans back down and lifts my legs up on the sofa, unbalancing me so that I fall backwards against the soft cushions. "Cos' I'm looking after you today. Consider it your day off, to relax and build up your strength."

I am becoming irritated, understandably so I think, but I keep my voice steady as I sit up again and say. "Wheeler, **every** day is my day off right now and I do not need to use up that much energy to walk to the kitchen."

"Yeah, you've been having some good days and we want that to continue." He sounds so condescending that I cannot control my temper any longer.

"I AM FINE!" I screech at him. "I am not going to have bad days that often Wheeler, just what is this about?"

Is it just my Yankee or do all guys manage to look like a kicked puppy when they are yelled at? "Sorry… I was just trying to help."

I sigh and flop back in the seat. "Fine, go and make lunch and I will sit here like a good little girl."

He sits down on the small table in front of me and runs a lazy finger down my arm until he can take my hand. "Not while you're mad at me."

"I am hungry." I tell him, refusing to smile, though I know my eyes are betraying me. "I will be in a better mood when I have been fed."

Wheeler grins and leans forward to give me a small kiss but I place my finger over his lips to stop him. "After lunch." He kisses my finger and then gets up and heads to the kitchen.

I still do not know what all that was about.

Lunch is a lightly boiled egg and toast and Wheeler has drawn a cute little face on the remaining eggshell so that my lunch is winking at me.

"Child!" I say with a roll of my eyes, knowing he is waiting for a reaction, but I am smiling.

He slides back into his former position beside me looking smug, his own sandwich in his hand. "Kiss!" He demands playfully in return, and I find myself responding automatically.

Wheeler is not happy when I insist on taking our empty plates back out to the kitchen but he stops short of starting another argument when I make it clear that I am getting up one way or another. "Anyway Wheeler, I need to visit the bathroom and that is not something you can do for me no matter how much you may want to, so I may as well take these to the kitchen at the same time, da?"

I actually have an ulterior motive this time, it is very silly and I do not want him to know… ever, but I intend to keep my little eggshell man.

When I return from my errand Wheeler is sitting on the sofa looking uncharacteristically serious and he has what looks like a letter in his hand. My heart falls into my stomach, he has had bad news from home? Without thinking, I drop down beside him and put my arms around his neck. "What has happened Lyubov moy?"

"What? Oh hey nothing." His arms are around me in a second. "Everything's fine. Promise."

I pull away to look at him and he kisses my nose before handing me the envelope. "This is yours."

Confused I release him to open the message but he stops me, holding my hands in his larger ones. "We weren't keeping it from you or anything, I just wanted you to be well enough to enjoy it. It's a special day for you."

He finally lets me open my letter and I feel my eyes open wide. "Bozhe moy! It is tomorrow? I thought it was months away!"

The effect of the invitation on me is electric, I do not think I have ever been so excited. I give a little squeal and throw my arms around my companion once more. He is laughing but he does not release me as he says. "Now do you see why you have to rest? Can't have you all tired for the grand opening of the Eden Project now can we?"

I am all smiles, nothing is going to annoy me for the rest of the day, but how can I rest? I feel like I could run a marathon. "I cannot sit still and do nothing!"

"And now you know why we didn't tell you." He sighs.

"Fine." I say, still smiling. "But I am bored with watching films, you can let me beat you at chess instead."

Laughing he shakes his head and stands, offering me his hands to pull myself up. "You'd be bored in five minutes, if you want to beat me you'll have to work for it."

"Not very hard." I counter, mischievously, knowing that he will take the bait and anticipating a very interesting afternoon.

* * *

It is light out, but it is still too early for the sun to reach through my window. I know I should rest more but I am too exhilarated, what does it matter if I crash tomorrow? Today is going to be a good day.

Wheeler is still sleeping soundly beside me… well, around me. I think this will be the hardest thing to give up when I am completely well again, waking in his arms, feeling safe and protected. I do not remember feeling this way before, even as a child when my father was still alive. I do not really remember my mother.

I push the thoughts from my mind, I cannot think about that today.

To help distract myself I concentrate on my slumbering companion, running my fingers lightly over his bare chest, to tickle and hopefully wake him... and it feels nice. He chuckles in his sleep and pulls me tighter against him. I love these moments, I wish they could last forever.

As I lay there with my head resting on his shoulder, I gently trace a finger around the site of his wound. Ma-Ti's medicine works wonders, it has been healing well and now only requires a dressing over the wound itself. It will leave a scar of course but when I said that to him he just shrugged. It is not his only scar, in fact, he has a lot. Some are from our work, but most are from his childhood… he dismisses it as unimportant but I can guess at what he is not saying.

"Kiss it better?" He says suddenly, making me jump.

"I wish you would not do that." I tell him, though I am not at all annoyed.

He is rubbing my side absent-mindedly, where his arm is curled around me. "Can't help it Babe, you were miles away. Too busy admiring my wound." He winks.

"How does it feel?" I ask, ignoring his teasing.

"Like it needs to be kissed better." He says petulantly.

I cannot help laughing but I obediently lean over and very softly press my lips just above where I know the healing gash to be, then I repeat my action below it and to either side. I do not want to put even so gentle a pressure on the wound itself, though in truth he does worse when he holds me.

My hair is trailing on his chest as I do this and I can feel him carefully entwine it in his fingers. He likes to play with my hair, I wonder sometimes if he even notices he is doing it… I do not mention it of course, if I make him uncomfortable he might stop.

"Why do you not go and shower and then I will change your dressing for you?" I suggest.

He pulls me back down. "Cos' I'm cosy. It can wait."

"Then I will get up." I say, freeing myself and climbing over him. "We are going to the opening today and I do not want to be late."

Wheeler does not say anything but gets out of bed after me. "Yankee?"

"I'll use my bathroom, you're right we need to get moving." He goes to the door and leaves without giving me a chance to reply.

All the time I am getting ready my stomach is doing back flips. Did I say something to upset him? I was not trying to hurry him. Is he angry with me? I do not want to fight with him, not today…

I need not have worried. While I am putting on my makeup (I am going out in public after all, I have done everything I can to conceal my condition,) Wheeler comes back into my room carrying clean dressings and Ma-Ti's ointment. I smile, trying not to look too relieved – there was nothing wrong, I was being paranoid again – and tell him I will not be long.

He sits behind me on the bed and I can see him reflected in the mirror in front of me. My eyes linger on him a little too long before I resume my activity. He has a new pair of jeans on but he was carrying his shirt and his hair is not completely dry from his shower... I do not know what he has been doing all this time, he is normally a lot quicker than I am… perhaps the cut is playing him up?

I go to the bathroom sink to make sure my hands are clean and disinfected before I return to rub fresh paste onto Wheeler's wound, it really does look much better now. While I am applying it, Jason starts to play with my bracelet. It does not interfere with what I am doing so I do not say anything and the occasional brush of his fingers against my skin gives the moment an intimacy that is hard to describe.

It does not take me long to put the new dressing on, unfortunately, and he quickly pulls his t-shirt on over the top. "Thanks Babe."

I return his smile warmly. "You are welcome Yankee."

* * *

"What is the Eden Project about Linka?" Ma-Ti asks as we take off in the geo-cruiser.

I know I have explained it before, but because of his age Ma-Ti looks up to Wheeler's example… which means that neither of them listen until it directly involves them. I know Wheeler is listening now too, though he probably does know more about it just because he spends more time with me.

"It is about bringing people together to learn and share knowledge about our planet." I explain. "It is also about who we are as a species and the role we play in the future."

It is so much more than that of course, but I cannot describe the vision we had for it, they will have to see it for themselves.

The flight to Cornwall in England seems to take forever. Normally I would read or do work on my laptop but I still do not have my full level of concentration back. Wheeler, as usual, is dozing at the back.

"There it is!" Gi exclaims at last.

"That is it?" Ma-Ti asks dubiously. "It looks like bugs eggs."

I chuckle, he is right. From up here the re-landscaped clay pit it was situated in, could definitely be an insect nest. "They are bio-domes Ma-Ti, self contained environments. One of them is a rainforest, so you should feel at home."

"That's it little buddy." Wheeler adds, waking from his nap. "You can tell them if they got it right."

We park in one of the car parks, drawing the attention of a group of school children, and take the free bus to the entrance with the rest of the patrons. Our invitations tell us not to queue though so we head on to the main doors where we are greeted by one of the project organisers, Stuart, who has been my liaison.

"Linka!" He says with a huge grin as we approach and comes forward to give me a hug. "Can you believe it's finally happening? We could not have done it without you."

I blush at the compliment but I know it is not true. "Nonsense, you would have found the backing without me."

He shakes his head but I know it is true, the organisers and architects and builders and I do not know who else, did the real work, I only helped to bring the completion forward.

Stuart still has hold of my hand and now squeezes it, "Come on, I have a seat for you on the stage and-"

"Nyet!" I decline quickly, slightly horrified by the prospect. Normally I would love the attention but right now I do not want to be looked at. "I do not want to take part, I just wanted to be here."

"But Linka…" he begins in confusion.

This of course is the point where my Yankee steps in, sounding rather hostile. "She said no."

He puts his arm around me protectively but it is only when Stuart releases my hand and backs away slightly that I realise how Wheeler is looking at him. I will need to say something, I do not want him to be jealous… he really has no reason to be.

At Stuart's direction, we take some seats off to the side of the temporary stage. He offers to give us a personal tour but again I decline and he returns to his duties.

Wheeler still has his arm around me and I lean towards him to whisper. "Stuart is a nice person Yankee. He is a dedicated Planeteer and has been a good friend… but that is all." I give him a light kiss on his cheek and watch the grin that spreads across his face.

Then I accidentally spoil it by trying to make a joke. "Besides he would not want me if he knew what a wreck I am now."

"Don't say things like that Babe!" He says at once, frowning and clearly disturbed. "Don't put yourself down, he'd be lucky to have someone like you care for him." Then he swallows and adds unhappily. "If you wanted to take that tour he offered, I won't embarrass you."

Distressed by the anxiety I have caused, I move closer – it probably looks like we are a couple, canoodling, but I do not care – and say. "I was joking Jason, I feel fine today. And no, I do not want him as a guide, I want to spend the day with you."

"Sure thing Babe." He smiles again but I do not think it reaches his eyes.

Before we can talk any further, Gi recalls my attention by asking a question while in the background the doors open and the people start to enter. The speeches will start soon, I hope Wheeler knows that I meant what I said.

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 36! Let us know what you think!


	37. Day Twenty Eight Continued

**Chapter Thirty Seven – Day Twenty Eight Continued**

"When we first decided to build Eden, we wanted to create a place where people from all over the world could come together to help ensure a future for our planet, and that is, I hope, what we have achieved." The speaker pauses. I have met him once but if he had not introduced himself, I would not have remembered his name.

"This is a place where we can educate everyone by making the facts tangible, and involving them in the reality of our beautiful world. We can investigate ways to make a sustainable future, share ideas and help to implement solutions." Gesturing expansively, he continues. "We open our doors today, but what we have built inside is only the beginning of an ongoing project, to be a real success Eden must make a difference, and to do that, we will need all your help."

Other people take his place one after another, explaining some of the history and sharing their own visions for their groundbreaking project.

The rest of the speeches are mercifully – since Wheeler has already started fidgeting – short and there is only one embarrassing moment, where I am named and thanked for my involvement.

I smile at them, and force myself not to hide my face as all eyes turn to me, but I can feel the tension building in my neck... Wheeler will have his work cut out for him tonight! But then, I do not think either of us truly minds when his massages have to last a bit longer.

"Thank you all for coming, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Eden."

We give a final round of applause and stand, waiting to slowly file through the gates into the miniature world we have created. Wheeler has a firm grip on my hand as if he is afraid of losing me, but there is no real danger of us being separated.

I stop to buy a copy of the guide book they have produced, I know Stuart would give me one for free if I asked, but the money goes to help keep the project running.

Ma-Ti and Gi brought their cameras with them and are busy taking pictures from the balcony, but I am content just to look down over the man-made valley.

My Yankee wraps his arms around me, and stands looking over my shoulder. "They've done a terrific job Babe." he says, "The clay pit they built in must have been a complete eyesore."

I nod. He is right, but a part of me is still sad to see the lingering traces of what humans have done to the landscape.

The others are ready to go on so we make our way down into the artificial valley. Everyone wants to see the rainforest environment first so we head straight there, despite my pointing out that it is not the route recommended in the guide book. Wheeler just tells me to 'Lighten up Babe'.

* * *

Simulating the rainforests of Malaysia, West Africa and South America, we can feel the heat radiating out before we even enter the biome and it takes a few minutes to adjust.

It is so beautiful in here, so green with giant trees and plants, some stretching up to the roof of the dome and rivers and waterfalls completing the effect. Of course, it is not just about experiencing the environment, there is information everywhere and it depicts some of the life styles from those areas and explains the trade we have with them... like chocolate.

I want to take in each brightly coloured plant as we go and read the description plaques, but I am moving too slowly for the others, who begin to drift off, moving ahead or wandering down a different path between the greenery.

Wheeler stays at my side, and he seems content enough to listen to my excited ramblings, though I know he must be bored. Plants and learning are not exactly his thing.

Part of the display is set high up overlooking the rest and though determined to get up there, I struggle and have to rely on Wheeler's support. I hate this, I hope no-one can see me... what would the press make of it.

"Are you okay Babe?" he asks, his face full of concern.

I nod but my legs are still weak and I feel like they are going to give way any second.

"There's a bench, let's sit for a bit and enjoy the scenery." Wheeler suggests thoughtfully. I agree as casually as I can and we make ourselves comfortable with his arm tucked around me as I lean against him.

After a while I say. "Thank you for doing this with me, I know you must find all this quite boring."

"I'm not too interested in the educational stuff," he admits, giving me a squeeze. "But I'm not bored of being with you and it's great seeing you so happy. I'm proud of you."

My stomach does a little flip at his words, I am not sure when his opinion came to mean so much, but it does. All I do though, is smile back at him and then lay my head on his shoulder while we discuss some of the things we have seen.

It is too hot in here to stay like that for long though, so as soon as I feel I can walk, we make our way back down to the restaurants for a light lunch. We have completely lost track of the others by this point, but it does not matter, they are here somewhere.

Despite the variety on offer, my current physical condition makes it more difficult to find something I can eat, and I still need to sit down very badly, so I am getting short tempered. I am lucky that Wheeler knows me so well… he is being very patient.

I finally settle on trying a traditional Cornish Pasty, which the sign says is a local delicacy. It is made with beef, potato, swede and onion all wrapped in pastry. Wheeler chooses the pizza and chips option, not very healthy but his constitution can stand nearly anything.

For once I do not try to argue when my Yankee suggests he queue for our meals while I find a table. The muscles in my legs are already tight and the day is not half over, I do not want to miss out on anything.

"There you go Babe," He says sitting opposite me on the bench table. He looks dubiously at my food as I cut into it. "Are you sure you wanna try it? I don't even know what a swede is but the menu said they put that in there too!"

I chuckle. "It is a vegetable Yankee… like a… rutabaga I think."

"If you say so." He is teasing now.

I smile, partly because of his joking, and partly because the first taste of my pasty has confirmed that I made the right choice.

Loading my fork a second time, I hold it up to Wheeler's mouth. "Try it."

Still pretending to be worried (his eyes are sparkling with mischief), he bows his head and takes the offering. "Hmm not bad. Think I'll stick with the pizza though."

The pasty is delicious, and I am feeling hungry after my exercise so I finish it off with ease… I only hope I will not regret it later.

We wash our lunch down with bottled water and since there is still no sign of the others, we head on to the Mediterranean area.

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 37! Let us know what you think!


	38. Day Twenty Eight Continued Part 2

**Chapter Thirty Eight ****– Day Twenty Eight Continued**

The Mediterranean biome actually has simulated environments from South Africa and California as well as the Mediterranean. It is warmer than outside, but after the tropical heat of the rainforest it feels almost cold to me and I tuck myself under Wheeler's arm.

There is so much information here, I find it fascinating and cannot help pointing out some of the key points to my companion. "Look, it says here that this landscape is mainly man-made. It has been cleared for crops over thousands of years."

"Mmm hmm." He nods, I do not think he is very interested.

"It is important Yankee," I persist. "They are studying what has happened to our planet to try to balance what we really need with what can be sustained."

He sighs. "I know Babe."

I give up, at least he is not complaining.

"Oh look Jason, a Robin!" I exclaim.

Wheeler looks around blankly. "Where?"

"The little brown bird with the red breast." I point it out.

"That's not a Robin, I do know something about birds." He asserts. "Robins are bigger with black heads and their bellies are more orange."

I shake my head affectionately, "I am impressed Yankee, but you are describing the kind of birds you have in America. These are English Robins."

He shrugs. "It's singing to you."

I laugh. "It is just singing Yankee, it is not singing to me."

We move on around the exhibit and I see another of the little birds. Wheeler sees him too. "I think he's following us, Babe."

As if he understood what my Yankee said, he flies down close to us and regards me with his head tilted to the side. "Well hello little one. It is nice to meet you."

He chirrups in response and continues to watch us as we admire the flowers.

When we get back to the entrance we walk out into the outside gardens. Wheeler still has his arm around me, which I am grateful for because it is much colder out here. The day is bright and sunny but England at this time of year is rarely warm, I am just glad that it is not raining.

"That thing's creepy." Wheeler says as we walk past the WEEEman.

"The giant statue is made from 3.3 tonnes of electrical waste." I explain. "The amount an average person in this country throws away in their lifetime."

Wheeler rolls his eyes. "It's still creepy."

We continue to walk around but the sky is becoming overcast and I can feel myself begin to shiver. I guess Wheeler can too. "You want to go back indoors?"

"It is too far in the other direction and it is already starting to rain." I point to a small building. "Perhaps we can take shelter over there."

He grabs my hand and we run the short distance to the building's porch, trying to avoid the downpour.

"It is a mechanical theatre!" I say excitedly as I read the information from the wall outside. "The next show is in five minutes…?"

I want to see the show but it is about conservation and I am not sure how Wheeler will feel about it. He grins at me and pulls me into his arms. "Too bad we can't wait inside, I'll just have to keep you warm."

Snuggling against him as he wraps his coat about me and holds it in place with his arms, I chuckle and lay my head on his shoulder. I am glad there is no one else here to see the show yet, maybe we will get our own private viewing.

"Your friend's back." Wheeler says after a while and when I turn my head to look I see Robin sitting on the wall watching us.

"It cannot be the same one…" But I am not sure of that so I wave at him.

When the doors to the theatre open, a few people come out but we are still the only ones waiting to see the next show. It is not very big and has only large steps for seats.

It is not much warmer in here so I let Wheeler make himself comfortable on the top step before sitting down on the same step between his legs. He wastes no time in wrapping his arms back around me, holding me close and resting his chin on my shoulder… this is very cosy.

The lights go down and I am captivated by the story that unfolds, I love watching the marionettes.

* * *

I exit the mechanical theatre as excited as I went in, exclaiming over the puppets as well as the information they imparted. Wheeler seems a little uncomfortable though so I change the subject mid flow to ask. "Is everything okay Yankee?"

"Yeah, 'course." He does not sound it.

I step in front of him, blocking his path and he automatically rests his hands on my waist. His hands feel hot even through the two t-shirts I have on. "You did not like the show?"

"It's not that… not exactly." He looks very uncomfortable now. "I'm just not big on talking puppets okay?"

"They were not really talking Yankee…" I begin, but he rolls his eyes and I try another tack, leaning forward so that our lips are nearly touching. "You watch too many horror movies."

My attempt at distracting him is successful because he grins down at me, but he answers in the same teasing tone that I used. "Who needs horror movies after that! I'm gonna have nightmares tonight!"

I rest my arms around his neck as if it is the most natural thing in the world. "Then it is a good thing I will be there to protect you and make all the nightmares go away."

He is surprised! "Really? I thought… I mean we're staying in some hotel, I just..."

"What?" I am confused, we have been sharing a room for so long now it feels normal, why would he think anything had changed here? When he hesitates again my jealous nature rears its ugly head and I pull away. "Were you hoping for some **other** company tonight? I do not want to get in the way…"

The look on his face is so shocked that it brings me back to reality and I cover my mouth with my hands and my eyes widen in horror. "I did not mean that Jason, I promise you I did not… I know that you were not thinking that… I mean you would not… I am just so... I am sorry."

My eyes are filling with tears and my legs feel weak, I am glad there is no one around. For a moment I am sure Wheeler is going to shout at me, then I see the anger die away and he holds his arms out, something I am greatly relieved by and take immediate advantage of.

"Forget it." He says softly, resting his head against mine.

I look nervously up into his eyes. "You do not have to stay with me if you do not want to, whatever the reason."

I want to tell him that I trust him, but that would be unfair, we are not a couple.

"You don't want me to?" His eyes are searching mine, looking for… what?

"Of course I do!" I reply earnestly. "I just do not want you to feel that you **have** to."

"I don't want to be anywhere else." The look in his eyes sends a shiver of warmth through my body and I have no control over the smile that creeps across my face.

A blush rises up my neck onto my cheeks and I pull away, "Then why are we discussing it, come on Yankee, we have lots more to see."

I take his arm and link my hand with his, pulling him towards the gardens, thankfully it has stopped raining. He laughs and follows without objection.

I wonder briefly what he thinks of my mood swings but then I push the thought away. He knows better than anyone what is wrong with me, he has stuck by me through everything, and I would be lost without him.

* * *

There is a large outdoor stage but it is empty at the moment. "There is a concert scheduled for this evening."

"You wanna go Babe?" Wheeler asks conversationally enough, but I can see he is concerned.

I shake my head, I am too exhausted though I do not intend to tell him that and worry him further. But then, my outburst earlier probably gave it away, the more tired I get, the less emotional control I have. "Nyet, it is not anything to do with conservation, it is just to create attention for the launch."

He looks relieved. "So what's left to see?"

"The Core. The education centre of the Eden Project." I dig him in the ribs as he groans, and tease him. "Bad Planeteer! It is a functional work of art, a testimony to sustainable construction!"

"Spare me, please Babe?" He gives me that puppy dog look. "I'll go with you, just don't try to teach me anything."

I laugh and shrug. "So long as you are with me."

I was not joking about the Core's construction, a lot of effort has been put into getting it right and creating a symbol for what Eden stands for. But I will spare Wheeler the details, he deserves at least that, after being so patient with me.

The ground floor of the Core is perfect for schools, but it would take hours to properly take in all the information here, though they have done their best to make it fun, and I even have hopes that the carefully constructed machinery will amuse my Yankee, if only for a while.

The first floor contains an art gallery, some more exhibits and some instructional videos that I would like to watch. By the time we have seen the first short film though, Wheeler is fidgeting very badly and I suggest we stop in the coffee lounge instead of going on.

The relief on his face is so comical I have to smother my laughter.

I order a hot chocolate and Wheeler gets a milkshake and a cream cake. He offers me some but I do not want to push my stomach too far.

Feeding my Yankee always makes him more tractable and so he does not even complain when I begin to expound on some of the things I have learnt… I cannot help it, my natural enthusiasm needs an outlet. He is listening now though and even asks some questions, though I would be lying if I said he did not look a little relieved a few minutes later, when the other Planeteers come to join us.

They are all eager to discuss what they have seen and I am happy to oblige them. This is the first time since my illness that I truly feel a part of the team, and yet I find myself worrying that we are leaving Wheeler behind. A quick glance in his direction however, gets me a huge grin and a wink, so I do not think he is feeling too left out.

Ma-Ti and Gi have taken an incredible amount of photographs, which we will no doubt have to sit through when we get home, but they are not done yet. After we agree that we have seen enough for one day, and that it is time to seek out our hotel, our two friends insist that they want one more picture.

The bridge from the Core back to the entrance stands high over the valley, with the biomes in the backdrop, and they quickly find someone to take a group shot of us. I am not very happy about having my picture taken in my present condition but they seem to have forgotten about it for once and for that reason alone, I cannot refuse them.

Wheeler stands behind me and pulls me close. "Too bad your Robin isn't around Babe."

I chuckle in response and lean back against him. While the others are getting themselves ready, I press a kiss to his cheek and whisper. "Thank you for doing this with me Jason, it has been a wonderful day."

"You're welcome Linka." He replies. "I'm really glad you've enjoyed yourself. You deserved it. Thank you for letting me share this special occasion with you." He kisses my cheek in return.

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 38! Let us know what you think!


	39. Day Twenty Eight Evening

**Chapter Thirty Nine – Day Twenty Eight Evening**

The hotel we are directed to is a new, large establishment in London that is owned by one of the Eden Project's backers. If it were not for the Geo-cruiser of course, we would not have been able to get there, but it was all very well planned.

The room I have been assigned is amazing, it is big enough for all of us! Another reason to be glad that I will not be alone tonight.

We were all given separate accommodation though, and although I know it is perhaps wrong of me, I am glad Wheeler did not say anything about us only needing the one room, it would have been too embarrassing to explain. More than embarrassing if it got into the papers, the Planeteers are minor celebrities after all and everything about the Eden Project will go around the world. Even though our relationship is perfectly innocent, I would be ashamed to go back to Russia if it got out because no one ever believes the simple explanations, but then, the explanation is not so simple either.

He is taking his time though, what can he possibly have to do in his room that he cannot do in mine? We are supposed to be spending this time together, a special day… just like the couple that I keep forgetting we are not.

I want to forget it.

There are a million reasons why Wheeler and I being together would be a bad idea, but when his arms are around me I want to forget about the rest of the world, our responsibilities, everything except him. Why can I not? Would it really be so wrong?

Why is he taking so long? Maybe he really does feel uncomfortable about being in a hotel room with me… it is not normal is it? We could not share a room like this if he had a girlfriend, even though nothing will happen between us, and I would still need him to be here just as badly. When Wheeler meets someone else everything will change between us, we will not even be allowed to be close anymore, it does not work that way.

I close my eyes and try to smother the thought… I want to forget it all.

The sudden knock at the door startles me out of my reverie and I run to open it... at least he will not see that. "What took you so long Yankee?"

"Huh?" He has no idea what I am talking about.

I blush slightly as I step back to let him in, it felt like forever. "I just thought you would be here sooner…I think this is the longest we have been apart."

"It's only been…" He looks at his watch. "A half hour."

He can be really dense sometimes! "Well that is thirty minutes too long."

I smile at him and take his hand to pull him over the threshold… and get another surprise as he produces a bunch of flowers from behind his back.

"For you."

"Oh Jason! They are beautiful." I do not know what else to say.

He kisses my cheek and makes me blush again. "Not as beautiful as you."

"What did I do to deserve these?" I breathe in their lovely scent as I speak, he could not have picked anything better.

"I didn't know I needed a special reason to give a beautiful girl flowers…but if I must have a reason, these are to say 'Congratulations' and 'I'm proud of you,' and 'Thank you.'"

That last confuses me and I have to ask. "Thank you? For what?"

At first his explanation is flattering, he is proud of me for being a part of the project, and that means a great deal to me… which is what makes hearing the rest of his speech so distressing.

"…I could never pull off something like this. A loser like me isn't worthy of being in the same room as greatness such as yours…and yet, you allow me to be here with you…I…"

I silence him by gently putting my fingers over his lips.

"Do not ever talk badly about my best friend like that." I scold him. "I am the one who is undeserving of him. I would not be here right now if it were not for him. I owe him my life… I am lucky that he has stuck with me after all I have put him through…and I am honoured that he is here with me to share this very special day."

He does not comment, just smiles and kisses my fingers before asking me to have dinner with him.

"I would love to have dinner with you." I tell him honestly and confide. "I am starving."

"Really? Good! I mean, not good that you're starving…but that you're getting your appetite back."

I knew what he meant and I agree. "Da."

"Great. So do you want to go out somewhere or order room service?" he seems excited, but that is Wheeler for you, you only have to mention food.

My appetite might be returning but my need for privacy is still on overdrive, hopefully he will not mind too much. "Would it be ok if we stayed here? The restaurants will be crowded and noisy. I would like to just stay here where it is quiet and private, and I can wear something more comfortable."

"Sure…that's fine by me." He says it casually but be looks pleased, I guess we are on the same wavelength tonight.

I decide to test my theory. "This room has a hot tub."

"Oh yeah?" Wheeler really does not do unconcerned very well, I can see the interest in his eyes and my heart quickens in response.

"Da, I thought it would be good for my muscles." At least that is what I was telling myself earlier, but right now I am just caught up with the thought of sharing it with Wheeler and no amount of telling myself it is inappropriate is going to make a difference.

He raises an eyebrow. "Better than my massages?"

Nyet, nothing is better than one of his massages. "I may need both…I was pretty nervous about this…and tense."

My words must worry him because he moves immediately to try to release some of the tension in my neck… and as always it feels really good.

"One problem Babe, I didn't pack anything to swim in."

Still enjoying the feeling of his hands on my neck and shoulders, I answer without thinking. "Neither did I."

"Umm, sooooo are we gonna go skinny dipping?" he asks in a hushed tone, clearly hoping I will say yes.

I turn to smile at him and explain what I meant. "Nyet, I was thinking that after we ordered dinner, while we waited for it to be delivered, we could go to the gift shop and buy swimming suits."

"Oh…yeah. Good idea." I have to stop myself laughing at his lack of enthusiasm for my 'good idea'.

I would be lying if I said I was not tempted, but I do not think I could really go through with it, even if we were a couple. I would find it far too embarrassing, though if anyone could convince me to try it, it would be my Yankee.

I concentrate on picking something to eat from the room service menu – while still trying not to picture Wheeler naked in the warm water of the hot tub – and once the order has been placed, we make our way down to the gift shop… only to find it closed.

"Damn it," Wheeler swears in frustration.

I decide to tease him a little. "I guess we have no choice…skinny dipping it is then."

"REALLY?" So predictable!

"NYET! I am kidding!" I take a playful swipe at his arm.

"Oh. Yeah…I knew that," he says, as if I would believe it. .

I am disappointed too though. "Oh well. I guess I will just have to settle for a massage. You should probably not be submerging your wound in water anyway…it is still healing around the edges."

"It'd be fine. I don't think it would've been under…especially if you let me sit on your lap," he jokes. "But I guess it doesn't matter now."

"There is a way…" I say thoughtfully, quickly adding. "Other than skinny dipping."

I have caught his interest. "What's that?"

"Do you have an extra pair of boxers?" I ask. I always pack extra underwear but I do not really expect such forward planning from one of the boys.

"Yeah, I always pack extra in case we end up gone longer than we expected."

That is what I was hoping he would say. "You could wear those. And I could…go in…with my…well, it would be no different than what I wear to the beach, right?"

"Uh, yeah…right." He does not sound convinced, in fact, he does not look entirely happy about it.

I do not want to push him… though if he was happy to be naked, I cannot see why it should bother him, still. "Unless you are not comfortable with that."

"No, no…it's fine. As long as you're comfortable with it." Is he worrying about me? Does he think the reason I will not go skinny-dipping is because he might try something? That is not the reason at all, I am not even sure I would mind if he did try it on, I just cannot do something so… bold.

I want him to understand. I look up into his eyes and tell him simply. "I trust you."

"Good…I trust you too," He says, and winks at me. There was a time I think, when he would have been hoping he could not trust me… now I am not so sure.

* * *

We stop at Wheeler's room on our way back for him to get his spare boxers, and then back in my room, I change into more comfortable clothes while we wait for our dinner to arrive.

Wheeler has taken his shirt off, leaving only a sleeveless t-shirt on, and I find myself admiring the muscles of his arms. There is a quiet strength about him when he is relaxed like this, it is very attractive… and distracting.

The food, when it arrives, is very well prepared and fortunately, because of the options available, I do not need to worry about my stomach rejecting it. Wheeler wolfs his down like he has not eaten in days, he has always had a good appetite but I cannot see that there is any need to rush like that!

After our empty plates have been collected and we are alone again, Wheeler takes my hand and leads me to the couch. Time for my massage!

I lie on my stomach and he sits astride me in a now familiar position. When he first started doing this for me I would tense up even more at his touch, nervous about so personal a contact. Now though, I wait almost impatiently for his hands to slip up inside my top and feel his fingers gently but firmly manipulating my skin and the knots in the muscles underneath.

My body relaxes after a very short time but he does not rush to finish, for which I am grateful, I could stand this for hours. He makes his way down my legs, kneading out the aches and pains in my overworked limbs. "Mmmm." That feels soooo good.

I overdid it today, but it was worth it. I only hope that I will be okay tomorrow, at least until we get home anyway. I do not want to feel ill in a strange bed, even a comfortable one. At home I can curl up in my own room, with my Yankee holding me, and wait for it pass.

He moves back up over my hips and I sigh he begins the final movements over my neck and shoulders. This is my favourite part, it is just a shame that it also means that the massage is nearly over.

I am so relaxed right now, I am not even surprised when Wheeler leans over me and kisses his way up my neck to my ear. It feels like it is part of the massage, his lips are hot and it is more than pleasant.

"All better?" he whispers in my ear.

"Da." I nearly protest when he gets up, but he is waiting to help me up too.

"Ready for more relaxing?" I guess he is eager to try the hot tub.

I nod but I am suddenly feeling very self conscious, maybe I should not have suggested it.

"Are you sure you're ok with this?" He asks.

Da, I am okay with it but there is something about undressing in front of him that is making me hesitate. I nod but wait for him to make the first move… which he does.

I burst out laughing as his jeans hit the floor, I just cannot help it. He has his 'lucky' boxers on again, honestly, under **other** circumstances they could really spoil the mood!

"LINKA!" he protests.

It makes no difference, there is just something about them.

"You don't laugh at a guy when he drops his pants Babe…you just…you don't. It ain't right."

I am still struggling but manage to say. "I am sorry Wheeler, but I will never get used to those boxers!"

My laughter has broken the tension I was feeling at least, and it has put us back into comfortable banter territory.

He gives me a look, though I know he is not at all mad at me, and climbs into the hot water. "You better be confident in your choice of undergarments Babe, because it's only fair if I laugh at you now!"

I pull my trousers off, saying conversationally. "I think you will be disappointed Wheeler. Just plain black." I do not have any humorous underwear.

Dispensing quickly with my shirt, I slip into the hot tub without checking to see if my Yankee is still watching me. Part of me is hoping he is, part of me is still worrying that my body is not back to where it was before the bliss, and part of me is telling me I should stop thinking like this if I want to keep his friendship.

"Feels nice huh?" He asks.

I position myself so that I can look out of the window, expecting him to move around to join me. "Da, it is perfect."

He does not move though, and seems to be staring into nothing. I splash him and get his attention. "Earth to Wheeler,"

"Hmm? Sorry, did you say something Babe?" he says, blinking in surprise.

I smile affectionately at him. "You were a million miles away. What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing, really. Just relaxing."

Feeling the cold I let myself slip down into the water until my shoulders are covered by the deliciously warm liquid. It means I can reach further across the tub though and that gives me an idea. I put my feet up on Wheeler's knees, he missed them earlier and they still hurt.

"My feet are not used to being in dress shoes for so long. They have gotten used to being in athletic shoes…and all that walking…"

He obligingly starts to rub them and I close my eyes, resting my head against on the edge of the tub. "Mmmm."

I am so relaxed right now I could go to sleep, and with my Yankee here it would be safe enough. I begin to daydream, imagining that instead of stopping at my ankles he continues his massage along my calves and thighs, bringing us closer together…

"You could not behave yourself could you?" I exclaim, opening my eyes and glaring into his.

Nyet, he did not do any of the things I was picturing, I would not be glaring if he had. Wheeler knows the underside of my foot is ticklish and he ran his finger along it deliberately!

"Couldn't resist!" He says, clearly unrepentant.

It was necessary to remove my foot from his grasp but it does not suit me to be out of contact with him. "Why are you sitting so far away? I will not bite."

"I got in and sat over here. You're the one that sat so far away."

Da, because I did not want to look at the wall. "The view from here is beautiful."

"So is the view from here." He counters.

I can feel another blush begin to creep over my cheeks. "I was talking about London."

"I was talking about you." He explains unnecessarily and moves to sit next to me, putting his arm along the tub's edge behind me.

I lean against him and he puts his arm around my shoulders and his head on top of mine. This is nice.

After a while I gently touch his knife wound. "You are making sure this does not stay submerged too long, right?"

"Honestly, that stupid thing is the last thing on my mind right now." Which means no and I should really make sure he is more careful, if he will not take care of himself but…

"What is the first?" I ask.

"Same thing as always," He tells me, placing a kiss to my temple and brushes his fingers through my hair.

I lift my head from his shoulder so that I can look at him, a smile on my lips. "Food? But we just ate?"

"Yeah. Food," He smiles back before leaning down to press a kiss to my forehead. He repeats the action on the tip of my nose and then his lips meet mine, lingering as I respond.

It lasts a little longer than usual but I am still disappointed when he pulls away, though what he has to say distracts me. "We should probably get out before we turn to raisins. And I have a present for you."

"A present?" I can be as childish as him at times. "Where?"

"In my pants."

I raise an eyebrow, wondering for a moment if he is joking… or maybe serious.

"In the pocket," He clarifies.

Oh. Okay… well first things first anyway. "We should get out. The scab on your wound is starting to get soft. You need to let it dry and then I will reapply your medicine and put the dressing over it."

"You just want to get out and get your present," He teases.

I watch as Wheeler stands and begins drying himself off with a towel before climbing out of the tub. I would be lying if I said I did not enjoy the sight of him, the water cascading down his toned torso and muscular legs, the way his wet boxers cling to him (even if they do have gorilla's on them.)

It takes me a minute to recall myself, then I stand up too and hold my hand out for his assistance. He takes it and helps me climb out as I balance myself with my other hand on his shoulder. I jump down, my legs wobbling in their weakened condition.

Wheeler is holding a towel out for me and I walk into it, hoping he will wrap his arms around me as well, but after rubbing my shoulders briefly he says. "I'm uh, gonna get ready for bed. I'll let you have the bathroom first. Keep warm."

"Ok… thank you." I head to the bathroom, collecting my clothes on the way and wondering distractedly why I feel a vague sense of disappointment.

It does not take me long to finish drying off and I quickly pull my clothes on before I start getting cold again. Wheeler is there waiting, as I exit. "All yours."

"Thanks," He replies, throwing his jeans on the floor by the bed… I love how he is so much at home, wherever he is, it makes even the most unusual situations feel normal.

"Do not forget to bring out your medicine and bandages." I call after him.

He turns to wink at me. "Yes Dr. Orlova!"

I shake my head in amusement, but I like playing doctor with him… looking after him that is. Not knowing how long he will be, I look though my bag for the book I brought with me and make myself comfortable in the bed. I missed being able to read but I am more relaxed now, and with Wheeler nearby, I find it easy to slip into my novel. Which is why I am not paying attention when he comes out of the bathroom and leaps onto the waterbed.

"Surf's up Babe!" I am lifted up so far by his 'wave' that for a minute I think I am going to be thrown off the bed, but I suppose it feels worse than it really is.

"Very mature of you, Yankee!" I complain. I do not mind exactly, but it did not do my stomach any good at all.

He is such a child, but I cannot be angry with him. "I've been waiting all night to do that."

I roll my eyes and put my book down, then hold out my hands for the medical supplies and wait for him to get settled. I am used to doing this now and not so afraid of hurting him.

"Not done yet," He pouts.

I nod… I have done this before Yankee. "Da, I know…I still have to put the dressing over it."

"Nope, not that." he says stubbornly.

I roll my eyes again, he wants me to kiss it better… not that I mind the task but I feel that I have to make a pretence of it being a chore… like a little ritual. I kiss each side of the wound and as I do so, Wheeler starts playing with my hair. For a moment I consider continuing to press kisses over the rest of his chest and up to his throat. What would he do? Encourage me… or shy away, embarrassed? Things have been going so well between us, I do not want to spoil it, especially here.

I sit up to continue my doctoring, carefully putting the new bandage in place. Then I poke him in his good side and ask playfully. "Now…where is my present!"

"That was it…the joy of taking care of me," He jokes.

I know he is teasing so continue to dig him in the side until he manages to grab my wrist. "Ow! Hey! Fine. I lied…that was only part of it."

He makes his way down the bed to retrieve his jeans and I make myself comfortable, sitting crossed legged on top of the bed while I wait for him. He mimics my position, our knees touching, and hands me a small wrapped box.

I am as excited as a small child as I unwrap my present, and just as excited when I see what it is. "A new charm! An apple… for Eden. Very creative Yankee."

He smiles. "I wasn't sure if you'd get it…the whole Garden of Eden and the apple thing."

"The apple that Eve ate even though she was told not to…she was tempted by the devil and gave in." I think I know how she felt… and I am not talking about the Bliss.

"You're my apple," he says, sounding shy.

I decide to tease him. "Wheeler, are you calling me the devil?"

"NO!" I grin at him to let him know that I was not serious and he continues. "If I thought you were the devil, I would've said you were my snake…but you're my apple…my temptation."

My cheeks are trying to match the colour of the apple and I feel the need to say something in return. "This apple reminds me of you as well,"

"Really? How's that?" he seems eager for the answer.

I reach up to ruffle his hair. "Well, first of all, it is red! And they say New York is the 'Big Apple' so that makes me think of you. Will you put it on my bracelet for me?" I add, holding my wrist out.

"Of course." He replies, and as soon as the new charm is in place, lifts my hand to his lips to press a kiss against it.

The back of my hand tingles where it was kissed and I smile at him, but end up using that hand to cover my mouth as a yawn overtakes me. "Sorry,"

"Don't be. It's been a long day. We should get some sleep." He replies.

I nod. "Da."

My Yankee pulls the covers back down and we get in together. I lay on my side with my head on his arm and his body curled up behind me. We are so used to having a single bed, we are not taking up any more space, but I am not complaining.

"Goodnight Babe." He kisses me behind my ear.

"Dobroi nochi, Yankee," I say in reply, linking our fingers together and bringing up his captured hand to my lips, and then my cheek, holding him in place as I drift off into a pleasant slumber.

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 39! Let us know what you think!


	40. Day Twenty Nine

**A/N:** I haven't said this in a while but thanks to everyone that's reading and reviewing, it's great to hear from you.

* * *

**Chapter Forty – Day Twenty Nine**

Something is not right. My sleep clouded brain struggles to work out what has woken me, and as has become the norm over the past few weeks, my first priority is to locate my protector. The warm breath on my neck reassures me and I am able to trace the comforting presence of his limbs as they enfold me.

One of his hands is resting on my tummy though and that leads me to make a discovery… Beneath the comforting warmth of his hand, my stomach is churning and making the most dreadful noises. Bozhe' moy! I disentangle myself as quickly as I can without disturbing him – the waterbed increasing my nausea with the slightest of movements – and rush to the bathroom.

I only just make it to the toilet in time. Kneeling in front of it and doing my best to hold back my hair, I begin to lose what I had so enjoyed earlier. The violent reaction makes the muscles of my stomach ache, and my tears flow freely. I wish I had not eaten anything, I wish I never had to eat anything again, I wish I had not eaten that blintz Boris gave me, I wish I could go back and stop any of this happening, I wish…

Before I can wish myself out of the Planeteers altogether, I feel a gentle touch on my hair and a hand carefully replaces mine holding it back. I let go gratefully, my arm is aching from holding it up for so long in one position. At the same time, I am shamed by his presence, I wish he could have slept through it… another pointless wish.

When I have a moments rest I look up at Wheeler, still embarrassed about the state I am in. I want to apologise, no one should have to deal with this… especially not just a friend, it is asking too much.

"It's ok." He says, still rubbing my back.

It is not ok though, how could I have allowed him to… My stomach interrupts my thoughts yet again… how much more can there be? Have I expelled what I ate today or what I have eaten all week?

When everything finally subsides, I sit back, still crying and sore, and not sure what to say. Wheeler hands me a glass of water and a tissue. I rinse my mouth out and then let him wash over my face with a cool flannel… we have done this so many times now, but I thought we had seen the last of it.

Our little ritual over, my sweet Yankee sits down on the floor and pulls me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me as if he can protect me from the rest of the world. His tenderness oversets me, my strength is gone as I rest in the safety of his arms. I bury my face in his chest and give way to my feelings, my sobs hot on my cheeks. "I am sorry!"

"For what?" He asks calmly and softly as he presses the damp cloth to my forehead again, helping it to cool.

I shrug. "For waking you…for begin sick…for making you watch me like this."

"I still don't get why you're apologizing. It's ok. You don't need to be sorry. I was worried when I woke up and you were gone. You should have woken me when you felt sick. I would have been here with you sooner."

I try to explain, but I am still upset and it all comes out at once. "I did not want you to know at all. I thought I was done. I thought this was over. I was feeling better."

His grip on me tightens. "I know you were. And you were doing great. Today was a rough day though. There was a lot going on. Even I'm exhausted." He presses his lips to my head and continues. "And maybe it's not even the withdrawal…maybe it was that lunch…I blame the ruuuuuuuutabaga! Whatever that thing was you ate…with all those vegetables, of course you're gonna get sick. How many times do I hafta tell ya Babe? Veggies are EVIL!"

He can be silly sometimes, of course there was nothing wrong with the food, it was lovely… but I appreciate his silliness, it is so typical of him… it puts my world back into focus. I chuckle and wipe away my tears.

"That's my girl…keep laughing," He dabs my eyes with his flannel, I must look a mess!

Then he leans over to kiss the back of my neck, whether because he likes it or because he knows I do, I am never sure. He also starts to rub my tummy as if he can make it better. He cannot, but it feels nice anyway so I relax back and snuggle into him. "Thank you."

"Feeling better?" He asks.

Relatively, though my stomach muscles still feel as if I have run a marathon. "Da."

"Do you wanna stay here a little longer?" His lips brush against my neck as he speaks.

Actually I do not feel like ever getting up again, but all I say is. "Da,"

I manoeuvre myself so that I am facing him, my legs and arms wrapped around him and my face buried in the crook of his neck. I press a kiss there… I am not trying to start anything, my body aches from retching and my mouth still tastes a little funny, the last thing I am feeling is romantic. I need the closeness though, he is always affectionate and right now I am doing everything I can to encourage that… his warmth keeps my nightmares away.

Wheeler is cradling me against him, one hand on the back of my neck, the other making patterns on my back. I am still wearing more than one layer and I have noticed before, that he does not seem to like there being so much between us, so I am not surprised when his hand slips up inside my sweatshirt.

The circles he is making on my back are very soothing so when he stops abruptly I try to pull back to ask him what the matter is. He stops me, pulling me back against him and then lifting me as he stands.

I tighten my legs around his waist automatically, but there is no real need, I know he would not drop me. He lays me down on the bed and I release him to slip my feet under the covers, though I am briefly tempted to tighten my grip and pull him down with me, if I was not so tired… Still, he follows me in and takes me back in his arms.

It feels cosy for a few minutes but… "Wheeler?"

"Yeah?" He responds sleepily.

"I am hot."

That seems to wake him and he lets go. "Oh…uh…sorry."

I sit up and take off my sweatshirt, dropping it on the floor – okay so Wheeler is a bad influence – then I lay back down and pull his arm around me, expecting him to cuddle into my back.

He does not move though, he just lays there. "Are you ok Yankee? You seem tense?"

"No, uh…I mean yeah…I mean…No…I'm not tense…yeah, I'm ok. I'm just…worried about you, that's all." That seems a little odd to me, he was not that concerned earlier… at least he is beginning to relax.

I try to reassure him anyway. "I am fine. As long as you are with me, I can get through anything."

My assertion must have worked since he gives me his other arm to lay on. "I'm here."

I am in fact, very aware of that, especially when he puts his leg over mine and uses that and his arm to pull me closer. I wish we could stay like this forever… another hopeless wish?

"I know." I tell him, rubbing my cheek against his arm and trailing my finger down it, exploring him and memorising the way it feels, to help fill all the lonely nights I know will come, when he is not here with me. I thread my fingers through his, binding us together as if I can prevent our parting. I wished earlier that I could go back and stop any of this from happening, but I would not give up these moments for anything. No amount of pain will ever make me regret finding out how good a friend I have. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," He squeezes my hand and kisses the back of my neck. "Sweet dreams, Sweetness."

I do not fear the nightmares while he is with me, he keeps them away, and fills my dreams with laughter… and love. Even though they are just dreams, they make me happy and I say with certainty. "They will be, Yankee moy."

* * *

I have a Yankee blanket. It is wrapped all around me, keeping me warm and safe, I could stay like this forever. I turn my head to press my lips into the arm I am using as a pillow and he nuzzles my neck in response, still fast asleep.

While I lay there, I take the time to admire my charm bracelet. It is the most thoughtful gift I have ever been given. I know Wheeler probably would not believe that, he seems to think I am just being nice if I compliment him. As a child though, my family gave me what could be easily obtained… and afforded, and that was normally something practical, and I was grateful for whatever they gave me. My Yankee wanted to do something special for me though, and that alone **makes** it special.

I am in no hurry to wake him but when I feel him stir, I rub his arm and say. "I know you are awake, Yankee,"

His lips are warm and soft against my neck and it tickles as he replies. "No I'm not, this feels too nice to be real…so it must be a dream."

Since he illustrates his point by kissing my shoulder several times before moving up to my neck, I am having a hard time disagreeing. The corners of my mouth turn up into a huge grin and I find myself hoping he will not stop, that this will be the time he forgets himself and make his way round to claim my lips… but nyet, the more he comes to, the more conscious of the situation he becomes.

"Sorry, I must be crushing you," He tries to move away but I catch him just in time and hold him firmly in place.

"Nyet, it is fine. I like it…umm, you are warm." And… I like it.

He has his mouth and nose buried in my neck again, I really love how that feels! "Ok, but how 'bout if I keep you warm without crushing you?"

He suddenly grips me tightly and rolls back so that for a moment I am in the air and out of control, like a mini ride. I squeal… so girly of me but I cannot help it, and then I fall on top of him in a fit of giggles. I snuggle into him, nuzzling my face in his neck as he did with me, and he leans down to do the same.

My laughter begins again when he starts to tickle me, he seems to know just where I am most susceptible, but we are rocking the bed too much... and on a water bed, I am in danger of becoming seasick. "Stop!" I grab his hands from my sides and put them back around me. "Unless you want me to throw up again, only this time, on you!"

"No, I don't want that…but now that you mention it…I am kinda hungry."

"Me talking about being sick makes you hungry? You are a strange man, Yankee!" I pull back to look at him and playfully poke my tongue out.

"No, I don't mean that…I mean…do you think you could handle breakfast? Maybe some tea and crumpets?" He says that last with a strange accent, I am guessing it is supposed to be English, based on what he said.

No thank you! "Do you even know what a crumpet is Yankee?"

"Nope." I did not think so.

"You would not like them," I tell him and return to my former position, saying into his neck. "I do not."

He is not convinced. "Well then in that case, I probably will like them! We have completely different taste when it comes to food!"

"Nyet, trust me. I know you would not like them. They are not sweet enough for you." He deserves that I let him try them, but I was hoping to swipe some of his breakfast – it always tastes better when it is someone else's – and the thought of tea and crumpets for breakfast is making me queasy.

He gives in at last. "I'll take your word for it, I think I'll have blueberry pancakes and bacon, and scrambled eggs."

"I think I will have some of your eggs and possibly a few bites of your pancakes," I inform him as I look up to see the effect of my words.

He protests but I know he is just joking. "Linka, you know I'd do anything for you…but sharing my food? I gotta draw the line somewhere!"

Playing along, I make my voice as pitiful as I can and rub my nose against his neck. "So you will let me starve?"

"Well, no…I can't in good conscience do that. I'll just order extra."

Practical if not very chivalrous, but I do not mind, he is a nightmare when he is hungry. "I knew you would not let me down, Yankee," I smile at him and give him a hug, pressing my cheek to his… but it is scratchy so I pull away again.

"You need to shave." I tell him, running my fingers around his jaw line.

"Well, I have to get up in order to do that, and you're making that pretty difficult…plus I don't really want to."

I do not really want him to get up either, but I want to cuddle and his stubble is uncomfortable, and besides, I am getting hungry. I roll off him and sit up. "There you go. You are free now. Get up, shave, and order breakfast…then hurry up and get back here to keep me warm!"

"Yes ma'am!" He jumps out of bed, creating a small wave, and gives me a silly salute. I laugh and shake my head, but if I am honest, he looks adorable standing there in nothing but his boxers, still sleepy and with his hair a complete mess.

I lay back down and listen to the muffled movements in the bathroom and then Wheeler's voice as he calls room service. Just for while I pretend that we are on our honeymoon… I know, but I cannot help it… we are in a fancy hotel in a foreign city and I am waiting for Wheeler to return to our large double bed, what am I supposed to be thinking of?

He hangs up the phone and I hear him unlock the door. In my mind he slips back into bed behind me, causing little ripples in the watery mattress as he moves closer. Then of course his lips will find that little spot on the back of my neck and his arms will pull me to him… and some where along the line we will forget all about room service.

I know I was just daydreaming but I still was not expecting the minor tidal wave as he leaps onto the bed behind me. I thought for a moment I was going to be thrown onto the floor, and I swear if that had happened he would have been sleeping alone for a very long time! As it happens, the water bounces off the bed frame and throws me back into his arms, which he clearly finds funny.

I am just irritated, though whether it is with his behaviour or the fact that he spoiled my daydream, I am not sure. "WHEELER! You really are trying to make me sick are you not?"

"Yeah, the less you eat, the more for me!" He is feeling playful… fine!

I grab one of the pillows and try to smother him with it, knowing he can get out easily of course, I am nowhere near back to full strength yet.

It goes dark as he pulls the covers up over our heads, and then all of a sudden he is on top of me, pinning me down. He claims the pillow and hits me with it in retaliation, while I try my best not to laugh.

"I thought you wanted me to keep you warm?" He complains with mock indignation. "That's not going to work if you kill me. My cold, clammy body will be wrapped around you…and then I'll haunt you!" He emphasises it by kissing my nose.

"You will not have a need to keep me warm if you crush me to death!" I counter, lifting myself so that I can return his kiss.

"Good point." He rolls off me but to my satisfaction, does not let me go.

Holding me close, with his chin tucked over my head, he rubs his hands up and down my back, presumably to warm me up. I was not really cold, but it is definitely having an effect. Trying to distract myself, I take a closer look at his healing wound, gently tracing it with my finger and making invisible rings around it.

Wheeler takes me by surprise by whispering into my hair. "Hey, that tickles."

"Sorry," I can feel the blush rising to my cheeks, why did I think he would not notice?

"Don't be. I didn't mean for you to stop. It felt good. It's itchy."

Well that is something at least. "Good. That means it is healing. Do not scratch it though. Fingernails harbour all kinds of bacteria."

"Thanks Dr. Linka…I won't have to scratch it if you keep doing what you were doing though," He squeezes me encouragingly, I guess he really did like it.

Now I have been recalled to my senses though, "Nyet, I should not have been touching it either."

"You weren't scratching it." He says, and I cave.

I am very careful to keep my nails from scratching him as I resume tracing a circle around the knife wound. At the same time, I am very aware of the skin I am touching. It is firm and smooth and I wish I had the courage to continue my exploration over the rest of his chest, to feel the shapes of his well-defined muscles, instead of trying to soothe this one vulnerable patch. If only kissing it better really worked!

He does not stir as I move to bring my lips to the tender skin at the edge of the wound. His eyes are closed so maybe he is falling asleep, I will try not to disturb him. I kiss him lightly around the edges, as he asked me to before. It does not look like much now but it is a constant reminder of how close I came to losing him… does he understand what that would have done to me? Even before all this, I just cannot imagine my life without Wheeler in it anymore, I cannot bear the thought of the being on Hope Island without him. It would have ended all our lives as Planeteers and that is what everyone would have thought I missed. No one would have suspected after my behaviour towards him, that losing him could effect me very deeply, but just the though of it… a single tear escapes me, trickling down my nose to fall on his chest.

"Stop it," His voice is quiet and serious, he is so rarely serious, it unnerves me.

"Sorry…yesterday…last night…you wanted me to. I thought you liked it." My cheeks are burning again.

"I do…very much. But that's not what I meant. I meant stop going to that dark place your thoughts are taking you to." He wipes away my tears, which are tumbling down my cheeks in multiples now.

"I'm ok. " He kisses my forehead.

"I'm alive." He kisses my nose.

"I'm here." He kisses my mouth. This time though, he stays there, waiting for me to respond. I do so, closing my eyes and pressing my lips against his… it seems at once to last forever and not nearly long enough.

"Ok?" He asks.

Not really. "Ok."

"Now, say it like you mean it." He squeezes me, bringing me back to reality.

I smile at him and look deeply into his eyes so that he can see that I am not lying. "Ooookaaaaaay!"

"Good." That settled, he pulls me back into our former position and kisses my head.

I would be lying if I said that I was not a little disappointed that that kiss, that moment, ended so quickly, but it is for the best. I do not mean to play games with his feelings and as long as it is only what he considers to be comforting, he is in no danger. It does not matter what it does to me.

This is nice though, just laying here in his arms. The blankets are still over our heads so it is like we are in our own little world, just the two of us.

The knock on the door wakes me out of a light doze and Wheeler too I guess, since he jumps with me. The water bed exaggerates our movement and causes me start giggling.

Wheeler laughs too but then calls out. "IT'S UNLOCKED, COME ON IN!"

I wonder if I should have allowed this, I know it is only our breakfast but it could be very embarrassing to be caught like this by the wrong person.

"IF YOU CAN BRING IT INTO THE BEDROOM, THAT'D BE GREAT. MY WALLET IS…umm…where'd I put it?" That last was directed quietly at me, and contrary to my previous thoughts, I am hoping the attendant heard it and my whispered reply.

"Is it in your jeans? Probably on the floor by the hot tub," Because it makes us sound like a couple, I know that is stupid but I like feeling like this, even if it is only make believe.

"Oh, right… "IN THE BACK POCKET OF MY JEANS, ON THE FLOOR BY THE HOT TUB! TAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT, JUST HURRY UP AND LEAVE!"

That is going too far though. "Wheeler!"

I give him a light smack on his chest, still careful of his wound, but he just grins at me like he does not know what he just implied.

"Actually, your jeans are laying at the bottom of the bed."

Bozhe 'moy! That is not a waiter!

"GI?" Wheeler sounds as shocked as I am, and he pops his head out from under the covers to have a look.

"Uh, I had a question for Linka…umm, a message from Kwame. I thought this was her room." Gi sounds embarrassed and that seems to chase my own embarrassment away. Actually I think it is funny… my Yankee must be rubbing off on me.

"It is," I pull the covers down so that I can see out too, and try not to imagine the picture we must present.

She **is** embarrassed, but she should not be, she knew we have been sharing… maybe it is actually seeing us in bed together. "Oh…uh, sorry…I…you said to come in so…I…did."

"I thought you were room service," Wheeler says, and as if to prove his honesty, there is another knock on the door.

"I'll get that." Wheeler says quickly, scrambling out of bed.

I do not think I have ever seen him so embarrassed before, as Gi openly admires his semi-naked form. I am just glad he is not wearing those Gorilla boxers, then he would really have something to be embarrassed about! As it is, I think she is impressed. All the same, he grabs his jeans and runs from the room.

Gi and I watch him go and then look back at each other. For a moment we are silent, then we both start giggling helplessly… it feels good.

"Oh Linka, I wish I had a camera, did you see his face?" my Asian friend gasps.

I nod, but I reply teasingly. "Da, but I am surprised **you** did, that did not seem to be where you were looking."

I can never get the better of Gi though. "Do I detect a hint of jealousy?"

"Nyet of course not!" My cheeks are flushed though… there might have been just a little bit of truth in that. "Gi you know it is not what it looked like."

Gi's eyes are gleaming with mischief. "What do you think it looked like?"

I roll my eyes. Gi does know, she is just being difficult because she loves to tease. She also likes secrets and gossip so she will be reminding me of this for months to come. "You said you had a message for me?"

She nods. "He only wanted to know what time you wanted to leave and whether we were going back to Eden… we were treated to all this because of you after all, it's only fair that you make the call."

I smile at her, grateful for their thoughtfulness. "We will be ready to leave after breakfast and I think I saw everything yesterday, though I am happy to go back if there is more any you guys want to see… and I would like to say goodbye to my friends before we leave."

"Ok." Wheeler comes back in with our food order just then and Gi makes a surprisingly tactful exit. "I'll let you two get back to enjoying your 'breakfast in bed'."

Well nearly, she is giggling again and she winks at me before making a parting shot at my Yankee. "I hope you didn't put your jeans back on, on my account Wheeler!"

My brief enjoyment of Gi's interruption is definitely at an end… it has completely ruined the mood and Wheeler does not even get back into bed, he just sits next to me on top of the covers. This is not right, it was supposed to be cosy and fun and now it is… breakfast.

When I sat up he put the tray over my lap, I thought he would take it back once he was settled but he does not. "Do not put this whole thing in front of me!"

I hand it back to him. "This is your breakfast. I just want a few bites." And I am not sure I even want that anymore. I know I am being petulant but he could at least make an effort!

He takes the tray in silence and puts it over his lap, staring at his food as if he has lost his appetite too. After a while he says. "Sorry."

That makes me feel guilty, and by extension even more irritable. "NOW what are you sorry for Yankee? You are always sorry for something and I keep telling you to STOP apologizing."

"Gi…I didn't know it was her…" he begins.

"I know you did not…which is why you do not need to apologize. I told her it was not what it looked like."

"And she believed you?" He exclaims, clearly surprised.

"Nyet, of course not!" I snort. "It is Gi! She believes what she wants to believe."

And again he says, "Sorry."

"Bozhe moy Yankee. If you apologize one more time…I'll…"

He sticks a fork full of eggs up to my mouth to shut me up. "You'll what?"

I take the bite, but finish my sentence anyway… it is not as if Wheeler is going to correct my manners. "I will give you something to be sorry about!"

That little taste has made my stomach rumble, I take his fork from him and cut a little piece of the American style pancake… mmm delicious… so I take a few more.

"Don't over do it, Babe," He says as he watches.

I nod in agreement, but after last night, I am **very** empty. "Da, I know. I am just very hungry."

By way of a peace offering, I cut another forkful and hold it up to his lips. As he takes it in his mouth though, the sticky syrup the pancakes are covered with drips down onto his chest. "Oops, sorry."

I quickly wipe away the spill with my index finger, and not wanting to get up, I just stick it in my mouth and suck the sweet substance off…

"That's ok. So uh, Gi said she was here because Kwame had a question for you?" Wheeler is looking at me oddly and quickly changes the subject… I wonder what that was about.

I repeat some of my conversation with Gi, ending with, "…I just want to quickly stop by and say goodbye to everyone."

"You mean say goodbye to Stuuuuuart?" he mocks.

"To **everyone**." I roll my eyes, he can be very provoking sometimes, can he really still be jealous?

* * *

It does not take us long to finish our meal and get ready to leave. I am still sorry that we were interrupted, I would not have minded spending a little longer cuddled up in our nice big bed.

The others come with me to thank the Eden Project sponsors, which pleases me… that is, until Stuart approaches us. He was only going to hug me, that is all, but Wheeler is acting like a guard dog and bars his way. Okay, so he is pretending that he wants to shake Stuart's hand but I am not fooled, I can only hope my friend is.

"Nice meeting ya, Stu," Wheeler says, his voice cold and very unlike him. "Cool place you got here."

"We couldn't have done it without Linka." Stuart holds his hand out to me too.

Accepting the handshake I reply. "Thank you for saying so, but my role was minor."

"And she's humble too," I just know that is going to get a reaction from Wheeler, and I am right.

"Yeah, she's amazing. Brains and beauty, but we've got to get back to saving the world. Enjoy your little make believe perfect world. Have a nice life Stu!"

He walks away, putting his arm around my shoulders and pressing his lips to the side of my head, possessively. "Let's get outta here." I cannot tell you how angry I am with him, how can Wheeler be so… rude!

The only reason I do not slap him or push him away is that I am so embarrassed that I want to get away as soon as I can. Instead, I glare at him with as much venom as one look can manage.

"What?" He asks as if he does not know!

"Do not play innocent! You know what! That was rude. I told you, Stuart is a nice guy, but I am **not** interested. There was no need to be rude. You make yourself look bad."

He is defiant, but he sounds sulky too. "As if I care what he thinks!"

"What about what I think?" I reply, trying hard to reign in my temper.

"Of course I care what you think!" At least that awful cockiness is gone now.

I need him to understand, not just accept it or apologise because I am mad at him. "Well, I think that right now, Stuart is thinking 'what is a nice girl like her doing with a jerk like him,' and that makes me look bad."

He does not argue so I continue, trying not to get upset by my own words. "And it is not just **his** 'little make believe perfect world.' I had a part in this too…and if you think so little of it…"

He stops walking forward and moves in front of me, resting his hands on my shoulders. "Of course I don't really think that. This is amazing…what you've done here is incredible…I was just trying to get a dig in at Stuart… trying to make myself look better…but I ended up making myself look worse. You're right. I'm sorry. I was a jerk AND an idiot. Do you want me to go back and apologize to Stuart?"

"Nyet. I want to go home." I do not really believe him… oh I know that he is sorry for making a fool of himself and embarrassing me, he never really means to hurt me… but the work that has been done here, **that** he does not really value. I told him that it is something special and he accepted that, all the things he said were just to make me feel good because that is what he does… it is his way of being a good friend, but his good opinion would have meant more.

"You can think about how you are going to make it up to me on the flight home." I step around him and start walking in the direction of the Geo-cruiser, leaving him and the others behind.

I do not doubt that he will think of something to make me feel better… he always does… I hope he can make me forget too.

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 40! Let us know what you think!


	41. Day Thirty Four

**Chapter Forty One – Day Thirty Four**

* * *

I am far past the point of trying to hide the effect he is having on me. Wheeler's hands have a magical touch and as he presses into me I gasp with pleasure, I am completely relaxed and at his mercy.

"Wheeeeeelerrrrrr?" I complain as he momentarily pulls back… he does it deliberately to tease me!

Straddling my hips as he is, he still leans down to whisper in my ear. "Say it."

"Do not stop." I reply obediently, knowing my compliance will be worth it.

I am not disappointed as he leans his weight into me and resumes his ministrations.

"Planeteers, to the Crystal Chamber," Gaia's voice is jarring in my present state.

Wheeler is obviously frustrated as well but he seems inclined to obey the summons anyway, and I cannot help protesting. "Nyet! Finish?"

Despite my practically begging, he rises up off of me to stand beside the bed. I feel his absence very keenly and sit up, drawing my knees up to my chin and wrapping my arms around them for comfort.

He holds his hand out to me. "Sorry Babe…the rest of your massage will have to wait. We gotta go see what Gaia wants."

"You mean **you** have to go see what she wants. I think I will just stay here in bed." I know I am being petulant but the massages I ended up demanding from Wheeler as 'punishment' for his behaviour at the Eden Project are the highlight of my day, and since I am not included in the Planeteer Alerts, it just increases my resentment that we have been disturbed.

The truth is, I needed to pick something because he really did feel bad about the business with Stuart, there had to be something that would make things okay again… at least on the surface. Of course it is not much of a punishment, Wheeler loves these little sessions as much as I do… well nearly as much. And actually, despite my progress I still genuinely need the massage after our morning exercises.

I feel like I am beginning to wake up from a bad dream. My Yankee got me through that dream, he was the one bright spark… my anchor in the storm. He is wonderful, and kind and caring and everything I could want… but I think I made him out to be just a little more perfect than anyone has a right to be. I needed so badly to be loved and I am ashamed now to think how easily I could have ended up ruining our friendship by pursuing something neither of us are ready for… or maybe even suited for.

"Stop pouting…it's unbecoming…if you come to the Crystal Chamber, at least it shows that you're showing an interest…and maybe it'll be a mission that you can come on…now get your ass in gear Planeteer!" He admonishes me, sweeping me off my feet, literally. "I'll carry you if I have to."

"Put me down!" I demand, squirming in his grasp and kicking my legs to make it harder for him to keep hold of me.

It does not disturb him very much, he spins me round playfully before finally putting me down, and then gives me a playful shove out of the door.

I am taking my time getting to the Crystal Chamber, not looking forward to another scene, so Wheeler is still poking my back and pushing me along. In fact he is still doing it as we enter and he addresses Gaia, but I am not expecting it this time and trip.

He grabs hold of me so that I do not fall and laughs. "Watch yourself clumsy!"

I take a swipe at his chest but I am not angry, I am laughing with him.

Gaia comments on how much better I look and then to my delight, asks me if I feel well enough to go on a mission. I was feeling better to start with, but now I am ready for anything!

Wheeler cannot help putting his arm around me… I know he is pleased for me and it is not that I mind, but I need the others to see me as an equal again and if he keeps doing that it will just remind them that I have been sick. I gently but firmly push him away and step towards the Planet Vision.

The screen shows a whale that Gaia explains has become disorientated. He is caught in some shark netting off the coast of Australia, which is used to keep the sharks away from the swimmers at the beaches. "…Rescuers have lost track of him, but I have picked him up. He's 120 miles south of where they last saw him. He's migrating, as his natural instinct is instructing him to, but unless that netting is removed, he will continue to struggle to the point of exhaustion and drown."

"Is it a fishing net?" Wheeler asks. Does he never listen? Gaia just explained all that! He is not stupid, why does he have to act as if he is?

As usual I fill in the blanks for him and then add. "We must go quickly and get him free!"

The others of course agree with me and we head to the Eco-Sub without delay. I think Wheeler is quieter than normal but I am still irritated with him. Does he not know how important this is to me?

* * *

I am feeling much better about everything now we are underway. Gi is piloting and Kwame, Ma-Ti and I are working out a plan… just like old times.

It was not fair of me to take out my insecurities on Wheeler, he really did not do anything to deserve it, it was just my reaction to being allowed back on missions, so, once Kwame and Ma-Ti opt for a snooze, I move back to where my Yankee is sitting.

He is staring into space. "Earth to Wheeler!"

I wave my hand in front of his face and he almost snaps in return. "What?"

Sitting down on his knee and explaining that it will take some time before we get to our destination, I suggest he finishes my massage while we have time to spare. This is my way of trying to smooth things over… not that I do not want him to continue, I am already anticipating how good it will feel.

"Funny…I was just thinking that you seemed fine." I can tell from his tone that he is not happy.

"But before, we were not done." I say coaxingly. "You always finish with my neck."

"You were limber enough to get away from me in the Crystal Chamber…you're fine. Besides, I think Kwame and Ma-Ti have the right idea…I'm gonna get some sleep so we can take on the 'Whale vs. fishing net mission.' Why don't you go keep Gi company?" Is he really just being childish or…

"Do you not want me on this mission?" He is the one that has being telling me that I am ready… "It is not a hard mission. There are no eco-villains…just saving a life. I can handle this."

"I know. You're ready. All better…back to normal…now if you don't mind…I'd like some sleep," He lifts me off his lap and turns away, closing his eyes.

Was I supposed to hide behind him? Cling to his hand and beg his protection? That is not me! If I was doing any of those things the last place I should be is on an alert! What is wrong with him? I thought he wanted me to get better…

"Are you excited to be back on missions?" Gi asks as I take the co-pilots seat. At least everything with Gi is back to normal, I am lucky she forgave me.

Trying not to let the Yankee's attitude get to me, I force a cheerful expression. "Da. It is just one more step closer to everything being back to the way it was before."

"But you don't want **everything** to go back do you?" Gi asks, obviously getting at something.

I have a feeling I know where she is going with this, and I am not sure I want to have that conversation right now. "What do you mean?"

"Wheeler. You and he have really gotten close." I was right! Oh well I guess I cannot avoid it forever.

Taking a quick glance to make sure that he is sleeping, I reply. "Da, but it is not like that… he has been nothing but a good friend. There is nothing other than friendship there."

I can feel the emptiness grow in the pit of my stomach as I say the words. It is not strictly true, at least not on my side… there have been moments, times when I thought… maybe, maybe we could make it work.

"And you're ok with that?" Gi asks, she would have made a good psychiatrist!

"Da…why would I not be?" I respond defiantly.

Counsellor Gi has an explanation ready though. "No reason…I just thought maybe you two would take this opportunity…this new found closeness to build on what was already there."

What can I say but the truth? "Wheeler is determined to not take advantage of the situation… and I would never use a friend's kindness and mistake that for something more. We are just friends. Very good friends. I could not have gotten through this without him."

Without him, I would hate myself and be convinced that everyone else hates me too and I would have found a substitute for the Bliss, and become a real addict with no chance of breaking free… no that is wrong, I would not even be alive right now if it were not for him.

There is silence for a while as we both sit lost in our own thoughts. At last Gi says. "We would have helped you too… we wanted to help…"

"I know!" I hasten to assure her. And I **do** know that, now that I am thinking rationally again. "I… it is just different with Wheeler… he… understands. At least in part." I swallow. "I have put him through a lot."

Gi is frowning slightly. "So Wheeler, a guy, whose sensitivity not to mention higher brain functions, is normally on par with a five year old… can connect with you better than your best friend?"

Maybe she has not forgiven me after all. "Nyet Gi… it is different…" She turns her head long enough to raise an eyebrow. "I cannot explain, I just react to him differently."

"Like a special bond or something?" She says it casually but I hear the slyness in her voice.

I fold my arms across my chest and lean back in the chair. "I know what you are up to."

She laughs. "Oh come on Linka, won't you even consider it?"

"I have." I say sadly.

"Wheeler is one of the best people I have ever met." **The** best, but I am being diplomatic. "But we are very different and I do not think we are compatible romantically. As friends it is fine and to be honest I think Wheeler prefers it that way too, he likes to flirt but I do not think he really wants me to respond, it would complicate things and eventually ruin them."

And he is the one that kept pulling away…

I swallow and continue. "I would be devastated if I ever lost his friendship and da, it is more than friendship in a way, just not in the way you mean. I **need** things to go back to normal. I need to know that I am really myself again."

She gives me a sad, half defeated look but thankfully does not pursue it any further, at least for now.

* * *

There is no doubt when we have arrived, the poor trapped creature is thrashing about creating waves. His tail, mouth and one of his fins are all tangled up in the net.

Kwame directs Gi to take us up to the surface so that Ma-Ti can try his power… if he can calm him, we can help.

We change into our wetsuits while Kwame outlines the rest of his plan. I am a little nervous about the fact that my Yankee is going to be the one cutting the net… with Kwame that is… am I ready to see him in danger?

Our African friend is trying to keep the rest of us safe as usual, Gi is on look out duty and I am to do clean up. Considering this is my first mission back, I cannot complain… but it is not going to stop me worrying.

And it seems that I have good reason.

"WHEELER!" We cry as one as that irresponsible idiot jumps into the water and heads straight for the whale.

What is he playing at? Ma-Ti has not calmed yet the frightened whale, he could get himself killed!

"WHEELER, ARE YOU INSANE?" Gi yells. "THAT ANIMAL IS SCARED AND CONFUSED! HE COULD KNOCK YOU OUT WITH ONE WHACK OF HIS FIN OR KILL YOU WITH A FLICK OF HIS TAIL!"

I add my voice to Gi's. "WHEELER GET OUT OF THERE!"

"Ma-Ti, do something!" Kwame orders.

Our young colleague does his job a little too well, the Whale calms down but now he is not moving, he starts to sink… whales breath air, if he cannot swim, he will drown!

I look around desperately for some way to help and find myself exclaiming in surprise. "Gi look! There are more whales."

As we all watch in amazement, the new arrivals help their trapped fellow to the surface.

Thankfully Wheeler got out of the way in time and now he is beginning to cut away the harmful net… which means it is my turn.

I raise my ring hand and hesitate… what if it does not work? After everything I have been through, what if I was wrong and my body is still too polluted?

Kwame's hand on my shoulder makes me jump but when I turn my head to look at him he does not say anything, he just smiles and nods his head.

I return the smile gratefully and turn my attention back to where Wheeler is loosening the net. "Wind!"

It is working! My eyes fill with tears of relief but I do not break my concentration, this is just too important, my feelings can wait.

Kwame cannot go out to help Wheeler, as he planned to, it is just too dangerous. The whales are nervous, and while they are peaceful and intelligent animals, who knows what they will do if they are scared?

My stomach is turning over and it is not helped by the warning Gi calls to my Yankee as he moves on to try to free the pectoral fin. "…What they're doing…that's a threat. It means they know you're there and they're watching you."

"I thought they just ate small fish!" He calls back, surprising me with his knowledge, I never know when he is paying attention.

"Well, no offence Wheeler, but compared to them, you ARE small!" Gi retorts. I am not going to argue, they are both right… the whales will not try to eat him but if he alarms them they could still do a lot of damage.

Wheeler is not giving up of course. "I'm going to try for the netting around his fin."

"Kwame, go help him!" I order. The quicker we get this done, the sooner Wheeler will be back here… with me.

"NO!" Ma-Ti contradicts me. "It is too dangerous. I cannot keep him calm. Wheeler should not be in there either."

Bozhe' moy! What will I do if something happens to him? "WHEELER GET OUT OF THERE YOU DAMN YANKEE…COWBOY!"

I sound angry, but mostly I am scared, and again I have reason to be. Just as Wheeler makes a move towards the netting, the whale rolls and hits him with its fin, batting him aside like a rag doll.

"**WHEELER!**" I scream, and dive in after him.

There was no conscious thought involved, just instinct, but now the others are calling for me too and I have no intention of listening to them. I have to get to my idiot Yankee! As I get closer, I see that he has become entangled with the netting… it has probably saved his life but if I do not get him free soon, it will be the death of him.

Trying to get close to the whale is not easy, the water is very choppy close to the frightened mammal and I am still not up to full strength. Just when I am beginning to think that I am going to be too late, the whale shifts again and I am suddenly thrown against its side. I cry out as I am swept under the waves, and come up coughing out water.

I am not strong enough! I should not be doing this… but Jason needs me, he has been so strong for me, I can do the same for him!

Pulling myself along the whale's side, I finally reach Wheeler. One wrong move by the trapped animal and we will both go under. Keep him steady Ma-Ti! I can feel my limbs weakening… they are beginning to tremble from the extra exertion… I need to get my foolish friend free now!

Entwining my legs with his to give me balance, I reach up towards his ring hand. A wave hits us and I have to hold on tightly. Pressing my face to his neck, I let out a sob.

"Hold on Jason, please." I whisper as I renew my attempts to reach his ring.

It seems like an eternity and then… "Got it!"

I quickly slip the fire ring onto my middle finger so that it nestles next to mine… I can do this, I am the only one that can.

Concentrating hard and aiming so that I will cut only the netting if I miss, I point my hand and say. "Fire."

It sounds strange on my lips, I am so used to hearing it said in an American accent… and it feels different to how my ring feels when the power is released… but it feels right too… as if I have tapped another part of myself. Is this how my Yankee felt when he used my ring?

Whatever the reason, it is working and once Wheeler is free, so is our friend the whale… now if I can just get us back to the others…

* * *

Clearing the net out of our path with my own power, nearly exhausted me completely, I think I am keeping going from determination alone.

Wheeler is still unconscious so it is up to me to get us back to the others.

I am already muttering curses in my native language by the time Kwame and Ma-Ti take him from my arms. If it were not for Gi I would not have been able to climb up onto the sub at all and as it is, my ascent is anything but dignified, but still I thank her only briefly, so that I can get back to Wheeler.

I replace Ma-Ti who is trying to support our fire planeteer, and breathe a sigh of relief… he is awake! He is going to be ok. I brush his hair away from his face as I continue to scold him. "What am I going to do with you Yankee? You crazy durak… what possessed you to go out there on your own? Do you not know that…"

He is not paying any attention, the only effect my words have on him is to make him give me that goofy grin of his, just before he interrupts me. "You care?"

"What?" It just does not fit what I was saying.

"You saved me…you care." He reiterates.

Where has he been? "Of course I care you idiot! If anyone is going to kill you, it will be me! Not some whale!"

"The whale! It's around his fin." He says suddenly.

Okay, maybe he is more hurt than I realised. I hasten to reassure him, unconsciously gripping him a little tighter as I explain what happened. I finish my story by slipping his ring back onto his finger. "Here."

He smiles up at me, seemingly content to stay where he is and I am finding it very hard to not just smile back. Thankfully, since I'm still trying to be stern with Wheeler, Kwame recalls our attention.

Carefully releasing Wheeler with my ring arm, while still supporting him with the other, I continue to clear away the net, as our African friend asked. There is no trepidation now. I am still weak and I will probably need a lot of rest after this, but I know I can do it.

"Oh no!" Gi cries suddenly. "He's sinking!"

I turn my attention back to the whale and ask. "But he is free! Why is he sinking?"

"Maybe the stress was too much," Gi responds.

Ma-Ti uses his power and calls the other whales to help our injured friend to the surface. "Swim my friend…you are free now. Go be with your friends,"

"He is swimming!" Kwame announces. "Great job everyone."

It was a great job despite a certain amount of recklessness, and I do not just mean on Wheeler's side… my own behaviour is only now beginning to sink in. I will deal with that later though… I am too happy to worry about it yet… I am part of the team again.

Kwame and Ma-Ti come over to help Wheeler down into the sub and I want to object… I will help him… but that is not logical. Now that my mind is working again, I cannot let my emotions overrule it.

"Let's go home…unless you think Wheeler needs to see a doctor?" Gi asks me as we follow the others through the hatch, and I have to stop myself from grinning. They are asking my opinion again… and about Wheeler, because I must know what is best for him just as he always knows what is best for me.

"He probably should. He lost consciousness and probably has a concussion." I say confidently. "He should have a CT scan to make sure there is no more serious injury…perhaps they can check for a brain in there as well!"

He overhears, as I had intended he should. "Hey!"

"Do not argue Yankee. You know what you did was stupid." I try to keep my voice neutral, lecturing like I used to… he needs to know his behaviour is not acceptable.

And as usual, he has an argument for everything. "But you saved me."

I cannot stay mad at him. I have never been able to, especially when he needs looking after. "I did not have a choice…you still owe me a massage!"

I move over to him and unzip his wetsuit, pulling it down over his shoulders. At the back of my mind a small voice makes a few suggestions as to what this must look like to the others, but I have more immediate concerns. "Bozhe 'moy, your stab wound is bleeding…AGAIN. I really wish you would stop over exerting yourself and let this thing heal!"

Despite my annoyance, I know the wound is not life threatening anymore. It is mostly healed in fact. It is that it highlights just how reckless Wheeler can be, that is affecting me… I am afraid of losing him. I do not like feeling this way, so… so dependant. I do not like knowing that something he does could change my whole life and I have no way to control it.

After what the Bliss did to me, I really need to take charge of my life again…

I have just finished bandaging him when we reach the shore... It is amazing how many first aid supplies we get through and I am pretty sure that the majority of it is used for Wheeler, or Ma-Ti when he has been somewhere with Wheeler.

There are journalists waiting for us when we disembark, and I am not sorry that we cannot stay to talk to them. The others can handle the interviews, while Wheeler and I get transport to the nearest hospital.

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 41! Let us know what you think!


	42. Day Thirty Four Continued

**Chapter Forty Two – Day Thirty Four - Continued**

It took an hour to get seen at the medical facility and return to the eco-sub. The doctor was very understanding, confirming that my Yankee does have a concussion and explaining how I should look after him. I mostly knew what I had to do, but I am glad Wheeler heard it too, it might make him a little less difficult a patient ... well I can hope!

I keep glaring at him, I cannot seem to help it, the more I think about what happened, the angrier I get. But it is not just him that I am mad at... my own response to seeing him in danger was just as bad... it is simply easier to take it out on Wheeler, it is what we always do.

I do not want to be the one looking after him right now, I keep thinking about what it all means for the future and my thoughts continue getting darker, so I settle for not talking to him.

He has fallen asleep. I will let him have a little while because that is okay, but I will need to check on him before we get back home.

Was his behaviour really more reckless than it used to be? Or am I just seeing it that way now because we are… what? How do you define a relationship like ours has become? More than friends possibly, but we are not a couple and I am wondering more and more if that would ever really work. There have been times when I was sure that it was what I wanted, and that nothing would come between us again… and there have been times when I am sure it would be a disaster.

After seeing the results of our feelings today… I think perhaps it would be better for the Planeteers if it were not an issue… but can we go back? And if we can, do I want to? If I am honest, nyet… but there are more important things than our feelings and one of those things is our duty to the planet…

I lean over and slap his arm. "Wake up."

"Wha-?" He responds

"I am checking on you. You seem fine." I should not be taking this out on him, but if I try to be nice I will cry.

Wheeler does not sound very happy as he answers me. "I am."

"Whatever." I am trying to sound as if I do not care, and failing miserably, fortunately he is inclined to go back to sleep.

Once we dock I wake him again… okay so I hit him, but he deserves it. He complains of course, but I am not listening, I need to get out of here and away from him… back to the safety of my cabin before I lose the tight control I have over my softer emotions.

I slam my door hard and head for the bathroom. Once I am in the shower I stop trying to hold back the sobs… it was all just a little too much. I needed Wheeler's support today, but he just acted like an irresponsible idiot. Maybe if he had not had a concussion he would have realised that I needed him to reassure me… or maybe we just are not on the same wavelength. He can fake it when he has time to think about it but when he is put on the spot… I do not want that to be true. I do not want any of it to be true…

I need to know why he really did what he did today, the truth, and not my own rationalisations and accusations.

I finish my shower quickly – it is not as if I was dirty, just a bit cold and clammy – I pull on clean clothes and make my way over to Wheeler's cabin.

Neither the shower nor the brief cry has done a thing for my mood and I treat Wheeler's door as violently as I treated my own. "Get up!"

He was lying on his bed and I guess I made him jump. "I only have to be woken up every few hours, not every few minutes!"

"GET. UP." I yell, trying not to feel guilty as I look at the huge bruise on his back… I want to be looking after him, not fighting, but I need some answers first.

He sits up on the side of the bed. "Geez, ok. What?"

"What? WHAT? That is all you have to say?" Maybe talking to him was not such a good idea after all. He is blaming it on the concussion, but somehow I think it would not make a difference. In the end I have to spell it out for him. "Why you would do something so foolish! Risk your life!"

"I was trying to save a life." He says it just a little too blasé.

"And ruin one at the same time?" I ask with just a little bit of malice.

He is still not getting it. "I'm fine. I had everything under control."

"I am not talking about you! I am talking about me!" I wish I could get my voice under control, but I can hear the tremor there, hopefully that is something else his head injury will make him oblivious to.

"You?" Sometimes I could shake him!

I hate having to explain, and I hate how selfish the explanation I give him makes me sound, but I cannot tell him the whole truth... not now, maybe not ever. It is not just for right now that I need him.

"I'm still here." He comes to stand in front of me, his hands on my hips and his forehead resting against mine.

I do not move away but I still need answers, and to do that I must share some of my fears. "You have been so strong for me these past few weeks. You have been there for me. But what you did today…was selfish. What were you thinking? Where you trying to impress us? Impress me? Because I WAS impressed Yankee…by who you have shown me that you are capable of being…and then in five minutes, you ruin all that by taking matters into your own hands on this mission and endangering yourself…and us."

"You shouldn't have gone in after me." He replies, "You could have been hurt."

Of course I must now justify my behaviour and I think I find a plausible explanation. "I was the only one who could save you. No one else would have been able to use your ring…I knew that. I had to be the one. It had to be me."

As usual he points out the obvious. "Linka, we didn't know that. We never tested that theory. What if it didn't work?"

"I knew it would," I say with complete confidence... and it is at least partially true. I did not give it a thought when I dived in after him, but I never doubted it would work either.

"Thank you…for saving me," He kisses my forehead and I can feel my resolve weakening, he knows just how to make it difficult for me to stay annoyed with him.

I am not done just yet though. "You are welcome…but you still did not answer my question…why did you do it?"

"So that we could get the mission over with and get back to Hope Island." He answers as if it were obvious.

I push a little harder. "But there was no hurry to get back…I was there with you…"

And he confirms my worst fears… he was so busy concentrating on 'us' that he was not thinking during the mission. All he wanted was to get back here and it nearly got us both killed… I have to put a stop to this before it is too late. "That one is 'Linka, the recovering addict.' NOT 'Linka, the Planeteer.' I need you Yankee…as a recovering addict AND as a Planeteer. I need to know that you will always be here for me."

"I will be." He promises.

I am still arguing. I need him to understand. "Not if you go and do something stupid and end up getting yourself killed, you will not be. I need to know that I can trust you to make the right decisions, not just for me, but for the Planet. Please…do not endanger yourself on missions just to get back here…to this. That has always been my greatest fear…that we, you and I, would not make decisions based on what is best for the team, but what is best for each other…that we would compromise our positions as Planeteers, not give ourselves fully to the mission because we were too concerned about getting back to Hope Island and…this."

Wheeler sounds so sure as he says. "It wouldn't be like that."

But I know for a fact he is wrong. "Yes it would…you just proved it."

"I didn't know I was being tested." He apparently thinks that is unreasonable.

"Exactly…you acted naturally…if you had known, you would have acted as you thought I wanted you to… but honestly, I did not intend to test you…" This is really not easy to say, but I have to. "It just…made me see."

"Can you blame me for wanting to get you back here, all to myself?" He takes my hands and I look down at them. Bozhe'moy!

I am drawn to him… I cannot explain it and when he touches me I do not want to explain it, I just want to fall into his arms… but I must not, it is too important. "Wheeler…"

"I know. It's selfish…I'm being childish…just trying to get things back to normal…if you're gonna go back to being the serious, no non-sense one, I gotta go back to being the shameless flirt." He lets go and sits down on the bed.

It is as if all the cold air rushes back in around me and I shiver, remaining silent and letting him talk. "I'm sorry for upsetting you…for scaring you…for being my usual idiotic self. I know things still need to stay stress free for you, and I'm sorry for jeopardizing that."

He is back to being the strong one and I am selfish enough to be glad of it because I was about to cave. I sit down next to him, as close as I can get without putting myself in his lap, and begin to relax as his proximity shuts out the cold. "I forgive you. Just do not let it happen again,"

I bump his shoulder with mine, hoping he will put his arm around me but all he does is promise to stay in control, just as I asked him to.

"And I am sorry for hitting you to wake you up." I add.

He seems amused. "S'okay."

"And I am sorry for enjoying it when I hit you." I tease, watching for his reaction.

"Well now, that's just unforgivable."

Despite his words I know he is joking. It will not be easy to remain 'just friends' but I think we will manage it, I am at least sure we will never be less. "I think you will find it in your heart to forgive me."

"Yeah, you're probably right…you know I'm a sucker right?"

"WHAT?" I can tell by the look on his face that I have misunderstood… and that he knows my mind is not as innocent as I like to make out.

He explains the meaning and though I make light of it, I am a little bothered that he would offer me so much control over him… but perhaps that is just a saying too?

It creates a now unusual awkwardness between us so I try to lighten the mood again. "So, if I tell you I want a massage…"

"Then I have no choice but to grant you your wish."

I do not feel guilty about this, he enjoys it as much as I do. "Well then…I want a massage."

"You got it Princess," He says, just a little too eagerly, but I have a surprise for him.

"AFTER I give you one." If he can use it as an excuse, so can I… besides I am not completely better yet, right?

I guess I need to offer to do things for him more often, it was not meant to be **that** much of a surprise. "Me?"

"Da…" When he got up I got a better look at his wound and now I cannot help saying something. "Your back…the bruise is horrible!"

"Yeah…it hurts like hell, and that's without anything touching it, so as nice as it sounds, I don't think I can handle having any pressure put on it…even delicate, soft hands like yours." He takes my hand and rubs my palm with his thumb, sending shivers through my body that have nothing to do with the cold. I am glad I put his hoodie back on after my shower, our cotton t-shirts are far too revealing.

"I was thinking more like your neck. With a concussion, your neck muscles are going to be sore from the trauma to the head. Are you in pain?"

He looks… guilty? "I was…but I took some of the pills that the doctor gave me."

"Oh." That is why he feels guilty, because he would not let me have any. Another thought occurs to me and it brightens my mood considerably. He brought them home with him… that must mean he really does trust me again!

"I wish I hadn't though." He adds, shaking my confidence for a moment.

"Why? Because of me? Do not worry about me."

"No, it's not that…not completely. It's just…if I had known that a better offer would come along…for a more…natural pain relief, I would have waited for that. After all, I've been preaching it to you for weeks…I should practice what I preach."

What he means is, he wants a massage! But it is also a reminder that he does think things through… even if it is after the fact. Maybe there is hope for him yet! "Lay down."

Wheeler does as he is told for once and I climb over him to sit astride his hips. I start with his shoulders and move up to his neck, and despite my urge to wring it earlier today, I am very gentle.

I cannot resist playing with the hair at the base of his neck. It is getting long again and I would offer to cut it, but I like it that way. I can tell he likes what I am doing from the noises he is making, I have never known anyone to be able to relax quite so easily… or thoroughly as my Yankee.

"Stabbed by a jealous lover, beaten by a frightened whale…" I say affectionately. "What is next Yankee?"

"Sweet torture by a beautiful Ruskie?" He sounds hopeful

Trying to tease him a little, I lean down and whisper softly in his ear. "Soviet."

"Da…Vhatever," He is attempting to mimic my accent but he sounds more like Arnold Schwartzenegger.

I answer him softly, not wanting to disturb him too much, and manoeuvre myself off the bed. "Get some rest Yankee, I will be here to watch you and wake you periodically to check on you…more gently this time, I promise."

He agrees sleepily and closes his eyes. The way he is sprawled out across his bed does not leave me any room to join him so I sit at his desk instead. I watch him for a long time… I think part of me is still frightened that he will stop breathing, or just disappear or something.

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 42! Let us know what you think!


	43. Day Thirty Four Continued Part 2

**Chapter Forty Three – Day Thirty Four – Continued Part 2**

After about half an hour, I cannot stand it any longer and I kneel down beside him to stroke his hair with one hand while shaking him gently with the other. "Wake up and say hello sleeping head, you should not be snoozing too deeply."

Nothing.

Typical Wheeler, he is out like a light! Giving in to a sudden urge I dip my head and press a light kiss to his lips, allowing it to deepen a little as I feel him respond. As I pull away, his lips try to follow me but find only empty air, making me giggle.

"Huh?" He half opens his eyes. "Did you just…?"

"I think you were dreaming Yankee." I lie. "I was just checking on you."

He sighs. "Oh… yeah I guess."

"Go back to sleep, everything is okay." Feeling a little guilty, I give him a peck on the cheek, making him grin as he settles back down.

Wheeler falls straight back to sleep and after a while I become a little self-conscious, just watching him like this… I need to find something to do. As I look around his room, I spy his guitar and that gives me an idea.

Standing up, I am about to open his desk drawer and look for some paper when I remember that night all those weeks ago. A lot has happened since then and I know we have built up a lot of trust, but what would happen if he woke up and found me searching his room? It just would not seem right and I cannot wake him to ask so I will just fetch some from my room.

He will be fine for a few minutes alone, but I will make sure that I am not gone long enough for him to miss me.

* * *

I have never tried to write a duet before, let alone one for a piano and a guitar… but it does not seem as hard as I thought it might be. I started by trying to describe myself in music – the part for the piano – and somehow it ended up a formal piece, measured and tightly controlled. The music I began for Wheeler's guitar came out faster, warmer, more unpredictable, but more fun. It should not work but somehow, at least in my head, they fit together… the guitar dancing around the austere piano, entwining with it and softening it while the piano makes the piece stronger, more organised. I guess we will not really know if it works until we try it…

Wheeler groans in pain and my attention is immediately back with him. I sit down on the bed beside him, supporting the back of his neck with my hand and gently beginning to rub the muscles there. "How are you feeling?"

"I hurt…all over." He complains.

"Do you need to take another pain pill?"

He is being stubborn. "No. Well, yes…but I don't want to."

Or maybe he feels bad about me… "Wheeler, do not be brave and noble on my account…they take away your pain. They will make you feel better in ways I cannot…I am not as good at this whole 'comforting' thing as you are…take the pills,"

I fetch him a glass of water and he picks up the bottle of pills… either he was so out of it he did not think to hide them or he trusts me now… I would prefer it to be the later so I think I will just decide to believe that.

"What were you doing at my desk?" He asks, still sounding half asleep.

"I was writing." I reply openly.

He cannot be that tired because he is in a teasing mood. "Love letter?"

"Nyet. Music." I do my best to respond in kind. "I thought we could make music together."

"Mmm, beautiful music," He agrees, though I really think he will go back to sleep any moment. "Come here."

"I am right here." I tell him

"No, I mean sit in bed and write." He clarifies.

I am only too happy to oblige him. "Ok."

After collecting my writing things I make myself comfortable next to my Yankee and smile as he cuddles into me. "Sorry, I'm not very good company."

I stroke his head, letting my fingers brush through his hair. "Shh Yankee…rest."

* * *

Did I say writing music was easy? I just cannot get this bit right. I scribble out another mistake and exclaim in frustration. "Chyort voz mi!"

"Hmm?" I must have disturbed Wheeler, but that is okay, I would need to have woken him again soon anyway.

And now he is awake, he can help me…. I need to clean up my music and the end of my pencil has already been worn down to nothing. "Oh good. You are awake…do you have a rubber?"

"Nightstand…top drawer," he murmurs in reply, but when I open the drawer I cannot see what I am looking for.

Then another item draws my attention and though I blush and gasp, I cannot help but laugh as I realise what he thought I meant… though what he thought I was going to do with it just then… "Nyet Yankee…like this,"

I show him the rubber, or lack of rubber on the end of my pencil.

"In America, that's called an 'eraser' Babe!" he tells me. I did know that, I had just forgotten.

"Well, we are not IN America," I argue.

"No, but you're talking to an American…you ask an American for a rubber and you're gonna get…well, what you got!" He laughs and my cheeks get redder still.

I do not think I will forget to ask for an 'eraser' ever again… especially from Wheeler. And though I am trying not to think about it, the ramifications of his having a box of condoms at all… I mean you do not buy them if you are not planning, or at least hoping, to use them… right?

"It's ok…there's 12 in a box and all 12 are still there if that's what you're wondering." He sounds a little offended.

Bozhe 'moy, I do not want to have this conversation with him. "I was not…it is not any of my…"

"I'm not embarrassed Babe…what's on your mind?"

I know Wheeler has never been shy but it takes all my courage to stagger out my question and then I wish it unsaid because it does not really address the problem. "How long…I mean…when did you…get them?"

He hastens to assure me that he did not get them because he was hoping something would happen due to our current relationship… but surely we have never been close enough before that he would think I might… was it just wishful thinking… no apparently he was not thinking about me at all, he was just hoping to… 'get lucky'.

I do not know who I am more angry with, him or myself. "Da. I guess that is the…um…responsible thing…to be prepared if you should ever bring a girlfriend to Hope Island…or just any girl."

"You know what… These are just taking up space…it's not like I need them." I have obviously hit a nerve because he gets up, throws away the offending package, rips off his bandages and then heads for the bathroom.

"Wheeler, wait." I am more concerned with his wounds at this point, I hate that our arguments make him reckless. "It is not that big of a deal…I am sorry. It is none of my business."

He calls back through the closed door. "Yeah, it is your business actually."

"Jason…" I stop as I hear the shower go on. It is my business? Then he **was** thinking about me… wishful thinking obviously, but at the same time, it was probably his way of being responsible.

I actually consider retrieving the box from the bin and returning them to his nightstand and even get as far as reaching for them… but I stop myself. It would send the wrong message… even if I thought it could work between us I am not ready to… to make such a physical commitment. There have been times when I thought I was, I admit… there have even been times when I wanted to be with him so badly I did not care whether I was ready or not… but the doubts keep creeping back in.

Still staring at the box, I reach a final conclusion… they have been there for months and could be there for years before they are used. I do not know if they have an expiration date but since rubber does decay, I think they must do… therefore it would be better to let him buy new ones when **he** needs them.

Having reached a logical conclusion I return to my previous position on the bed and pick up my writing things. He is mad at me though… but even if he meant well, it was presumptuous of him, he could at least have waited to buy them until after we had started dating… but he made a point of saying they were all there because he did not want me to think he had been with someone else and I…

Arghhh this is not getting me anywhere. I will never know what goes on in that Yankee's mind, and if I found out, I probably would not like it!

I stare down at my work, it is still covered in crossings out.

Wheeler's pills are on the nightstand so I guess if he comes out while I am searching for an 'eraser', he will not suspect me of looking for anything else. I find what I am looking for in his desk and sit back on the bed, making myself comfortable and wishing I could rub out **all** of my mistakes as easily as I do those on the page.

* * *

"I found an ERASER in the drawer of your desk." I tell him as he exits the bathroom, hoping that he will follow my lead and let the previous conversation drop.

Was he expecting another argument? "Uh…ok. Good."

I look up at him and worry overshadows everything else anyway. "You are bleeding. You should have had them look at it in the hospital. They would have been able to stitch it up so it can heal properly."

He tries to stem the flow of blood from his re-opened wound with some tissues, and he is clearly still annoyed with me. "Don't worry about it. I got it."

"You need to keep pressure on it and put the salve on it to stop it and bandage it…you cannot do all three at once. You need my help." I argue, needing to help him just as much.

I pull him over to the bed and get him to lie down before fetching more gauze and replacing the tissues. "Now hold this here."

I am getting to be very expert with the ointment Ma-Ti provided, and no wonder considering how often this Durak hurts himself… I do not mean to get short with him but he worries me, why does he not take care of himself? I re-dress the wound and make sure the clean gauze is secure. "Done."

"Thanks." He says quietly

"You are welcome." My hopes that our argument can be forgotten are dashed by his continued silence… somehow I need to show him that I am okay with… his purchase, however precipitous it might have been.

He usually responds well to humour… "Soooooo,"

"Linka…" I forge ahead before he can cut me off.

"Extra large eh Yankee?" My cheeks are just a bit pinker than normal but he looks so surprised I do not think he will notice.

"Huh?"

I cannot help a small laugh, though it is partially embarrassment. "That is a bit…generous, nyet?"

That makes him laugh but he catches on, adding a fast rejoinder. "Hey, you've seen for yourself, besides, it's my understanding that you don't have much to base your opinion on anyway!"

My cheeks blaze. I had been trying not to think about the time I walked in on him in the shower, but the truth is I have not forgotten what I saw. "True. I guess I will have to take your word for it then."

He hides his face in his hands but we are both laughing. The moment has passed though I am still kind of wondering if we will have this conversation again someday…

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 43! Let us know what you think!


	44. Day Thirty Nine

**A/N: **Thank you very much to the people who are still reading and reviewing, it's very much appreciated.

* * *

**Chapter Forty Four – Day Thirty Nine**

"If you do not want to come with me, do not bother, I will go on my own." I try to keep my voice casual but there is a sharpness to it that sounds like anger, though in truth it is fear.

Wheeler glares at me, a sure sign that he knows I am better and for a moment I think he is going to say okay. "You know I'm not gonna let you go on your own."

Relief washes over me but the more my strength returns, the more aware I am of how much control I have given him and the need to assert my independence makes me belligerent. "I do not need your permission. I am not sick anymore and I am not going to put up with you in a bad mood. Besides, I think I can spend **one night** with my **family** without you babysitting me!"

"Really?" He says sarcastically. "'Cos that's what we thought last time and look how that turned out!"

I wince like he slapped me and, to my great annoyance, feel my eyes fill with tears.

Wheeler sighs, his temper draining away. "Sorry."

I shrug, fighting to get my emotions under control.

Getting up from the kitchen chair he'd been lounging in, my Yankee walks over to me and rubs the top of my arms, before pulling me into his. "I **am** sorry."

I snuggle into his now familiar embrace and nod my head, still not trusting my voice. The trouble is, it is just so much easier to let him look after me, than to do everything for myself.

"It's too soon Babe." He begins to explain. "I know you're practically over the withdrawal and I'm amazed by the strength you've shown, but as much as we'd both like the bad stuff to be over, we've still got a long way to go."

He is referring to the fact that the doctors do not consider a drug user to be free of their addiction until they have been clean for two years. What that means is that, although I am recovered, I am in danger of relapsing by seeking some form of substance if I am in a situation I cannot handle.

I do not believe that for a moment! The only thing I go looking for when something upsets me is Wheeler, but I know under that calm exterior, the fear that I **could** relapse frightens him, so I just accept his words.

"I know you want to go to this memorial dinner or whatever it is, I just don't think you should put yourself through it... And all the added stress." He gives me a hug.

I squeeze him back and say, "By added stress, I assume you mean my Uncle."

"He's part of it sure... a big part of it. But there was a whole bunch of things you had to deal with at the funeral and I don't want to see you go through that again." He nuzzles my head and I try to ignore the sudden chasm that has opened in my stomach.

"Then you should stay here." I say quietly, meaning it this time. "I have already put you through more than any friend has a right to ask. I will be okay on my own."

Wheeler's grip has tightened while we speak. "No way in hell! If you go, I go!"

"But..." He shh's me and kisses my hair.

"Believe me Babe, what I'd go through here, worrying about what you're going through..." He laughs but it is not real amusement. "We'll both be better off if we stick together, no matter what we have to deal with."

I look up at him, relief and happiness shinning through my tears, and agree with complete certainty. "Da."

* * *

We had been putting off the discussion about going to Boris' memorial dinner, neither of us wanting to have that argument, and the only reason we had it now is that we ran out of time, it is tomorrow. To be honest I do not think Wheeler would have been happy about my going if it had been a year from now.

Despite my confidence earlier, as the day wears on I begin to grow nervous. I have no idea how Uncle Dimitri will receive me and you cannot put a timeframe on grief, it could be years before he can think about this without resentment… maybe never.

But it is not just my uncle that has my stomach doing back flips… it is the sleeping arrangements. I have not mentioned it to Wheeler, but there is no way we can share a room in my grandmother's house, let alone a bed! Ironically if we were a couple it would not bother me so much, but that is not the reason we are sleeping together… what if I start having nightmares again?

And what if I do not? Then we will not have a reason to continue sharing a room, it will be over… and I am not sure I am ready for that. I am not going to say anything though, I will leave it to him, if he comes to my room when we get back I will be happy, even though I know I should not be so selfish, I do not want to give him up.

The result of all this is that I will not let him out of my sight all day. I want his attention, I want him to make me laugh, I want his arms around me. I am probably irritating him like crazy, not to mention convincing him that I am far from well… but I cannot shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen… that it is going to be my last day with him.

"We should have an early night." I say at last. "We will have to leave very early in the morning."

He sighs but tries not to show it, no doubt because we are half way through a game of chess that was also my idea. "Do you want to go to bed now, or can we finish the game?"

I am restless but I smile and say. "I meant after the game."

After another couple of minutes and some very stupid moves on my part, (I cannot concentrate,) Wheeler sighs again. "Let's call it a night Babe, I don't think either of us are in the mood for this."

"Okay." I reply quietly, feeling a little guilty, and watch him as he begins putting the pieces away.

We do need to be up first thing in the morning, but it is actually a bit early to be in bed, it is still light out and I am not even tired. I do not care though, I suppose this was what I have wanted all day, to cuddle up in his arms and forget the outside world, and perhaps make up for the time we must spend apart.

My mind keeps going back to the fact that this might be the last time I get to do this with him and I find myself trying to memorise every little detail; the way his skin feels against mine, where he places his hands and how his thumbs unconsciously rub against me as if he is continually offering comfort, how his arms make me feel secure, the way his leg is over mine so that every part of me is surrounded by his warmth and protection… and the way he kisses my head every so often. Natural affection? Added comfort? I do not care, it is a part of the memory and I will cherish it… the question is, can I bear to let go?

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 44! Let us know what you think!


	45. Day Forty

**A/N: **Thanks for all the reviews, I love to hear from you and I always answer the responses I receive even if it's just a quick thanks, so if you don't hear from me, please check your PM settings ;o)

* * *

**Chapter Forty Five – Day Forty**

My grandmother is waiting for us when we arrive, a huge smile on her face as she hugs us both, and looks me over. "I am so glad you both made it."

"You have taken good care of my granddaughter, just as you promised." She adds approvingly to Wheeler, but shows her concern as she asks me, "Are you all better now Little Bird?"

I nod and smile at her, hoping my Yankee will not contradict me. "Da, I am fine now."

"Good, good." She seems so happy as she leads us into the house. "Wheeler you know where to put your things?"

I give him an apologetic, guilty look and follow my Grandmother further into the living room.

"Is Mishka here yet?" I ask, looking forward to seeing my brother again.

Grandmuska shakes her head sadly. "He has exams, and it costs too much for him to travel here."

"We could have picked him up." I argue. "He should be here... for Boris."

She smiles sadly at me. "You know he was not as close to him as you were Linka, but he would be here if he could. And we have Wheeler, da?"

I cannot help smiling at that, and give an embarrassed chuckle. "Da. We do."

"I must return to the kitchen, we have a lot to prepare. Do you need to rest or would you like to help?" It is obvious my grandmother wants me to go with her, perhaps because some of our friends and relatives are already here, helping out. She wants them to know I am better.

"I would like to help if that is okay?" I tell her, smiling when I see that she is pleased. "But you will need to find something to keep Wheeler busy too or he will fuss."

She takes me into the kitchen and after I have been greeted by all the people there, which seems to take forever, I am given some vegetables to chop.

Wheeler joins us a short time later and hovers in the doorway. I knew he was there the moment he entered, I am still very aware of him and I like to think that is because of our connection, the one that lets us use each other's rings, and nothing to do with how much time we have been spending together.

At first I expect him to come over and stand behind me to wrap his arms around my waist and I wonder for a second if I can stop him doing that in front of my family… but he does not and I am irrationally disappointed. In fact he does not look happy, oh he is smiling, but I can tell. I suppose it is the sleeping arrangements… nyet actually I **hope** it is the sleeping arrangements because I have not forgotten that he did not want to come here.

"Wheeler." My Grandmother comes to the rescue. "Would you mind helping Alexei set up the table in the other room? It is best if we have everything set up before we go to church."

"Uh sure…" He looks at me and I give him a quick smile before he is led away.

It really is helping, Alexei is our neighbour and he is getting on in years… another reason Mishka should have come home. I do not know where Uncle Dimitri is and I do not like to ask.

The women busy themselves around the kitchen, talking away in a cheerful fashion despite the occasion. I am surprised at the slight mental adjustment I have to make to listen to them… I have begun to think almost exclusively in English. It is not much though, and I find I am even able to enjoy the friendly noise now, though I cannot join in because I am so much out of touch.

"So that American is your young man, Linka?" Mrs Kutzenova asks. She is one of my Grandmother's closest friends and I have known her for as long as I can remember, but I still feel as if I am being interrogated.

I look down at my work, my cheeks beginning to glow. "We work together. He is a good friend, that is all."

"Oh I see." I look up to see her smiling knowingly at me, and a couple of the younger women are laughing quietly.

I can feel the anger rise in my chest but Grandmuska must see it in my eyes because before I can reply, she reminds me that the service will not be long and that I should go and change. I nod to her and say 'excuse me', before leaving the room, forcing myself not to run.

Wheeler is outside with Alexei, bringing in a table we are borrowing, I can see them through the window. I hurry on into my bedroom, not wanting to have to explain what has upset me. It would be different if it were true, I would love for them to tease me then… but I am very aware that it is not and besides, I do not like being disbelieved!

I sit on my bed and rub my hands over my face, then lie back and stare at the ceiling. I do not want them thinking we are a couple, even if it were what he wanted, which I am not at all sure it is, I still do not think it would work.

Sometimes I think he is perfect for me, that I could not want anyone else… but then he will say or do something so stupid that I wonder why I even talk to him. Over these last few weeks he has become more than a friend, and I do not mean in a romantic way though my adolescent feelings often betray me. He is now central to who I am… and I could not bear to ever lose him from my life.

A more intimate relationship would be fun for a while but actually turning it into something we could build our whole lives around… it would end badly and then I would lose his friendship too. It would be safe enough to remain as friends… but…

Why does it have to be so complicated?

* * *

At least I do not need quite so many layers to make my clothes fit now, but I could still put on a bit more weight. I have just finished re-doing my makeup when there is a knock at my door. "Come in."

"Hey." Wheeler smiles at me, and I cannot help smiling back… and I still like the way he looks in his suit. Before he has time to ask, I walk up to him and begin tying the tie he subtly left hanging around his neck, while his hands rest comfortably on my hips. "Thanks Babe."

"You are welcome Yankee." When I am done we just stand there looking at each other, but it is a comfortable silence… at least I am comfortable. After a while, I take a small step forward and wrap my arms around his waist. "Thank you for coming with me."

Wheeler returns my hug and rests his head against mine. "You're welcome."

He feels a bit tense, which is my fault for putting him through this again! I am just about to ask if he wants to stay behind when my Grandmother enters the room… without bothering to knock.

"Oh I am sorry! I did not mean to interrupt!" She says, looking amused as I quickly pull away from him.

I shake my head. "You are not."

Grandmuska smiles that knowing smile again, I wish she would not. "It is time to leave, Dimitri will be waiting for us at the church."

"Can't keep Dimitri waiting!" Wheeler mutters under his breath and I blush furiously, looking over at my grandmother in alarm… but she does not seem to have heard, I hope she did not.

I glare at Wheeler and follow Grandmuska, deliberately not making contact with him. I know it is not easy for him but he does not have to make it harder for me! I dread to think what he is actually going to say to my Uncle, this is exactly the sort of childish behaviour that sets us apart.

A few of our friends are remaining behind to finish getting the dinner ready while the rest of us go to the church for the service. Wheeler offered both Grandmuska and I an arm to hold as we walk. She accepted it, I did not. He probably thinks I am trying to prove something but I am not, I am just annoyed with him.

We walk in silence until Wheeler asks. "So, tell me again what the forty days is about?"

He does not really want to know, it is just his way of making me talk to him because if I refuse to answer I will be the one being unreasonable. Grandmuska must know it too because she remains silent.

"Forty is a symbolic number. In this case it represents the end of the period of mourning." I explain, refusing to look at him. "It is the day the soul of the deceased leaves Earth and goes on to the next world, that is why we offer special prayers today, to help them find their way into heaven."

I do not mention that the service and the feast that follows are repeated on the anniversary of the death… I do not want him to feel he has to accompany me, I will see what the situation is between us when it is time.

He does not say anything but I can feel his gaze on me. Finally I sneak a peek up at him and find him regarding me intently… he looks worried. I cannot leave him looking like that and as usual, at least lately, I give in. Rolling my eyes, I loop my arm through his and try to ignore the way my heart soars when his face is covered by a soppy grin.

My grandmother chuckles, something else I intend to ignore.

Uncle Dimitri is waiting at the church entrance with Father Koslov. Gone is the larger than life man whom I have known for as long as I can remember. He is quiet and pale and greets us politely without ever making eye contact, in fact, I am not sure he even knows who we are.

I feel desperately sad. It is not just my cousin I am mourning, I have truly lost my uncle as well. I think if I could murder Skumm, at this moment, I would do so without hesitation. Instead, as we take our places, I slip my fingers into Wheeler's and lean against him, resting my head on his shoulder as he squeezes my hand in return.

They will probably talk about us but I really do not care, I am lucky to have such a friend and the rest… it does not matter for now, it will be time enough to deal with it when we get home.

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 45! Let us know what you think!


	46. Day Forty continued

**Chapter Forty Six – Day Forty continued**

The service is much as it was for the funeral, and Wheeler has a far away look on his face. I wonder if he is thinking of Boris, or James… or has just zoned out. I am crying again but that is not a surprise, now that my own pain has subsided it is much easier to grieve for my cousin.

"Do you want to visit your parents again?" My Yankee asks as we exit the church. The service was beautiful but wearing and what I really want is to go home and go to bed… and someone to cuddle up with. I have unfinished business however.

I shake my head. "Nyet, but I want… I need, to go to Boris' grave, just for a while?"

His hesitation is momentary but it is there, accompanied by a brief flash of anger. "Sure Babe."

Again I shake my head as he takes a step in the direction of the gravesite. "Alone. Please?"

This time there is no hesitation, he simply tells me 'no', but despite being fatigued I am back to my old stubborn self. I need to do this and he is not going to stop me.

Fortunately, my Grandmuska steps in before it turns into a scene, and drags Wheeler off to visit the final resting places of her husband and children. He gives in to her graciously enough, but to me, he does not look happy.

* * *

There are other friends and family at Boris' grave when I arrive and they greet me with condolences and hugs, both of which I hate but am too polite to repulse.

Perhaps I should have brought Wheeler with me after all, they seem to know to keep their distance when he is there… at the same time I would not be nearly as okay with accepting their displays of affection if it were not for him.

At least they seem to acknowledge my greater claim, because they soon leave me in peace with my lost cousin. There is a large tree near the grave with a bench around it, I did not notice it before and it gives me a chilling insight into just how bad a state I was in last time we came here. I sit on the bench and try not to think about what I put my best friend through.

I know Boris is no longer here, as I explained to Wheeler earlier, that is the point of today. At the same time, his remains give me a connection to his spirit and there is something I need to say.

"I want you to know… that I forgive you." I lick my dry lips and swallow back tears, this should be easy to say, but it is not. "I miss my little cousin, he was a good person and I loved him very much… I still do. I wish… that I had been there earlier, to help you… to stop you before it was too late… I know I should have done more… I should have been able to save you."

I sob, struggling to get my emotions under control as my vision blurs with unshed tears. "I should have visited you earlier… with Jason, he… you would have liked him. I think back then he would have liked you too, and then he would have understood why I had to come here today. He saved me Boris, not just my life, but my soul. I was broken and he put me back together… that is the sort of person he is, no matter what it costs him, he can never let someone suffer. I owe him more than I can ever repay and I love him more than he can ever know."

"You owe him too Boris, he fixed your mistake, he has freed you of the burden of your sin and he has made it possible for me to move on." I take a deep breath. "Rest in peace."

I take a few minutes to compose myself and then walk slowly back down the path towards the tombstones that mark the graves of the rest of my family… so many gone…

As if she is reading my thoughts, as I approach I hear my Grandmuska say. "She has had so much loss in her life Wheeler. I do not think she can take anymore."

I blush at overhearing their conversation, especially when Wheeler replies. "I know. I'll always be here for her. You too. If you or your family ever needs anything, don't be afraid to ask. I'm just a phone call away."

There, is that not what I said to Boris? I just wish I deserved such loyalty.

My grandmother thanks Wheeler and then addresses the grave of my grandfather… I have never been more grateful for Wheeler not being able to speak Russian! "Our Little Bird has found a good man for herself, Sergei, I hope she will not keep him waiting long."

I nearly choke – though I am almost sure she is talking about marriage – and manage to turn it into simply clearing my throat.

"Hey Babe…you ok?" Wheeler does not hesitate to hold his arm out to me and after the emotionally draining morning I have no hesitation in accepting.

"Da." I reply into his chest, nodding.

After a few moments I pull away and kneel at my grandfather's grave, saying in my native language, "I did not find him Grandfather, he found me, and I would be lost without him in my life."

I know Grandmuska hears me, but she has no idea just how true those words are… or what they will ultimately mean for us.

But not right now. Right now we are here together and if my grandmother wants to think there is more going on I am in no mood to argue with her. I stand up and return to Wheeler, placing my hand in his, where to my mind, it fits perfectly.

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 46! Let us know what you think!


	47. Day Forty Continued Part 2

**Chapter Forty Seven – Day Forty Continued Part Two****  
**

I shiver as I take my coat off and Wheeler surprises me by wrapping his arms around me from behind. "You cold, Babe?"

Leaning against him, and in no hurry to break away, I turn my head to smile at him. "No more than I should be, Yankee."

He looks at me closely as if checking for signs of strain, I am okay though and meet his gaze without trepidation. Apparently satisfied, Wheeler kisses my temple and releases me. "What do you need me to do Gram?"

I see my uncle watching as Grandmuska begins giving instructions to Wheeler about taking our guests' coats and fetching them drinks. Uncle Dimitri was silent all the way home but at least I no longer see hatred in his eyes, though I wonder if that is just because he has given up.

"Linka, will you help me prepare the table please." My grandmother recalls my attention and I go with her, losing sight of my uncle.

"Wheeler is a sweet boy," She comments as we set about our work, filling the centre of the table with the many dishes that were prepared earlier. "You could do a lot worse, Little Bird."

I blush and glance over to where Wheeler is struggling to talk to an elderly relative as he tries to follow my grandmother's instructions. Fortunately, and much to my surprise, Dimitri goes to his aid. "I know Grandmuska, but it is more complicated than that."

"Only if you make it so." She replies, unperturbed. Then her face softens and she adds. "He calls me Gram, you know."

"I am sorry if you do not like it." I say quickly but she hushes me.

Shaking her head, "Of course I like it, it makes me feel like I have a new grandchild… it is like he has adopted me." She chuckles, obviously pleased. "It feels natural, like he belongs here."

My cheeks have gotten redder still but I agree with her shyly. "I like it too."

When everything is ready my grandmother calls everyone to sit down at our extended dining table. Wheeler sits next to me with my grandmother on the other side of me, and my uncle next to her.

"Did you set too many places Babe?" Wheeler whispers, nodding to the empty seat where a single glass of vodka and piece of Kolliva have been laid.

"Nyet." I reply, my voice hushed as well, "That is for Boris."

Father Koslov stands up from his seat at the other end of the table to lead us in a short prayer. When I open my eyes I see Uncle Dimitri release my grandmother's hand and I feel a ridiculous stab of jealousy, why cannot he forgive me?

"Are you okay Babe?" My Yankee asks at once, and I force myself to smile at him.

"Da, do not worry about me Jason. Some things are harder than others, but I will not fall apart." I am going to take a sip of my drink and then remember it is alcohol and once more lower my voice. "Do you mind if I drink this? It is vodka…"

I know I do not need his permission of course, but he has very good reasons for not being a fan of spirits and after everything else I have put him through by bringing him back here, I am determined not to make him any more uncomfortable.

He smiles at me and like the smartarse he is, repeats my words back to me with a wink. "Don't worry about me Linka. Some things are harder than others, but I won't fall apart."

It is clear he still worries about me though as he continues. "I don't mind. I don't have anything against alcohol or people who drink it…as long as it's responsibly. But are you sure this is ok for you? I mean, in an actual drug rehab program, alcohol is discouraged…it can still give you that 'high' feeling and make you crave something more intense."

"Da, I know. But this is tradition. I have to do it. I will not lose control. I am responsible. I will not get drunk from one drink though…I am Soviet…vodka is in my blood!" I reply.

He nudges me and teases. "Hmm, I thought it was ice in your veins."

I try to glare at him but end up laughing and he carries on. "As a matter of fact, I'm kinda impressed that you're gonna drink that straight…I'm not gonna have to stop you from dancing on the table later am I?"

Again I laugh and say aloud what I am thinking, nudging him in return. "As if you would stop me! You would probably be encouraging me!"

A little more seriously, I add. "You do not have to drink it if you do not want to."

He is not listening. I cannot tell if it is really respect for the tradition or his ego, but he says he will try it. The durak takes a big gulp and nearly chokes on it. I hide my smile with my own glass and pretend not to notice his eyes watering… I could take pity on him and get him some water but maybe it will teach him not to show off… not likely I know. I try not to notice how adorable he looks as he struggles to overcome the effects, if he sees me looking, it will only encourage him.

The food is delicious, though I am still trying to keep to some of the less spicy options, even if it means passing up some of my favourites. Wheeler looks wary at first and only takes the same things as I do so I suggest a few things that I think he will enjoy.

Everything is going really well until my Uncle points out the Blini to me. The awful thing is, I truly believe he was trying to be nice when he commented how much Boris and I loved them as children and that it was fitting for them to be served here even if they are not as often served at wakes as they used to be.

Traditional Russian blini are made with yeasted batter (containing grated potato, apple or raisins), which is left to rise and then diluted with cold or boiling water or milk. They are more solidly filled than the spongy pancakes usually eaten in North America but they are basically the same thing... only in America, they call them Blintz.

I can feel the colour drain from my face and if I had had any doubt, my grandmother's reaction would have confirmed it. "What is the matter Linka? Are you ill?"

"I… please excuse me!" I dash from the room towards the bathroom, knowing that Wheeler will follow me, and hang my head over the sink just in time.

My grandmother must have followed too because I can hear Wheeler talking to her just before he comes in and closes the door behind us. "It's okay Babe, nothing to worry about."

He begins rubbing my back, as always, not needing to hold back my hair at least. I follow the routine, when my stomach is empty I rinse out my mouth and then fall into Wheeler's waiting arms. My Yankee sits on the closed lid of the toilet and settles me on his lap.

"Too much of a mix, huh?" he rubs my belly.

"Nyet, it was not that." I swallow, knowing my tears have probably made my make-up run, I must look terrible. "I think it was a psychological reaction to the… the blintz."

Falling in, Wheeler holds me tight and starts to rock me. "Oh Babe, I'm sorry."

I am probably imagining it but there is something about the way he said that, that made it sound more like, 'I knew we shouldn't have come.' I know he is still not happy about us being here but I thought perhaps… I could change his mind. Now I think I have proved him right, but I cannot avoid my family forever and I could have reacted like this anywhere.

"Thank you." I say after a while, sitting up straighter. "I am okay now."

"You wanna go back to the dinner?" He sounds dubious but at least he is asking and not already trying to prevent me.

I nod. "I have to face them sometime, it is better if I do not think about it too much."

He cups my face and rubs my cheek with his thumb, teasing softly. "You better fix your face then Beautiful, you're streaky."

I chuckle and get up. "Go on back Yankee, I will not be long."

He hesitates but then nods and gets up. "See you in a bit."

Wheeler was right, my face is a mess but as I look in the mirror and start to correct my appearance, it is him that I am thinking of and not what caused my distress.

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 47! Let us know what you think!


	48. Day Forty Continued – Part 3

**A/N: **I'm really sorry for the long wait, I'm afraid real life got in the way. Thank you to everyone who has got in contact or read, reviewed, or favourited this or my other stories, it's much appreciated. Happy New Year!

* * *

**Chapter Forty Eight – Day Forty Continued – Part 3**

By the time I get back to the table, the blini has gone. Whether it has been eaten or removed I do not know, and I am not going to ask. Wheeler gives me a questioning look and I smile reassuringly at him before apologising to my grandmother and uncle for my abrupt departure. Grandmuska waves it away and Uncle Dimitri does not say anything, but he looks upset.

I wish I could talk to him the way I used to… I wish I could talk to him at all.

The rest of the meal goes by without incident. I am picking at my food but manage to eat at least some… under the ever watchful gaze of my Yankee. When the dinner is finally over, Father Koslov and the other guests say their goodbyes and my uncle retires to his room.

"Well Babe, what now?" Wheeler grins.

His smiles are infectious, even Grandmuska looks happy… perhaps because people are always so serious around her. My Yankee is like a dose of sunshine. "Now we clear up."

He groans theatrically making my grandmother laugh, that is so good to hear!

"Come on Yankee Doodle, time to work off some of that food you put away." I pat his belly playfully and then dodge away from him as he tries to catch me. "Behave! Help me clear the table."

He laughs and starts picking up plates to carry into the kitchen.

Grandmuska is doing the same but I can tell she is watching us and when Wheeler disappears from sight, nods approvingly, making the colour rush to my cheeks. How will I ever tell her that it is just friendship? I suddenly regret letting Wheeler come with me, I cannot seem to hide my feelings for him anymore.

"Hey," He says, returning for more dirty dishes. "Am I the only one doing any work here?"

"Nyet, we are coming Wheeler!" My reply is too sharp and poor Jason does not know what he has done wrong… he looks like I just slapped him. My grandmother too is confused and I cannot blame either of them.

I look down at the plates in my hands. "I did not mean to snap, it has been a long day."

"You want to go lie down?" Wheeler suggests, not moving. At home he would have taken away the plates and enveloped me in a warm hug, but he cannot do that here… and soon we will go to separate rooms and it will all be back to normal…

"Nyet." I look up at him, willing the tears away and forcing a smile. "I am not that tired, I will just be glad when all the work is done and we can relax."

"Me too." He still sounds wary but resumes collecting crockery.

Grandmuska and I follow Wheeler into the kitchen and I suggest that he starts the washing up while we continue to clear. He agrees but his cheery mood is gone.

"That is the last of them, let Wheeler and I finish Grandmuska." I suggest. "You should rest for a while."

I know the look she gives me, she agrees because she wants to give Wheeler and I some time alone. I cannot explain things to her, I am not even sure I can explain them to myself, but I do want to make things up with my friend so I pretend not to notice.

I put the final stack of washing up on the counter but Wheeler keeps his attention on what he is doing so I move around behind him and wrap my arms about his waist, leaning my head between his shoulder blades. "Sorry."

He relaxes and lets out a breath – I can actually feel him doing it – then dries his hands on a tea towel before turning in the circle of my arms to pull me against him.

Wheeler is not the only one who can breathe better now, as I snuggle into his arms I tell myself how lucky I am that he is so forgiving, he has endured so much for my sake.

"What's wrong?" He asks softly, pressing his lips into my hair.

"Nothing." I give him a squeeze. "I just needed a cuddle."

He chuckles and leans back against the sink, pulling me with him. "You could have said, I don't think Gram would mind."

"Our work will be done soon and then we can curl up and watch a movie together." I suggest.

"Cuddled up? In front of Gram? Are you sure you're ready for that?" He is teasing but I can hear there is a real question behind the words.

I shrug. "Sitting apart will not convince her that there is nothing going on… and it is something friends can do, da?"

"Yeah, sure." Why is it so hard to think straight when he is looking at me like that? He looks so disappointed I very nearly discard all caution and tell him the truth… but the little voice at the back of my mind is questioning whether it is the truth, or what I think he wants to hear.

The doubts I have been having come rushing back and I pull away, not ready to give voice to them. "Come on, the sooner we finish…"

Wheeler sighs and turns back to his task but he is not annoyed or upset anymore. His conversation is light and teasing, keeping me laughing as he tells me his impressions of some of the people he met today. "...and what was with the gaggle of old biddies down the end, it looked like they were having some sort of competition?"

I nod. "They were comparing ailments."

"Huh?" He stops to look at me like I have spoken a different language.

Grinning, I explain. "They were discussing their health problems and trying to trump each other, like 'My bowels are in a terrible state.', 'Oh that is nothing, my doctor says it is lucky I can still eat at all.' When they run out of things wrong with them they start betting on who will go next."

"Go?" Wheeler looks horrified. "To the bathroom?"

I start giggling helplessly. "Nyet Yankee, _**go**_, to heaven."

He seems more appalled than he was before. "Talk about bad taste! Was that what upset you?"

"Nyet! I told you I am not upset." I insist. "It is normal for them, they do it whenever they get together, it was not really bad taste… it is just part of getting older."

He doesn't look convinced but lets it drop. Emptying the washing up water, he tells me. "That's all the dirty stuff. I'll take over drying up, I don't know where any of this stuff goes."

It does not really take us long to finish and then we join Grandmuska in the living room. She has gone to sleep in her chair so we do not feel self-conscious about sitting together on the sofa, and by the time she wakes up we are too comfortable to care.

The television is on but it is in Russian so I have to translate it for Wheeler, not that I think he cares, it is just something to do.

"I will make tea." Grandmuska announces when she comes to, and will not listen to our offers of help. "I need to stretch my legs, besides you two have been working hard today."

I let my head flop back against my Yankee's chest as she leaves and he asks. "Tired?"

"Da, you?" I smile up at him.

He nods. "Want to call it a night?"

My smile fades. "Nyet."

"You're gonna be fine." He says immediately, misinterpreting my concern. "You won't have any more nightmares Babe."

That is what I am afraid of! As ridiculous as it seems, I am almost hoping to have a disturbed night… hoping I will call out for him in my sleep and give him a reason to come in to me… to stay with me. "I know."

At least some of what I am feeling must have been reflected in my eyes because his grin returns and he hugs me close. "We can survive one night."

I cannot stop the smile that creeps over my lips. We are agreed then, this is just one night apart, an aberration, and not the end of our arrangement at all.

We will have to face the future sometime, but not yet.

* * *

When Grandmuska returns with the tea things she has something tucked under her arm. I do not pay attention at first but once she puts down the tray, she places the item, a large book, on Wheeler's lap and sits down on the other side of him. The pieces fall into place and I sit up to look over at her and ask, "Grandmuska…is that what I think it is?!"

My grandmother is unrepentant as she opens the photo album, "Da! I told Wheeler when we were at your grandfather's grave that I would have to show him pictures of our family. I wanted to show him your mother so he could see the resemblance…you do not mind do you, Little Bird? This will not be too painful for you will it?"

I hear the sudden worry in her voice and it's all I can do not to wince, I do not mean to keep worrying her, she has enough things to deal with. "Nyet, I do not mind" I say quickly, "…after all, it is only fair. A few weeks ago, Wheeler shared his family photo album with me."

I lean back against him so that I can look over his shoulder but end up burying my face in it when Grandmuska adds, "Good…and I am sure that Wheeler will behave like a perfect gentleman when we come across any pictures of you in the bathtub!"

"Bozhe moy!" Why do parents take those pictures if not to humiliate their children in front of their boyfriends… or their 'just friends'… or whatever.

Wheeler of course finds it amusing and – I assume unconsciously – plants a kiss in my hair. It is something he does a lot of course, but I am sure my grandmother did not miss it.

"Scout's honor…I'll be on my best behavior. We'll just call it even…tit for tat!"

I am fine until I see the look in his eyes and then once more seek the comfort of his shoulder, this time to hide my laughter. Wheeler and I have seen more of each other in these last weeks, for one reason or another, than I am strictly comfortable with… and yet, we can still joke about it, which feels good.

Grandmuska tactfully ignores the way my Yankee affectionately nuzzles my hair and the fact that I have my arms wrapped around his, and continues talking about the photos, reclaiming his attention. "I have been keeping albums for years…it started with my own children, and then I continued doing it with their children. Each one has their own album of pictures of mostly them…of course there are a few with cousins and siblings. Ah, here is one of Linka the day her parents brought her home from the hospital. See what I mean about her mother?"

"Yeah totally. Wow. She's beautiful."

I follow his gaze and sigh, the usual melancholy I feel when I see her filling my heart. "Da, she is…was." It is not the sharp immediate pain that I feel when I think of Boris, rather a dull ache that comes with a lost opportunity… we both missed out on so much.

"You definitely look just like her Babe."

I smile, knowing that he is not just being nice and flattered by the comparison, though I know I will never really hold a candle to her. "Spasiba."

"I'd even go as far as saying she's the _second_ most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

"Who is the first?" I ask, daring him to say it, though why I am not sure. Perhaps because I do not think he will lie outright in front of my grandmother and I need to know that he…

"Why, Gram of course!"

I look up in surprise and gasp, immediately embarrassed at letting my reaction be seen as Grandmuska starts laughing, though her cheeks are tinged with pink too at the compliment.

"But don't worry Babe, one day you'll be blessed with that family beauty." He continues his teasing of me and I poke him in the side.

He laughs and hooks my arm with his to pull me back against his side, "You're the brat…you know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world, but you just _HAD_ to hear me say it."

He is right, I should not have tried to get him to say it at all, but as for my knowing it… nyet, not any more, when we met perhaps and he is so used to thinking of me that way...

"Of course, I don't mind saying it…because it's the truth…and maybe I don't say it enough…or maybe you never thought I was serious when I said it…before…but it's just as true then as it is now…and I mean it just as much."

Wheeler is babbling, trying to reassure me as he always does and I suppose it was what I wanted to hear. I know he means it, or he thinks he means it, but I can't shake the feeling that he refuses to see me as I am now. Still I appreciate the effort and I look back at him and smile before snuggling back into him.

The next few pages show more images of my mother holding me but, as predicted, we soon reach the embarrassing ones.

"Stop staring, Yankee!" I complain, and reach up to cover his eyes as he laughs out loud at the picture of me splashing about happily during my bath.

Wheeler is still laughing as he pulls my hand away, "I'm not starin' at a naked baby! I'm not some kinda freak!"

"Then turn the page!"

"What's your hurry? I'm just givin' Gram some time to reminisce…I'm sure it's been a while since she's looked at these old pictures of her favorite granddaughter!"

"Da, right!"

"Seriously…besides, you were too flat as a baby for me to even care about seeing you naked! OW!"

I slap him hard on the thigh, hard enough that my hand stings a little in fact, but I suspect he barely felt it through his jeans. "You promised my Grandmother that you would be a gentleman!"

"No I didn't…she assumed that I would be…but I guess she doesn't know me as well as she thought!"

"You said 'Scout's honour'!" I say indignantly.

He gives me a cheeky look and a cheekier reply, "Yeah, but I was never a scout, so that means nothing!"

"You are such a jerk!" I tell him, completely ruining the effect as I struggle not to laugh.

Joking with him this way feels so natural I wish it could always be like this, and a part of me is hoping it will be, that we have come too far in our relationship to let things slide back into awkwardness.

We continue on through the photographic memories, little snippets of my life, and I find myself thinking how odd our memories are.

For instance, I cannot remember my mother's face outside of these pictures, I have no memory of my own to cherish, but I do have a vague impression of my grandfather calling us all together on my third birthday so that they could take the photograph. Nyet, it is not that I was three that I remember, the picture tells me that, it is the bird lovingly painted on a little icing plaque below the candles that I remember. I kept that plaque until it disintegrated and each time my father saw me looking at it he would say, 'Your mother made that for you little Linka, she loved the birds as you do.'

My grandmother echoes my thoughts by telling Wheeler that I kept the painting of the bird, the Goldfinch and that I loved it because my mother painted it for me... Is it terrible that I am not sure of that? I loved the brightly coloured bird with its red face and flash of gold on its wing, I was fascinated that such beautiful creatures could exist. My father wanted me to love it for my mother's sake, and it certainly felt very important that I kept it whenever he reminded me she made it, but was it for her sake that it meant so much, or for his?

The other thing I remember about those photos when my mother was still alive, is how difficult it was to keep Mishka still enough to include him. There are pictures of him in his own album of course but he would never pose with me… until we lost her. I am sad in that first photo and it is reassuring to me, I did love her, even if I do not remember that now. Perhaps I should feel guilty that I let her slip away but I was too young to understand and sometimes I think I was the lucky one because I saw what losing her did to my father, and to my brother too. Mishka became so serious then, and he also became my protector, I have sometimes wondered if my mother asked him to look after me but I have never dared to ask.

After a while my father disappears from the pictures too, to be replaced by Uncle Dimitri. I sigh sadly as I compare the relationship in those images to our present one, will we ever regain what we have lost?

My Yankee must sense my mood because he is moving much quicker through the photos now… or maybe he is hoping for more of me in the bath.

He stops on a picture of my Grandfather and I playing chess and points out the similarity in our expressions making my Grandmother laugh, but my thoughts are elsewhere. "Boris really looks…looked a lot like Dedushka,"

Grandmuska agrees, "Da…in the most recent picture of Boris that Dmitri sent to me from America, I thought how much he resembled your Dedushka when I first met him when we were teenagers…about the same age as the two of you."

"Oh?" I know I should not encourage her but I really do want to hear about her and my grandfather, and perhaps I also want to hear that I am not too young to have those sorts of feelings.

I am careful not to look at Wheeler however, until she draws my attention to him by patting his knee and declaring him part of the family. "Da. Even then, I knew that I loved him and would spend my life with him…and look what has become of us. We were blessed with two sons and the most wonderful grandchildren. A perfect family…getting older is not pleasant, but I would not change it. It means watching your family grow…new members joining."

I am pleased by her assertion, how can I not be? I want Wheeler to feel a part of my family, he is a large part of my life even if I am not entirely sure which part yet.

"I do not have any more pictures of Linka after she left here to join the Planeteers…perhaps I should take one now?" Without waiting for a reply, Grandmuska stands and starts walking towards her room, no doubt to get her camera.

"Grandmuska, I am a mess." I protest, "My make-up has worn off, my hair is all messed up from leaning against Wheeler…"

"Nonsense dear, you look fine. Tell her Wheeler." She says this quickly and disappears out of the room before I can stop her.

"You look fine…more than fine. The finest! Gorgeous even." I assume he is joking until I turn to look at him and find him gazing at me, now into my eyes, with a sincerity takes my breath away. He reaches up to tuck a stray hair behind my ear and adds, "You're perfect."

I have a lump in my throat and have to swallow before I can reply, and I never get the chance to say anything anyway because my Grandmother returns just then with her camera. It is probably for the best, I have a feeling that whatever I said would not have been coherent but I am a little disappointed too because for a very very brief moment I thought he was going to kiss me.

Wheeler immediately gets up and moves away, thankfully distracting Grandmuska from the heat that has rushed to my cheeks. "And where do you think you are going Mr. Yankee? You stay right where you were and get comfortable like you two have been all night."

Of course that just makes it worse and I try in vain to head her off, "Grandmuska…"

"Humour an old lady, Little Bird. I have nothing better to do with my time. Give me a few pictures to add to the album. I also have newspaper clippings from articles about the Planeteers. I intend to add those too!"

Obedient to my grandmother's wishes, Wheeler sits back down beside me and tucks his arm around me... it does not really seem so bad and we both smile but rather than being pleased to have a way of remembering our closeness that is more reliable than my memory, I am suddenly very afraid that it too will become a thing of the past, lost in a time gone by and barely remembered except when I remember to leaf through my grandmother's old albums.

Why is Wheeler's album a collection of happy times keeping memories alive, while mine is little more than a memorial to all that has been? It should not be like that, my childhood was far happier than his, wasn't it? Perhaps the difference has something to do with the way we think, all I know is that I want desperately for there to be a picture of us in his album too, a living memory of something that will grow in time and not the last remaining evidence of something that withered away and died.

My gloomy thoughts are not proof against Wheeler's silliness and good humour as he goes from just having his arm around me to slipping both arms around my waist and cuddling my back. At first he props his chin on my shoulder and pulls a funny face to make my Grandmother laugh, and then he puts our cheeks together, resting against me lovingly in a pose I know I respond to… I really want to see that picture! He kisses my cheek quickly and then he turns around and lays back with his head in my lap and I find myself laughing down at him.

I do not know how much of his antics Grandmuska caught on film but I intend to ask her to send me some copies. At any rate she is laughing when he stands up again and demands the camera. "Your turn Gram. Have a seat."

"Oh nyet Wheeler, I am a mess!"

Wheeler grins at me and I am only too happy to play along. I stand up and put my arm around her shoulders. "Nonsense Grandmuska…you look fine. Tell her Wheeler!"

"Da Grandmuska…you look fine…more than fine…the FINEST!"

Again I am not sure what pictures are being taken but it feels so good to laugh with my Grandmother, I even give her a hug and kiss her cheek, which is far more affectionate than I usually am… Wheeler has that effect on me, everything feels better when he is around.

He finally hands the camera back to its owner commenting that she is in so few of the pictures.

"That is because I was always the one taking the pictures,"

"Yeah, I figured…well it's about time that you made an appearance in that album…especially since you've been a big part of her life."

"The best part!" I say quickly, hugging her again and hoping she doesn't see the tears pooling in my eyes, though based on the little sound she makes I think I am not the only one.

"Thank you…both of you," She says when we part. "It is well past my bed time though. I must get some sleep. Goodnight."

"Dobroy nOchi." I reply and sit back down on the settee waiting for Wheeler to join me. When he does, I tell him, "That was very sweet of you to take pictures of my Grandmuska and I."

"Well, I'm a sweet guy," He replies modestly and hugs me to him.

I pick up the photo album and start going through it again. Once I am past the very early ones I start telling him some of the stories behind the pictures… partly because I want him to share in some of my happier memories but mostly because I just do not want to say goodnight to him and go to separate rooms, it is too much like saying goodbye.

* * *

We stay up later than we usually do, long after Grandmuska has retired to her room, but eventually I have to give in. "I cannot stay awake." I whisper.

"You want me to carry you?" He asks in return, pressing a kiss to my hair.

I shake my head. "I will be fine Yankee, but you will let me use the bathroom first, da?"

"Yeah, course." I am sure he is as unhappy about this as I am.

When I return to tell him that I am done in the bathroom he walks me to my door and we stand there looking at each other like two teenagers after their first date.

"Goodnight Yankee." I say at last. "Sweet dreams."

I barely give him time to reply before I duck into my room. I do not want him to kiss me good night, or hug me, or say anything that might prevent me from letting him go. However innocent our relationship might be, spending the night together here would be wrong and I know it would distress my grandmother because for all her encouragement, she is still very old fashioned.

Of course it is now that I discover that I have left my favourite sweatshirt at home. It is not a big deal, my grandmother has put an extra blanket on my bed already and I am not feeling the cold like I did before… but I do not have Wheeler with me tonight and now I do not even have something of his to cuddle up with.

I almost stomp around my room as I get ready for bed, making do with my pyjamas, I am so angry with myself, first for being so pre-occupied as to forget something so important, and secondly… because of the tears that escape me. I have shared a bed for less than a month, what is wrong with me?

I climb into my cold bed and pull the covers up. I feel very alone in the dark room, where the moon casts eerie shadows through the window and the night time sounds are no longer the ones I am used to. Even the bed is uncomfortable... I feel lost in here.

Wheeler has nightmares too… is he asleep yet? I wonder. Will he be okay without me? If he is, does that mean he does not really need me anymore either?

Trying not to think about anything important, I close my eyes and picture my Yankee's face, imagining that he is beside me and trying to remember how it feels when his arms are around me.

Will it be easier, or worse to do this on Hope Island, I wonder. At least I am not actually used to sharing this bed, I know back home I will be looking for him constantly but we cannot continue on the way we are forever... can we? Would it really be so bad if we spent the rest of our lives just holding on to each other?

The past month is a blur to me, the only truly clear thing in a sea of confused emotions is Wheeler. His strength, his support, his… love.

But it cannot last forever, we are still just teenagers, it would not be sensible to try and it would only end in disaster for us, and perhaps for the planet as well. I should end things now, before I hurt him… but how can I? I still need him, I will always need him to be there.

And that is the problem isn't it? …I have always felt something for him but now my feelings are confused, mixed up with the terror of losing my support, how much of what I am feeling is real and how much is my need for something good in my life, something to replace the Bliss?

Nyet. What I feel is more than that but it is still too mixed up. How can I trust myself, or his feelings either for that matter? He loves me in his own way, but what he has done for me, he would have done for the others too. I think in the back of his mind he is afraid that I will try to kill myself again and he is not alone in that fear. I might not have started on this path as a typical addict but the damage is done, if I relapse and he is not there… but as a friend he will always be there.

I wish he were here now!

As if in answer to my silent pleas, a ginger head looks around my door and whispers. "Babe?"

"What is wrong? Did you have a bad dream?" I sit up, completely alert. As usual, all my fears and deliberations are swept aside by his presence.

He laughs self-mockingly and enters the room, closing the door behind him. "I wish…I wasn't asleep…I couldn't."

"Are you uncomfortable? Do you need another pillow? More blankets?" I am eager to do something for him, to take care of him.

"No, no…everything is fine…I was just…worried…I was a little cold and wanted to make sure that you were feeling ok. I figured if I was cold, you must be even worse. I just came to see if you needed my sweatshirt."

I need you.

"Do you have an extra?" I ask, my eagerness betrayed by my voice.

"Uhh, no. I was going to give you this one if you needed it." He offers me the one he is wearing.

My heart sinks, "Nyet Wheeler, I cannot take your shirt if you do not have another. You just said you were cold and…"

"I said I was 'a little cold.' I can put on a t-shirt…and you mentioned there were extra blankets somewhere?" He is determined to be generous but it would not be fair.

"I can get the blanket if I need it Yankee. But thank you." I reply sadly.

"Ok…I just thought…this one that I was wearing was a little warmer from my body heat… I figured it would kinda be like wearing a heated blanket."

Or like having his arms around me, his warmth, his scent… I cannot help smiling.

"So is that a yes?" he asks.

He obviously wants me to have it and if it will make him happy, who am I to refuse? I confess, "It does sound nice…"

"Nice and toasty," he says, immediately stripping the sweatshirt off and giving it to me.

I hug it close for a second, wishing it were him and then pull it on.

"Good?"

"Da…perfect…" I give him half a smile and add, "Almost."

He hesitates. "Well, I guess I should get going."

"Ok." I say quietly and lie down, not sure what else to do but watch him for as long as I can.

Wheeler pulls the covers up and tucks me in, leaning down to kiss my forehead. He leaves his lips pressed against my skin longer than usual and I have to fight the desire to wrap my arms around him and hold him there when he finally pulls away.

Not that he goes far. He brushes his nose against mine and then lowers his lips to my cheek. "Goodnight…again,"

"Goodnight sweet Yankee moy." I free my arm from the covers and run my fingers along his arm to his hand, squeezing it gently. I wish so much that he could stay… could I wake early enough to send him back to his room before my family awakens?

If he chooses to stay I will risk it, I decide, but it is up to him, I cannot ask him to remain with me.

Wheeler kisses my hand and then lets it go, pulling the covers up once more. I feel a momentary stab of disappointment but he brushes it away, his strong fingers so tender as they caress my cheek.

"Goodnight…umm, Lub…ov…" His attempt at Russian makes my lips twitch up into a smile but whether he can tell I am not sure since he immediately kisses them.

I automatically return his chaste salute and my smile increases when he asks. "Did I get it right?"

The kiss? Definitely!

"Close enough. I knew what you meant…I think. Lyubov." I correct his pronunciation but that is not all, I am saying it too.

He shivers slightly and I see goosebumps on his arms. For one heart stopping moment I think it is in response to my calling him Love… but then I come to my senses, nyet, it is cold and he is not wearing a shirt.

As he backs away, obviously unwilling to break eye contact with me, he walks straight into my bird cage. Luckily it is empty but he barely catches it in time to stop it crashing to the ground in what surely would have been a commotion loud enough to wake my Uncle and Grandmother.

It makes me laugh though, it was such a typical thing for Wheeler to have done, it makes me feel better just knowing he is around. It has also broken the spell I was under. "Wheeler?"

He had reached the door but he turns to look back at me. "Yeah?"

"There are extra blankets in the hall closet." I tell him, I do not want him to freeze because of me.

"Thanks Babe." Again he goes to leave and again I stop him.

"Oh, and Wheeler?" I sit up quickly and grab the shirt I was wearing earlier, tossing it in his direction before flopping back into my now warm bed. "Sleep well."

"I will." He smiles and nods and then he is gone and I am alone again.

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full effect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 48! Let us know what you think!


	49. Day Forty One

**Chapter Forty Nine – Day Forty One**

I am the first one up and I am already making breakfast. I rose early today, earlier than I have for a month… but staying in bed alone has no attraction for me, especially this morning.

I slept well. I know that should be cause for celebration because it means I am really better, but no matter what we tell ourselves, it changes things.

Tonight, when we get home, if Wheeler and I continue to sleep together it will be with the knowledge that we are doing so because we want to, and not because it is necessary. I know he will believe that it is because I am still afraid, if I tell him so, but I cannot fool myself. The trouble is, for all I tease him about his flirting and immaturity, it is me that is not sure whether I am ready for the sort of relationship that implies... that it would no doubt lead to.

My focus is, and always has been, the responsibility Gaia placed on our shoulders. Our fight for the planet is so important, we cannot jeopardise it by putting our own feelings first. We are too young anyway… and too different.

So why does the thought of telling him that make my heart ache and open a chasm in my stomach?

"Is something wrong Linka?" My uncle's voice startles me out of my reverie and I jump, conscious of the frown I was wearing and the fact that this is the first time Uncle Dimitri has spoken to me with any hint of kindness in his voice since… for too long.

"Nyet, spasiba, I just have a few things to think about." I am blushing.

My relative comes and sits opposite me at the kitchen table. "Do those things have something to do with that American of yours?"

I am immediately on the defensive, he can think what he likes about me but Wheeler, in this matter, is above reproach. "Please, do not say anything against Wheeler, you do not know him and I do not want to hear it."

"I am sorry." He puts his hand on mine as it rests across the table, to stop me from leaving, but it is his words that keep me in my chair. "… for, for a lot of things Linka. I do not have anything against Wheeler, not really."

There is a look in his eyes that tells me this is not quite true, but at least he is trying and he has obviously come a long way. "He saved my life, I am sorry we could not save Boris too."

"I know… I." He swallows and releases my hand, leaning back and staring down at the table. "I heard you… talking to Boris yesterday. I did not mean to!" his head shoots up so that he can lock our gazes. "I was simply sitting there on the other side of the tree, thinking, but you did not see me and once I realised… I did not know what to say."

"It is okay." I am blushing and trying to remember what I said.

Uncle Dimitri looks a lot older than he did six weeks ago, losing his son has taken a toll on him that I do not think he will completely recover from. "Nyet it is not. I should not have taken out my guilt on you and your friend, especially when you needed me the most."

"Your guilt?" I ask, surprised. "But you did nothing."

"Exactly!" The word is wrenched from him. "I did **nothing**. I saw there was something wrong, I just assumed it was the usual teenage reactions, but I should have asked. I should have made him tell me. I should have done **something**! I am his father, I should not have put the responsibility on you, if I had brought him up better… I failed him, and I failed his mother."

I have been shaking my head through half his speech but he does not see and at the last word, buries his head in his hands and sobs.

"Nyet." I get up and move to the chair next to him, placing my hand on his back, unsure of what to do. "Nyet Uncle, do not blame yourself he… he was a good person, he just made a mistake."

His face is wet as he turns to look at me and I see in his eyes that no words of mine will lessen what he is feeling, his son's weakness and his own failure to help him will always be on his conscience.

It is my turn to cry as he pulls me into his arms, something I thought I would never feel again, and now I am sobbing too as I cling to him. "Can you ever forgive me, my little Linka? I know I do not deserve it."

"I want my Uncle back," I tell him. "I forgive you, but you have no need to apologise to me."

"I do… and your friend too." He pulls back and takes my hands instead. "Do you think Wheeler will accept my apology?"

I hesitate. Wheeler is incredibly forgiving but this is different. "I think so… he is very protective of me though… you might have to give him some time."

"I can see how much he cares about you, he does not try to hide it." This time he sounds more approving, and I find myself releasing a breath I did not know I was holding. "I believe I should be thanking him as well, if what you said yesterday is true."

I nod. He was not doubting my word, it was not even really a question, it was just his way of bringing it up.

Uncle Dimitri reaches round to pull me back into his arms and we are still sitting like that when my grandmother enters a few minutes later. She beams at us and starts buttering the toast that has gone only slightly darker than it should while I have been talking.

"Do you need any help?" I offer, reluctant to get up and end what can only be a brief moment with my Uncle anyway.

Grandmuska shakes her head, she is obviously very happy to see that Dimitri and I have made up. "You are fine, just where you are. The bathroom is occupied so I think Wheeler will be joining us soon, I assume he will eat this...?"

"Scrambled eggs, da he loves it." I grin at her. "It is early for him though, I hope he slept okay."

I feel a little guilty at that, I am not the only one who has nightmares…. Hmmm perhaps that is the answer, I will let him sleep with me because **he** needs **me**. I try not to betray my thoughts to my family by smiling, but it is much easier to justify my desperate need to share my bed with him on such terms. Any excuse, in other words.

Uncle Dimitri releases me as my Grandmother places our plates in front of us and we thank her in unison, making us all laugh. It feels good and gives me an appetite for the food.

"Did I hear Wheeler correctly last night?" My Uncle asks, "He said something about you visiting Thailand?"

"Da," I nod enthusiastically, mostly trying to cover my initial gut wrenching reaction to his first question, though I have no idea what I thought he was going to say. I suppose his recent behaviour has made me expect the worst, and that will take a little time to go away. "It was very beautiful, though we did not get to see very much, we were looking for a water spirit that took the shape of a large dragon."

The looks they give me are pretty much what I expected and I laugh, explaining the trick that was being played on the locals but purposely leaving out the danger involved. There is no need to worry them.

My relatives interested questioning continues until Wheeler joins us. "Good morning."

"Wheeler! Good morning," I forget myself completely and get up to give him a hug, wanting him to see how happy I am, and only remembering as I reach my feet that it would be inappropriate. My Uncle might have decided to treat us both more fairly but the last thing I need is for him to think we have been lying about our relationship. In my confusion my speech starts to stall. "Umm, we were just…talking…and eating…do you want breakfast?"

He says something, which I assume is an affirmative, and I quickly move to fill a plate for him. I am so flustered that I completely forget the toast and I cannot get up again without drawing more attention to myself.

Fortunately my Grandmother speaks to him and gives me a chance to collect my thoughts. I jump back in when I realise what they are saying though, still trying to protect them by controlling what they hear.

"Nyet, you are correct… I was telling you the nice things, the beautiful places we have seen and leaving out the parts where we come home covered in mud and smelling like garbage!"

Wheeler seems to get the message, thankfully, but then my Uncle asks him where he's from and I am back to worrying where the conversation is going to go. Uncle Dimitri is trying to be nice but my Yankee is not making it easy for him... at least they are both being polite.

Again Grandmuska comes to the rescue. "Would you like some toast Wheeler?"

"I'll make it Gram. You don't need to wait on me. Just relax…I'm not a guest, remember?"

I smile at the exchange between them, ridiculously happy at their acceptance of each other and only wish that Mishka were here to make my family complete... what is left of it.

As my two relatives leave to do their chores, I take my plate over to the sink, and begin to wash it, leaving Wheeler to finish his breakfast in peace. It doesn't take long before he joins me, standing behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist, and placing a chaste kiss on my cheek. "Thanks for making me breakfast."

I smile at the comfort the contact brings and lean back into him, holding him in place... it feels natural even here. "I made breakfast for everyone."

"Yeah, but I got the impression that this isn't a normal Russian breakfast."

Again I smile, and turn in his embrace to slide my arms up and lock my hands together around his neck. "Nyet."

"Did you sleep alright?" He asks, and I do not want to answer.

After a moment I shrug, playing it down as much as possible. "I guess. I was pretty restless…you?"

"Same," he confirms.

"Nightmares?"

"No…just lonely."

Guilt and relief war within me, "Da…that took some getting used to."

A few moments go by with us just standing there, companionably gazing at each other, and then I remember what else I forgot. "Do you want some orange juice?"

"Yeah." He does not move.

Amused, I prompt him, "You will have to let me go so I can get it for you."

"Then no, I don't want any."

I cannot help my reaction so I lower my gaze to lessen my embarrassment at the way the corners of my lips turn up.

After a moment Wheeler releases me and I let him fetch his own drink and return to the table before going to join him. "When do you want to leave?"

"Whenever you're ready… things seem to be ok with you and Dmitri… he's being less of a dick to me too."

"Wheeler! Shhh!" I glare and lean back in my chair to look out of the door and make sure my family are not close enough to hear. I know my Grandmother would understand but things with my Uncle are too fragile yet, "And da, he seems to be ready to forgive us."

I know I have said the wrong thing as soon as it leaves my lips. Wheeler's temper ignites and I am more afraid than ever that he will provoke a conflict with Uncle Dimitri. I do not want to have to pick sides between them, I need them both!

"Wheeler, please…calm down. He was grieving and hurt. He was not thinking clearly, he was looking for someone to blame. Skumm was not here for him to direct his anger at so we were the next closest thing to the situation."

"I can't believe you're defending him."

My stomach rolls, I do not want to be fighting with Wheeler now, especially not about this, not after all he has gone through for me, but I cannot let it go, it is too important to me and as I continue to defend my position, I pick up steam. "He is my family… I do not have much left and I want things to go back to normal. I know with Boris gone, that will never happen, but I at least want to have a relationship with my uncle. He is the closest thing to a father that I have left. Maybe you do not need a father or care about family, but I do!"

The silence is deafening and I think the fact that he is not denying it makes it that much worse that I said it. "I am sorry, I did not mean it like that."

"No, don't apologize. You're right. I don't need a father. The only family I need are the ones on Hope Island… and here. And I know that Dmitri was important to you before, and I know how badly you want him back… I'm glad he's making an effort. I just don't want to see you get hurt."

My heart lifts at his words and I reach across to hold his hand, trying to convey both gratitude and reassurance. "I will not. He is done being hurtful. He is ready to start healing."

As always, just when I think I know all there is to know about my American friend, he says something to remind me there is so much more to him. In this case, his concern at leaving my grandmother is genuine and heartfelt and it makes me beam with happiness.

Judging by the look on his face, I do not have to explain my reaction, so I say something else which I think will make him happy. "I am going to strip the bed sheets on our beds and take them to the laundry room so Grandmuska has one less thing to do after we leave. You finish your breakfast while I do that, and then we can leave. Does that sound good?"

"Whatever you want, Beautiful." He replies casually, though I am still sure he wants to go home. It hasn't been as bad as last time but it has still been stressful and I think we will both be happier when we only have each other to worry about again.

"If you keep telling me those lies, eventually you are going to make me believe you!" I retort, trying to keep things light but his response has me going all soppy on him again… though hopefully it is not too obvious.

"Good! Because I'm not lying. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."

I thank him softly and quickly leave before I can say something stupid, like 'Promise you will never leave me', or 'I need you', or… something worse.

* * *

When we are ready to leave, Wheeler volunteers to take our things out to the 'cruiser. As he disappears into the hallway, my Uncle gets up and goes after him.

Slightly alarmed, I am about to follow them as well when my Grandmother stops me. "Nyet Little Bird, let Dimitri say his piece."

"I am not concerned about that…" I just wanted to be there when Wheeler says his! "I want them to get along, it is important, Wheeler…"

"Is family now," she finishes for me, clearly happy about the prospect.

I nod in agreement, she is right about him being family, it is just not in the way she thinks.

My Grandmother keeps talking and I nod without really listening. My eyes keep straying to the door as I fret over what might be being said.

"Trust them Little Bird." Grandmuska smiles, obviously noticing my inattention, "They both care for you a great deal, whatever they are thinking about each other, they will not say it and risk hurting or losing you."

"I hope you are right." I tell her, "But however well intentioned my Uncle might be, Wheeler has a tendency to act on whatever he is feeling and I know his feelings are not very charitable towards Uncle Dimitri at the moment. He would have kept me away from him if he could."

Her brow furrows with concern and I see in her eyes the first doubt about where my relationship with my fiery friend is going... I suppose that is good, she will be less disappointed if things do not work themselves out... I suppose.

"You find him trying at times," she says slowly, and when I nod, "Well darling, he **is **a man. You probably do not remember but your Grandfather had his moments too."

That makes me laugh and I go over to give her a hug. "Spasiba Grandmuska. I just do not have the energy to play peacemaker right now."

"I thought you said you were better?!" She is alarmed and I make haste to reassure her.

"I meant emotionally. I need things to get back to normal, or to work out what normal is for me now." I shrug, "Boris is gone, things with Uncle Dimitri are better but they are still different, and Wheeler... It is different with him now too. I cannot sort out their relationship with each other when I do not know what mine is with either one of them."

Grandmuska is nodding, relaxed again. "Of course, I should have thought, but you should really just give Jason a chance Linka, he..."

I will never know what she was going to say because she broke off as my Uncle re-entered the room and just for a second I consider a panicked dash to see if Wheeler is ok, but then my brain clicks in and I see that he is smiling.

"Is everything ok?" I ask nervously.

He nods and I hear my Grandmother mutter something that sounds suspiciously like 'I told you so.'

"I think your American and I have reached an understanding," he chuckles, "I will not do anything to hurt you and he will not do anything to hurt me."

My face pales visibly, "He did not say such a thing!"

Again Dimitri laughs. "Nyet my dear, of course not, though I am inclined to think he thought about it, and I do not blame him one bit. I feel much better knowing that he is looking after you."

I glare at him, which after all I said about Wheeler's reaction's is perhaps a little hypocritical but I cannot help it, "I can look after myself."

After all, it is not as if I would have accepted suspicious food from one of the eco-villains, it took someone I trusted to nearly destroy me... Fortunately for my relationship with my family, I stop myself from saying that. It makes me think though, it will be a long time before I trust anyone so completely again, if ever. Even with Jason, there is something still holding me back, doubts coming between us when he has done so much to show me that he cares.

My Uncle nods, oblivious of the thoughts running through my head. "Everyone needs someone they can go to now and then, I learnt that the hard way. It is too late for Boris but you have good friends, do not forget that."

I am crying as I launch myself into his arms, and sob as he returns my embrace. He holds me tightly until my burst of emotion subsides but shakes his head when I offer to stay.

"Boris has moved on now and so must we." My Uncle wipes away my tears and I see that his eyes are glistening with moisture too. "The world needs you out there Linka, and I am so proud of you."

I hug him again, unable to hide how happy his words make me and then turn to embrace my grandmother as she echoes his sentiments, adding the assurance that they too will be there when I need them.

"I should go." I say, wiping away the last of my tears. "Wheeler is probably waiting for me by now."

* * *

"Ready?" Wheeler asks as we approach the geo-cruiser, and I tell him that I am.

My Grandmother holds her arms out to him and he obliges, making me smile. I shake my head affectionately and turn again to my Uncle. "You will write?"

"I promise." He nods. "We have some time to make up for."

I agree, but as I see him glance behind me, I follow his gaze just in time to see my Yankee kiss Grandmuska's cheek. "I guess I have some competition."

He laughs, knowing that I am not serious, and puts his arm around my shoulders as we re-join them.

"Take care, Uncle Dmitri." He releases me to shake Wheeler's hand and I can tell that he is pleased that my Yankee chose to address him as Uncle... So am I. "You too, Wheeler. Thank you."

Wheeler gets into our craft first and extends a hand to help me up. I do not really need the help but it is a thoughtful gesture and I am too much in charity with him to be anything but touched by his kindness. We both wave as the 'cruiser lifts off, and I smile to myself when I see my family wave back.

Everything is definitely going to be ok now.

* * *

Once we are on our way we slip into a companionable silence, but eventually my curiosity gets the better of me and I have to ask, "So… you spoke to Uncle Dimitri?"

It is a stupid thing to say because of course we both know that he did, but I cannot ask outright what was said and I am hoping the prompt will be enough to get him talking about it.

"Yeah, he asked if I needed any help with the bags." He shrugs.

"And that is all?" I am frowning, he was gone for longer than that and from what he said, and the way they acted when we parted I am sure that something more must have passed between them. When he does not answer I prod a little, wondering if I read too much into it and feeling a little disappointed. "I had thought things seemed better between you."

Wheeler sighs. "We talked about you, about how much you mean to us, and he apologised for the way he's been acting." He shrugs. "So yeah, things are better between us."

"But?" I ask, because it sounded like there was one.

"But… it doesn't really matter does it?" He looks at me and smiles, probably to let me know he's not actually upset about anything. "I mean, he's not **my** uncle and it's not like we'll be spending a lot of time together. As long as he's being nice to you and you're happy, that's all that matters."

I hesitate, too long and he looks over at me. "Isn't it?"

It is my turn to shrug. "I suppose it is, I just… my family is an important part of my life and so are the Planeteers." I lick my lips, wondering if I can explain without causing more problems than I solve. "You are a part of both now… I do not want there to be a divide, I do not want there to be friction where there does not need to be. We have more than enough to deal with in our daily lives."

"I'm not gonna cause any trouble…"

"I know that!" I interrupt quickly. "I did not mean that, I just cannot help wanting you to like each other."

He smiles at me but there is a sadness there that I think goes deeper than anything my family could have done. "I accepted his apology and if he's good to you I'll like him for your sake, maybe when I get to know him I'll be able to like him for his own sake, but he'll have to make good on his promises first."

I am not the only one who has been hurt by the people I am closest to, I forget that sometimes, even now. Am I being selfish?

"Give me time Babe." He adds, with just a hint of worry in his voice.

"As much as you need." I promise him earnestly. I should probably tell him that it does not matter but he smiles at me and settles back in his seat so I suppose there is no need, and the conversation soon after turns to other things and my uncle is forgotten, at least for the time being.

* * *

**To be continued…**

**A/N:** And don't forget, to get the full effect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 49! Let us know what you think!


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